Slight edit, ( Drink Killed him) he died of bowel cancer, the drink ( Alcohol) was the major confactor .the abuse , both mental, and at times pyhisical, horrendous, as I said in previous inpost is still with me at 62 yrs old, how can you still love someone like that? But I do, miss him every day!! ( Narsisisist)
My father is also an alcoholic. I'm surprised he doesn't have cirrhosis, frankly.
Perhaps one of the reasons you still miss him is, because like Alice and every other narcissist, they make your self-esteem zero and coerce you to feel that without them, you are nothing. They make one so dependent that one relies on their validation like oxygen and, because they deliberately reject one, one becomes desperate. It's a horrible and abusive cycle.
Alice is doing this to her youngest daughter (never quite good enough) by constantly, subtly and subliminally comparing her to the eldest daughter/golden child.
I hope that you will one day be at peace. Realise that you are your most precious thing, and that never, ever did you deserve such abuse. And realise that nothing could ever, ever, ever have made the situation better - because narcissists just don't change. They're incapable of it. They see nothing wrong in their behaviour. They play human chess with those whom they are supposed to love the most and become trapped in never-ending cycles of revenge and bitterness. That is why we are still here, watching the Evans flustercuck play itself out in an endless loop. You couldn't have done anything to get the validation you deserved from your father. None of it was your fault.
@ReturningthePearls - thank you for your wonderful message. It gladdened my heart.