How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

[BettyCrockerr]

For all you young ones in your 20s - please remember you are SOOOOOO YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!! If something isn’t working, if you aren’t happy then just finish those relationships and move on with your lives. You have many years of fun and adventure ahead of you, so many people to
Meet, you will fall in and out of love & lust with various people and there are so many things to learn about yourself and the world so please don’t waste any of your time on boys you aren’t sure about or boys you’ve been dating a few years etc

 

[Shinythings]

Also, I'm genuinely of the opinion that unless there's a good reason for it (illness, babies etc) a dead bedroom is never coming back to life. I was in this situation in my 20's. Not completely dead but maybe once a month if I was lucky and it was always instigated by me. I'm sure if I stopped bothering it would have been completely dead. I heard every excuse under the sun. My personal favourites were that he had to put the bins out in the morning and he didn't want to be tired. So bins were more of a priority. Another favourite was that we had watched a sad movie the previous week and he didn't feel right having sex. We had had a healthy sex life in the beginning.

Honestly being in that situation crushed my self esteem especially when you get told men want it all the time so it must be an issue with you. The amount of times I told myself I couldn't go on like that and yet I stayed.

We broke up for other reasons and honestly, I wish I hadn't stayed so long. When you are in a relationship where you are desired it is crazy to think what you put up with.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

It took a long time for our dead bedroom to come back to life but having kids absolutely floored me. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Also terrified of getting pregnant which didnt help.

Things back on track now and having regular sex but it took a long long time.

At 21 I dont think myself or my partner would have hung around to wait on it improving.

 

[Loveabitofgossip]

I'm 40 & my husband is early 60's (no judgement please). Together years and married 8. I'd say we average 2-3 times weekly. He'd have it everyday he is very fit for his age and literally looks mid 40's.
Quality over quantity I say.
He does love it when I'm on my period
He's so sexy at 60

 

[Gossgirl12]

I'm 40 & my husband is early 60's (no judgement please). Together years and married 8. I'd say we average 2-3 times weekly. He'd have it everyday he is very fit for his age and literally looks mid 40's.
Quality over quantity I say.
He does love it when I'm on my period
He's so sexy at 60

Just curious, why does he love it when you're on your period? No judgement from me. You're both adults and obviously have a good relationship.

 

[happylife32]

Joining in… this thread is so interesting. Past relationships have been very sexual but we broke up due to other issues, moving too fast, toxic behaviour and just not feeling like we were going anywhere. Then I was single for a while and went without for three years and thanks to the pandemic I didn’t meet anyone. I have a v high sex drive (I’m female) and I re-connected with an ex and we got back together, who coincidentally I lost my virginity to when I was 18… and we had a good sex drive back then, but now we are back together we haven’t had it as much :/ we do have a lot of flirty banter and touchy feely behaviour but I feel that sexual spark is lacking… we also don’t live together which doesn’t help so we only do it on the occasions we are alone or away. I do fancy him and love him, but I can’t help think we are just not sexually compatible maybe. Side note, he’s not as well endowed as previous partners and whilst it hasn’t affected the sex we’ve had so far, I’m interested to know if size does actually matter he does always make sure I’m satisfied and relationship wise, we do get on well. I just struggle with kind of being in the zone and initiating it, it feels so awkward lol but that’s with all previous partners as well.. in my head I’m thinking of the next steps beyond kissing if that makes sense. The actual deed is good when you’re there, but I just find the lead up a bit awkward/embarrassing. Idk if I’m explaining it well. Maybe it’s just me
Lol

 

[ChampagneBox]

It took a long time for our dead bedroom to come back to life but having kids absolutely floored me. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Also terrified of getting pregnant which didnt help.

Things back on track now and having regular sex but it took a long long time.

At 21 I dont think myself or my partner would have hung around to wait on it improving.

This.

if it wasn’t for this I’d be doing it all the time instead of not since early 2020…religious childhood trauma runs deep

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

This.

if it wasn’t for this I’d be doing it all the time instead of not since early 2020…religious childhood trauma runs deep

Honestly I had a pregnancy scare about a month ago and Ive barely had sex since.

I have kids and Id really like for my partner to get the snip now. They are not keen and Im fully for body autonomy so I cant force it.

Nothing religious for me but Im a fertile myrtle it seems and the fear is real I do not want anymore children.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Honestly I had a pregnancy scare about a month ago and Ive barely had sex since.

I have kids and Id really like for my partner to get the snip now. They are not keen and Im fully for body autonomy so I cant force it.

Nothing religious for me but Im a fertile myrtle it seems and the fear is real I do not want anymore children.

What kind of contraception are you using at the moment??

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

What kind of contraception are you using at the moment??

Condoms. I cant use anything hormonal. Been there, done that and dont want to do it anymore.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Condoms. I cant use anything hormonal. Been there, done that and dont want to do it anymore.

Copper coil? No hormones in that.

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Copper coil? No hormones in that.

Im very wary of doing anything that could affect my periods. Other than last month my period is completely regular and is managable. Pre having my kids Id have to take time off work every month because of heaviness/pain/upset.

My periods are great right now and I dont want to derail that. I know there is a chance nothing would be affected but its not an option for me right now.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Im very wary of doing anything that could affect my periods. Other than last month my period is completely regular and is managable. Pre having my kids Id have to take time off work every month because of heaviness/pain/upset.

My periods are great right now and I dont want to derail that. I know there is a chance nothing would be affected but its not an option for me right now.

Tubal ligation? They are usually more likely to do it if you've had kids and know you're done.

I asked about it but at the time it was pooh pooed for my partner to have a vasectomy (I'm a realist and would never ask him to do that, I know I never want anymore than one and would never ask him to do that on my account as you never know what the future holds)

I have a copper coil and it doesn't cause me any brother, there was some cramping etc for a couple days after it was inserted. I just got a 10 year one and I'm ecstatic it Will almost see me to menopause

 

[Happy35]

Tubal ligation? They are usually more likely to do it if you've had kids and know you're done.

I asked about it but at the time it was pooh pooed for my partner to have a vasectomy (I'm a realist and would never ask him to do that, I know I never want anymore than one and would never ask him to do that on my account as you never know what the future holds)

I have a copper coil and it doesn't cause me any brother, there was some cramping etc for a couple days after it was inserted. I just got a 10 year one and I'm ecstatic it Will almost see me to menopause

I am pleased to hear it is working for you, I am having a copper coil fitted in a couple of weeks. I have previously had 4 Mirenas until I started having issues, had the first in 1996, then the mini pill but am getting horrendous headaches, I am 47 so this will take me to menopause

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Tubal ligation? They are usually more likely to do it if you've had kids and know you're done.

I asked about it but at the time it was pooh pooed for my partner to have a vasectomy (I'm a realist and would never ask him to do that, I know I never want anymore than one and would never ask him to do that on my account as you never know what the future holds)

I have a copper coil and it doesn't cause me any brother, there was some cramping etc for a couple days after it was inserted. I just got a 10 year one and I'm ecstatic it Will almost see me to menopause

Ive tried but I'm early 30s and like you they pushed for my partner to have a vasectomy. The difference is he would have more children and I dont feel entirely comfortable taking that decision away from him. I could die tomorrow or we split up in a few years.

I understand it could be reversed but its not always viable.

Im happy enough with condoms its just the stupid little scares terrify me I will look into a copper coil more I think. Im just so scared of upsetting the apple cart and be one of these unlucky people who get a constant period.

 

[littlepup]

I asked about it but at the time it was pooh pooed for my partner to have a vasectomy (I'm a realist and would never ask him to do that, I know I never want anymore than one and would never ask him to do that on my account as you never know what the future holds)

I consider myself to be a very balanced, non neurotic woman… but my biggest secret fear, especially considering I’m 10 years older than my partner, is that he has another child with someone else and our children get sidelined. I know it’s his right, I know it could happen and I’d embrace a blended family but to think he could move on and have a child with a woman who wasn’t open to ‘us’, I really hate that thought.
He hates how I always say, ‘well who knows what the future holds’ because he believes we’ll be together forever and I always consider a future separately, but I really admire how pragmatic you are because on the surface I’m the same but it scares me!

Sorry to derail. Re the original question - we’re now 18 months almost into parenthood and trying to get back into the swing but I honestly can hardly be arsed. I know my partner is very driven by physical contact and he’s so much more happy after sex but I’m still not really up for it. I think breast feeding actually suppresses your desire and you get so touched out but I’m trying. I miss it and wish I wanted it more.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

I consider myself to be a very balanced, non neurotic woman… but my biggest secret fear, especially considering I’m 10 years older than my partner, is that he has another child with someone else and our children get sidelined. I know it’s his right, I know it could happen and I’d embrace a blended family but to think he could move on and have a child with a woman who wasn’t open to ‘us’, I really hate that thought.
He hates how I always say, ‘well who knows what the future holds’ because he believes we’ll be together forever and I always consider a future separately, but I really admire how pragmatic you are because on the surface I’m the same but it scares me!

Sorry to derail. Re the original question - we’re now 18 months almost into parenthood and trying to get back into the swing but I honestly can hardly be arsed. I know my partner is very driven by physical contact and he’s so much more happy after sex but I’m still not really up for it. I think breast feeding actually suppresses your desire and you get so touched out but I’m trying. I miss it and wish I wanted it more.

I totally remember those days, I wouldn't let him anywhere near my boobs when I was breastfeeding, it's hard to feel sexy when you've basically turned into a dairy cow and so bleeping tired!

Nothing ever goes back to normal, you find a new normal

I am pleased to hear it is working for you, I am having a copper coil fitted in a couple of weeks. I have previously had 4 Mirenas until I started having issues, had the first in 1996, then the mini pill but am getting horrendous headaches, I am 47 so this will take me to menopause

I had a prolactinoma before I was pregnant, hormonal contraception can contribute to it, hence my decision for zero hormones. I'm only my second coil (third actually, but that's a whole other story!), the fitting was a bit difficult but the Dr used numbing gel so I didn't really feel much other than so cramping from my cervix

 

[MinnnieMouse]

My partner has never been fussed about sex, and it used to really bother me. I'd get upset about the fact that it was always me who initiated it, and I've gradually just given up even doing that. We've had countless conversations/arguments about it, nothing ever changes and now I don't even want it with him anyway and find myself thinking about other men. I'm 40 and the only thing stopping me from leaving right now is that I don't want to leave my lovely home (he owns the lions share of it, so that is how it will play out).

 

[Niki14]

I'm intrigued with the period post. Is that common? I'm not sure I could do it.
Iv only commented on this post as we are moving house and when starting to pack at the weekend my husband seen I had a couple of sex toys. I have never hid them, they are just in my drawer, we've never used them together though or spoken about the.
At first he was shocked and asked if i wasn't satisfied with him, I definitely am but I'm quite sure he will "relieve himself" daily and don't see a problem with it.
We have a really good sex life and we have sex about 4 times a week.
Does anyone else have toys that they don't speak to their other halves about?

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Id imagine many couples do have sex when its period week. Not us but thats usually because I just cant be bothered.

Regarding sex toys, my partner knows about them. Have bought some together, some Ive bought on my own. We would use sex toys most of the times we have sex, its not an opponent its a team mate. The way we see it

I would use them on my own too.