Ioan Gruffudd & Alice Evans #89 Alice turning water into wine, kidneys working overtime.

[M33L4]

Ioan is nothing but polite in those exchanges. She says the lawyers letters she received are threatening and abusive, as if that’s even a thing.
I’ll believe it when I see it. She talks utter shite.
Sorry I’ve been on Scottish Tik Tok all day

 

[PinkyWinky]

Not at all disagreeing with you habibti, but this makes me wonder what the child’s motivations are when they think this.

I mean, it has nothing to do with what we’re discussing, really; it just popped into my head that when I grew up with my narc father I learned VERY quickly how to manipulate him. I thought the very thing you wrote but not always with a genuine, kind intention—more like, “Hm, so I can feign sweetness and he’ll give me what I want. Noted.”

I’m not at ALL trying to judge Ella but it does make me concerned, and I hope that if she indeed makes this connection between kindness and generosity that it’ll be with good intentions. Ioan isn’t a narc father; Ella doesn’t have to manipulate him like I had to manipulate my baba (“father” in Arabic, if anyone’s confused, haha).

I just hope that if she one day chooses to be nicer to him, it’ll be authentic goodness. It would break the man’s heart otherwise.

Yes, I know what you mean. My answer might seem strange because it’s a bit old school. Thing is, we treat people with respect not necessarily because they deserve it but because our decency and behaviour is a reflection on who we are, not them. Ioan can’t demand real affection but he can demand decent behaviour and demonstrate that bad behaviour has consequences. It’s something we all have to learn during our childhoods and teen years.

All our relationships have some give and take. Even when we don’t feel like it we make the effort to be pleasant and respectful to family and those close to us. Not an ideal situation, genuine affection is better but at least it’s something and I hope he keeps setting standards there. The kids need that kind of example.

 

[welp]

lol

 

[BingoFlamingo]

I wonder if NDA and PRO are on the cards. Surely he will ask for NDA once this is done to avoid being dragged through the mud again?

 

[welp]

Yes, I know what you mean. My answer might seem strange because it’s a bit old school. Thing is, we treat people with respect not necessarily because they deserve it but because our decency and behaviour is a reflection on who we are, not them. Ioan can’t demand real affection but he can demand decent behaviour and demonstrate that bad behaviour has consequences. It’s something we all have to learn during our childhoods and teen years.

All our relationships have some give and take. Even when we don’t feel like it we make the effort to be pleasant and respectful to family and those close to us. Not an ideal situation, genuine affection is better but at least it’s something and I hope he keeps setting standards there. The kids need that kind of example.

to put it this way: if my father (who is a jerk that put everyone down at every opportunity) had paid me anything significantly, let alone a super expensive private school, I would've kissed his feet.

Ella thanked her father by not seeing him anymore (this was pre-Bianca)

It seems nuts to me. Do these kids think that Alice actually earns all the money (or is the reason why Ioan earns well) and Ioan is just taking the money away?

 

[Dotty Merton]

Children of narcs becoming narcs - Some of us had a loving other parent and took after them, even if they weren't living under the same roof with us. I thank you.

Cash and kids, if your father, no matter how wonderful his fans think they are, is always away working 'for the money' you may well come to consider, at the tender age they are, that money is a fair replacement for time. I am really uncomfortable about how people are talking about the girls here lately.

 

[Fed Up]

Ella was in a play once. That's the only activity that i have seen either one of them involved with.

Ella has been into gymnastics, and took classes for several years. (I don't know if it's ended.)

 

[Treacletrixter]

Extending the TRO is a win win for Ioan and Anne. Whatever happens they get a further 3 months of Alice as restrained as she will ever be. But they also get leverage in ongoing negotiations. Because there is no good for Alice in having a PRO judgement against her. Not as a parent contesting custody, as a wife contesting a pre nup, a job hunter or a house hunter.

And there will have to be some form of negotiations. Even if it goes nowhere the judge expects both sides to make best efforts to reconcile issues outside the court room. It is a huge mistake by Alice to assume if it doesn’t happen in court then it doesn’t matter legally. It very much does.

Ioan will know what he wants to achieve from this process and what he can achieve. He will be working towards that in the straightest line he can. If he can get it negotiated in 3 months and signed off by a judge why wouldn’t he go for it. Otherwise he is back to the PRO and a custody / prenup fight that Alice will lose.

I don’t think Ioan wants to beat Alice down with a PRO and a load of court judgements. He just doesn’t want to deal with her ever again except to hand over the children.

Of course he knows what she is like and how far she can be trusted. As do all the lawyers and the courts. They see a high proportion of her type as do prison wardens. The calm and patience demonstrated by Ioan is the unusual and remarkable thing in this melodrama.

 

[IKickLikeKatya]

I wonder if NDA and PRO are on the cards. Surely he will ask for NDA once this is done to avoid being dragged through the mud again?

Didn't someone point out that he would not need to pay spousal support if he has an RO on her? That would sting in a way that even Alice would understand, although who knows if she'd follow any of it, a PRO or an NDA.

 

[Endora]

Do these kids think that Alice actually earns all the money (or is the reason why Ioan earns well) and Ioan is just taking the money away?

I think the prevailing mindset in that household is that he owes them. This is the first time he's not following through with his 'obligation', and it's infuriating.

For his sake, I hope whatever negotiations are ongoing include a non-disparagement clause.

 

[Lulugrace]

I checked some older posts since she tends to comment on those whenever she is "silent". not this time but I found those from 3 weeks ago under a post from 6 weeks ago
View attachment 1144611View attachment 1144612View attachment 1144613
So it seems like either her lawyer tries to convince his lawyer to drop the PRO (hence the extended TRO) or they go ahead with the PRO if no progress is made with the divorce off-court (would also explain why she is all "he is scared" about it when in reality he probably just doesnt want to waste even more money and nerves).

I dont know what else "until we come to an agreement" means, unless it's unrelated to the TRO and her lawyer told her to shut up for the whole divorce regardless (which she later already failed to)

She is like a dog with a bone.....just will not let go

 

[kingseven]

Does anyone familiar with child support payments in CA know if payments to Alice for Ella and Elsie by Ioan would be reduced if he has future children?

 

[Lulugrace]

I'm preparing for mothers day I'm going to stay with my lovely Daughter and
I'm being treated to a meal out. I'm a tad nervous tbh even though I have had two vaccines and two boosters I'm still clinically vulnerable
I wonder if Ioan will treat his Mother, he will be able to spend the day with her, I'm guessing it's a long time since he's been able to.

That sounds lovely! Please don't let horrible covid ruin your day, use a mask wash your hands etc and enjoy being spoiled

 

[Treacletrixter]

I wonder if NDA and PRO are on the cards. Surely he will ask for NDA once this is done to avoid being dragged through the mud again?

It should be more that her side offer one. The PRO is far worse for her than a NDA. It creates a load of problems and being able to write a book is the least of her problems. PRO or NDA she can’t write a book.

Meanwhile he won’t ask or pay for a NDA because he doesn’t need it, the PRO does it for him.

Alice doesn’t have a lot to negotiate with. In fact I can’t think of one area where she has the upper hand in the negotiations. If she has weaponised the children so completely, it means Co parenting is not an option. But her obvious alienation means she wont be financially rewarded for it (no extra child support) or she will lose her parental rights.

 

[katylouclay]

Does anyone familiar with child support payments in CA know if payments to Alice for Ella and Elsie by Ioan would be reduced if he has future children?

Doesn’t look like it

 

[Just William]

Extending the TRO is a win win for Ioan and Anne. Whatever happens they get a further 3 months of Alice as restrained as she will ever be. But they also get leverage in ongoing negotiations. Because there is no good for Alice in having a PRO judgement against her. Not as a parent contesting custody, as a wife contesting a pre nup, a job hunter or a house hunter.

And there will have to be some form of negotiations. Even if it goes nowhere the judge expects both sides to make best efforts to reconcile issues outside the court room. It is a huge mistake by Alice to assume if it doesn’t happen in court then it doesn’t matter legally. It very much does.

Ioan will know what he wants to achieve from this process and what he can achieve. He will be working towards that in the straightest line he can. If he can get it negotiated in 3 months and signed off by a judge why wouldn’t he go for it. Otherwise he is back to the PRO and a custody / prenup fight that Alice will lose.

I don’t think Ioan wants to beat Alice down with a PRO and a load of court judgements. He just doesn’t want to deal with her ever again except to hand over the children.

Of course he knows what she is like and how far she can be trusted. As do all the lawyers and the courts. They see a high proportion of her type as do prison wardens. The calm and patience demonstrated by Ioan is the unusual and remarkable thing in this melodrama.

I hear you but still hope she gets a PRO against her & tough tit about all the repercussions she could face. It's high time she was held accountable for her actions as so far she's had a get out of jail card. Even the TRO didn't totally shut her up as she just found ways to skirt around it.
I think it will be a big mistake if he does try to negotiate with her as she'll renege on it. Give her an inch & she'll take a mile.

ETA - I agree with @Bridgeofsighs. Any concessions he makes she will see as a sign of weakness.

 

[Peachpaws]

Alice is muted she cannot wail, Bianca shines bright In the land of Wales. (thread suggestion)

 

[welp]

Does anyone familiar with child support payments in CA know if payments to Alice for Ella and Elsie by Ioan would be reduced if he has future children?

thankfully no

 

[Autisteuse]

Children of narcs becoming narcs - Some of us had a loving other parent and took after them, even if they weren't living under the same roof with us. I thank you.

Cash and kids, if your father, no matter how wonderful his fans think they are, is always away working 'for the money' you may well come to consider, at the tender age they are, that money is a fair replacement for time. I am really uncomfortable about how people are talking about the girls here lately.

So - nothing to do with parental alienation? The fact that nAlice withheld the children? Ella demanding that he see her in the family home and refusing contact otherwise?

 

[Endora]

Does anyone familiar with child support payments in CA know if payments to Alice for Ella and Elsie by Ioan would be reduced if he has future children?

From what I've read, no. Subsequent children don't affect existing support payments. Can you imagine if they did how many disgruntled exes would use babies as weapons against a former spouse?