Gender Discussion #22

[Jayceedove]

If passing is focused around appearance then it inevitably gets built upon steteotypes. One advantage of being old is that decades ago there were not the options that exist today to tempt me and I did not have the money to pursue them even if there were. And I owed my family who had lived with this alomgside me for years so all we wanted was to get over this and become a normal family again.

The focus then was not on putting on an act but on just finally being yourself. As you can only ever successfully transition into the person that you actually are otherwise it will inevitably mean that you are acting a part forever.

Nobody can pull that trick off. And I think social media has turned it even more into a performance and that is so easily spotted whatever the make up or clothes. If you are going flat out every day to mimic your inner fantasy then I can imagine that mask is bound to slip. Authenticity of personality is a harder trick to fake. So those who just are thankful for being finally free of interminable dysphoria since childhood get to move on more easily than those for whom it will always be to a degree a struggle to become that person you are not.

I was offered the option of breast implants on the NHS after my main surgery as a thank you for research I helped in them doing. First thing I did was talk it over with my fiance. We were as good as married - living with his family to save up to buy our own home, having an engagement party and a blessing from a friendly minister - as marriage was not legally possible in the 70s. I had no real desire to go that route as I had had reasonable natural breast growth and was not keen on the thought of something non real there. But he deserved a say too as we were close.

It was not a difficult decision. We both wanted to stay with the me that there was - all be it hormone induced obviously. I have never regretted that.

 

[nothanksbabes]

If passing is focused around appearance then it inevitably gets built upon steteotypes. One advantage of being old is that decades ago there were not the options that exist today to tempt me and I did not have the money to pursue them even if there were. And I owed my family who had lived with this alomgside me for years so all we wanted was to get over this and become a normal family again.

The focus then was not on putting on an act but on just finally being yourself. As you can only ever successfully transition into the person that you actually are otherwise it will inevitably mean that you are acting a part forever.

Nobody can pull that trick off. And I think social media has turned it even more into a performance and that is so easily spotted whatever the make up or clothes. If you are going flat out every day to mimic your inner fantasy then I can imagine that mask is bound to slip. Authenticity of personality is a harder trick to fake. So those who just are thankful for being finally free of interminable dysphoria since childhood get to move on more easily than those for whom it will always be to a degree a struggle to become that person you are not.

I was offered the option of breast implants on the NHS after my main surgery as a thank you for research I helped in them doing. First thing I did was talk it over with my fiance. We were as good as married - living with his family to save up to buy our own home, having an engagement party and a blessing from a friendly minister - as marriage was not legally possible in the 70s. I had no real desire to go that route as I had had reasonable natural breast growth and was not keen on the thought of something non real there. But he deserved a say too as we were close.

It was not a difficult decision. We both wanted to stay with the me that there was - all be it hormone induced obviously. I have never regretted that.

Thank you for sharing that.

It seems like the proponents of gender ideology are perpetually unhappy because no matter what they do to transition, unless everyone else endorses them and views them as they wish to be viewed, it's never enough. Nobody who needs external validation from the whole world to live their life will ever be happy.

 

[Jayceedove]

I agree with that, nothanksbabes.

This whole validation thing seems to exist out there is so agressively enforcing itself that falsity was what first made me realise something strange was going on. And whatever it was just felt off. As if you go around demanding others must validate you at every turn then your whole life is simply a quest for being seen as something you appear to know in yourself that you are not and likely a sign of a fragile ego or even uncertainty that you have maybe made a mistake.

Why I feel so strongly about the necessity of gatekeeping and a lengthy period of psychoanalysis and exploration of all options. Not because I want to deny anyone's freedom to do as they choose but because I know that choice ends up being irreversible to a large degree and has to be the right one so should never be rushed. As trans people often lie to themselves so hard I suspect they end up believing their own illusion. But you cannot fake being you. And if people only see someone else not what you think is the real you then they are bound to let that slip even if they are trying to be kind. Nobody can keep up a pretence forever.

I have found that the happiest transitions seem to be those where the person just appreciates with thanks that they are finally free to live life and just embrace that. Only a fragile ego needs to have their identity reinforced at the point of a pronoun. And living as trans with a fragile ego is a recipe for a breakdown sooner or later.

Of course, in those days it was easier as we all just transitioned to disappear into ordinary lives. Doctors only put through around one in ten cases who came to them as they were looking for stability and awareness of reality and that ability to adjust to life and be accepted by society. Few of us wanted to be recognised in life for being trans as they all seem to want to seek nowadays. Or do subconsciously by all they say and do.

But if you thrive on being trans as if it is your reason to be then you are going to get recognised as that and be misgenered by those who have a different perspective on what that means than you do. Nobody with an ego that would break at the sound of a wrong pronoun would have got through the filters then. Now there are no filters so that inner wrath - built I suspect partly on insecurity that they realise they are trying to live an illusion - just spews out in everyone's face.

Back then you had agree in writing pre surgery that you would be accommodated socially as women but would not legally become one. Though they did do a lot to help you live normally - changing records happemed long before the GRA. And also, if employed, in those days you still got paid less and were subject to other social expectations. Unless you wanted to out yourself. Which nobody did. Nor would they dream of causing a fuss.

I cannot imagine many of today's fragile ego transgender people would have ever transitioned into that world decades before the GRA existed. We did as we had no choice. We had already tried most of the options proposed. We were just grateful to be what we were able to be and disappearing was the point. Not appearing and demanding the whole world turn at your command. Being over dysphoria was enough.

Those of us still around from that era are so far adrift of what trans is today that we feel entirely alienated. Whatever they are doing it is not working and successful only in making more people see them and doubt them. And I guess as a consequence see us.

But as a strategy it is a pretty rubbish plan.

Anyhow thank you all for listening politely, I so appreciate that. And if you ever want to ask any questions - feel free. Nothing off the table. And I will answer as honestly as I can.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

This is such a much healthier way of approaching things.

duck gender, wear what you want, act how you want.

 

[Enigmata]

I agree with that, nothanksbabes.

This whole validation thing seems to exist out there is so agressively enforcing itself that falsity was what first made me realise something strange was going on. And whatever it was just felt off. As if you go around demanding others must validate you at every turn then your whole life is simply a quest for being seen as something you appear to know in yourself that you are not and likely a sign of a fragile ego or even uncertainty that you have maybe made a mistake.

Why I feel so strongly about the necessity of gatekeeping and a lengthy period of psychoanalysis and exploration of all options. Not because I want to deny anyone's freedom to do as they choose but because I know that choice ends up being irreversible to a large degree and has to be the right one so should never be rushed. As trans people often lie to themselves so hard I suspect they end up believing their own illusion. But you cannot fake being you. And if people only see someone else not what you think is the real you then they are bound to let that slip even if they are trying to be kind. Nobody can keep up a pretence forever.

I have found that the happiest transitions seem to be those where the person just appreciates with thanks that they are finally free to live life and just embrace that. Only a fragile ego needs to have their identity reinforced at the point of a pronoun. And living as trans with a fragile ego is a recipe for a breakdown sooner or later.

Of course, in those days it was easier as we all just transitioned to disappear into ordinary lives. Doctors only put through around one in ten cases who came to them as they were looking for stability and awareness of reality and that ability to adjust to life and be accepted by society. Few of us wanted to be recognised in life for being trans as they all seem to want to seek nowadays. Or do subconsciously by all they say and do.

But if you thrive on being trans as if it is your reason to be then you are going to get recognised as that and be misgenered by those who have a different perspective on what that means than you do. Nobody with an ego that would break at the sound of a wrong pronoun would have got through the filters then. Now there are no filters so that inner wrath - built I suspect partly on insecurity that they realise they are trying to live an illusion - just spews out in everyone's face.

Back then you had agree in writing pre surgery that you would be accommodated socially as women but would not legally become one. Though they did do a lot to help you live normally - changing records happemed long before the GRA. And also, if employed, in those days you still got paid less and were subject to other social expectations. Unless you wanted to out yourself. Which nobody did. Nor would they dream of causing a fuss.

I cannot imagine many of today's fragile ego transgender people would have ever transitioned into that world decades before the GRA existed. We did as we had no choice. We had already tried most of the options proposed. We were just grateful to be what we were able to be and disappearing was the point. Not appearing and demanding the whole world turn at your command. Being over dysphoria was enough.

Those of us still around from that era are so far adrift of what trans is today that we feel entirely alienated. Whatever they are doing it is not working and successful only in making more people see them and doubt them. And I guess as a consequence see us.

But as a strategy it is a pretty rubbish plan.

Anyhow thank you all for listening politely, I so appreciate that. And if you ever want to ask any questions - feel free. Nothing off the table. And I will answer as honestly as I can.

Just wanted to say thank you for your honesty. I am glad that you found some peace from your transition. I think you've truly highlighted the difference between those like yourself and the demanding shout TWAW who yell TERF if we dare to mention biological see.

I totally agree that they will never be content as their happiness depends on the validation of others. They are demanding that others ignore reality.

I admire your honesty. I personally could not care less about a person 'passing' but find the idea of calling someone who has changed nothing about their appearance impossible. It makes a joke of the word woman.

 

[callurdadurinacult]

I agree with that, nothanksbabes.

This whole validation thing seems to exist out there is so agressively enforcing itself that falsity was what first made me realise something strange was going on. And whatever it was just felt off. As if you go around demanding others must validate you at every turn then your whole life is simply a quest for being seen as something you appear to know in yourself that you are not and likely a sign of a fragile ego or even uncertainty that you have maybe made a mistake.

Why I feel so strongly about the necessity of gatekeeping and a lengthy period of psychoanalysis and exploration of all options. Not because I want to deny anyone's freedom to do as they choose but because I know that choice ends up being irreversible to a large degree and has to be the right one so should never be rushed. As trans people often lie to themselves so hard I suspect they end up believing their own illusion. But you cannot fake being you. And if people only see someone else not what you think is the real you then they are bound to let that slip even if they are trying to be kind. Nobody can keep up a pretence forever.

I have found that the happiest transitions seem to be those where the person just appreciates with thanks that they are finally free to live life and just embrace that. Only a fragile ego needs to have their identity reinforced at the point of a pronoun. And living as trans with a fragile ego is a recipe for a breakdown sooner or later.

Of course, in those days it was easier as we all just transitioned to disappear into ordinary lives. Doctors only put through around one in ten cases who came to them as they were looking for stability and awareness of reality and that ability to adjust to life and be accepted by society. Few of us wanted to be recognised in life for being trans as they all seem to want to seek nowadays. Or do subconsciously by all they say and do.

But if you thrive on being trans as if it is your reason to be then you are going to get recognised as that and be misgenered by those who have a different perspective on what that means than you do. Nobody with an ego that would break at the sound of a wrong pronoun would have got through the filters then. Now there are no filters so that inner wrath - built I suspect partly on insecurity that they realise they are trying to live an illusion - just spews out in everyone's face.

Back then you had agree in writing pre surgery that you would be accommodated socially as women but would not legally become one. Though they did do a lot to help you live normally - changing records happemed long before the GRA. And also, if employed, in those days you still got paid less and were subject to other social expectations. Unless you wanted to out yourself. Which nobody did. Nor would they dream of causing a fuss.

I cannot imagine many of today's fragile ego transgender people would have ever transitioned into that world decades before the GRA existed. We did as we had no choice. We had already tried most of the options proposed. We were just grateful to be what we were able to be and disappearing was the point. Not appearing and demanding the whole world turn at your command. Being over dysphoria was enough.

Those of us still around from that era are so far adrift of what trans is today that we feel entirely alienated. Whatever they are doing it is not working and successful only in making more people see them and doubt them. And I guess as a consequence see us.

But as a strategy it is a pretty rubbish plan.

Anyhow thank you all for listening politely, I so appreciate that. And if you ever want to ask any questions - feel free. Nothing off the table. And I will answer as honestly as I can.

I really appreciate your thoughtful and balanced responses here. I think much of this divide is generational to an extent, as well. I'm in my mid-40's, and pretty firmly spent the first half of my life plus some without being online. There is something about social media in particular that invites echo chambers to an unhealthy degree. If you're only surrounding yourself with other trans-identifying or trans-supporting people, it becomes very easy to make that your entire identity and to completely demonize anyone who falls outside your circle and doesn't agree with everything you say or do. It's also become a badge of honor to be ~*marginalized*~ in some way. I've found a lot of older trans people simply wanted to fit in and live as quiet and "normal" a life as possible. A close family member of mine dated a trans man for a few years, and he literally never wanted to cause a fuss, just live his life and get on with things. But they were both in their 40s-50s at the time (this was over 10 years ago) so again, there's a generational gap. I realize this sounds very "okay boomer" haha but I've noticed that those who are Extremely Online are often the same ones acting so utterly irrational. For them, the virtual world is more familiar to them than the real one.

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

This is such a much healthier way of approaching things.

duck gender, wear what you want, act how you want.

The last comment in that thread was wonderful!

"Gender roles are separated by an imposing looking rope barrier. It's only when you duck under it and nothing happens that you realise that there were never any rules to begin with."

YES.

 

[Glortard]

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

This is such a much healthier way of approaching things.

duck gender, wear what you want, act how you want.

one post was all that it took for me to be banned from posting there. I had the audacity to voice a. Opinion that a guys wife had every right to be angry after being told about his dysphoria which had been going on for 20 years. He was in therapy so I wished him luck with that and to keep it up to see where it leads which is hopefully a happier place for him. I also suggested he only takes drugs from a medical practitioner you recommends them and not people on the internet.

his post was actually one of the saner ones……so many where why does the world hate us and other such rubbish. I honestly think shutting Reddit down would lead to better mental outcomes for the majority of users there.

 

[Jayceedove]

Thank you very much for all the kind support.

I have been talking about these things on line since before the rain fell and the mysteriously expanding 'transgender' umbrella opened up to allow multiple identities. LGB - LGBT - LGBTXYZ - you only have to see how it is like named storms that when you start running out of letters in the alphabet after not doing so for years that is a sign something concerning (climate change here) might be causing a major issue. You should then start asking why there is a gender climate change going on today.

Yet still nobody is asking the key questions - how and why did 5000 people become 500,000 over just 18 years after staying at 5000 since the first and then only UK clinic at Charing Cross opened up in the early 60s?

I recently saw a summary of the data from those years and it raised a red flag.They had around six thousand patients under therapy in around 20 years and progressed only about 10% of them to any kind of transition. And only about 3% of them (200 or so in 20 years) had reconstructive surgery. I was one of those 200 and - though I knew this in general terms as I had had years of thereapy explaining it and other attempts made to avoid moving to this step - was shocked to find these numbers so stark.

So about 3% were diagnosed transsexual out of what I guess now would be termed transgender patients coming to the then only clinic who had even got to the stage of seeking help as then you had to do this way. There was no community or internet, of course, and most knew nothing at all about what this huge family issue was as it was not on TV even and so sought help from doctors as just what anyone does when faced with a family dilemma like this.

Though we were all still offered several other ways to help first - quite rightly - and it took years to go through all the steps to find a less invasive ay forward and that sense surely should still be true. Even if, as in the 3%, it was in the end suspected that full transition was the only thing likely to work .

If those numbers are anything like applicable today - and why would they have changed if this is in any way a real rather than sociological issue -then it is scary to think how many are today being put on this pathway who never would have been in the 'bad' old days.

Yes, quite probably times have changed and social expectations ae different. But not to turn what was about 200 cases in 20 years in the 60s and 70s to maybe 20,000 (or more) now. It suggests that the 90 times as many cases who were being deterred as for whom transition was likely not the best way forward are a big driver in the sudden explosion.

I am not a doctor but surely someone is asking these questions like I am who is? Or are we just treating trans as if it is something that appeared out of nowhere since Twitter was launched?

 

[skronkywildcat]

All you need is a little humanity and understanding of other people's needs and safety. I hate the way it has become so polarised because I'm not a bigot, I'm just fed up with the way women are being gaslit and erased.

@Jayceedove Have you every written an article for a newspaper? I think you put your case so coherently and kindly and you are asking questions that definitely need addressing.

 

[Jayceedove]

Also important is that there were even 60 years ago about one third of all transsexual cases who were Female to Male. So this was never all about males. Though twice as common it has always involved both sexes. Options for female to male transition were less then but testosterone is such a very serious changer of the body - and irreversible once applied - that was often enough to allow these transsexual men to find peace.

So the ones who were turned away from transition were largely older males (I saw a few of them in clinics then and being young felt very sad for them but could not even engage in conversation as they were so blatantly male in their whole perspective and expectations of transition I felt only for them having waited years for what I assumed was medicine to catch up and be able to help.

I did not see then about these older transitioners what I do now. Their needs were built around their male expectation of what women were like - as almost every one was married with kids and had been very much living for years as a man in society until a mid life crisis emerged.

This I fear is driving a lot of the trans widows sad stories to this day - and they are so tragic if you read them. We are seeing them more often now as gatekeeping has been eroded over the past decades. We seem to have learned nothing.

Not wanting to police anybody's transition but anyone clearly a heterosexual man who has lived as such all their life and married a woman presumably without telling her of his issues and raised children presumably without them knowing about it either seems an unlikely candidate for severe dysphoria. As otherwise where did it go for half a century as they were living a very male life and until the male menoapuse arrived - or if you base it on the ages where these people often transition.

A lot of them seem to be out there representing the 'trans community' these days as they are long conditioned to take the lead not disappear greatful because their trauma is finally being tackled. Think we can all come up with a list of famous trans people to see what I mean.

Transsexuals still decades later seem to want to transition to disappear - the basis of the creation of the GRA. Whereas transgender seem to transition to very much appear - usually screaming in your face that you are a bigot.

Surely we should be addressing these points more than we are as there is huge collateral damage here with shattered families we are almost encouraging to happen by not treating the cause but pandering to the need?

I find it hard not to see this hetero male family man retirement present to themself kind of transition as incredibly selfish - though I wonder if they entered into marriage hoping it would solve their problem. Sadly it clearly did not do so if it resurfaced at menopause. Itself a hint this is sexually motivated. All the more reason we shoud be seeking ways to tackle this issue not pretending it is not real. It is and has been forever even before it was named AGP.

I fear this side of things - which looks far bigger in male to female transition than anyone is accepting out there - needs propper research to see if we have maybe not tipped this balance into it becoming far more overt via the urge for validation. My guess is this is where most of the problems that are emerging in transgender ideology are coming from. By not identifying difference we have allowed an army to ruise from the cliset in their bedroom onto social media to scream and shout.

 

[Jayceedove]

I am also concerned for the young girls being sucked into the easy peasy way to deal with any gender incongruity which has led to a doubling of female to male transitions over the age of the internet.

I doubt that is unconnected. It must be worringly easy to see trans as the new in thing and a way out of whatever issues these girls have that might just be temporary and could be resolved less drastically and surely have to be regarded as the most likely outcome. So caution and care and time is needed not fast tracking change becase it is 'cruel' not to do and leaving it up to everyone to decide for themselves is the way of the day?

This looks like all round a social catastrophe waiting to happen. We should not be sleepwalking into any of this with girls who realise too late testosterone has ruined their bodies or an army of later aged transitioners who will leave a trail of damaged familes they have happily raised whilst repressing their issues for decades but which this fredom to do what you choose willentice into doing what they would never have done when it was harder to bypass gatekeeping.

We seem to have learnt so little from the past. And, yes, I know this is a new age and I accept I am out of touch ad maybe we should move on into new freedoms. But to ignore these lessons today may lead to tragedies tomorrow.

We owe it to everyone not to simply undo the safeguards just because the ones who want those safeguards to disappear say so.. I think there are enouigh grounds for asking if they have an ulterior motive for wanting this.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I think it's definitely some kind of generational thing too. The older trans women prominent on social media seem perfectly happy acknowledging they are biologically men, don't want to access female spaces or sport etc, and are happy to just live as trans women socially. In the younger generations, everything seems to focus on the idea that they are, literally, biological women because they say so. Sex doesn't exist, they ought to be legally, socially, and biologically considered female. This is clearly nonsense.

Did anyone see this Tweet doing the rounds about what 'consent' means with a very creepy looking man pictured plus a horrendous quote that implied consent is a negotiation/compromise? I feared something like this would be next. Once you start pushing the boundaries of what very clearly defined words mean e.g. woman, there's just no end to it.

 

[maytoseptember]

Seems Stonewall and Mermaids have been pretty blindsided by the Cass report which casts doubt on the very concept of trans children.



The thread quotes more from the report, and it’s very stark. Points out that once a child presents with gender related distress, other healthcare issues are overlooked (i.e. autism, mental health issues, abuse). It’s breathtaking that this needs to be pointed out.

 

[Jayceedove]

Skronkywildcat. I do agree that empathy is in short supply and I may even seem to lack it for those out there wanting self ID to become law.

Hopefully I do not. Whatever has caused them to be trans I just want them to have the best options available not the presumption that the only way out is to change their entire life in a way that might be ultimately necessary but should never be the first step.

In this situation you become incredibly self centred - selfish even. I am so glad I went through this in an era as a child - 50s and 60s. - when family mattered and stuck together. We went through it as a family and as such I had restraint from just doing only what I wanted. How it should be.

Blockers - for instance - were science fiction then. So never a factor. In fact I was given the opposite. Booster male hormones. As an early attempt to make puberty kick me into 'normality'. One of many different things we tried as a family over years. Tjhey all failed. But I was willing to try anything. I would today likely have taken the easy way out - child transition and blockers - 100% it was what I wanted. And likely would have made my life better. So I feel a bit mean questioning if kids like me should have these today because of the risk they might be given inappropriately or the long term consequences we may not yet know.

They make such a huge difference to the lives of these people IF they are one of the few who are transsexual and this is going to be the path for their whole life. But I can see that if it is nine tines more likely they would be given to the wrong people and effectively stop any chance of a fully normal life for them then it would be selfish to just accept the mistakes as collateral damage to help you.

And the one thing that characterises being 'trans' is selfishness. Almost by definition this being all about you is opart of it. Because - in a sense it is. Having my family with me through this grounded me as did the length of the asessment. Why I am, so reluctant to accept five minutes and tick a box is an improvement rather than a pitential catastrophe.

What we need is far more research into why people today are 'trans'. A proper search for causes - both psychological and physical (if there are such things - I do not know after seven decades why I am what I am).

A big wake up sees that this is not - as being claimed - all one thing when it very obviously is not but the ones saying otherwise are the majority with an ulterior motive to deny that cause and so we are where we are and only science can stand up to that and comne up with the evidence to chart the best path. Denying it as so many do out there is for me a tell they are afraid of what might be uncovered.

You cannot shape people's lives on the back of their desires. That is never going to end well for anybody.

 

[Glortard]

I am also concerned for the young girls being sucked into the easy peasy way to deal with any gender incongruity which has led to a doubling of female to male transitions over the age of the internet.

I doubt that is unconnected. It must be worringly easy to see trans as the new in thing and a way out of whatever issues these girls have that might just be temporary and could be resolved less drastically and surely have to be regarded as the most likely outcome. So caution and care and time is needed not fast tracking change becase it is 'cruel' not to do and leaving it up to everyone to decide for themselves is the way of the day?

This looks like all round a social catastrophe waiting to happen. We should not be sleepwalking into any of this with girls who realise too late testosterone has ruined their bodies or an army of later aged transitioners who will leave a trail of damaged familes they have happily raised whilst repressing their issues for decades but which this fredom to do what you choose willentice into doing what they would never have done when it was harder to bypass gatekeeping.

We seem to have learnt so little from the past. And, yes, I know this is a new age and I accept I am out of touch ad maybe we should move on into new freedoms. But to ignore these lessons today may lead to tragedies tomorrow.

We owe it to everyone not to simply undo the safeguards just because the ones who want those safeguards to disappear say so.. I think there are enouigh grounds for asking if they have an ulterior motive for wanting this.

You are very much not out of touch and sadly people that should be acting as gatekeepers are instead facilitating the madness. One school in Brighton had 1 in 20 pupils who identified as trans/non binary where according to Stonewall at the time in the population the figure is 1 in 200. Even that is way wrong as its probably much lower than than that when you weed out people like Sam Smith. Now going back to the Brighton example if that had been a group of teens who had eating disorders or where self harming there would be a huge outcry with intervention. Instead what we are getting is simply validation with charities springing up there getting 100.000s to deal with trans kids where the average age is now 9. Having 3 children I know for a fact that at primary school age they are not questioning their gender identity or sexuality unless there are external forces coming into play.

You touch upon the internet especially with young girls and its sickening to see teenagers celebrating having top surgery along with forums that do not allow dissenting voices but instead welcome them down a dark path.

 

[Jayceedove]

As for writing an article on this? No, I have never done so.

I have posted elsewhere under my own name and ended up getting hate for it from all sides. And I have a family still who went through this with me and no desire to have my life defined as being all about trans. Just for being me.

I have managed that successfully for decades. I have done stuff and none of it has ever been off the back of being transsexual. Just from being me. That was the point of transition.

I have been on quite a few TV shows and in the press a bit over the years as a result of my work but not once asked about being transsexual. It was not a secret. Many of those interviewing me knew. Even when I was on Woman's Hour they did. But never brought it up as it was not relevant to the conversation.

But I was always prepared to be asked if someone chose to do so. And would have answered truthfully, of course. I just did not seek it.

As I said - like most transsexuals - we transitioned to live a life that had been on hold for years and not be visibly in anyones face as trans or any kind of activist. We had achieved peace with ourselves and were not seeking to disrupt that by campaigning for things nobody was doing until five minutes ago. They did what they could to let us live without problem. I travelled the world for my job long before the GRA. Had F on my passport years before the GRA. They changed my school exam certificates even - though I was young enough to get college ones after transition so that was why I needed to do this. It took support from doctors and a bit of time but all things were possible when common sense wasapplied even before the law got changed.

The GRA came when I was 32 years post transition. So one of the few who lived without it longer than with it. It meant I never married my partner as he died quite young. But did not stop us living together and perceived as man and wife by all who did not know and buying our own home as we both had good jobs.

That was good enough for us without it being codified. What is happening now though will make that much more difficult for transsexuals as this is now very visibly out there and they will be judged by the worst of what is perceived as trans. And there is a lot of that.

Our invisibility is our biggest problem but also what has let us live in equiibrium. So few are eager to go out there fighting. I see why but it is not going to stop the bad things that we should be seeking to stop going on in our names.

It cost me things I had to give up that I would have had if I had retained male privilege and not transitioned young. But not for a second have I ever regretted that.So it is hard to decide at my age where I am probably more scared of going out there as I ever was to suddenly court the wrath of the ongoing anger.

 

[Cocobaby09]

Anyone who threatens suicide to make me change my mind can eff off. It's a manipulative tactic that so many tiktok crazed teens and TRAs throw around instead of proper debate.

P.s. I was walking around my place of work today and saw a TIM dressed like a stereotype. Just because I met their eyes for a longer than a second they gave me a really pissed off look as if to say how dare you do a double-take/clock me. Facial recognition doesn't lie. I have a terrible poker face

I'm not a mean person but when caught by surprise I give my thoughts away on my face.

I guess it happens to them all the time and I get it must be hard for them. But you know what's harder? Women's spaces/language/safety/freedom of expression/opportunities being taken away.

This is so me, my feelings show on my face, and I can't hide it no matter what I do!

 

[petitspois]

I've been quite heartened in the last two weeks. I attended a parenting workshop on mental health at my daughter's secondary school and one of the topics that came up was gender and it was very much focussed on just talking about how you are feeling and positive mental health as opposed to declaring trans status or anything concrete.

Also, a major focus of her history lessons recently has been the suffragettes.

 

[Jayceedove]

As for access to spaces raised in your earlier replies - for which I thank you - I do not think any of us ever pushed boundaries beyond the basics.

I see a lot of arguments that this was all about men taking over spaces or even colonising. I can see why it might seem like that. But it was 60 years ago really just about integrating as far as I could see. You had to be accepted by those around you for transition to be deemed successful. Why they were so cautious of who they put through.

The rules such as they were and told to us were to avoid any female spaces pre surgery if you could. It often meant not doing things as way back then there were not a multitude of options. Only post op was it more required as the point was to integrate successfully and not stand out.

I do see the argument about usurping spaces more now than I probably did then. But I thought the balance was right. As I assumed there were very few of us and we all had had surgery. And none of us were in ay=y way trying to be noticed.

This may have been naive. Not sure

Was it appropriation? That was certainly not the intent. I was following doctors advice and just trying to fit in. There were never any obvious issues but I can see there might have bee unseen over the years.

Maybe I did think too little about it once post op. It was easy to just feel free and happy and never even think about the things that had blighted all my childhood. Was that selfish? Perhaps. But it was not just presumption of right. It was all a medical process and we were following rules we wwre prescribed.

These things were discussed with us in the transition process. And we accepted boundaries never to cross. So if there was a job specifically aimed at women we did not apply. I gave up teacher training as after discussions we agreed that 1972 was too early for a transsexual teacher as it would potentially upset some parents. I was sad but understood.

I qualified for and applied for a job as a radiographer in a hospital and was offered the job but they then changed their mind after there were objections from a staff membder. I had a lot of support from other staff (indeed one of them to this day is a friend of mine and still never forgave them).

I can only imagine what would happen today if this happened. But I accepted it and moved on. I knew there were boundaries not to be pushed. That was my deal with society as explaied. We were seeking compromise not conflict.

I never have to this day used an open plan changing space and if there was only one went eksewhere and only ever use shops that have separate enclosed cubicles. But do I use womens areas in a shop? Yes. Again I tried to find a non intrusive balance that I have lived with all my life.

Sports is another story I could talk about - but would I compete against women? No never.

I suspect very few transsexuals would. And again we are only hearing about these things as the new breed of trans (as in transgender) seem to regard this as a right to might. TS just compete in amateur events if they are accepted. But not in anything where strength is an obvious factor.

Same with all women shortlists. They exist for a reason and I long since made clear I would never apply to be on one. As far as I know I never have been.

Transsexuals as a rule try to find a balance like this but that is not always as easy as it sounds. Because none of us want to be perceived as different even if we obviously know we are. It was why we did what we did to live as normal as possible.

Which is now increasingly difficult given that normal and tras peopke are poles apart

 

[barmj]

I have pictures of Monty pre-transition. I’ll post them if it’s allowed. They were posted online by Monty himself, even though he likes to whine about them being “leaked” like nudes he’s still tagged in said photos on Facebook, ffs.

I know a TIM who has a love/hate friendship with Monty and he once complained about how privileged Monty is, going off on holidays all the time and having those surgeries. Nothing poor or oppressed about him at all. Massive misogynistic scumbag and loves to harrass women like JK Rowling, Kathleen Stock and Emma Hilton on Twitter.