We were in touch quite a bit last week about organising workmen for the house but that's it really. Hadn't had any contact for a few weeks until then.
We were in touch quite a bit last week about organising workmen for the house but that's it really. Hadn't had any contact for a few weeks until then.I hate to say it, but I think it sounds like you completely lost yourself within your relationship. It's hard, but I think you need to now try and get yourself back and work out what makes you happy.
There has to be something that makes you happy besides your relationship, you just don't know what it is yet. And because you've dedicated your entire life to your husband and relationship, you don't know what to do now that it's just you.
Restrictions are beginning to lift, so it would be a really good idea for you to get out and try new hobbies and activities that will help you discover what it is that you really want and need for yourself.
I'm so sorry that you're still going through it the way you are, but your feelings are all part of the process of moving on. Sometimes those feelings can wash over you suddenly and become completely unbearable, and then there are times where they're there, but just at the back of your mind where you're still able to get on with things. In the dark moments, you just have to remind yourself of those good moments, however few and fleeting they may be. Remind yourself that you've come this far without him and that you can do it.
Have you had any contact with your ex at all?
He's messing with her head so that she can't move on. It doesn't make any sense for him to say he can't be with her for religious reasons, but then says he will wait forever for her to change her mind. Wait forever for what? He's already said he can't be with her.With respect, he’s an asshole!
he’s telling you he loves you but won’t be with you due to religion? What exactly does he expect you to do with that information?? He’s not thought about you at all there! If for whatever reason he is making a choice (because it IS his choice; using religion is im
Afraid a bullshit excuse so he doesn’t have to deal with the fallout) not to be with you he needs to leave you alone so that you can move on with your life. I’m gobsmacked that he has been so cruel to say that to you. What an arse.
So you haven't had a chat with him about your future?We were in touch quite a bit last week about organising workmen for the house but that's it really. Hadn't had any contact for a few weeks until then.
This is something I’ve realised in my own situation in the past few days (mine isn’t religion related though) - but I just wish my husband would’ve actually be open and honest with what the problems were, and left with 100% certainty of what he wanted going forward. We shouldn’t be blamed for their uncertainty and definitely don’t deserve the manipulation xHe's messing with her head so that she can't move on. It doesn't make any sense for him to say he can't be with her for religious reasons, but then says he will wait forever for her to change her mind. Wait forever for what? He's already said he can't be with her.
Sounds like he's using some manipulation tactics on her to stop her from completely cutting him off. Which, if I'm right, is a very toxic situation to be in.
So you haven't had a chat with him about your future?
No. Initially I agreed not to contact him unless it was necessary about the house while he started therapy so I've been trying to stick with that. I guess I was hoping he'd see sense and come home.He's messing with her head so that she can't move on. It doesn't make any sense for him to say he can't be with her for religious reasons, but then says he will wait forever for her to change her mind. Wait forever for what? He's already said he can't be with her.
Sounds like he's using some manipulation tactics on her to stop her from completely cutting him off. Which, if I'm right, is a very toxic situation to be in.
So you haven't had a chat with him about your future?
I think though that the fact that he didn’t/hasn’t is enough. The actions give you the answer, you can’t wait around waiting for the explanation that may never come and even if it ever did, it won’t change the outcome. There’s way too many great women on this thread and in life that are just putting all the power & control in the hands of men who just treat them poorly. Men who leave or who check out of a relationship and move on in a heartbeat while the ladies spend months/years going over every detail and trying to make sense out of it when sometimes it’s not possible to do so. Sometimes it’s just shit, and you have to just move on yknow. Because what’s the alternative, really?This is something I’ve realised in my own situation in the past few days (mine isn’t religion related though) - but I just wish my husband would’ve actually be open and honest with what the problems were, and left with 100% certainty of what he wanted going forward. We shouldn’t be blamed for their uncertainty and definitely don’t deserve the manipulation x
My last big breakup I made my friend go on my Facebook account and block him and all his family. I never use it anymore now anyway but I remember having to make her do it. Block him on everything.Its literally the worst time to go through a breakup. Even worse is he can do whatever he likes as Florida has no restrictions. For two weeks I’ve watched him go about his life on social media like nothing has happened and I don’t exist! :/ Did you get given a reason by him for doing it to you?
also has anyone got any tips to stop yourself stalking the shit out of their social media?? He may have blocked me but I can still see from a browser. I feel unhinged
You don't deserve any of the nonsense your partner put you through. I agree, if someone is unhappy in a relationship then by all means they can leave. But they should do it in a respectful and considerate manner and at least be open and honest with their partner.This is something I’ve realised in my own situation in the past few days (mine isn’t religion related though) - but I just wish my husband would’ve actually be open and honest with what the problems were, and left with 100% certainty of what he wanted going forward. We shouldn’t be blamed for their uncertainty and definitely don’t deserve the manipulation x
Okay, so you've held up your end of the bargain as promised, but now you're struggling to move on because you don't really know where you stand?No. Initially I agreed not to contact him unless it was necessary about the house while he started therapy so I've been trying to stick with that. I guess I was hoping he'd see sense and come home.
The fact that he’s carrying on as normal as you say, as if you never existed tells you exactly where he stands on this whole situation. He’s done. He’s out. His actions are telling you exactly how he feels.Its literally the worst time to go through a breakup. Even worse is he can do whatever he likes as Florida has no restrictions. For two weeks I’ve watched him go about his life on social media like nothing has happened and I don’t exist! :/ Did you get given a reason by him for doing it to you?
also has anyone got any tips to stop yourself stalking the shit out of their social media?? He may have blocked me but I can still see from a browser. I feel unhinged
We need to
We need to try and get this house stuff sorted this week then that will be a big weight off our minds as it's been an ongoing job for months and months. But yes, I'm waiting for him to get in touch. We don't have anything like that at work as it's a small company but my boss is really good, I can pretty much come and go as I please. Sorry to hear you've had a tough morning as well.Oh @LateG0ssiper I wish I could give you a hug. I know how you feel, I spent last night feeling strong and positive and then spent this morning crying into my laptop (and hiding my face on zoom calls and blaming hayfever!). Do you have any access to support through your work? Some companies have free helplines to an external company. Do you know what your next steps are? Are you waiting for him to get in touch?
He was very clear about his intentions when it first happened but I think I'm still trying to process the shock of it all. Also I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he seemed to have some sort of breakdown so it's not as simple as him just leaving, he really didn't seem right. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I'm in denial but it was scary to see him like that out of the blue. I thought that once he started therapy he would feel back to normal and we could talk about him coming home.You don't deserve any of the nonsense your partner put you through. I agree, if someone is unhappy in a relationship then by all means they can leave. But they should do it in a respectful and considerate manner and at least be open and honest with their partner.
To play mind games and keep your partner hanging on is just absolutely vile and cruel and can cause long term trust issues for some people.
I hope you're doing better
Okay, so you've held up your end of the bargain as promised, but now you're struggling to move on because you don't really know where you stand?
Am I correct in thinking that you're still holding out that hope, and feel you can't completely move on until you have a definitive answer of his intentions?
I literally know exactly how you feel...my husband also wasn’t quite himself and seems to have been unable to separate how his life is affected by being married vs lockdown etc. It’s so hard isn’t it, I still too have that tiny bit of hope that all this will work itself out, some way or another, and in 10 years we’ll look back on this as a blip even in spite of how he’s made me feel. I’ve told myself I will give it 2 or 3 weeks and then reach out to discuss next steps around separating which is really scary because it’s not what I want, but I’m also not going to beg for someone to love me.We need to
We need to try and get this house stuff sorted this week then that will be a big weight off our minds as it's been an ongoing job for months and months. But yes, I'm waiting for him to get in touch. We don't have anything like that at work as it's a small company but my boss is really good, I can pretty much come and go as I please. Sorry to hear you've had a tough morning as well.
He was very clear about his intentions when it first happened but I think I'm still trying to process the shock of it all. Also I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he seemed to have some sort of breakdown so it's not as simple as him just leaving, he really didn't seem right. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I'm in denial but it was scary to see him like that out of the blue. I thought that once he started therapy he would feel back to normal and we could talk about him coming home.
So it’s never going to happen then. So you need to just draw a line under it, cease all contact with him and move on with your own life. XxxThanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want
Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Never go against your own judgement and self for any man.Thanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want
So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?We need to
We need to try and get this house stuff sorted this week then that will be a big weight off our minds as it's been an ongoing job for months and months. But yes, I'm waiting for him to get in touch. We don't have anything like that at work as it's a small company but my boss is really good, I can pretty much come and go as I please. Sorry to hear you've had a tough morning as well.
He was very clear about his intentions when it first happened but I think I'm still trying to process the shock of it all. Also I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he seemed to have some sort of breakdown so it's not as simple as him just leaving, he really didn't seem right. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I'm in denial but it was scary to see him like that out of the blue. I thought that once he started therapy he would feel back to normal and we could talk about him coming home.
Your soo harsh, but your 1000% rightSo it’s never going to happen then. So you need to just draw a line under it, cease all contact with him and move on with your own life. Xxx
I’m not intending to be harsh so I’m sorry if it comes across like that! I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here which I think sometimes is desperately needed in situations like this where your own emotions tend to cloud what’s really going on. I know it hurts and I know it’s been a long time but look at it another way, at least now you’re notYour soo harsh, but your 1000% right. Just fu8king hurts soo much! 11 years invested & nothing to show for it!!
Lockdown definitely played a big part in this. Wed not long moved to a different area and he was really struggling with being at home every day, especially once I went back to work. I think you're looking at it the right way, you can't make him come back but I think it's silly to instantly throw everything away. That's how I feel.I literally know exactly how you feel...my husband also wasn’t quite himself and seems to have been unable to separate how his life is affected by being married vs lockdown etc. It’s so hard isn’t it, I still too have that tiny bit of hope that all this will work itself out, some way or another, and in 10 years we’ll look back on this as a blip even in spite of how he’s made me feel. I’ve told myself I will give it 2 or 3 weeks and then reach out to discuss next steps around separating which is really scary because it’s not what I want, but I’m also not going to beg for someone to love me.
Yes this 100% this.So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?
Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.
Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.
For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.
By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.
You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?
Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.
Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Never go against your own judgement and self for any man.
So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?
Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.
Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.
For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.
By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.
You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?
Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.
Do what feels right for you. Not what feels right for a stranger on the internet. If you end up making mistakes you will learn from themYes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.
But for how long are you going to put your life and happiness on hold for him? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10? While he does what? Goes to therapy? Moves on with his life? Starts a new relationship?Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.
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