How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

[Monkeymagic85]

I’m glad I’m not alone! Was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me reading how often people on here have it

We still average between 1 - 3 times a week but I'd happily never have sex again . Period week is my favourite week of the month

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

We still average between 1 - 3 times a week but I'd happily never have sex again . Period week is my favourite week of the month

Oh it’s been months for me. I simply won’t have it if I don’t want to he will pass comment sometimes about how long it’s been but when it’s period week I definitely make a point of letting him know so he doesn’t get any ideas

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Noone should be having sex if they dont want to and in my long term-ish relationship (10 plus years - keeping vague on here) we have definitely had dry spells of months between.

Sex is an act involving 2 people and I dont believe that I should do it because my partner 'needs it'

Maybe Im selfish but unless Im totally enjoying myself and into it, I dont want to do it. For me I dont want sex thats solely about my partners needs/wants/pleasure. Thankfully my partner is also on the same page as me.

Mentally I need to be in the zone so to speak and if Im not, it wont be enjoyable for me and as the person in my relationship who has a much heavier mental load Im not always in that zone.

I do have occasions where I do want to have sex but Im just not there and I know no matter what my partner does or doesnt do I just wont enjoy it, so I don't do it.

Never compare your relationship to another. Its like comparing monkeys to apples. If you and your partner are happy thats what matters.

For me quality > quantity all day every day. Id rather have amazing sex 4 times a month than good sex 8 times a month.

 

[itsjustt]

I could manage with once a week but preferably at least 3 times.
I'm a bit of a pest to be honest.


Edit to add
** Previous experience - Im single.

 

[DownBelow21]

Any tips on spicing a sex life up?! Currently have it 1-2 times a week but would love to spice it up more.

 

[Shinythings]

I'd say on average about twice a week at home. If we're on holiday it's most days or sometimes twice a day!

My last relationship was almost a complete dead bedroom situation on his part and it was devastating to my self esteem so safe to say I'm much happier now!

 

[Chablis1]

Any tips on spicing a sex life up?! Currently have it 1-2 times a week but would love to spice it up more.

If possible don’t always do it in the bedroom.

 

[UndrTheCosh]

Any tips on spicing a sex life up?! Currently have it 1-2 times a week but would love to spice it up more.

Have you tried pegging?

 

[littlepup]

Have you tried pegging?

The fact that I had to Google what that was is telling me I really need to get my head back in the game!

 

[Beaversabout]

No sex isn't a deal breaker to me..is that just me? I've never really been interested in it that much. Im much more interested in the mental connection and the build up before you do it for the first time. It seems more about the blokes needs and wants rather than the woman's. Also, we tend to get bread crumbed by men (some, not all) and I think that's why we stay in a crap relationship too long.

 

[Giftinghell]

Never admitted this to anyone but I was in a 7 year relationship age 19-26 and we didn’t have sex for the last 3.5 years of our relationship. At that age we should have been at it all the time! I literally saw him as a brother and had no idea how he stayed with me as long as he did tbh! We didn’t even kiss.

Current relationship also having a bit of a dry spell. We used to be at it like rabbits, multiple times a day for the first few years, but we’ve probably had sex about 5x this year so far. I always lose my libido after the first few years but in this relationship I want to keep that spark alive and the closeness.

I could have wrote both paragraphs of this!

 

[loolabelle]

Was in a long relationship for well over a decade, hardly any sex. Now I’m in a LDR when we do see each other- about three times a year, it’s about three or four times a day!

 

[Shinythings]

No sex isn't a deal breaker to me..is that just me? I've never really been interested in it that much. Im much more interested in the mental connection and the build up before you do it for the first time. It seems more about the blokes needs and wants rather than the woman's. Also, we tend to get bread crumbed by men (some, not all) and I think that's why we stay in a crap relationship too long.

It would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. Without sexual intimacy, you're just friends.

The blame for men using breadcrumbs so much also lies with those who keep picking them up. You teach people how to treat you and that goes for anyone. If you let people treat you badly, they'll keep doing it which damages your self esteem further.

 

[MakkaPakka]

No sex isn't a deal breaker to me..is that just me? I've never really been interested in it that much. Im much more interested in the mental connection and the build up before you do it for the first time. It seems more about the blokes needs and wants rather than the woman's. Also, we tend to get bread crumbed by men (some, not all) and I think that's why we stay in a crap relationship too long.

It is for me (female). And I don't think it's always men who want it "more". I've been the one with a higher sex drive in relationships and they have ended for various reasons, no intimacy being one.

 

[mcfeez]

No sex isn't a deal breaker to me..is that just me? I've never really been interested in it that much. Im much more interested in the mental connection and the build up before you do it for the first time. It seems more about the blokes needs and wants rather than the woman's. Also, we tend to get bread crumbed by men (some, not all) and I think that's why we stay in a crap relationship too long.

I don't agree that men want sex more, I think its an individual thing. The important thing for me in a relationship is that you are in sync - so if you have a really high sex drive then I think having a partner with a really low one is going to present serious problems.

 

[Comewhinewithme]

Wow what a great thread! So many different views and answers.

Good on the people doing it everyday, not a mission of that in my house

 

[DownBelow21]

Wow what a great thread! So many different views and answers.

Good on the people doing it everyday, not a mission of that in my house

Jesus, I have 1yo and couldn't think of anything worse... I'd rather have a bit longer sleep

 

[sallycinnamon84]

I'm in my late 30s and I've been with my husband for 21 years. I've always had a lower sex drive than him. Its never been a massive issue but its starting to really get to him. Im on the progesterone only pill which has made my sex drive completely go. I'd be happy with once a month and even that takes effort. Im stuck between coming off the pill and going back to heavy painful periods to try get a bit of sex drive back or just doing what's best for me on the pill and ignoring my husbands needs. We have 3 kids too which doesn't do much for quality one to one time with each other. It rarely happens. I feel so bad because I love him and still do fancy him but it feels one sided cos he proper lusts over and craves me and I feel like I can't fulfill his needs. I've even told him after a recent row to just go find someone else. I feel like I'm pushing him away even further but I can't make myself something I'm not.

 

[charlie6578]

I’ve been with my partner 6 years, I’m in my 20s and I’d say we average 3/4 times a week. Sometimes if life gets in the way it can be a week or so without but not any longer. We don’t have any kids but have pets and busy jobs so sometimes we’re just too tired

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I'm in my late 30s and I've been with my husband for 21 years. I've always had a lower sex drive than him. Its never been a massive issue but its starting to really get to him. Im on the progesterone only pill which has made my sex drive completely go. I'd be happy with once a month and even that takes effort. Im stuck between coming off the pill and going back to heavy painful periods to try get a bit of sex drive back or just doing what's best for me on the pill and ignoring my husbands needs. We have 3 kids too which doesn't do much for quality one to one time with each other. It rarely happens. I feel so bad because I love him and still do fancy him but it feels one sided cos he proper lusts over and craves me and I feel like I can't fulfill his needs. I've even told him after a recent row to just go find someone else. I feel like I'm pushing him away even further but I can't make myself something I'm not.

Can you look into alternative forms of contraception? To help with the periods but that won’t hinder your libido as much?