Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I do find it odd that she as a cook cannot cook or grasp the basics of cooking. Most people can throw someting reasonable together from about their mid teens. I made my mum and dad a tuna pasta bake when I was 13( basic but adequate for my age) she still before this level and she's outing herself as a professional cook.
 
Reactions: 19
Nooooo! Don’t ruin Bob for me. That’s my go to happy place, where you can block out the horrors of the world and watch as he makes stuff appear just using coloured gunk.
Have you seen the episode where he keeps a wee mouse in his pocket? Just brings it out, pets it a bit, puts it back then continues his painting.
 
Reactions: 32
@TurnedUpInTipp pleeeease make Headrush Spaghetti. It has white chocolate and dried mushrooms and even Jack has taken the recipe down, but the internet never forgets!


Also the intro claims she used to cook lobster on pre-poverty Valentine's Day, but didn't she learn to cook by reading labels on jars of Lloyd Grossman sauces when poor OH GOD JUST PICK A STORY AND STICK TO IT
 
Reactions: 60
Bloody hell
 
Reactions: 12


(sorry for the spam I’ve been avoiding black dog head shit by giffing)

1. we love you, never stop the gifs. they give us life.
2. big hug
3. my boyfriend has just noticed that whoever's face you put jack on, it looks like his parents' next door neighbour
 
Reactions: 59
Please. It's Marmite spaghetti for the win, as any cool kid knows.

Also, (Farnsworth voice) GOOD NEWS, you are no longer the last of your kind.
 
Reactions: 22
Oh god, I'd almost forgotten about this recipe but now that you mention it, I remember reading it back in the day. I definitely think someone should try this, I genuinely want to know what it tastes like (without having to make it myself)
 
Reactions: 28
Why white chocolate?? She doesn’t explain why and I’m quite freaked out. I understand chocolate in a molé, usually an unsweetened cocoa powder, but white chocolate, garlic, & mushrooms with pasta sounds rank
 
Reactions: 34
Christ alive! That should be called Headfuck Spaghetti.
That is the product of an unbalanced mind.
 
Reactions: 35
Oh god, I'd almost forgotten about this recipe but now that you mention it, I remember reading it back in the day. I definitely think someone should try this, I genuinely want to know what it tastes like (without having to make it myself)
This is also apparently one of her many seduction recipes

I'm starting to think it goes like this:

Jack: "Hey baby, thanks for coming over. My mushroom and white chocolate pasta will be done in a few minutes."

Victim: "Oh shit! I mean, mmmm so delicious, you know what, let's skip dinner and go straight for dessert. PS please clean your nails."

Jack: "SEDUCTIVE JACK WINS AGAIN!!! Wait a sec, let me tweet this."
 
Reactions: 42
No idea but remember sex work covers a lot of jobs and there are as many kinks as there are people, maybe all that greedy goblin facehole chat is really doing it for some 'specialist' niche interest group.
Massaging raw sausages with filthy hands? That’s quite niche.
 
Reactions: 25
I refuse to believe the lobster story. There is no way she could cook one lobster, let alone two without them clamping themselves to her unruly labia or some such nonsense. Unless and until the recipe for Valentines Ouchy Fanny Lobster is published I call bullshit.
 
Reactions: 52
Wait, I'm reading the recipe for headrush spaghetti and the instructions are so confusing. The sauce doesn't seem to be heated up, just mixed together. You just "add the cream and white chocolate" to the garlic and mushrooms. Are we just adding squares of chocolate? Are there chunks of chocolate in it? I'm guessing it was meant to be either melted or grated or something, but she doesn't actually tell you to do any of that.
 
Reactions: 34
Is this the seafood vagina art? I’m grunking in thread 49 but I also am unwell and may be having a fever dream that I saw this mentioned.
 
Reactions: 19
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
Cookies are required to use this site. You must accept them to continue using the site. Learn more…