How much sex is "normal" in a relationship

[veevee04]

Massive dry spell over here , first my daughter heard us and made sex noises found it mortifying and killed my sex drive. Then I've had an operation lost 5 stone in 6 months and I don't get horny anymore ever don't even masturbate. I thought weight loss was supposed to be good for sex drive ? . Then I got a batholian abscess on my nether regions so had to have antibiotics then got my period then my fellas had the flu I'm also working 50 hours on a nursing placement.

I think we are at 6 weeks the longest we have ever gone. He keeps asking for a bj and I want to punch him I've done it but not really wanted too . It's a shame as I always had a high sex drive. I'm 29 so should be in my prime I feel like a nun .

 

[Misbehaving]

You should be very proud of yourself and your personal growth over the years. You sound like an amazing person and an amazing mother! Go you!!!

Just on an aside, based on the thread title, there's a woman on Instagram called Jenny Keane who posts about and does workshops on sex. She often speaks about self pleasure and she is a powerful woman. Would recommend! ETA searchjudging by how much you've grown and learned about yourself over the course of your relationship, I think you would really benefit from it and come away feeling so empowered

Oh thank you so much for such a beautiful and understanding post. That means a lot to me, because apart from on here, I keep myself to myself and tbh don't get much positive feedback or helpful suggestions from people in my daily life.. So I really appreciate your post, and all the other lovely people who have given me a positive reaction, or just took the time to read it.
I might even, bookmark the post for future reference, when I need a reminder, that yes actually I've come a long way, and it's been painful, but ultimately rewarding, and that it's ok to express or share that, people will understand, (I've had trust issues in the past, but I'm a lot more open than I used to be)

I will look up Jenny Keane, thanks for suggesting that,she sounds right up my street, years ago I read The art of sexual ecstasy by Margot Anand amongst others, and also (for a brief period) followed the Orgasmic diet, (book by Marrena Lindberg).
So I'm fortunate in that I've been aware of and introduced to the concepts of tantric sex and self pleasure,and orgasmic potential, to be used in a empowering sense.
I think something from that must have registered in my mind, and body, maybe to prepare me for the rocky road ahead!
It is liberating to get in touch with that power, I literally could go it alone, and follow my own path, and I wouldn't be missing anything.
In fact, I'd be happy because for the first time in what feels like forever someone else doesn't define or control me, and now I'm free to actually relax and enjoy myself.(in whatever form that takes)
Took me ages to get to this point, but I'm determined to make the most of it.
So thank you for your words of encouragement, i am very grateful.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Massive dry spell over here , first my daughter heard us and made sex noises found it mortifying and killed my sex drive. Then I've had an operation lost 5 stone in 6 months and I don't get horny anymore ever don't even masturbate. I thought weight loss was supposed to be good for sex drive ? . Then I got a batholian abscess on my nether regions so had to have antibiotics then got my period then my fellas had the flu I'm also working 50 hours on a nursing placement.

I think we are at 6 weeks the longest we have ever gone. He keeps asking for a bj and I want to punch him I've done it but not really wanted too . It's a shame as I always had a high sex drive. I'm 29 so should be in my prime I feel like a nun .

Partner or not, if you dont want to do something, dont do it.

Sounds like you've had a lot on! Sometimes just starting from the basics of affection can help build desire and then sex drive

 

[mrbusiness]

Massive dry spell over here , first my daughter heard us and made sex noises found it mortifying and killed my sex drive. Then I've had an operation lost 5 stone in 6 months and I don't get horny anymore ever don't even masturbate. I thought weight loss was supposed to be good for sex drive ? . Then I got a batholian abscess on my nether regions so had to have antibiotics then got my period then my fellas had the flu I'm also working 50 hours on a nursing placement.

I think we are at 6 weeks the longest we have ever gone. He keeps asking for a bj and I want to punch him I've done it but not really wanted too . It's a shame as I always had a high sex drive. I'm 29 so should be in my prime I feel like a nun .

Just re read that back! The amount you’ve gone through ( and your body) don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re body needs a break!

 

[mcfeez]

Massive dry spell over here , first my daughter heard us and made sex noises found it mortifying and killed my sex drive. Then I've had an operation lost 5 stone in 6 months and I don't get horny anymore ever don't even masturbate. I thought weight loss was supposed to be good for sex drive ? . Then I got a batholian abscess on my nether regions so had to have antibiotics then got my period then my fellas had the flu I'm also working 50 hours on a nursing placement.

I think we are at 6 weeks the longest we have ever gone. He keeps asking for a bj and I want to punch him I've done it but not really wanted too . It's a shame as I always had a high sex drive. I'm 29 so should be in my prime I feel like a nun .

This sounds like a lot of stuff! Worrying about the sex you are or aren't having is just going to be another thing to stress about so give yourself a break. Things will go back to normal for you eventually, I don't think you need to worry.

 

[veevee04]

This sounds like a lot of stuff! Worrying about the sex you are or aren't having is just going to be another thing to stress about so give yourself a break. Things will go back to normal for you eventually, I don't think you need to worry.

Finally broke the dry spell and it was ok. Lol

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

Never admitted this to anyone but I was in a 7 year relationship age 19-26 and we didn’t have sex for the last 3.5 years of our relationship. At that age we should have been at it all the time! I literally saw him as a brother and had no idea how he stayed with me as long as he did tbh! We didn’t even kiss.

Current relationship also having a bit of a dry spell. We used to be at it like rabbits, multiple times a day for the first few years, but we’ve probably had sex about 5x this year so far. I always lose my libido after the first few years but in this relationship I want to keep that spark alive and the closeness.

 

[WilmaHun]

Never admitted this to anyone but I was in a 7 year relationship age 19-26 and we didn’t have sex for the last 3.5 years of our relationship. At that age we should have been at it all the time! I literally saw him as a brother and had no idea how he stayed with me as long as he did tbh! We didn’t even kiss.

Current relationship also having a bit of a dry spell. We used to be at it like rabbits, multiple times a day for the first few years, but we’ve probably had sex about 5x this year so far. I always lose my libido after the first few years but in this relationship I want to keep that spark alive and the closeness.

I think it's normal in any relationship for the sex to die down the longer you're together, in the honeymoon stage/first few years it's new so everyone is at it like rabbits. Is there anything you could do to try spice things up and make it more exciting to keep the spark? Have you tried toys and stuff?

 

[LoeyZoe]

I'd say every second night /morning. I do my best to be a hoe for him in the bedroom because i know that's what he needs and likes. It keeps the relationship great i don't care how tired i am I'll summon the energy to have sex as in my opinion its really important in relationships and it's fun too.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I'd say every second night /morning. I do my best to be a hoe for him in the bedroom because i know that's what he needs and likes. It keeps the relationship great i don't care how tired i am I'll summon the energy to have sex as in my opinion its really important in relationships and it's fun too.

I get it.. but this also makes me feel a bit sad for women, it shouldnt be sex for anyone else but you. And its enjoying sex, not being a hoe. Thats not a dig at you, its just sad what gets ingrained in our heads

 

[Laur91]

I get it.. but this also makes me feel a bit sad for women, it shouldnt be sex for anyone else but you. And its enjoying sex, not being a hoe. Thats not a dig at you, its just sad what gets ingrained in our heads

This is interesting and I’m genuinely curious with my question, why does this thought process apply to sex? There are plenty of things I’m sure we all do for our partners that we might not completely love doing all of the time and vice versa so why is sex seen as different?

For example, if you went to the gym with a partner even though you didn’t really love exercising but it made them happy - is that the same?

I love this thread as it really shows so many different opinions, angles and an insight into how everyone lives differently so I’m just genuinely intrigued!

 

[Crazymummy]

This is interesting and I’m genuinely curious with my question, why does this thought process apply to sex? There are plenty of things I’m sure we all do for our partners that we might not completely love doing all of the time and vice versa so why is sex seen as different?

For example, if you went to the gym with a partner even though you didn’t really love exercising but it made them happy - is that the same?

I love this thread as it really shows so many different opinions, angles and an insight into how everyone lives differently so I’m just genuinely intrigued!

I guess it may of been the terminology you used? Because I read it as that sometimes you may be having sex when you don’t want to and I’m sorry in my mind that’s not right- I know we are all different

But I have to pick up on you saying doing things you don’t like because your partner does. And have to say there is nothing I just go along with, it maybe because I come from a marriage and now divorce where that was how it went. What he said was what we did. However in my current relationship (2.5 years) I don’t do anything I don’t want to! I am very much my own person and we compliment each other rather than make the other do something the other doesn’t want to

 

[Laur91]

I guess it may of been the terminology you used? Because I read it as that sometimes you may be having sex when you don’t want to and I’m sorry in my mind that’s not right- I know we are all different

But I have to pick up on you saying doing things you don’t like because your partner does. And have to say there is nothing I just go along with, it maybe because I come from a marriage and now divorce where that was how it went. What he said was what we did. However in my current relationship (2.5 years) I don’t do anything I don’t want to! I am very much my own person and we compliment each other rather than make the other do something the other doesn’t want to

Oh no I think you might have gotten me confused with the original poster who was quoted, i was just sticking my oar in and asked the Q about sex being just for you etc haha sorry for confusion!

I think you’re also confusing doing what somebody tells you to do/making you do with choosing to do something for someone because you love them? Not exclusively sex of course and I’m not talking about being forced to do something non-consensually by any means!

it depends on love languages, my partners love language is very much physical touch whereas mine is words of affirmation. I make the effort to ensure that we hold hands, kiss, hug, are intimate more so his needs are met and he does the same for me verbally and conversationally to ensure mine are. It’s just another form of compromise I feel? It’s nothing to do with control or relinquishing control to the other person and being forced.

 

[Crazymummy]

Oh no I think you might have gotten me confused with the original poster who was quoted, i was just sticking my oar in and asked the Q about sex being just for you etc haha sorry for confusion!

I think you’re also confusing doing what somebody tells you to do/making you do with choosing to do something for someone because you love them? Not exclusively sex of course and I’m not talking about being forced to do something non-consensually by any means!

it depends on love languages, my partners love language is very much physical touch whereas mine is words of affirmation. I make the effort to ensure that we hold hands, kiss, hug, are intimate more so his needs are met and he does the same for me verbally and conversationally to ensure mine are. It’s just another form of compromise I feel? It’s nothing to do with control or relinquishing control to the other person and being forced.

Apologies I did confuse….

I fully understand what you are saying and everyone does need a different level and a different way

 

[Begborrowsteal]

This is interesting and I’m genuinely curious with my question, why does this thought process apply to sex? There are plenty of things I’m sure we all do for our partners that we might not completely love doing all of the time and vice versa so why is sex seen as different?

For example, if you went to the gym with a partner even though you didn’t really love exercising but it made them happy - is that the same?

I love this thread as it really shows so many different opinions, angles and an insight into how everyone lives differently so I’m just genuinely intrigued!

Sex is such a personal and intimate thing, its consent, its boundaries.. you shouldnt have sex with someone cos they want it, it should be because you want it. I dunno, its just the thought of going along with sex when you dont really want to, just to appease your partner. Personally, its a no from me - makes me uncomfortable but i do appreciate some view it as a part of a relationship, and you can both have those moments.

Its because its such a personal and intimate thing, it would be different to general day to day compromises imo

 

[LoeyZoe]

I get it.. but this also makes me feel a bit sad for women, it shouldnt be sex for anyone else but you. And its enjoying sex, not being a hoe. Thats not a dig at you, its just sad what gets ingrained in our heads

No it's actually me who would describe it as being a hoe for him. I completely enjoy sex with him or of course or i wouldn't do it. Definitely me who's in control of when and where. But i get what you're saying. Definitely sad for anyone who might feel that way.

 

[oliviaobivia]

I had no idea tattle had these kind of threads until now I think the frequency of sex can change so often, I am 25 and he is 31, sometimes it could be 6 times a week then it could be twice a month.

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

Tbh I’d quite happily never have it again

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Tbh I’d quite happily never have it again

Me too . Don't get me wrong I get into it in the moment but it's never a real focus on my to do list

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

Me too . Don't get me wrong I get into it in the moment but it's never a real focus on my to do list

I’m glad I’m not alone! Was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me reading how often people on here have it