I mean, we can pretty much shut the thread down now. You've said it all, so bleeping perfectly, too!View attachment 174188
THINGS HELEN ANDERSON LEARNED ABOUT HERSELF IN LOCKDOWN:
1. She needed to move in a man she’d literally just started dating because she’s so afraid of being on her own - but both aired out and used his troubles at home as an excuse.
2. Found it so tough to film any content because she works from home and there was no way she could have possibly pick up a camera to film
3. Diane still shits on the floor, proving that no amount of time at home and off work will make Helen train that dog. Maybe she enjoys shouting at that little devil too much.
4. She can pile on the pounds, posted a bikini pic with a whole spiel that she put on weight - gained a lot of ‘well donee’ for being a fat activist but then says duck you all and posts a bunch of size 14 videos (despite being size 14 for about 5 years)
5. She can drink like a fish from morning to noon and slurs her words in multiple videos - but magic! she’s not drunk guuuuys!
6. She can spend a ridiculous amount of money on her garden and house, the place is a money pit! (Flex flex flex, she has such a hard time guys, quarantine is so tough!)
7. She can literally put out a piece of tit as her content and it will get lapped up (“omg Helen! Where did you get that piece of tit from? I must have it!”)
8. Her friends love reading here and just have to share with each other, but will publicly say how it’s sooo awful, but what it really does is just brings in more gossipers! (cheers!)
9. She thinks she ‘got away’ with breaking lockdown by hosting a big ass download party with her drunk friends posting on their socials what was going on at the time, it was going to be such an epic video that Grace filmed - but oh no! Caught out! We’ll just shove some pics up in the video and say “whoops I forgot to vlog”
10. She can totally use BLM as an excuse not to post anything for a week,“I’ll educate myself” she states, doesn’t bother doing that and her and uneducated boyfriend display their white privilege by complaining about people backlashing against Jenna Marbles’ blackface and racist content - “they’re just haterssss!” “Just get over it!”
11. She is so against cultural appropriation, but only in tattoo form as she has a Buddha head vase in her living room and vlogged a Mexican themed party where her and her friends wore stereotypical sombrero and fake moustaches
12. She can’t figure out how or when to wear a mask, doesn’t bother to wear it in the multiple shopping trips her and boyfriend go on, nor does she wear it around her group of friends - but look guys! It’s sparkly, totally going in my June favs video!
13. “Guys! I can finally film a crappy look book now I have Grace back! Lord knows how I could have done one at home allllll by myself! Editing the slow motion twirls is hard! It’s my best one yet!!!!”
14. “Nuii is my favourite ever ice cream, I’ve never mentioned this before because shhhh my real real favs are magnums which I’ve been on about for years and everyone knows but these guys are paying me to say this now, so I need to do an elaborate ad which has nothing to do with ice cream, it has to be all about me - cue the slow mo twirls, Grace!”
15. As above but for Gillette. “Slow mo montage of me me me, despite it having nothing to do with the actual product... then just throw in a quick shave at the end. Slow mo that thing Grace!!”
16. “I’m a sexpert now, I’m a sex pest, I love crudely describing my sex life because I don’t give a duck. Listen to ma flapssssss!”
17. “I’m snot drunk, jus’ tired! HaVe YoU EvEr BeEn TiReD?!”
18. “I don’t have to take accountability for anything I say or do because I couldn’t give a tit about anyone else especially during this pandemic”
19. “I can touch everything in the shop without intention of buying it because I have hand sanitizer!” (she says with her finger up her nose)
20. She’s a bleep
(Also, "listen to ma flapssssss", I'm DEAD!)
