I'm thinking about charging friends and family to come to ours for Christmas - thoughts please

[Oohthedrama]

In one way I respect the fact you’re planning this 9 months in advance,

even when there are real chances we’ll be hit by a nuclear missile or some new virus from China, and everyone left behind will have 8 fingers and three arms by November…..

If any of those 8 fingered fuckers takes an extra mini snickers that you paid for I will hunt them down for you!!
keeping an eye on your mother, she’s an awful one for pocketing things you paid for for later….

25 p a celebration.
9p a sprout.
Bring your own drinks.
Yorkie puddings need to paid for in advance and they’re a quid for 2.

#itsajokedontreportmeorstartkickingoff

 

[judgejohndeed]

I would just be honest and say sorry we can’t host as we can’t afford it this year. I understand the perspective of the posts so far and wouldn’t be impressed either if I was asked to pay 100 quid for Christmas, but it is also a massive piss take if you hosted before and people didn’t bring stuff when that’s usually the done thing for your family events.

 

[Porkiepies]

I would be declining to spend the day at yours as I'd be $880 because if a pool was there available my kids would want to use it, on Christmas Day I couldn't say no to them while others used it. I agree with those who say close the pool off if you need to charge for it.

Is it possible to say to your family pool costs are higher so this year we are cutting back on gifts for the kids but we will have the pool for them to enjoy?

Could you maybe think back to what others gave in previous years and say 'Aunt Fanny your marinaded salmon was really good last year, would you mind doing it again but maybe 2 this year?' 'Hey Sis your roast potatoes were a treat, would it be ok to do 3kgs this year?'
Then boost some guy's ego saying he knows how to work a bbq, he must show your husband how to keep the sausage juicy not dry? That might encourage them to help a bit more.

 

[Snippysnips]

To me I feel likes there's a difference between family an friends, if a friend told me they were planning to put on a meal that was organised an done by outside help an would I want to be part of it if I payed then I'd be like let me think about it and then decide to maybe go for it (outside of Xmas though as I wouldn't be paying so much at Xmas) so I can see where your mates are saying it's fine because as mates they aren't under any commitment to have to go because its just a friend's and not family an can say no a lot more easier

As family though it's different because family don't ever expect to have to fork out, I don't expect family to help me with costs an in return I do not expect to be asked, and especially with so much, even if I ask family to help with a meal or two or bring a crate of drink etc they would still be no where near those prices that they would be paying to go to yours, an as someone who rarely drinks I certainly wouldn't be happy at paying out to cover others costs at drinking

I see no problem in asking family to help with meals, perhaps they could do sides to go with the main be it turkey or chicken or a vegetarian option, also maybe help out with desserts, I'd also mention that if they wanted to drink then feel free to bring it as you wouldn't be suppling it, if they were good enough at suppling it at past hosts then surely they would have no problem this time round, and if they said they weren't happy with it and you needed to supply EVERYTHING then why tf would you want them there, am sorry but if family can't help you out then it's ridiculous to even host them

Also do you feel like it HAS to be a meal? If so many are coming why not do a buffet style with finger food? It takes away the stress an doesn't cost so much, I just done a buffet for 70 for my neices christening an it was only around the £120 for it all, was simple as well, hot food cooked in the ovan while I done a bunch of sandwiches, lucky if it took maybe 2 hours, an it was a brilliant selection

 

[Oohthedrama]

A gesture to host Christmas shouldn’t be done in this manner,

the original poster just seems to have too many issues and negative past experiences of adding up what others have spent and what they’ve used/ taken, there’s a bitterness in the gesture that shouldn’t happen around Christmas.
It’s never going to end well,
just back out and let someone else offer to host.

simple.

 

[Rxt156]

Well that ain’t very Christmassy is it

 

[Warpaint]

With all the people and kids running amok it sounds like hell on earth. And you're wanting to charge for it!

I think you should go back to the drawing board, scale it down and think about who really matters.

In December...

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

I’m starting to think this thread is a joke, surely OP can’t be serious

 

[Oohthedrama]

i think the original poster might be on to something,
I usually have some of the neighbours in for Christmas drinks and mince pies and I swear every year Nancy takes two, she’s 89 so her apatite should be tiny… it’s just greed on my dime.

This year 1.90 a pie. They all have good pensions

 

[LaBlonde]

i think the original poster might be on to something,
I usually have some of the neighbours in for Christmas drinks and mince pies and I swear every year Nancy takes two, she’s 89 so her apatite should be tiny… it’s just greed on my dime.

This year 1.90 a pie. They all have good pensions

1.90?! very generous, at least round up to a clear £2. double it for those who take two, and charge for use of your garden for anyone who wants to take a stroll.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

I’d be scared to blink if I came to yours for Xmas in all fairness if you’re a little mean then don’t host, you’ll send yourself round the bend calculating what people are eating. You’ll think you’re being subtle but I bet your eye would be twitching and your neck come out in an anxious red rash.

We have a small family and Xmas food is divvied up between us
Dinner
Snacks
Soft drinks
Alcohol
Dessert
and we all have a say in what we want, eg I may be doing soft drinks but will ask the snacks person to include pistachios or my mum will ask for diet cokes from the soft drinks person just so we all get a bit of what we like

 

[Sheabutter]

I would be declining to spend the day at yours as I'd be $880 because if a pool was there available my kids would want to use it, on Christmas Day I couldn't say no to them while others used it. I agree with those who say close the pool off if you need to charge for it.

Is it possible to say to your family pool costs are higher so this year we are cutting back on gifts for the kids but we will have the pool for them to enjoy?

Could you maybe think back to what others gave in previous years and say 'Aunt Fanny your marinaded salmon was really good last year, would you mind doing it again but maybe 2 this year?' 'Hey Sis your roast potatoes were a treat, would it be ok to do 3kgs this year?'
Then boost some guy's ego saying he knows how to work a bbq, he must show your husband how to keep the sausage juicy not dry? That might encourage them to help a bit more.

I would try this advice before giving up. Besides what does a grazing table mean? I’m picturing bowls of nuts & crisps and a charcuterie spread.

ETA: It just seems very LA for Christmas which I guess makes sense given it will be summertime where you live. It does sound like you want to steer people away from the pool but is it all down to costs or just preventing you from feeling like you’re hosting an expensive pool party? Would you be okay with telling family they’re welcome to use the pool on another occasion?

 

[Rayne]

I’m starting to think this thread is a joke, surely OP can’t be serious

They lost me at charging 100 dollars each to use their pool do they live in the Atlantis hotel

 

[1001 others]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.

I would try this advice before giving up. Besides what does a grazing table mean? I’m picturing bowls of nuts & crisps and a charcuterie spread.

ETA: It just seems very LA for Christmas which I guess makes sense given it will be summertime where you live. It does sound like you want to steer people away from the pool but is it all down to costs or just preventing you from feeling like you’re hosting an expensive pool party? Would you be okay with telling family they’re welcome to use the pool on another occasion?

A grazing table is like this:

... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

 

[Sheabutter]

For me, I wouldn’t be thrilled about a grazing table + no pool access. I think if the two were done together you could definitely call it a vibe and the most work that would be done is someone manning a blender making iced alcoholic drinks. Otherwise, without the pool access I would say hot food is kind of important. The most important thing obviously is spending time with family but if everyone walks away remembering that they paid so much per head for a cold spread it won’t create the same Christmas memories. Idk it’s something that my grandfather defaults to - not for Christmas but whenever we all have a chance to be together - we play games and have a great time. He doesn’t charge us though and I think if anyone else in the family did charges us at the prices mentioned I would be on the fence about whether I want to go. I wouldn’t hate it (that spread looks pretty) but if I’m going to spend that type of money, I want to know that I’m getting a lot of leftovers to take home with me.

 

[Saddlesoap]

I think the problem is most of us on this forum are from the UK, or northern hemisphere. I could not contemplate a grazing board for Christmas dinner, because I need the roast. Maybe it is different in NZ, I can't really know that.

Thinking about it laterally. I would probably rather just pay £50 towards food for a party than buy and prepare my own bits of food to bring.

The pool is tricky. I get where you are coming from, but I really don't think you can charge people extra to use the pool. Surely there should only be a small number of people attending with children who might have an accident? Can you not speak to them before hand?

ETA; could you balance out the cost by just getting the food brought in, but not the rest of the stuff / cleaning up. Or could you just charge your guests for the food part? (Sorry if you have already said this is what you are doing)

 

[JackieB]

You don't seem to be keen on hosting. It all seems to be a big bother to you. If I were you I'd tell everyone that you're sorry but you've decided just to spend the day at home with your immediate family, and do just that.

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

Tbh it may just be my ignorance then so I apologise but.. Paying to eat at someone’s else’s house and a Christmas Day grazing table are just not my bag or vibe so I’m never gonna agree with you, maybe it’s just the culture difference, sorry if my comments have offended you but I just couldn’t comprehend what you’re suggesting

 

[watermelon sugar]

Okay, I've stopped liking everyone's posts because they're getting a bit nasty.

My original post was serious, and I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.

The pool thing is a big deal where I am, because if we have (another) code brown the whole thing has to be emptied and re-filled, and that costs a lot to do. If you go to a Council-run pool you'd pay $12-$15 for the privilege anyway, so I don't think it's cheeky to charge guests to use it. And no @Rayne , I was not intending to charge $100 per person to use the pool.

I attended a wedding a couple of years ago where we were asked to pay a per-head fee to cover food and venue hire, but no presents; and I've attended work functions in the past which have been the same. I had no issue with it.

A couple of people I did float the idea by thought it was great - one even said, if you were going to a hotel, the flat rate is normally $120+, which a lot of people seem okay with paying, so why should this be any different?

And no, I am not bitter (whoever suggested that) about past experiences - times are tough enough without all the stress of having to spend so much money on the silly season.



A grazing table is like this:
View attachment 1121585
... the Christmas one will have desserts also.

I feel like you’re looking for excuses not to host and the costs etc because you really don’t want to do it. Have you ever been to someone’s for Christmas to pay? I just don’t think it’s a thing that many people would like to have to do at Christmas. Maybe you should just back out and visit someone else for Christmas

 

[Snippysnips]

While you have no problem yourself with this you have to remember that Xmas is hard enough to ask people to pay out such large amounts of money, do you have kids? Or just yourself? Xmas is hard enough financially when you do have kids, between getting them what they want an then also getting other peoples presents, this isn't just a regular party in the middle of the year where people wouldn't be stressing out with how they can afford things

Personally the grazing tables look way overpriced an are you sure that everyone is going to like what's being offered? What do you do if someone comes paying a lot of money to find they like nothing there an want the money back? Personally they would be entitled to it as they hadn't touched anything but that would mean you yourself would be out of pocket

Aren't there any places like Costco or similar where they do bulk food, these grazing tables or finger buffets as I call them are the most simplest things to do, just go to a warehouse type place an buy a few bulk items like cakes, cocktail sausage, sausage rolls, sandwiches etc

Personally I'd just be closing the pool if you are that worried for a accident happening, am sure they wouldn't blink a eye if you just said it was getting work done

I still think it's crazy to host so many people when it's clear you don't want the stress of being able to do it all, I am fortunate that my family will not only help bring food which they choose to do but also offer to help in the kitchen which can be a huge help, Xmas is meant to be with family anyway an everyone helping out just makes it even more Christmassy, if you don't want so much stress then just keep it to small close family only