Heartbreak.

[BettyCrockerr]

It’s all well and good saying we shouldn’t be at the mercy of any man etc. and I understand the sentiment but in the first few months after the breakup of a long term relationship it’s pretty much impossible to think that way. I really wish I could. Getting “under” someone also doesn’t work, the thought of being with anyone else repulses me. Maybe one day it won’t but today, tomorrow and probably next month won’t be “one day”.

Wish I could be the boss babe who just clicks her fingers and the ex is washed from her hair, but I don’t think that person really exists.

No I appreciate that but it’s just such a bloody shame sometimes reading the posts on here, women literally waiting around for the scraps off the table from men who have dropped them in a heartbeat and who are showing no signs of giving a damn.
you are worth more than that yknow?
you said your ex has said he wants to talk to you over the weekend? How is that fair? He knows how you feel, knows you are desperate for answers from him so he decides to call the shots and he dictates when he’s going to speak to you...and leaves you in limbo for days on end agonising over what he’s going to say. It’s not fair. duck that. He’s got something to say? Say it. As an outsider looking in, it’s just all bullshit - he’s using the emotional hold he has over you as a form of control. I’m sorry if sometimes I come off as harsh but it just angers me that guys behave like total arsewipes and so many of us just take it.

 

[gigi_93]

Well to be fair he did ask to talk the other day but I was busy in A&E huffing on a nebuliser at the time so didn’t check my phone until he was already at work. He then suggested the weekend. I’m interested in what he could possibly have to say so I’m willing to listen and hopefully get some answers at the same time. I understand the things you’re saying but you are as you say, an outsider, so couldn’t possibly understand the dynamics of somebody’s else’s relationship.

I think on this thread in particular emotions are fraught. I know mine are. Comments won’t always be taken in the way they’re intended

 

[Imonlyme]

It’s all well and good saying we shouldn’t be at the mercy of any man etc. and I understand the sentiment but in the first few months after the breakup of a long term relationship it’s pretty much impossible to think that way. I really wish I could. Getting “under” someone also doesn’t work, the thought of being with anyone else repulses me. Maybe one day it won’t but today, tomorrow and probably next month won’t be “one day”.

Wish I could be the boss babe who just clicks her fingers and the ex is washed from her hair, but I don’t think that person really exists.

I honestly don't think any woman is just easily able to move on instantly after a break up. There's phases that most everyone goes through post break up, and those phases are completely necessary in order to actually get over it and move on.

Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different, but one of the most important things anyone can do during heartbreak is to be kind to themselves and also look after themselves.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the whole getting over someone by getting under someone new method. For some people it works, for others it just makes them miss their ex even more, sometimes even setting a person back a few steps in their process of moving on. But like I said, everyone is different and only you truly knows what you need to feel better.

 

[gigi_93]

I honestly don't think any woman is just easily able to move on instantly after a break up. There's phases that most everyone goes through post break up, and those phases are completely necessary in order to actually get over it and move on.

Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different, but one of the most important things anyone can do during heartbreak is to be kind to themselves and also look after themselves.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the whole getting over someone by getting under someone new method. For some people it works, for others it just makes them miss their ex even more, sometimes even setting a person back a few steps in their process of moving on. But like I said, everyone is different and only you truly knows what you need to feel better.

Definitely. We can only do what we feel is right at the time. If somebody wants to move on by shagging around then I would never judge. Do whatever to make yourself feel better. For me it’ll be a long time before I can even look at another person in that way. I think people who say they’re over an ex after a week are lying to themselves

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Well to be fair he did ask to talk the other day but I was busy in A&E huffing on a nebuliser at the time so didn’t check my phone until he was already at work. He then suggested the weekend. I’m interested in what he could possibly have to say so I’m willing to listen and hopefully get some answers at the same time. I understand the things you’re saying but you are as you say, an outsider, so couldn’t possibly understand the dynamics of somebody’s else’s relationship.

I think on this thread in particular emotions are fraught. I know mine are. Comments won’t always be taken in the way they’re intended

Hope you're OK? Sorry to hear you've been in hospital.

 

[Reverend]

Personally, I'm not a fan of the whole getting over someone by getting under someone new method.

I had two experiences of being under someone else after being dumped by someone. One worked out well, and we dated for 2 years or so, and another was a massive mistake. It does depend on the other person, plus how your head is.

 

[Imonlyme]

No I appreciate that but it’s just such a bloody shame sometimes reading the posts on here, women literally waiting around for the scraps off the table from men who have dropped them in a heartbeat and who are showing no signs of giving a damn.
you are worth more than that yknow?
you said your ex has said he wants to talk to you over the weekend? How is that fair? He knows how you feel, knows you are desperate for answers from him so he decides to call the shots and he dictates when he’s going to speak to you...and leaves you in limbo for days on end agonising over what he’s going to say. It’s not fair. duck that. He’s got something to say? Say it. As an outsider looking in, it’s just all bullshit - he’s using the emotional hold he has over you as a form of control. I’m sorry if sometimes I come off as harsh but it just angers me that guys behave like total arsewipes and so many of us just take it.

I totally get where you're coming from. I get really angry too when I hear or see men treating women this way.

It isn't until you're completely out of the relationship and healed that you truly see the utter tit you put up with, and you're left wondering why the hell you accepted it and stuck around so long waiting helplessly for any little crumb the tool dares to offer.

Absolutely no man is worth losing yourself over. No man is worth your tears. If you need to cry then by all means cry, but cry for yourself. Cry for the woman who got her heart broken, don't cry over losing a guy who didn't care about losing you.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Well to be fair he did ask to talk the other day but I was busy in A&E huffing on a nebuliser at the time so didn’t check my phone until he was already at work. He then suggested the weekend. I’m interested in what he could possibly have to say so I’m willing to listen and hopefully get some answers at the same time. I understand the things you’re saying but you are as you say, an outsider, so couldn’t possibly understand the dynamics of somebody’s else’s relationship.

I think on this thread in particular emotions are fraught. I know mine are. Comments won’t always be taken in the way they’re intended

No I agree, obviously I don’t know the intimate details of your relationship and that’s fair enough but I just see this crap happening time after time. Sometimes people’s behaviour is more telling than the words coming out of the mouth, that’s all I’m saying.

 

[gigi_93]

Hope you're OK? Sorry to hear you've been in hospital.

I’m getting better, I was only in for a few hours with a mild asthma attack. I’ve got all the symptoms of covid, but it’s not covid!

 

[Reverend]

I totally get where you're coming from. I get really angry too when I hear or see men treating women this way.

It isn't until you're completely out of the relationship and healed that you truly see the utter tit you put up with, and you're left wondering why the hell you accepted it and stuck around so long waiting helplessly for any little crumb the tool dares to offer.

Absolutely no man is worth losing yourself over. No man is worth your tears. If you need to cry then by all means cry, but cry for yourself. Cry for the woman who got her heart broken, don't cry over losing a guy who didn't care about losing you.

There are women who behave like that too sadly. Humans can be such a destructive species.

 

[Imonlyme]

There are women who behave like that too sadly. Humans can be such a destructive species.

Oh, I don't doubt for a second that some women can be just as bad. It just bothers me how people think it's okay to just up and leave a relationship, especially a long term one without any explanation or care for how the other person will feel.

If you want out of a relationship and aren't happy, then by all means leave. But have some respect and compassion for the person you once loved and at least talk to them. In my opinion, anyone who abruptly leaves with no care , man or woman, is nothing but a coward and someone you're much better off without.

There's a saying I now live and swear by: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

I won't give anyone the opportunity to show me what a bastard they are twice.

 

[Reverend]

Oh, I don't doubt for a second that some women can be just as bad. It just bothers me how people think it's okay to just up and leave a relationship, especially a long term one without any explanation or care for how the other person will feel.

If you want out of a relationship and aren't happy, then by all means leave. But have some respect and compassion for the person you once loved and at least talk to them. In my opinion, anyone who abruptly leaves with no care , man or woman, is nothing but a coward and someone you're much better off without.

There's a saying I now live and swear by: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

I won't give anyone the opportunity to show me what a bastard they are twice.

I know a few men who up and leave women as they are 'bored' even if they have kids. If I ever became a father (not looking likely now) I would move heaven and earth to keep the relationship together.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I’m getting better, I was only in for a few hours with a mild asthma attack. I’ve got all the symptoms of covid, but it’s not covid!

Glad you're alright. Hope you're feeling better and good luck with the talk when you have it, hope you get some answers.

 

[gigi_93]

Glad you're alright. Hope you're feeling better and good luck with the talk when you have it, hope you get some answers.

Thank you. Wish I knew what to expect but I really have no idea.

 

[Imonlyme]

I know a few men who up and leave women as they are 'bored' even if they have kids. If I ever became a father (not looking likely now) I would move heaven and earth to keep the relationship together.

I'm not someone who believes that people should stay together just because they have kids with someone. If you're unhappy then it's best for everyone involved, kids included that you part ways. But do it in an honourable fashion. Don't just up and leave because you're bored.

Every relationship goes through it's ups and downs, and every now and then someone might get bored. But you talk about it. Air your feelings like a grown up and discuss together how you can make things better. For a relationship to be truly successful, everyone involved has to learn how to compromise and meet in the middle with situations. And after that If you're the only one making the sacrifices and the only one putting in the effort, then you walk away for your own sanity, but like I said, do it in a caring way.

I speak from experience here because I've had an ex up and leave suddenly and with no warning while I was out. I came back to find him gone. No talk beforehand, no note waiting for me and no reply to a text asking what had happened. It was devastating and something I will never forget. Now when I look back I just realise what a coward he was and I 100% know I'm better off without him.

 

[EmaE]

Someone who could be so cruel is not someone to be with no matter what lead you to that point , we all get the people change , things change , not everyone likes confrontation or can explain what’s going on in there heads , but to treat another human ( who you loved at one point ) with so little regard is just awful , everyone argues and says heat of the moment things but to carry on ignoring someone for days and weeks , it’s not a on ! It’s down right cruel and emotionally abusive

 

[ColaMonster]

I'm a man at 29 (Not that it has any bearing on this thread) and I'm starting to think Fatherhood is probably never going to happen for me. I know 29 is still a relatively young age, but I'm thinking in terms of me never being able to find a nice Woman to settle down with.

Lack of self confidence does to a person.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I'm a man at 29 (Not that it has any bearing on this thread) and I'm starting to think Fatherhood is probably never going to happen for me. I know 29 is still a relatively young age, but I'm thinking in terms of me never being able to find a nice Woman to settle down with.

Lack of self confidence does to a person.

You are SO YOUNG!!!!!!!!!!! You could father children at any age. My Dad was 42 when I was born!!!!

 

[Imonlyme]

I'm a man at 29 (Not that it has any bearing on this thread) and I'm starting to think Fatherhood is probably never going to happen for me. I know 29 is still a relatively young age, but I'm thinking in terms of me never being able to find a nice Woman to settle down with.

Lack of self confidence does to a person.

Lack of self confidence is a nightmare isn't it? It leaves you sort of vulnerable and even slightly naive and that's when people can swoop in and take advantage of you.

You're still relatively young and do still have time to become a father if that's truly what you want. But for now, you should try to work on yourself and finding ways to help boost your confidence levels. I think if you feel good about yourself, then it more than likely helps to increase your chances of finding someone nice to share your life with.

Also, I know it's hard but try not to get too caught up in the future. Sure, it's good to make plans for what you would want but just make sure you're still able to be flexible and sort of roll with the punches too. Just focus on what you can do here and now. Plus, there's that old saying that love finds you when you're not looking for it.

 

[yellowmellow]

I just randomly saw this thread and was reading through and one of the posts really summed up how I feel about a certain relationship, I think the words were never being able to get over the feeling of your heart being shattered into a million pieces. So I hope you don't mind if get it off my chest here as I've never really talked about it!

Once upon a time, I met a guy at work and I didn’t know much about him but for some reason, I was absolutely infatuated with him! We started casually seeing each other but he would often disappear for hours on an evening and completely go off the radar, phone off etc and eventually he admitted he was meeting a “friend” who had a lot of issues and he was trying to help as she had no one else looking out for her. Me being me I trusted him and even gave advice on how to help her etc. After a short time, I questioned him more on who she was and he admitted she was his ex-girlfriend but promised nothing was still going on with her and again I trusted him, I think partly because I had no reason not to and I was also wearing a very large pair of rose-tinted glasses. Eventually, he said he was going to cut all contact with her as it was for the best and we were getting more serious and she was coming between me and him and he didn't want that. Then came THE weekend. I saw him on the Friday at work and the last thing he said was he going to meet her that evening and tell her he couldn't see her anymore and cut contact with her and he would call me after. 8pm, 9pm, 10pm came around and I heard nothing. After 11pm I text him saying I was worried. He had told me that when he previously tried to stop seeing her she threatened to harm herself or him, which added to my worry. The message didn't deliver but I sent another. After midnight, I called him. It rang but no answer so again I sent another message. I eventually slept and when I woke I could see he had read my messages but not replied. I tried calling but it went straight to answer phone. I sent another message but it didn't deliver for hours. I spent all day watching my phone, I couldn't think about anything, I couldn't eat, I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone, I was going out of my mind and my heart was slowly breaking. He eventually sent me a message at about 5pm - "Sorry. I am a twit". That was it. That was the moment my heart shattered and all the pennies finally dropped about what was really going on. Of course, I replied. I sent him essays. I was left on read the rest of the weekend. I finally spoke to him on Monday morning before work. All he could say to me was he was sorry, he was an idiot. This is what he does. His life is complicated, he needs to go and he would speak to me later. I felt broken. I pulled up at work and just cried. The thought of seeing him and not being "us" anymore was making me feel ill. Of course, we did see each other. We met up at lunch and talked. Of course, the 'friend/ex' was actually his girlfriend. They had been together on and off for years. He had left his wife for her. He told me he did truly fall for me, he couldn't help himself and he does love me but it was all very complicated, he didn't know what to do but ultimately he couldn't end it with his girlfriend. We tried to remain friends, it was difficult, as much as he had shattered me, there were still feelings there and I was weak for him... I went through phases of not wanting to see him or speak to him at all to pining for him then things would happen and eventually we ended up sleeping together again, then he told me he really was finishing with his girlfriend. Sounds pathetic but it gave me a glimmer of hope. I thought we were going to have a chance again. He told me he had ended it but he was going on holiday with some family and changing his number so the ex couldn't contact him and he would see me and talk about us when he was back. He came back to work after 2 weeks away and I found out he had been on holiday with and was back together with his wife. Ding ding heartbreak round 2. Cut to now years later. We still both work at the same place, we see each other around and are friendly. He is still with his wife and I am happily engaged with children but it still hurts. I don't think I will EVER get over how he made me feel that weekend. I was never even officially his girlfriend and that is the worst heartbreak I have ever felt.

Sorry if that was a really boring story but I just feel better for writing it down! Sending love to everyone who has posted their stories on here xxx