I'm thinking about charging friends and family to come to ours for Christmas - thoughts please

[Jane Porcupine]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

Going to a hotel is completely different, you really can't compare the two things. People choosing to spend money on a Christmas meal at a hotel will have certain expectations about what will be provided, the surroundings and ambience, the service etc. You are talking about putting on a very expensive buffet in your own home and charging people extra to use your pool in case a child s***ts in it. Can you not see that those are two very different things?

I also wouldn't put too much weight on the fact that you've asked a few people and they thought it was a great idea. It's entirely possible they were saying what they thought you wanted to hear.

If you are really set on doing it then go ahead, I just wouldn't expect that you'll have people clamouring to attend so you could end up even more out of pocket.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

If you’re sure you want to do this, I’d ask now so when no one says yes you’ve got time to make alternative plans.

 

[FakeSmile]

On Christmas Day of all days in the year I just want to be with people who want to be with me and not just so that they can make up the numbers for the catering budget.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

If you can't easily afford it, don't host it. If it causes you stress being the host, don't host

 

[judgejohndeed]

Why do people think OP would care about calculating what people are eating? If she’s paid the bill for the food and everyone’s paid her the money back then shes not out of pocket

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

I’ve been to parties with these before and while they’re lovely they don’t feel very substantial - not sure what 100 quid each for you would be in GBP but I reckon you could do something like this yourself a lot cheaper than that if you wanted to

 

[a.pain]

I’m interested why people would be so offended at contributing financially to the massive cost of hosting Christmas. To be fair I’ve never paid money for it, but unless your group is consistent and changes each year no one family should have to shoulder that cost. I think it’s far more common for everyone to bring something, certainly this is what we do each year- make dessert, veggies, potatoes etc and bring them along- but the person hosting is always left buying the meat etc. what’s the difference between everyone bringing something versus just giving the host the money they would have spent, and them just doing a big shop for the food and everyone pitching in to cook?

This is a genuine question as I know it’s not the done thing to pay cash but I’ve always wondered if it’s just a etiquette thing versus what’s actually fair and practical…

 

[Snippysnips]

Why do people think OP would care about calculating what people are eating? If she’s paid the bill for the food and everyone’s paid her the money back thenshe’s not out of pocket

You run the risk of being out of pocket very quickly with things like this though, I'd imagine the catering company would have a deadline for how many they are catering for plus when the money is to be paid for

People can easily change their mind an say they are coming for weeks/months then right as the money is due decide not to come, or what happens in the event that they have paid but are then unable to come due to being ill/covid, they will clearly want their money back an it is going to get extremely messy if you then say its none refundable especially if they have payed out say a few hundred

 

[Not_another_flogger]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

You asked for advice and now seem unhappy with the advice you have been given.
A grazing table at that price is ridiculous. You would be far better off doing a list of foods, and dividing up what each family needs to bring. Everyone is clear on what to bring and can make fancy and expensive or do it on a budget! That is what I do if I am hosting friends (as usually it is just offering the location for an event we want to do, rather than hosting, this would not be done if I was inviting them to something I wanted to host myself), however my family regularly host bbqs during summer and never dream of asking anyone to bring anything, never mind pay for anything.
Every year we do a grazing style table for all of our extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) on Christmas morning, and they all go their separate ways for dinner. We have never once asked anyone to contribute to it, or bring something. It is part of our tradition to host it and we love doing it and having everyone there together, and are never bitter that we have to host and pay for this every year!
As for the pool, given it will be the height of summer, is it a bit much to ask children and adults not to use it? Would u be better off making a serious "joke" tounge-in-cheek comment like "if we've a code brown again the parents are responsible" LOL haha but serious. That might encourage parents to regularly check on their kids.

what’s the difference between everyone bringing something versus just giving the host the money they would have spent, and them just doing a big shop for the food and everyone pitching in to cook?

it allows people to spend what they can afford. You can go all out and fancy if you want and can afford it or can do your item on a budget.

 

[Upintheair83]

You know what, I can see that it's really stressing you out with the financial side of this. And I can totally see why, and I can see how you would feel abit resentful of hosting Christmas if its already stressing you out this much at this stage of the year.
Some people have charged for Christmas, iv heard of it before and so for some people it does seem the sensible thing to do.
However I totally agree with a previous posts saying people would probably talk behind your back,so please be prepared for that.
In all honesty, I really do agree with everyone else saying just don't host. It doesn't seem to suit you, and it's your Christmas too. Don't do it and explain its too much financially for you. Maybe then people could open up a conversation as to how to get around it? Or alternatives or solutions?
Hosting isn't for everyone and neither is Christmas for some people.
So I would just be honest, in most situations I find polite honesty is the best policy.good luck poster x

 

[Clickbait]

I’m unsure whether the grazing table idea is hugely practical - firstly if it was set up in a marquee in hot weather, how long would the food stay its best for? Would things go stale? Attract flies?

Secondly, they look visually pleasing when they’re first laid out but after people have been at it, including kids picking at things, trying them, deciding they don’t like whatever it is and putting it back… I’ve seen buffets with food on separate plates/in separate containers be mauled by adults at a work event so much so that what was left for the people at the back of the line was a disgrace - curled up sandwiches, something that was half-eaten, and cross-contamination. This would be a party atmosphere with alcohol and kids in the mix.

Thirdly, I’m honestly not sure I’d be happy to pay for what seems to amount to picnic food/antipasti which wouldn’t really fill me up over the course of the day and I’d unlikely go back for seconds at (for reasons above).

I can understand the OP’s original concern which is the expense which wasn’t contributed to fairly, but the solution reflects more on the other part of the complaint-that you couldn’t enjoy the day because you felt like a slave the whole time - sadly, that is often a by-product of being a host!

I wonder if you know the breakdown of the cost you quoted that goes towards the food and drink, and how much is spent on the other things that you want to make your life easier on the day - a marquee, chairs, crockery, utensils, glasses, etc; then setting it all up and coming to take it all away again? That is likely to be something people would be unwilling to pay for.

Perhaps a compromise could be found whereby you draw up a list of dishes that you feel need to be made for the day, a list of snacks/foods/drinks people would expect to be provided and you ask people to agree to bring these with them (frame this that you don’t get loads of the same thing) or if they’d prefer they can send you some money and you’ll sort them out instead.

I wouldn’t have a problem with that approach if someone told me they wanted to host but didn’t feel they could afford it without some support. Giving people plenty of notice too will help.

 

[Snippysnips]

Imo I wouldn't have a problem telling people to bring certain things, to me Christmas is all about family coming together an there's nothing better than having family all bring round a dish an we can all share together, for instance my aunt makes the BEST pasta bake, so much better than shops an she could easily do a huge dish for under £20 that could feed us all, another aunt makes amazing cakes an again for under £20 we would all be getting a slice

If you have around 30 people coming then am sure between them all they could easily make just one dish that combined with everyone else's would be more than enough to feed everyone a good amount, an it would probably be a much better meal than this company does, plus people love when they are complemented on things, the conversation around the whole day would be filled with much more lovely comments about people saying how much they loved it all than snarky comments about how they feel they wasted money because they didn't like what was offered

 

[Apple In My Pie]

Honestly? I would decline. And I’d think you were really cheeky. I’d hate to be charged by family and would feel that every mouthful was calculated and it would lead to an unhappy atmosphere for me. Also as someone has mentioned if it’s a buffet style I probably wouldn’t eat very much either cos I hate other people’s grubby hands all over the food, or kids licking stuff and putting them back

I do see it’s stressing you out though, and at Christmas time in my family we always try and bring something nice (bottle of fizz/homemade biscuits/cake) so I wouldn’t mind doing that - i think that’s a better idea! Even the kids could bring lollies/sweets or something to bulk it out and I’m sure that wouldn’t cost your guests that much. And you’d have happy guests and a better atmosphere I think.

Charging people to use the pool is miserly, and if there are kids there are they going to take ‘no it’s closed’ for an answer. So for that one and for the peace of everyone I’d suck that up and let people use the pool.

 

[Rayne]

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

Ahhh yes my bad you were going to charge them $110 to use your pool

 

[Not_another_flogger]

Ahhh yes my bad you were going to charge them $110 to use you pool


View attachment 1122191

The OP said food at $100 adults and $50 kids, or with the use of the pool $110 adults and $60 kids. Use of pool is $10.

Still ridiculous charging your guests to use your pool!

 

[Rayne]

The OP said food at $100 adults and $50 kids, or with the use of the pool $110 adults and $60 kids. Use of pool is $10.

Still ridiculous charging your guests to use your pool!

Ohhhh ok apologies i couldn’t keep up with their extensive price list. Is it really worth asking for $10 jeez just let them use it for free or close it but don’t ask them to pay for the privilege

 

[LennyBriscoe]

i think the original poster might be on to something,
I usually have some of the neighbours in for Christmas drinks and mince pies and I swear every year Nancy takes two, she’s 89 so her apatite should be tiny… it’s just greed on my dime.

This year 1.90 a pie. They all have good pensions

Charge them a tenner each and you might be able to raise enough for a personal appearance from Neil Jones…

You’re welcome!

 

[Not_another_flogger]

Ohhhh ok apologies i couldn’t keep up with their extensive price list. Is it really worth asking for $10 jeez just let them use it for free or close it but don’t ask them to pay for the privilege

Next it'll be $1 for a pee in the toilet, $2 if you do a poo! Defo an invite I'd be declining anyway.

 

[Rayne]

Next it'll be $1 for a pee in the toilet, $2 if you do a poo! Defo an invite I'd be declining anyway.

Wondering if the opening poster works for Ryanair

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

TBF, you asked for opinions and you got them.

What about hygiene? Will you be able to ensure things aren’t touched and left? Obviously it’s the same as any function but especially after the past couple of years, I’d be surprised if more people don’t want to do that.

 

[Jane Porcupine]

Next it'll be $1 for a pee in the toilet, $2 if you do a poo! Defo an invite I'd be declining anyway.

Toilet paper 10 cents a sheet.