Heartbreak.

[LateG0ssiper]

Honestly, don't think about others opinions. In times like this all you need to do is protect yourself. You can vent on here without needing opinions like 'pull yourself together'. I'm currently going through a a lot of trauma and I'm not handling it well at all. Like you, If someone said the things to me that I'm saying to them, I would react differently too. But we never know how we will handle these things untill they happen to us. I actually find crying more distressing because I can't stop. I get all anxious I'm making myself ill but nothing is helping and I feel worse each day. I never would have said that's how I would of handled it.

It's ok to struggle and say your struggling without inviting opinion in that doesn't help. Xx

That's exactly how I feel, each time I get upset I can't stop and anxiety takes over and makes me more stressed. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something as well. I know that this will pass eventually, whatever happens, but at the moment it really does feel like my life is over, dramatic as that sounds. Whatever you're going through I hope it passes soon and you start to feel better x

I think one think i have learned over 5 weeks of no contact is the word boundaries. I didnt put boundaries in place & like what you guys are saying. It became all about him & how he feels. I miss him everyday to this day it hurts.

I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so much, too. It's awful, isn't it? It does help me a little to know that others are going through something similar. I hope you can find a little bit of comfort in posting here, I know I do.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

That's exactly how I feel, each time I get upset I can't stop and anxiety takes over and makes me more stressed. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something as well. I know that this will pass eventually, whatever happens, but at the moment it really does feel like my life is over, dramatic as that sounds. Whatever you're going through I hope it passes soon and you start to feel better x


I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so much, too. It's awful, isn't it? It does help me a little to know that others are going through something similar. I hope you can find a little bit of comfort in posting here, I know I do.

I know you're right and we will all get through this, but it does feel like it's consuming my life and I'm full of panic and fear. Everything feels to much and the more time that passes, the worse I feel. I know we will all be ok, I know that, but I don't see that at the time. Right now I'm so fed up with surviving each day. Xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I know you're right and we will all get through this, but it does feel like it's consuming my life and I'm full of panic and fear. Everything feels to much and the more time that passes, the worse I feel. I know we will all be ok, I know that, but I don't see that at the time. Right now I'm so fed up with surviving each day. Xx

That is exactly how I feel. I'm so sorry that you're feeling it too. I've never felt anything like this. I feel like I'm existing rather than living and everything I do is a conscious effort, sometimes I feel like I'm having to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other. It's exhausting mentally and physically x

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

That is exactly how I feel. I'm so sorry that you're feeling it too. I've never felt anything like this. I feel like I'm existing rather than living and everything I do is a conscious effort, sometimes I feel like I'm having to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other. It's exhausting mentally and physically x

I'm reading a book called 'how to do the work' and whilst it makes sense and I can agree wuth what she's saying, I just can't do it. I find myself dissociating when ever I talk to people, and having constant flashbacks and nightmares and it's all too over whelming. I can't even do the small stuff some days and it's taken me this long to realise that it's ok to have those days. Today is one of them. I really think learning to have compassion for yourself feeling how your feeling is important. We can't change the future in one day. Xx

 

[Imonlyme]

Honestly, don't think about others opinions. In times like this all you need to do is protect yourself. You can vent on here without needing opinions like 'pull yourself together'. I'm currently going through a a lot of trauma and I'm not handling it well at all. Like you, If someone said the things to me that I'm saying to them, I would react differently too. But we never know how we will handle these things untill they happen to us. I actually find crying more distressing because I can't stop. I get all anxious I'm making myself ill but nothing is helping and I feel worse each day. I never would have said that's how I would of handled it.

It's ok to struggle and say your struggling without inviting opinion in that doesn't help. Xx

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I personally know what trauma does to a person so I'm sending you lots of love.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I'm reading a book called 'how to do the work' and whilst it makes sense and I can agree wuth what she's saying, I just can't do it. I find myself dissociating when ever I talk to people, and having constant flashbacks and nightmares and it's all too over whelming. I can't even do the small stuff some days and it's taken me this long to realise that it's ok to have those days. Today is one of them. I really think learning to have compassion for yourself feeling how your feeling is important. We can't change the future in one day. Xx

Someone that I've spoken to at work keeps telling me that I need to stop giving myself such a hard time and I think she's right. I shouldn't be apologising for getting upset. I think we need to accept that there will be some really bad days for a while and not to make ourselves feel even worse about it.

 

[Imonlyme]

I'm reading a book called 'how to do the work' and whilst it makes sense and I can agree wuth what she's saying, I just can't do it. I find myself dissociating when ever I talk to people, and having constant flashbacks and nightmares and it's all too over whelming. I can't even do the small stuff some days and it's taken me this long to realise that it's ok to have those days. Today is one of them. I really think learning to have compassion for yourself feeling how your feeling is important. We can't change the future in one day. Xx

Honestly, reading your last few posts is like reading my own thoughts. I've been struggling in the same way lately and it's so difficult just to do the smallest of tasks. Trauma is such a dick that swoops in and completely destroys your life and everything you hold dear. And you never know how you're going to make it through. It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Are you receiving any professional help right now?

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

Honestly, reading your last few posts is like reading my own thoughts. I've been struggling in the same way lately and it's so difficult just to do the smallest of tasks. Trauma is such a dick that swoops in and completely destroys your life and everything you hold dear. And you never know how you're going to make it through. It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Are you receiving any professional help right now?

I have professional help waiting, but it's complicated. You are right though, it's so hard and you just don't know how to make it through. I've never struggled as much in my life as I am now and I feel like I just can't see an end to it. It's impacting my job, my home life, friendships. I completely lost trust in myself. I honestly feel so hopeless about it all and I don't even know what to do next. Xx

 

[Imonlyme]

I have professional help waiting, but it's complicated. You are right though, it's so hard and you just don't know how to make it through. I've never struggled as much in my life as I am now and I feel like I just can't see an end to it. It's impacting my job, my home life, friendships. I completely lost trust in myself. I honestly feel so hopeless about it all and I don't even know what to do next. Xx

Can totally relate to this. That's exactly what it did to my life almost 6 years ago. I lost everything and almost every part of me because I didn't even know what was happening to me.
It took me years to get the proper help because I thought it was just really bad anxiety I was suffering from. Now I do therapy over Skype and it has helped to a degree, but where I live and my house is a constant trigger for me. I never know how my day is going to be. I can get up feeling fine and then boom, something happens unexpectedly to trigger me and my day is lost.

Some of the little exercises and tips my therapist has taught me do actually help. They might not completely stop the trigger but they do help ease its impact on me and my reaction. Therapy for trauma is a long process, but definitely worth it and I know that as soon as I can move house, I will be in a better environment to properly tackle it.

I honestly hope you feel better soon. I know all too well how hard and soul crushing it can be. I understand it's hard when going through trauma, and it's something I have to remind myself of daily, but remember to do small acts of self care each day and speak to yourself with kindness as you would a friend going through what you are.

Have you heard of the butterfly hug? It's known to help people suffering from trauma.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

Can totally relate to this. That's exactly what it did to my life almost 6 years ago. I lost everything and almost every part of me because I didn't even know what was happening to me.
It took me years to get the proper help because I thought it was just really bad anxiety I was suffering from. Now I do therapy over Skype and it has helped to a degree, but where I live and my house is a constant trigger for me. I never know how my day is going to be. I can get up feeling fine and then boom, something happens unexpectedly to trigger me and my day is lost.

Some of the little exercises and tips my therapist has taught me do actually help. They might not completely stop the trigger but they do help ease its impact on me and my reaction. Therapy for trauma is a long process, but definitely worth it and I know that as soon as I can move house, I will be in a better environment to properly tackle it.

I honestly hope you feel better soon. I know all too well how hard and soul crushing it can be. I understand it's hard when going through trauma, and it's something I have to remind myself of daily, but remember to do small acts of self care each day and speak to yourself with kindness as you would a friend going through what you are.

Have you heard of the butterfly hug? It's known to help people suffering from trauma.

Thank you. Actually hearing from people who have suffered or are suffering trauma is helping. I will have a look at butterfly hug. I was told I couldn't receive the trauma therapy yet, but soon, then when a different organisation who specialises in this called me they said it was wrong and sorted new therapy out for me. However, it's thrown me and now I can't even make the call. I feel sick all the time, like I'm drowning and suffering and can't seem to call out for help. I don't even realise I've lost half my day untill I come back to reality and I look at the time. I feel completely out of control. Although voicing this now is making me realise how bad it is.

I've started to identify some triggers but I'm not able to stop it. I just hate this. I feel so unsafe and scared all the time. Thank you for replying though. It really helps knowing I won't be here forever. Like you, I think until I can move, I'm going to be wrapped up in a house of triggers all the time too.

 

[Imonlyme]

Thank you. Actually hearing from people who have suffered or are suffering trauma is helping. I will have a look at butterfly hug. I was told I couldn't receive the trauma therapy yet, but soon, then when a different organisation who specialises in this called me they said it was wrong and sorted new therapy out for me. However, it's thrown me and now I can't even make the call. I feel sick all the time, like I'm drowning and suffering and can't seem to call out for help. I don't even realise I've lost half my day untill I come back to reality and I look at the time. I feel completely out of control. Although voicing this now is making me realise how bad it is.

I've started to identify some triggers but I'm not able to stop it. I just hate this. I feel so unsafe and scared all the time. Thank you for replying though. It really helps knowing I won't be here forever. Like you, I think until I can move, I'm going to be wrapped up in a house of triggers all the time too.

It's good that you're able to identify some of your triggers, that can help massively. Reaching out to take that first step with therapy is hard. It almost feels as if you've failed because you couldn't fix yourself, but everyone needs a little help now and then. I felt so ashamed at the start of therapy over how my life had ended up, but now I can see it isn't my fault and is nothing to be ashamed about. Something tit happened to us and it's okay to need help getting over it.

There's lots of options to choose when you start therapy for how you would like yours to go. I tried exposure therapy but it didn't work for me and my therapist was so helpful and kind about it and suggested we try another way.

A big thing you learn is the difference between avoidance and safety practices and healing ones. For years I felt that if I moved house I was just running away from my problems, but now I've learned that environment and support have a lot to do with recovery and I'm now pushing through on moving.

Somedays you feel so disconnected from yourself and your old life and you feel hopeless about ever getting back to being you again, but trust me, therapy helps you to get back glimpses of who you are and it really helps to boost your mindset.

I'm currently doing a part of therapy that's like retraining my brain to find new ways of dealing with the flashbacks and for the most part they work. Definitely research the butterfly hug, it works so well and remember to remind yourself during a flashback that you're not there anymore, that it's just a thought and that you're safe.

Also, for in the moment panics, try the 5,4,3,2,1 method, if you know what that is. It helps to ground you and bring you out of the panic.

Please post on here at anytime whenever you're feeling triggered or low. Don't suffer alone. We are all here to support each other.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

It's good that you're able to identify some of your triggers, that can help massively. Reaching out to take that first step with therapy is hard. It almost feels as if you've failed because you couldn't fix yourself, but everyone needs a little help now and then. I felt so ashamed at the start of therapy over how my life had ended up, but now I can see it isn't my fault and is nothing to be ashamed about. Something tit happened to us and it's okay to need help getting over it.

There's lots of options to choose when you start therapy for how you would like yours to go. I tried exposure therapy but it didn't work for me and my therapist was so helpful and kind about it and suggested we try another way.

A big thing you learn is the difference between avoidance and safety practices and healing ones. For years I felt that if I moved house I was just running away from my problems, but now I've learned that environment and support have a lot to do with recovery and I'm now pushing through on moving.

Somedays you feel so disconnected from yourself and your old life and you feel hopeless about ever getting back to being you again, but trust me, therapy helps you to get back glimpses of who you are and it really helps to boost your mindset.

I'm currently doing a part of therapy that's like retraining my brain to find new ways of dealing with the flashbacks and for the most part they work. Definitely research the butterfly hug, it works so well and remember to remind yourself during a flashback that you're not there anymore, that it's just a thought and that you're safe.

Also, for in the moment panics, try the 5,4,3,2,1 method, if you know what that is. It helps to ground you and bring you out of the panic.

Please post on here at anytime whenever you're feeling triggered or low. Don't suffer alone. We are all here to support each other.

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I know your right, I just need to get to therapy but I just can't keep explaining it all over again. Thank you. You've definitely made me feel more normal for a minute xxx

 

[gigi_93]

This thread is so nice and so helpful

I agree that we should never apologise for the way we feel (I’ve done it myself on this thread multiple times) I also think suppressing feelings is so bad for you. Let yourself feel everything, cry it out, scream, throw things, send the texts if you think it’ll help. If you suppress how you feel it just hits you harder at a later date. This thread really helped me just put all my feelings out there and not feel judged (well, mostly not judged) I still feel broken, upset and anxious, but not in the same way I did when I posted my first message.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I'm glad others are finding this helpful. Thank your for starting it @gigi_93 but I am so sorry that others are hurting so much. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

 

[gigi_93]

I'm glad others are finding this helpful. Thank your for starting it @gigi_93 but I am so sorry that others are hurting so much. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

I’m happy I started it, if it’s even helped one person feel a little better to have a place to vent. I encourage people to keep on venting! Lots of sad stories but also lots of proof things do get better.

 

[Imonlyme]

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I know your right, I just need to get to therapy but I just can't keep explaining it all over again. Thank you. You've definitely made me feel more normal for a minute xxx

Just know that if it's targeted therapy like CBT, you don't have to talk in detail or go over stuff again and again. That's more for talk therapy. With CBT you just get straight into exercises that help and that can help you understand what's happening in your body.

This thread is so nice and so helpful

I agree that we should never apologise for the way we feel (I’ve done it myself on this thread multiple times) I also think suppressing feelings is so bad for you. Let yourself feel everything, cry it out, scream, throw things, send the texts if you think it’ll help. If you suppress how you feel it just hits you harder at a later date. This thread really helped me just put all my feelings out there and not feel judged (well, mostly not judged) I still feel broken, upset and anxious, but not in the same way I did when I posted my first message.

I'm so sorry if I've ever made you feel judged on here. It’s nobody's right to judge anyone for just expressing how they feel or for talking about what they're going through. I honestly hope you get what you need from your relationship. You sound like a nice woman and deserve to be loved and feel loved. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Jovie]

so sorry @gigi_93 you are still feeling this way, and all posters above^^^
It's hard to give advice because the situations feel so different in person & advice is so hard to take.
If its anything I've taken from this thread, it's noticing how strong you all are. You all still get up & take on the day. No matter how crappy you feel.
You are all so strong, you have all got this, you will come out of the other side.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

so sorry @gigi_93 you are still feeling this way, and all posters above^^^
It's hard to give advice because the situations feel so different in person & advice is so hard to take.
If its anything I've taken from this thread, it's noticing how strong you all are. You all still get up & take on the day. No matter how crappy you feel.
You are all so strong, you have all got this, you will come out of the other side.

I don't feel strong at all at the moment, I've just been in floods of tears on train on the way home. The poor man opposite me kept asking if I was OK, he looked really concerned (from what I could see with his face mask on!)

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

I don't feel strong at all at the moment, I've just been in floods of tears on train on the way home. The poor man opposite me kept asking if I was OK, he looked really concerned (from what I could see with his face mask on!)

Once your home, gather yourself and get some pj's on, put something easy to watch on like RuPaul drag race or The fix. Something that requires no thinking power and get your self comfy on the couch. Honestly sometimes that's all we can do and it helps, even if it just helps temporarily xx

 

[Lollyy]

Yes you just have to ride the emotions out, trust i drove to the shops today and the sun made me burst into tears, feels like summer is coming & im all alone.. dont worry its tit. I wish men felt the same as us but i feel like they hack it soo much better