A bit nervous, but hi, I've decided to delurked to join the gossip. Apology if I don't make sense sometimes, since English is not my first language.
When I first heard of the divorce news and saw AE's tweets, I thought she was ruining herself by airing her dirty laundry but at the same time, it seemed she was so badly hurt that I felt a bit sorry for her. The reason I was quite invested in IG/AE because in the beginning, before it was revealed she was an abusive and vitriolic woman, I thought I could saw myself in Alice . Disclaimer: No, I don't have BPD, and no, I never trashed my ex online nor approve it, but I still remember feeling so much resentment and hatred for my ex because we broke up when I was suffering from depression. When I looked at picture of AE who had clearly abandoned herself, who didn't have an identity besides IG's wife and mother of his children, I recalled those days when I couldn't get out of bed and, when I was able to stop crying for no reasons, was able to feed myself, then go back to bed and the cycle repeated. It was like a never ending nightmare to me, being so out of control of my crying spells and the despair that overwhelmed myself except when I slept. Though I was a student back then and my circumstances couldn't be more different from Alice's (at no point did I have the same privilege she had or has), my point is that when a person with mental health issues face with crisis, pain will find a way to express itself in a nasty way you would retrospectively be ashamed of. It helped that I am an intensely private person and don't even vent to anyone. I try to cope by first writing down all my "bad" thoughts, and then run through a cleaner version of them with my friends.
Then when it turned out AE was a chronic liar and a nasty person all around, any semblance of pity I had felt vanished. Now, let's turn to Yo. I think the main reason I felt compelled to say something about this divorce mess is that I am invested in both parties despite not knowing who AE is and not watching anything IG is in except the Uptown girl video. As for IG, I was aghast by the public reception when he revealed AE's abuse. This has been observed in other forums and here, but since I'm already here, I need to ask: some of you, both before and after the court docs were revealed, said something to the effect of Yo having fucked up moral or personality by sticking with her for 20 years. I wonder if you realise you are victim blaming? Imagine a woman speaks out of her partner's abuse, would anyone dare to say Ah well he is wrong but she's kinda boring, immature, vain, led a sheltered life eh?, implying that had she been different she wouldn't have been abused? Or even if you just state that as a subjective observation, what relevance does it have to the fact that abuse was committed?
I hope more men who has suffered from abuse like Yo step up and tell the story. Just because statistically women are more likely to be victims doesn't mean all men are guilty until proven. That thinking is extremely toxic.
and a cheeky wine
or two, I already have my night/early morning planned out:
