I was really curious about the thing with Ella Newton possibly knowing about this potential secret romance between BW and IG.
There were a lot of "maybe's" in that sentence because I really can't make assumptions and ADHD makes it challenging for me to read through every single thread post to validate info but I just think a lot about this idea of "girlfriends," for example, knowing about forbidden intimate relationships and whether or not they have the responsibility to notify the party being deceived, whether staying silent breaks that "girl code" horse shit that Alice keeps tossing around. Again, not pointing a finger at Ella Newton in particular, I just used that example to dive into my thoughts.
Like my general question is is it really fair to task a person with the extensive, exhausting labor of informing someone else?
Is it really their info to disclose at all? Should they mind their business?
And if some of us think, yes, we should speak up, we have that duty, then what qualifies as "cheating," anyway? I had a good friend in high school who told me she made out with a guy at a party that got rowdy. She was in a relationship at the time and assured me, "It isn't cheating if you're just drunkenly kissing someone, I mean I didn't fuck him, so." Did I have the responsibility of informing her boyfriend (now her husband) of this matter? She said it wasn't cheating; personally, I thought it was, because we write our own constitutions in the realm of infidelity. Was it "cheating enough" that I should have said something to her partner? Does her perception of cheating override mine because she's the center of this situation?
And again, if some of us think that, yeah, we need to speak up when people we know are secretly involved with other people while having partners, then doesn't the factor of friendship murky the waters, too? What if the person being deceived is someone with whom you're very close? In those instances, people often urge you to come forward, I notice. What if you kind of have a friendship with the person being deceived but it's maybe more of an acquaintanceship? Do you still speak up?
What if we disregard social connections entirely and commit ourselves to the rule that it's none of our business, no matter what, and that we should just purse our lips and let the cheating continue, accepting whatever prolonged harm or heartbreak it might induce? Is that fair? Is it selfish of us? Is it "not on us" because it supposedly wasn't our business to disclose anyway?
Don't mind me I just got questions and I feel this is a terribly "gray" matter, not just "mind your business." I feel that our experiences and the nature of our circumstances would drastically alter how we'd react, and so there should be no "girl code." It takes a lot of thought and awareness. I'm garrulous af, sorry.