My dad was 47!
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What an absolute dick! I’m sorry you were treated like that. He sounds like an awful person but I fully understand why you still loved him anyway. I’m glad you’re out of that mess and have moved on
Thank you. He isn’t a nice person but he has an aura about him that makes him very attractive without him even trying. I can see now how manipulative he was but that pain remains and it sounds silly saying it out loud, which I why I’ve never really spoke about it, when like I said I was never even his girlfriend let alone married or anything but I fell fast and hard and it hurt so so much. I just wish he had had the decency to say he had a girlfriend instead of leading me on and hurting me. I will never understand it. He has gone back to the girlfriend since and then back to the wife and so the saga carries on so I am totally better off out of the mess and if I didn’t have to work around him I would never give him the time of day. I hope you get some answers to your situation this weekendWhat an absolute dick! I’m sorry you were treated like that. He sounds like an awful person but I fully understand why you still loved him anyway. I’m glad you’re out of that mess and have moved on
He’s still going back and forth?? Wow! How either of them are still allowing that is crazy! And thank you, I hope I do too, otherwise all my anxiety leading up to it will have been for nothingThank you. He isn’t a nice person but he has an aura about him that makes him very attractive without him even trying. I can see now how manipulative he was but that pain remains and it sounds silly saying it out loud, which I why I’ve never really spoke about it, when like I said I was never even his girlfriend let alone married or anything but I fell fast and hard and it hurt so so much. I just wish he had had the decency to say he had a girlfriend instead of leading me on and hurting me. I will never understand it. He has gone back to the girlfriend since and then back to the wife and so the saga carries on so I am totally better off out of the mess and if I didn’t have to work around him I would never give him the time of day. I hope you get some answers to your situation this weekend
Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.
I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/
Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok
Did he explain why he ended it the way he did? Did you explain exactly how that’s made you feel? How you’ve been feeling over the last few weeks because of his behaviour?Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.
I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/
Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok
Sorry but it’s all about him. Again. How HE feels. How HE needed to end it. What’s going on in HIS head. How bad HIS mental state is.
please. Don’t fall for this rubbish. He will carry on like this now for months or more if you allow it. He will pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it and he knows that you’ll be there and all he has to say is “oh I’m sorry I need some space but I do still love you so yeah yknow, il be back in contact whenever I feel like it” - it’s not good enough. Or at least it wouldn’t be for me.
where do you stand now? You’re in limbo again. Waiting. For him. Again.
you are worth more than this, I wish you could see that. X
Yes I explained exactly how he made me feel and told him exactly what I’ve gone through the last couple of months. I talked a lot more than he did. I’m not waiting for him, not sure where I gave that impression. If anything the ball is in my court now.
I'm glad you've spoken and I hope it's made you feel better in some way, although things still sound quite up in the air.Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.
I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/
Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok
I've had some brief contact, just a couple of messages about arrangements for some works to the house taking place next week. After nothing for a few weeks it actually made me feel worse to get those few messages. I feel like I don't know him anymore. He's not himself at all, it's like the words are coming from someone else. I was left feeling even more anxious and was very upset on Saturday. I don't know if maybe it started to hit me that this really could be over for good. I'm not sure what I'm feeling to be honest but I'm still feeling awful. My hands are trembling as I'm typing this. I can't tell you how much I'm missing him, I feel like I've made no progress at all.
It is up in the air because I can’t just go to him which is what I want to do. I want to see his face and talk about this in person but I can’t. I feel so trapped. I wish I could just go and we didn’t have these stupid travel restrictions. I feel better in some ways and worse in others. I’m happy to have got an explanation though which is what I’ve been saying I wanted. I must have asked him 100 questions
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I wish there was a way for you to feel better. It’ll be almost impossible for you to make progress while you’re still unsure if it’s over for good, you’re stuck in limbo unable to move one way or the other. You really need to know, or at least treat it like it’s over for good. It sounds like you need a good conversation with him to clear the air. I don’t know if that’s possible?
These travel restrictions are causing problems for so many people. Do you just talk over the phone or do you use facetime or zoom or anything like that?
In a way I don't want to have another conversation about it at the moment because I know what the answer will be. Part of me thinks that if I leave him alone while he has his therapy there may be a chance. I don't know if that's just me being in denial but I know he still loves me and has other issues. I probably sound really desperate to outsiders but I can honestly say that I didn't see this coming at all, we were still making plans for the future a day or two before it happened and he was still really affectionate like he always is. I feel like I can't give up on 13 years at the drop of a hat.
Agree! He's decided for them to keep talking for now and over the next few months to see where it goes. And I could be wrong here, but it sounds like she is willing, if able, to jump on a plane to him.
What about him being the one to make the grand gesture since it was him that walked away and broke her heart?
Sounds like it's all about him and what he needs, regardless of what she's been going through since he ended it. I don't mean this to sound bad, but she needs to be careful that she's not becoming his comfort blanket, cause that sort of relationship will never work.
Obviously, at the end of the day it's her decision what she does and if she takes him back, but it sounds like she hasn't laid any of her own boundaries which is a dangerous thing not to do. He needs to know what he's done to her and how it impacted her life.
Personally, I think she deserves better than the explanation he's given. We all go through tough and challenging times, but that's no excuse for hurting someone in the abrupt and cruel way he did. Sorry, but that's just my opinion.
I know what you mean. I think while you need some self preservation, you can't even think about that untill you know where you stand with it all. It's a bloody horrible situation for you. When my marriage ended, it was so much harder than I expected. I think people expect you to bounce back, but actually it's not that easy. Take the time you need, and really try to do small wins for you. Sometimes, the smallest thing is all you can do and that's important. I think you are handling this as well as you can right now and you should be proud of that. Heart break is awful,but when it's multidimensional involving marriage and houses, finances etc it's even harder. Xx
Thank you. I've known a couple of people that have been through this but you can't always compare your situation with other people so it's hard to know what's a normal way to feel and what's not. We were still absolutely besotted with each other even after all those years and I'm finding it so odd being at home alone and not holding hands or hugging every day. I've never felt loneliness like this. Being at work helps a little but I'm still finding myself welling up quite a few times every day and going home to an empty house is still a shock each time. I really do appreciate your messages, any words of support on here do mean a lot x
We FaceTimed every day until this happened. We used to do things like cooking dates where we prop the camera up and both cook the same recipe together...long distance relationships are truly something else
I don’t blame you for not giving up immediately. 13 years is a long time. Don’t worry about sounding desperate or anything like that, nobody on the outside can possibly know the nuances of your relationship. It’s very easy for people to judge but at the end of the day they don’t know anything.
He will do it all over again. Keep walking away.
That actually sounds lovely. I've never experienced a long distance relationship so I don't have much advice to give other than just be careful that he isn't stringing you along as some other people have warned. You need to stay in control. This must be very hard for you with the distance, I do really hope you're OK.We FaceTimed every day until this happened. We used to do things like cooking dates where we prop the camera up and both cook the same recipe together...long distance relationships are truly something else
I don’t blame you for not giving up immediately. 13 years is a long time. Don’t worry about sounding desperate or anything like that, nobody on the outside can possibly know the nuances of your relationship. It’s very easy for people to judge but at the end of the day they don’t know anything.
I feel that if I were reading someone else saying what I've written, I'd be thinking she needs to get a grip and start moving on. But I'm still madly in love with him and miss him every second of the day. Like I've said before, I don't want to push him further away by trying to talk to him but I still worry that the more I don't speak to him/see him, the more he is moving on. Especially as we will have more freedom soon with restrictions lifting, I hate feeling that he'll be making a new life without me.
Oh My god, i have had pretty much the exact same thing happen to me!!!
Thankfully it happened ages ago for me and im totally over him and his tit ways. But he pretty much did to me everything you say your one did to you. There are some bleeping cunts out there!
Honestly, don't think about others opinions. In times like this all you need to do is protect yourself. You can vent on here without needing opinions like 'pull yourself together'. I'm currently going through a a lot of trauma and I'm not handling it well at all. Like you, If someone said the things to me that I'm saying to them, I would react differently too. But we never know how we will handle these things untill they happen to us. I actually find crying more distressing because I can't stop. I get all anxious I'm making myself ill but nothing is helping and I feel worse each day. I never would have said that's how I would of handled it.
It's ok to struggle and say your struggling without inviting opinion in that doesn't help. Xx
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