I wouldn’t want to have sex with either of them though, so they couldn’t fulfil all duties.
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I legit did not know you had been bleeping Hendo all this time.
What else am I supposed to do while Bae’s holding out on me?
I feel like Ruben isn't necessarily the bin day guy, he's more the precision logistics of organising a family day out or a party or a holiday. Everyone gets given a role, Ruben's in charge, nothing is ever forgotten. He's got a colour-coded spreadsheet, you consider calling him a nerd but then he takes his shirt off and points out that the efficiency means you've now got some free time...
Gundo is a Swiss army knife of a man. I don't mean he can do anything, I mean he literally will do the things a Swiss army knife does. Whittling, as established. Fixing broken things. Getting stones out of horses' hooves. Opening the wine.
Kev will run you a bath and take the kids to McDonald's and you will be pathetically grateful.
Gundo is a Swiss army knife of a man. I don't mean he can do anything, I mean he literally will do the things a Swiss army knife does. Whittling, as established. Fixing broken things. Getting stones out of horses' hooves. Opening the wine.
Kev will run you a bath and take the kids to McDonald's and you will be pathetically grateful.
Feel I need to clarify that when he's been round to do my bins there's been no initimate touching involved
I'm honestly shook.
Jack's bloody glad that cad Hendo isn't at camp this week. He thought he was the only one.
Don’t all act coy now you think Jack might be reading.
Does Hendo genuinely, literally put your bins out? I thought that was just a euphemism we were using
Does Hendo genuinely, literally put your bins out? I thought that was just a euphemism we were using
Yes, and bin juice is the only fluid involvedDon’t all act coy now you think Jack might be reading.
Does Hendo genuinely, literally put your bins out? I thought that was just a euphemism we were using
I think you might have just wiped out any opportunity with bae now that he knows you've been shagging the handyman
Or maybe we’re just even now after last week’s shenanigans. There’s got to be a bit of give and take in any completely fictitious relationship.
Give me a Training Day Braid Jack and we can forget all about last week
everything about him in this (eyes, smile, freckles, wetness)… but GOD, that wild snail trail 
(I am also sat in the corner of the office today, perving obsessively)
(I am also sat in the corner of the office today, perving obsessively)
This is the kind of picture that throws me completely, because in my head I think the only reason I was attracted to him in the first place was blonde curtains, then I see this and think who needs bleach!?everything about him in this (eyes, smile, freckles, wetness)… but GOD, that wild snail trail
(I am also sat in the corner of the office today, perving obsessively)
View attachment 1310006
I both loved and hated the fact that the snail trail was referenced in Parachute, because on the one hand it was like remembering an old friend but also I feel 
that the author might not know that it is gone and she is going to suffer this pain at some point
that the author might not know that it is gone and she is going to suffer this pain at some pointI both loved and hated the fact that the snail trail was referenced in Parachute, because on the one hand it was like remembering an old friend but also I feel
Have faith it is coming back. I can't cope with him being overly groomed.
I don’t start work till 3pm… so I made the hair list, it took me over an hour and I still feel it’s missing something
My hero
Don't forget this oneI don’t start work till 3pm… so I made the hair list, it took me over an hour and I still feel it’s missing something
i reckon the snail has been lasered and is never coming back 
I get dibs on the slaphead.
Hair of bae (I tried
)
Gelmet
Sticked back so it looks cemented to his head like a helmet.
Loosely held back
Hair slicked back with moroccan oil and got2be hairspray (the yellow one) Has the freedom to have a luscious flow and to fall into his face, where a single strand of hair could obliterated your day.
Curtains
Two full curtains falling into place like dominoes as Taylor swift would say in her song gold rush.
One half curtain
A sub category off of the loosely held back look where the messy hair falls into his face but stays there and isn’t pushed away.
Braid (neat)
Neatly executed braid, very symmetrical and well proportioned, more flat to the head, past the bobble looks like a horse’s tail sticking out the back.
Braid (messy)
Messy braid normally kind of looks like there’s something underneath raising it up. The messy braid looks like he’s been in a cat fight and started with the neat braid. Normally acquired while pissed. Bit chaotic.
Ponytail (neat)
-toddler pineapple bae is the only example I could find
A neatly assembled pony tail. A well formed, crisp pony tail that looks like a hairbrush has been used to smooth out the bumps.
Ponytail (messy)
A messily assembled ponytail. Bit slapdash gets the job done holds the hair where it needs to be, sort of makes me want him to choke me.
Frontwards capJack
Feels unnecessary as you can’t see his hair but it is. Cap is used to cover the hair, the peak at the front is a bit sneaky… like he’s anonymously trying to walk off the team bus and no one will know it’s him.
Backwards capJack
Backwards baseball cap, giving an air of fuckboy attitude. Little flicks of hair visible through the hole at the front of his head.
BeaniehatJack
Same as front capJack but with a beanie.
Post Euros headband
The fade a little to shorts so can almost see the head band forming an imprint in the back of his giant head. The curtains fall a little differently and I can’t explain why it’s just the way it is.
Euros headband
If you like the headband this is the one you like, everything falls correctly his hair was the right length at the back. Personally feel it’s more of a euros nostalgic feeling because it’s definitely not his best hairstyle.
Floppy all over the place hair
The most chaotic of all his looks. His hair out of control and ‘he needs a bobble’ Looks very soft, like you could run your hands through it and it wouldn’t feel crispy like a few of the other hairstyles.
After training/playing sweaty headbands been taken out
The hair falls as if the headband is still there, the bump from where he’s been wearing the headband gives him indended curtains.
Loose training/playing sweaty hair (not much product)
Where the hair doesn’t have much product so leaves a almost air of mystery of how it will end up, could be any position, even all swooped to one side that makes me want to cry tears of joy.
Full of product but the sweat has made it loose
Where it probably started slicked back, but the sweat has taken it away so now it’s in his face and he’s pushing it away sometimes to one side sometimes back to the OG position and sometimes he just leaves it in his face.
Colours
Blonde like counsellor bae: Straw like, very brash in your face.
Highlights done well: gives depth to the hair so it’s not all one colour.
brown: No dye, all natural baby.
Needs his roots done blonde: Whatever’s is going on now (duck you Astar barbers) can see exactly where the blonde start, very harsh and deliberate but not giving the desired look.
)Gelmet
Sticked back so it looks cemented to his head like a helmet.
Loosely held back
Hair slicked back with moroccan oil and got2be hairspray (the yellow one) Has the freedom to have a luscious flow and to fall into his face, where a single strand of hair could obliterated your day.
Curtains
Two full curtains falling into place like dominoes as Taylor swift would say in her song gold rush.
One half curtain
A sub category off of the loosely held back look where the messy hair falls into his face but stays there and isn’t pushed away.
Braid (neat)
Neatly executed braid, very symmetrical and well proportioned, more flat to the head, past the bobble looks like a horse’s tail sticking out the back.
Braid (messy)
Messy braid normally kind of looks like there’s something underneath raising it up. The messy braid looks like he’s been in a cat fight and started with the neat braid. Normally acquired while pissed. Bit chaotic.
Ponytail (neat)
-toddler pineapple bae is the only example I could find
A neatly assembled pony tail. A well formed, crisp pony tail that looks like a hairbrush has been used to smooth out the bumps.
Ponytail (messy)
A messily assembled ponytail. Bit slapdash gets the job done holds the hair where it needs to be, sort of makes me want him to choke me.
Frontwards capJack
Feels unnecessary as you can’t see his hair but it is. Cap is used to cover the hair, the peak at the front is a bit sneaky… like he’s anonymously trying to walk off the team bus and no one will know it’s him.
Backwards capJack
Backwards baseball cap, giving an air of fuckboy attitude. Little flicks of hair visible through the hole at the front of his head.
BeaniehatJack
Same as front capJack but with a beanie.
Post Euros headband
The fade a little to shorts so can almost see the head band forming an imprint in the back of his giant head. The curtains fall a little differently and I can’t explain why it’s just the way it is.
Euros headband
If you like the headband this is the one you like, everything falls correctly his hair was the right length at the back. Personally feel it’s more of a euros nostalgic feeling because it’s definitely not his best hairstyle.
Floppy all over the place hair
The most chaotic of all his looks. His hair out of control and ‘he needs a bobble’ Looks very soft, like you could run your hands through it and it wouldn’t feel crispy like a few of the other hairstyles.
After training/playing sweaty headbands been taken out
The hair falls as if the headband is still there, the bump from where he’s been wearing the headband gives him indended curtains.
Loose training/playing sweaty hair (not much product)
Where the hair doesn’t have much product so leaves a almost air of mystery of how it will end up, could be any position, even all swooped to one side that makes me want to cry tears of joy.
Full of product but the sweat has made it loose
Where it probably started slicked back, but the sweat has taken it away so now it’s in his face and he’s pushing it away sometimes to one side sometimes back to the OG position and sometimes he just leaves it in his face.
Colours
Blonde like counsellor bae: Straw like, very brash in your face.
Highlights done well: gives depth to the hair so it’s not all one colour.
brown: No dye, all natural baby.
Needs his roots done blonde: Whatever’s is going on now (duck you Astar barbers) can see exactly where the blonde start, very harsh and deliberate but not giving the desired look.
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What a treat for the eyes
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