Ioan Gruffudd and Alice Evans #4 He’s just not that into you

[plinky]

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Her therapist sounds professional and obviously he’s doing such a great job
Diagnosing someone he’s never met as a narc having a midlife crisis who is also depressed?

Alice he just doesn’t want be near you! Get the memo! Stop trying to force it!

Did you compare yourself to a war reporter? Ok hun

 

[Perplexity]

I’m also massively unimpressed with her disdain for him keeping his own name instead of changing it to something more palatable to English speakers. That’s his name and his heritage!! No one should have to change their names because ignorant people can’t be bothered to work out how to pronounce them. It’s her childrens’ name too. Does she genuinely not understand the significance of that, or anything about Welsh history? I’m not Welsh but I know the importance of the language to people who are. Why doesn’t she?

 

[Perplexity]

I absolutely think he still loves her but can’t live with her anymore. I think he adored her and was gutted having to leave, otherwise why was he crying on the phone to his parents?

But regardless of BW I think he couldn’t handle the Sm addiction, the huge boundary issues, the drinking, pill popping, threatening suicide while he was away, the public humiliation, and picking a political side because he feared he would get canceled and couldn’t support the family. Same thing with him begging her not to do the Weinstein article.

Then there was the incident with AE in the car park where she went mental at Kayla the YouTuber which must have embarrassed the life out of him. And let’s not forget the final straw when she went after Meghan Markle on Twitter and he talked to her about shutting down her Twitter account. She posted that online and then her followers attacked him and she called him a pussy on Twitter.

I agree with this. The boundary-trampling was relentless. I can imagine AE sensed he was withdrawing from her, and tried to hold on even more tightly, but of course this led to more ignoring his boundaries and of course trying to shame him into behaving the way she wanted him to by complaining about him online.

It's such a vicious cycle. I do understand to an extent why AE is doing what she's doing. She wants him to stand up and admit what he has done. She wants to know the truth - when did he start this relationship, was he cheating (yes, most likely) - just be honest with his wife of so many years. But she's not going to get that moment. She won't get the movie moment in court when he has to admit what he did, because it has no bearing on the divorce (if they even go to court, which they shouldn't have to). He's not going to sue her for defamation and cause a court case that way - what on earth would be the point? So there's nothing to make him confess publicly the way she wants him to.

And the more she rants on Twitter, the more she breaks confidences about his mental health and their private emails and every single detail of their lives, the more the remotest chance of them ever talking about this together disappears. He literally can't have this conversation with her - she'll live-tweet it. It's not safe to talk to her! When they were together he wasn't able to facetime his children, read his phone, sleep, without her screen-grabbing it, recording it, photographing it, and posting it for the world to see; usually accompanied by a passive aggressive 'jokey' comment. So while I would desperately want my ex-husband to fucking TALK to me and tell me the whole truth if this was happening to me, and I get her anger about that with my whole soul...I can also see at the same time why he absolutely can't and won't.

 

[iamthecat]

AE was with OP. He was pretty shiny. He reflected his shine upon her throughout the Paris “scene”. She probably get all shiny and special as well - an English girl, upcoming actress, trilingual, it was probably a great time for her.
Then she makes a movie, 102 Dalmations with IG. This movie has the potential to push her star a bit higher. And a romance with a costar? Well the sky’s the limit there! Potential to become Hollywood’s up and coming “Cool Britannia” couple. Dump OP, get with IG, AE begins to shine even brighter now. The Hollywood stage has far more potential than the Paris scene.
But then IG made the fatal mistake of shining a bit too brightly. His star continued to rise and hers kind of spluttered and faltered. How dare he! And so she starts to pull him back down again. And continues to pull him down, whilst still maintaining enough of his shininess to keep her shiny, until he finally after 18 years has enough and breaks it off.

Classic narc 101. If he was the narc, he’d have broken it off with her years ago and gotten with a younger Hollywood actress.

 

[Perplexity]

At the beginning of the break up I was suggesting that Ioan should get himself a fling soon enough so that he gets the "ex wife from hell murders new woman for stealing their man" phase out of the way before he dates somebody proper. Maybe he followed my advice LOL

Although, honestly, I think Alice would make any future girlfriend's life hell.

I feel kinda bad for that girl. It's entirely possible that she (he likely did at least think about it) didnt do or thought of anything inappropriate with him until he seperated from Alice (I dont think so, but it's possible). Before it's proven that they were romantically involved while he was still with Alice it's just so unfair to blame her, and even then he possibly told her that he will leave his wife. Alice probably likes to think that way because she does still love him, but if he cheated then this is Ioan's fault, not (necessarly) his girlfriends (of course there are cases where they are fully consciously trying to steal a married man, but even then it takes two to tango)

She is weirdly old fashioned in her attitude about other women. For all she's leaping on any bandwagon going about 'listen to women! I won't be silenced! the sisterhood! Yeah!" she's very happy to attack them in classic misogynistic ways. Attacking their weight, their perceived attractiveness, accusing them of petty jealousy, and now this ridiculous 'home wrecker' stuff, blaming the girlfriend instead of the full-grown adult man involved. Like, she's 53 not 93 and lives her life on Twitter. How does she not pick up that her attitudes are hateful and outdated?

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I don't see the issue with men using hair dye. Is Alice a natural blonde at 53?

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

I don't say this from a place of anything but concern for another human being but...she is clearly drinking while taking prescribed medication. This is all so sad to see.

I don't think she will listen to anything that doesn't echo her beliefs. Therapy seems futile at this point.

 

[SponsorMyLife]

I disagree with this really hard. Taking photos of someone they don’t like and posting them without their consent is shitty and intrusive. My husband knows I do not like pictures and videos to be taken of me, much less posted online, and I’m not remotely famous (or vain), I’m just very private. If he’s actually getting angry and asking her not to but she does it anyway, how does this make him the shit one? She’s supposed to love him! But the truth is she didn’t seem to care about his discomfort and just wanted the sweet dopamine hit from the SM attention.

Also the photos when he’s looking at his phone could just as easily be moments when he’s having a bit of peace and quiet and she couldn’t bear his attention not being on her - so what does she do but take his photo and post it online yet again, accompanied with a sarky comment. It’s horrible behaviour and I don’t understand anyone being fine with it. Is this considered ok in the world of SM to post pictures whether the other person wants them there or not? Photos of you in a private moment at home? Details of a private argument? It sounds absolutely exhausting.

And posting a photo of you and your new girlfriend on Instagram doesn’t fit any definition of coercive control I’ve ever read.

I agree with you, there's certain boundaries even spouses should respect. Him not wanting his picture taken, or being on his phone, or falling asleep early the night before travelling is hardly massive red flags.

 

[Knitwit]

I feel for Alice. She and Ioan moved to LA for his career and went through 8 IVF cycles to have their children. She gave up her job to be a SAHM and the only work he could get after 7 years was working out of the country and away from his family. We've all gone through the uncertainty of covid and the isolation of lockdown, in addition, she is going through menopause, has existing health issues, and has been ghosted by her partner of 20 years, while left with the children. I feel she is having a breakdown and who can blame her? She is flailing and lashing out on Twitter because her husband has gone NC. Yes, he doesn't love her, yes, he has moved on but the only reason he can move on is because she is a SAHM. She is facilitating his life and it is infuriating her

 

[boxoftreasures]

Alice is definitely one of those people who have got as far as she has in life on her looks and now she has come to the point where that’s not possible any more. Looks fade, beauty doesn’t last, and she has now realised that she is not the prize she once was. It must be horrible to wake up to the fact that her value has dropped.
I think she should give thanks for the incredibly blessed and fortunate life she has lived so far, and take good care of her children. She has lived in different countries, lived the highlife of a model and It-girl in Paris, been an actress in tv and film, married a handsome actor, been able to fulfil her dream of motherhood via IVF, and lives in a Beautiful and expensive house in Hollywood. That is more than most people can ever dream of. And the only thing she did to earn that life was be beautiful in her younger days. That is just the luck of the gene pool.
Now she seems intent on ruining it all because she is going through something that many people go through, a marriage breakdown. I don’t think that’s any reason to tear down her otherwise fabulous life out of sheer anger and resentment. But I don’t think she really appreciates all that she has. Most people would give their right arm to have lived as charmed a life as she has. And yet she can’t seem to appreciate how lucky she is. It’s a real shame.

 

[EssieMay]

Kids may just be upset because they know AE will be upset if he has a girlfriend.
The eldest may be not talking to him, not because she hates him but because she knows its the only way to keep her mother's stress levels from going through the roof.
I mean, its pretty obvious AE leans on those girls WAAAY too much for it to be healthy for them. They are being forced to act as counsellors, drink filler-uppers and heaven knows what else.

 

[Bridgeofsighs]

Big dick energy, it is meant to mean to have a lot of confidence (like the confidence of somebody who has a big dick), but I guess she means it literal.

Funny enough Alice once tweeted that Ioan has a big one
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OMFG!

Even though it's flattering - does any man want his size discussed online?? This was over a year before he finally said he didn't love her btw. She killed the marriage bit by bit by posting this shit and then blames BW for everything?

 

[Penguin86]

I fixed it for her

 

[Barry_clancy]

Its not clear. Alice says yes he was, no-one else seems to know either way.
For my money, once he separated from her and certainly once he filed for divorce, the marriage was over.
Alice says its adultery. Well technically yes. But to my mind adultery is going behind someone's back and letting them think the marriage is fine while dallying with someone else.
And also even if it did start before he left Alice, he hasn't continued to deceive her. He did tell her he was leaving and didn't love her anymore. That would not have been easy either.

I think it's incredibly disingenuous to keep insisting they're 'still married' and saying that he is committing 'adultery' more than a year after he told her he was leaving.

She's entitled to be upset and hurt - but this lashing out and trying to paint him in a bad light is an attempt to hurt and shame him. I've seen this happen with friends and friends of friends and it always seems to be some ill-conceived attempt to win the ex back.

It often seems to stem from a partner having taken their marriage and spouse for granted, the relationship declining - but then being shocked and devastated when it's all over and turning abusive.

 

[TheOpposite]

FFS. She needs to stop. How is this behaviour considered empowering? If the threat of destitution is indeed real, she needs to get into survival mode. Put the anger aside and make sure she has a bloody roof over her head. It has been months months months - what does she think this will achieve? It won’t stop the inevitable. He doesn’t want to be with her anymore. I doubt the man is stupid enough to debut a new relationship during a bitter divorce (he’s filed) unless he has his ducks all lined up. He probably hopes the new girlfriend will finally make her understand that he’s not coming back. Millions of women have been in similar situations- this is not unique. Fuck him and take care of yourself and your daughters.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Sunlifeover50]

It all seems like she’s hanging onto a technicality to me. I love my husband but if I left him or he left me and I met someone else I wouldn’t wait until the moment my divorce came through to go on a date/ sleep with them. It’s not 1750 I’d like to think we’ve moved on from women having an A painted on their door.

 

[TraceyJacks]

Oooft I REALLY don’t want him to put out a statement! (Not trying to argue or anything )

I just can’t see how whatever he says will be taken by AE and her gang as face value. Whatever is posted will be pounced upon, assumed, debated and picked apart.

 

[clarkees]

She has tapes and recordings? And then she wonders why he isnt seeing her in-person
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now that would be hilarious if one of Ioan's mates couldnt keep shut about this to her (if true, she could share a censored screenshot)
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Her father (according to her) cut the kids off, Ioan hasnt done that. And if she defines this as such then she probably exagerates what her father did too (as suspected all along, she slipped up last year that the younger brother has contact to him)

Rich of her to say he isn’t a responsible adult or nurturing parent - she’s getting hammered and spewing over SM at all hours of the day… I can’t see her being a very good parent through these periods. Plus the things she has told and shown those girls in the form of parental alienation ain’t too nurturing either. He also didn’t fail at being a loving husband just because he doesn’t love her anymore, the woman is crackers.

This is getting absurd
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Do her kids deserve no privacy, even down to the detail of how many phone calls? Alice, just shut the fuck up.

 

[User4567]

I don't understand the selfies. Half of them have eyeshadow smudged into her eyebrows, lipstick bleeding, smudged eyeliner. She really needs to take a step back.
She's asking commentators on her pictures if they would pay for a personalised Christmas message from her, she's really lost her touch on reality, it's hard to see