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She's such a moron, even Luna's summaries make me so angry with her. She's a total bleeping idiot for getting that sofa with dogs. I hope they tit all over it.
I hope Helen shits on it
Another amazing recapVideo Summary: - The New Dream Sofa Vlog
Starting off the video with an arse shot. Great.
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Does the 'arty' filming by setting up a camera and walking past it as if its organic and she's just walking up the stairs... but really she's been up and down those stairs multiple times to get the right angle and a good shot
Tinkers on FIL's bass
Freezes pulling this face:
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Mimes to the camera....
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She's thinking of what she can do for Halloween this year, and she's doing Midsommar May Queen look (which is just flower crown Helen from back in the day. Sooooo spoopy)
Slow cooker chili
Shimmies her boobs at FiL and asks him to take her pictures.
Mentions yet again about how her ASOS collaboration is a "dream come true" and how she gets to "style" and sell cool clothes like the ones that don't fit her. (so much for the sustainable lifestyle!)
Ends up looking sad in her dumpy looking trousers on the side of the street
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She needs a drink... and shock it's not alcohol!
Shows us how to ladle her slop into a bowl "it's very healthy" she says, before shoving a wrap, guac and sauce all over it off camera. Pudding is..... ice cream. Obvs. And we have to watch her eat that up close... ugh gross.
Next day and we have Angel Lola sitting for breakfast and Devil Diane being all "up in Helen's grill". Helen snaps at her to go outside.
New sofa day. Fun. Has her mum over specifically to witness the sofa arrival. Her mum asks her "what's the guarantee?" to which Helen says "there's loads of guarantee.... and I got insurance too" That sofa must be costing her an absolute fortune. "I have no idea what it's made of but IT'S NICE!!!"
Savage Sue tells her that she needs to take care of it, "I WILL" Helen shrieks back. Sue still gives her a lecture on how to care for her sofa, and Helen just sits there going "mmhmm", she don't give a tit.
Helen can't wait to have a load of people over for a party, and mum reminds her that she's not allowed more than 6 people over for possibly the next 6 months... Helen seemed unaware of this news... and says "apart from Christmas day innit"
Goes out for lunch with mum. Goes shopping for cushions. Buys premium feather down, because she's all about the animal cruelty (remember when she said how her feather down coat make her feel weird but she wore it anyway?)
Spent £60 just on two feather down cushions.
Helen's doing a Mrs Hinch approach to cleaning, by giving herself a time limit.
It's new sofa day and she wants to "christen" it....
FIL wants to watch Bake Off, and she don't watch it so she's like "whatevz"
First Magnum ice cream on the sofa.... I hope she bleeping dribbled it on the sofa
Says goodnight to the sofa of dreams and says she misses it already.
Next day and says she is living the dream by wearing her snakeskin flares and flamed shoes..... she's so lame.
Oh god.... it's the day of the blackface reel she did..... says it was all fun and games....
Got a bunch of brownies, has two on her plate because it's her "duty" to try them and review them.
Off to get her snake skin nails done, and says she might be a basic witch and get herself a Starbucks.
Sausage hands have been done, Starbucks time - she tells the barista shes "well excited" and that they will see her soon as she's going to become their new regular... drives off cackling.... ok you weirdo. "this is literally, the best day"
Twirls around for her xxxxl look book:
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Talks about how she doesn't really eat pork or beef anymore... (HA! Absolute bullshit, what about all those greasy fat burgers you've had recently Helen?!) Says she's trying to be veggie "as much as poss"
Next day. Taxes today, she says she struggles with numbers and spreadsheets.
She's now off out for her supermarket home wear haul for her other IG account and YouTube content.
Finally she's getting the dogs a dog bed for the living room as they're banished from the sofa (how has she not already got a dog bed? That's really sad that they only have a crate...)
No luck with home wear or a dog bed, now parks up and tries to analyse whether that was a successful trip or not as she's annoyed she's gone out for nothing.
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Food and beer time, she got a big old box of Corona cos it was cheap.
Food and film on the sofa. The end.
Moron is the perfect word for her.
Her home account is the only thing I don't have blocked (I think I might have to so she never pops up)
BUT she hasn't even dressed the sofa nicely, just chucked mismatching cushions all over it. It's way too big for the room. She has zero interior design sense. All she knows how to do is clash patterns. Makes no effort to tidy or style a space, everything is so cluttered.
BUT she hasn't even dressed the sofa nicely, just chucked mismatching cushions all over it. It's way too big for the room. She has zero interior design sense. All she knows how to do is clash patterns. Makes no effort to tidy or style a space, everything is so cluttered.
Her lounge room is so ugly, I think it’s the quirky wallpaper and the hideous lighting. Not even a 5k dream sofa can make it look good, she should make some throw cushions out of a pair of snakeskin flares to really give it the anderzzz touch
Idk if anyone else feels the same way but it’s a loaf sofa and she bought it in the most boring basic colour known to man. I would want a loaf sofa to have a bright duck off yellow or a deep emerald green or something statement. Drop that amount of money on something and make it look worth it rather than looking like something you’d find in DFS. Her purple chesterfield worked with her ugly ass living room so nicely, she should have gone for a similar colour
This is coming from someone who’s style is ACTUALLY eclectic and maximalist rather than Helen who’s home is 43 different pinterest boards smacked together.
This is coming from someone who’s style is ACTUALLY eclectic and maximalist rather than Helen who’s home is 43 different pinterest boards smacked together.
That sofa looks RIDICULOUS in her lounge. She has a normal sized lounge with a sofa that's meant for a huge space crammed into it. There's barely any room for anything else. That's the kind of sofa for someone with a vast area to fill. Her lounge looked cosy before (minus the hideous decor), now it looks tiny because the sofa is taking up the whole room. It's also velvet - very on-trend (well, actually it's already becoming overdone and dated, much like crushed velvet and grey everything, Hinch style). Same as her stupid giant, ugly bed. She really does love to waste money.
We mite be cunts but atleast we didn't design a monopoly board based around Mrs Hinch and then discuss what bleeping peices we'd use to play... Errgghh they're so obsessed, it's put me off my sausage and egg mcmuffin... They really are the lowest of the low 
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She's obsessed with over sized everything.... Clothing.... Furniture....
Maybe owning oversized tit makes her feel smaller than what she is... It fits in with her size 14/12/10 delusion
Maybe owning oversized tit makes her feel smaller than what she is... It fits in with her size 14/12/10 delusion
As soon as I saw she'd recorded a podcast with Kat I couldn't help but let out a huge YUCK. It was like an involuntary impulse. Great, just what the world needs, two cunts talking about how much they don't give a tit. Well Helen, if you're reading - maybe you SHOULD give a tit more often? You ignorant twit.
I just watched the beginning of the sofa vlog and it looks ridiculous she’s lost sooo much space because what, she wants to be more lazy? I also adored her mum giving her the speech, but despised her whinging - If I did that to my mum she’d legit tell me to shut the duck up
she’s lost sooo much space because what, she wants to be more lazy? I also adored her mum giving her the speech, but despised her whinging - If I did that to my mum she’d legit tell me to shut the duck up
i think her whole house outside of her bathrooms and kitchen are quite garish, I’m a big fan of patterned wallpaper etc but that (very expensive) banana leaf wallpaper covered in prints up her stairs? It just looks cluttered
Another month, another moan about her period. She's acting as if this tit is brand new.
Come to think of it... she always has chin spots, even without being due on - and it's more likely caused by her diet and the excessive amount of make up she slaps on
honestly as soon as the camera panned through the living room door and all you could see was a huge ass sofa side... decorate for your space limits, not your bank balance limits
excessive makeup, shite diet and poor hygiene for sure yes!! She even wore a full face including lippy to those god awful influencer games a few weeks agoView attachment 259848
Another month, another moan about her period. She's acting as if this tit is brand new.
Come to think of it... she always has chin spots, even without being due on - and it's more likely caused by her diet and the excessive amount of make up she slaps on
and under a mask (if she ever wears one) too!she needs to learn proper skincare and dietary habits, then she won’t need the full face every day...
Size 10???? I’m usually a size 10 and I’m 5’ 5” and 60 kilos. One of my best friends is a curvy goddess closer to Helen’s shape (a bit taller) and she’s a size 18/20, but neither she nor anyone else has any issues with that! What a worrying statement- someone else here raised size dysmorphia - perhaps she really is truly troubled with this size thing, as opposed to just a liar.
Even at my skinniest i have always had a bit of a pooch, at my heaviest(large size 16) my belly was never like this. I feel so much better about mine now!! I'm not belly shaming her either, that pose is so awful, why not cross her legs? My friend is a size 22 and has a bigger belly but dresses beautifully. Those trousers need to be burnt.
I kinda "get" what look shes trying to go for now, I feel likes shes wanting to give off a 70s vibe but unfortunately shes looking more like 70s jumble sale.
I‘m not averse to pattern and colour, and I’m by no means a minimalist, but her home decor gives me a headache. Too busy, too cluttered. It must be a nightmare to clean.
I am just watching Helens weekly vlog now and omg she really really really does not want to listen to anything her mum is saying does she her mum is giving her sensible advice and asking sensible questions and Helen is nonchalantly just going yeah yeah yeah and going on about how much she loves it and how big it is is and then when her mum tries to give her advice on caring for it she gets upset. She's blatantly just dismissing every word her mum is saying with yeah yeah yeah!
I agree it's way too big for the room, as is her bed. But I guess lounging is her priority now so she doesn't need space for much else!
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