Gender Discussion #17

[callurdadurinacult]

I just wanted to express my gratitude for these threads. I came to Tattle on a whim when an IG account I follow was apparently being talked about. Never found mention of her, but I did find these GC threads and I've been catching up on almost all of them for the last week or so.

Last fall, my 15 yo son told us he was trans and you could have knocked me over with a feather. He's NEVER given us any indication of that, and I've been very open about that kind of thing practically his whole life. He had long hair until he was 4, grew it long again a few years ago, cut it all off and now he's growing it out again, but that's truly the most "feminine" thing about him. We always let him play with whatever type of toys he wanted, dress up however he wanted, etc. If he'd told me he was gay or even NB, I would've been much less surprised, but this blew his father and I away. There was ZERO indication of GD throughout his life.

We're both very left-leaning, been participants in the Woke Olympics in years past, swallowed all the propaganda hook line and sinker in the name of being a good person, but his announcement just felt WRONG somehow. After some long talks and lots of tears, it seems like the likeliest conclusion is he was influenced by a friend of his who was a girl, then MiF, and now NB. He's on the autism spectrum and has a problem with hyperfixation, so I think he probably began reading about being trans and got a little obsessed. Everything he was saying sounded JUST LIKE a script he'd seen online somewhere. I explained to him that at 15, it's very normal to feel confused about and a little grossed out by your developing body. I told him his dad and I had both been through the same thing, that I'd even experimented with self-harm because I hated myself at that age so much. I told him if he'd like to paint his nails or wear make up or borrow some of my clothes at home, he was welcome to, but there wasn't going to be any hormone treatments or surgery in his near future.

I tried to find a therapist who would help him tackle his underlying issues, because I believe this should be the basis of ALL trans treatment? The first one I spoke to literally made me feel like the world's worst mom for not immediately leaping to affirm his newfound identity because "this is who he is" and I would just need to accept it if I loved him. I never spoke to her again. In the course of reading and reading and READING to try and understand how this whole thing came out of nowhere, I came across ROGC and GC discourse and holy tit, did I peak. Unfortunately, my entire friend circle is super woke and I have never been able to talk about this with anyone other than my husband until now. I am 100% in support of treating everyone with dignity and respect, including those who are truly experiencing GD or those who just want to quietly live their lives as the opposite sex. But the pendulum has swung SO FAR that it feels like we're living in an alternate reality at this point. I am the same kind-hearted, generous, logical, giving, and respectful person I've always been, but if I were to try and have a rational discussion about the "trans trend," I would be labelled a TERF witch and cancelled. It's madness.

Sorry for the book, but I am so happy to be able to get this off my chest in a relatively safe space! For the record, I love my child and would support him if he were truly trans. Since that brief episode, he hasn't talked about it again, although I've brought it up several times to see how he's doing. I told my husband he may revisit it once he gets older, and if he does, we'll tackle it then and love him regardless. I'm just so sick of seeing such a complex tangle of issues distilled into black and white identity politics.

(I haven't proofread this because I'm working, apologies for any typos!)

 

[openbook1]

I just wanted to express my gratitude for these threads. I came to Tattle on a whim when an IG account I follow was apparently being talked about. Never found mention of her, but I did find these GC threads and I've been catching up on almost all of them for the last week or so.

Last fall, my 15 yo son told us he was trans and you could have knocked me over with a feather. He's NEVER given us any indication of that, and I've been very open about that kind of thing practically his whole life. He had long hair until he was 4, grew it long again a few years ago, cut it all off and now he's growing it out again, but that's truly the most "feminine" thing about him. We always let him play with whatever type of toys he wanted, dress up however he wanted, etc. If he'd told me he was gay or even NB, I would've been much less surprised, but this blew his father and I away. There was ZERO indication of GD throughout his life.

We're both very left-leaning, been participants in the Woke Olympics in years past, swallowed all the propaganda hook line and sinker in the name of being a good person, but his announcement just felt WRONG somehow. After some long talks and lots of tears, it seems like the likeliest conclusion is he was influenced by a friend of his who was a girl, then MiF, and now NB. He's on the autism spectrum and has a problem with hyperfixation, so I think he probably began reading about being trans and got a little obsessed. Everything he was saying sounded JUST LIKE a script he'd seen online somewhere. I explained to him that at 15, it's very normal to feel confused about and a little grossed out by your developing body. I told him his dad and I had both been through the same thing, that I'd even experimented with self-harm because I hated myself at that age so much. I told him if he'd like to paint his nails or wear make up or borrow some of my clothes at home, he was welcome to, but there wasn't going to be any hormone treatments or surgery in his near future.

I tried to find a therapist who would help him tackle his underlying issues, because I believe this should be the basis of ALL trans treatment? The first one I spoke to literally made me feel like the world's worst mom for not immediately leaping to affirm his newfound identity because "this is who he is" and I would just need to accept it if I loved him. I never spoke to her again. In the course of reading and reading and READING to try and understand how this whole thing came out of nowhere, I came across ROGC and GC discourse and holy tit, did I peak. Unfortunately, my entire friend circle is super woke and I have never been able to talk about this with anyone other than my husband until now. I am 100% in support of treating everyone with dignity and respect, including those who are truly experiencing GD or those who just want to quietly live their lives as the opposite sex. But the pendulum has swung SO FAR that it feels like we're living in an alternate reality at this point. I am the same kind-hearted, generous, logical, giving, and respectful person I've always been, but if I were to try and have a rational discussion about the "trans trend," I would be labelled a TERF witch and cancelled. It's madness.

Sorry for the book, but I am so happy to be able to get this off my chest in a relatively safe space! For the record, I love my child and would support him if he were truly trans. Since that brief episode, he hasn't talked about it again, although I've brought it up several times to see how he's doing. I told my husband he may revisit it once he gets older, and if he does, we'll tackle it then and love him regardless. I'm just so sick of seeing such a complex tangle of issues distilled into black and white identity politics.

(I haven't proofread this because I'm working, apologies for any typos!)

Have you read Abigail Shrier's book? She talks about the trans phenomenon amongst teens, mostly girls. But psychologists also talk about how teens with autism are often falling into the "trans" trap. Your comment about your son being autistic leapt out at me for this reason. She speaks to parents who were blindsided by their kids.

 

[Vanelope]

I just wanted to express my gratitude for these threads. I came to Tattle on a whim when an IG account I follow was apparently being talked about. Never found mention of her, but I did find these GC threads and I've been catching up on almost all of them for the last week or so.

Last fall, my 15 yo son told us he was trans and you could have knocked me over with a feather. He's NEVER given us any indication of that, and I've been very open about that kind of thing practically his whole life. He had long hair until he was 4, grew it long again a few years ago, cut it all off and now he's growing it out again, but that's truly the most "feminine" thing about him. We always let him play with whatever type of toys he wanted, dress up however he wanted, etc. If he'd told me he was gay or even NB, I would've been much less surprised, but this blew his father and I away. There was ZERO indication of GD throughout his life.

We're both very left-leaning, been participants in the Woke Olympics in years past, swallowed all the propaganda hook line and sinker in the name of being a good person, but his announcement just felt WRONG somehow. After some long talks and lots of tears, it seems like the likeliest conclusion is he was influenced by a friend of his who was a girl, then MiF, and now NB. He's on the autism spectrum and has a problem with hyperfixation, so I think he probably began reading about being trans and got a little obsessed. Everything he was saying sounded JUST LIKE a script he'd seen online somewhere. I explained to him that at 15, it's very normal to feel confused about and a little grossed out by your developing body. I told him his dad and I had both been through the same thing, that I'd even experimented with self-harm because I hated myself at that age so much. I told him if he'd like to paint his nails or wear make up or borrow some of my clothes at home, he was welcome to, but there wasn't going to be any hormone treatments or surgery in his near future.

I tried to find a therapist who would help him tackle his underlying issues, because I believe this should be the basis of ALL trans treatment? The first one I spoke to literally made me feel like the world's worst mom for not immediately leaping to affirm his newfound identity because "this is who he is" and I would just need to accept it if I loved him. I never spoke to her again. In the course of reading and reading and READING to try and understand how this whole thing came out of nowhere, I came across ROGC and GC discourse and holy tit, did I peak. Unfortunately, my entire friend circle is super woke and I have never been able to talk about this with anyone other than my husband until now. I am 100% in support of treating everyone with dignity and respect, including those who are truly experiencing GD or those who just want to quietly live their lives as the opposite sex. But the pendulum has swung SO FAR that it feels like we're living in an alternate reality at this point. I am the same kind-hearted, generous, logical, giving, and respectful person I've always been, but if I were to try and have a rational discussion about the "trans trend," I would be labelled a TERF witch and cancelled. It's madness.

Sorry for the book, but I am so happy to be able to get this off my chest in a relatively safe space! For the record, I love my child and would support him if he were truly trans. Since that brief episode, he hasn't talked about it again, although I've brought it up several times to see how he's doing. I told my husband he may revisit it once he gets older, and if he does, we'll tackle it then and love him regardless. I'm just so sick of seeing such a complex tangle of issues distilled into black and white identity politics.

(I haven't proofread this because I'm working, apologies for any typos!)

For what it’s worth I think you did the perfect thing for your child. And you did affirm his feelings about feeling wrong and how puberty makes everyone uncomfortable with changes happening to them.

 

[callurdadurinacult]

Have you read Abigail Shrier's book? She talks about the trans phenomenon amongst teens, mostly girls. But psychologists also talk about how teens with autism are often falling into the "trans" trap. Your comment about your son being autistic leapt out at me for this reason. She speaks to parents who were blindsided by their kids.

I haven't read the whole book yet (I'm in the last semester of a college program so don't have much time for heavy reading!) but I did come across her site and some of her videos when I was looking for guidance. I thought they were really helpful. I did also find mention of this being more common among kids with autism and that makes perfect sense to me for a lot of reasons. One thing he kept saying to me during a particularly difficult discussion was, "But if this isn't what's wrong with me, what IS?" Like, he really felt this explained everything, because people have MADE teens feel like it explains everything. I just told him nothing is wrong with him, he's just a teen living in a weird world in the middle of a pandemic, so of COURSE he feels sad/scared/confused. It really infuriates me that people with influence are offering being trans as the solution to all of a child's insecurities and questions about existing in an imperfect world, when in the vast majority of cases, we should be helping them learn to navigate it successfully. :/

 

[House of Tea]

This is sickening. Utterly sickening. Small girls being sold to old men so that families can eat.

Heart-breaking moment Afghan father forced to sell daughter, aged NINE

Parwana Malik, nine, who lives at an Afghan displacement camp, is being sold by her parents to a 55-year-old stranger who the youngster describes as an 'old man' due to his white beard.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[callurdadurinacult]

For what it’s worth I think you did the perfect thing for your child. And you did affirm his feelings about feeling wrong and how puberty makes everyone uncomfortable with changes happening to them.

Thank you for saying so. I called my therapist the very next day and she said she was in agreement with everything I'd said so far, so that was helpful (he and I have the same therapist, so she knows him.) I was very clear that he MIGHT be trans, but he might also be gay or just a confused teen living in a confused world where suddenly we need a freaking label slapped on EVERY behavior or "identity." I told him he can like plenty of things that aren't traditionally seen as male, and that doesn't mean he wants to BE a woman.

 

[Whatevesmate]

Thank you for saying so. I called my therapist the very next day and she said she was in agreement with everything I'd said so far, so that was helpful (he and I have the same therapist, so she knows him.) I was very clear that he MIGHT be trans, but he might also be gay or just a confused teen living in a confused world where suddenly we need a freaking label slapped on EVERY behavior or "identity." I told him he can like plenty of things that aren't traditionally seen as male, and that doesn't mean he wants to BE a woman.

Genuinely pleased that you found this thread and have found it useful. You sound like a devoted, wise, smart, committed mother to me and hopefully, your son will appreciate your support and clarity in the future. I know that my own children have appreciated my position and decisions with hindsight, on a whole range of issues, a few years down the line. So hang in there!

I just wanted to recommend an excellent podcast called Gender: A Wider lens. It features 2 therapists who both work with kids questioning their gender identity and their families. They are both extremely smart and compassionate and I have found it fascinating and elucidating. It tackles the subject from multiple angles, including how to deal with woke, judgemental friends! If I had a child questioning their gender I'd be so relieved to listen to this. They have had some excellent guests too. I'd highly recommend it. Good luck to you all.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

We don't want to kill you. We don’t "demand you stop existing." We want you to stop speaking over women and trying to push your way into single sex spaces for women. But now, every time we try to highlight violence or threats of violence by TRAs they'll point to this as "proof" that women are the real threat. Like MRAs do with Valerie Solanas

For the uninitiated: Lily Cade is a porn star/director of exclusively lesbian porn who insists on working with women only and was raked over the coals several years ago because she wouldn't film with a transwoman. She was recently featured in a BBC article about the survey of lesbians who reported being sexually harassed by transwomen, but now it emerges that she is a deranged conspiracy theorist who writes horrifying blog entries about her desire to kill transwomen and Jazz Jennings' mother / the mothers of trans-identified kids. Reportedly she has also been accused of sexual assault. Either way, the fact remains: not wanting to pretend men are women does not mean we want to kill or harm them

Edit: I like Rose of Dawn's response

 

[callurdadurinacult]

Genuinely pleased that you found this thread and have found it useful. You sound like a devoted, wise, smart, committed mother to me and hopefully, your son will appreciate your support and clarity in the future. I know that my own children have appreciated my position and decisions with hindsight, on a whole range of issues, a few years down the line. So hang in there!

I just wanted to recommend an excellent podcast called Gender: A Wider lens. It features 2 therapists who both work with kids questioning their gender identity and their families. They are both extremely smart and compassionate and I have found it fascinating and elucidating. It tackles the subject from multiple angles, including how to deal with woke, judgemental friends! If I had a child questioning their gender I'd be so relieved to listen to this. They have had some excellent guests too. I'd highly recommend it. Good luck to you all.

I appreciate your kind words AND that recommendation so much! Sasha Ayad came up a lot in a GC parent forum I found last year, I think she does phone appointments with parents of questioning kids all over the world. The podcast looks great, I'll definitely be listening. I wholeheartedly believe there's a middle ground to be had with this topic, it's just so difficult to find places where you can talk rationally and unemotionally without people jumping down your throat and calling you a TERF.

 

[katiesmith81]

Have you read Abigail Shrier's book? She talks about the trans phenomenon amongst teens, mostly girls. But psychologists also talk about how teens with autism are often falling into the "trans" trap. Your comment about your son being autistic leapt out at me for this reason. She speaks to parents who were blindsided by their kids.

Watching some of her videos and have to say I find it utterly fascinating. Not sure if it was on here or on a video of hers by a users comments, in which they state about the lack of parents not being their or least trying to be their 'best friend' and being an actual parent, couldn't agree more. Though rather I dont have kids (dont want to possibly give anyone my health problem (have a few but the bigger one), one being a half chance of passing onto offspring) but is when I really truly appreciate my upbringing with the fact that I try to be as realistic as possible vs what I want haha.

The reality is @callurdadurinacult is yeah going to be least sometimes difficult saying no, but you're not there really to be their best friend least all the time anyway, like always a yes to your children. Is what my parents did to me, did least sometimes say no to certain things and looking back would have said the same if I were ever to have kids in the same situation as such. As I like to think I turned out as a level headed person in that sense.

Though not sure from the MTF sense but have read some users comments in a video where she talks to Roe Rogan, where someone said they'd either known or heard of a FTM trans girl (or thinks they were trans) having hormones or hormone blockers I think was the latter, where least one of their reproductive organs atrophied, essentially tissue damage and thats a very risky thing (could even potentially be fatal). Like she said in that interview in the US at least (though here in UK I dont know) there's no real oversight of prescribing hormones, is how (like she mentioned) the opiate/opiod problem of over-prescribing them happened (crisis I think its called) where one of the drugs companies pushing oxycontin were sued for lying about its addictive properties.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I explained to him that at 15, it's very normal to feel confused about and a little grossed out by your developing body. I told him his dad and I had both been through the same thing, that I'd even experimented with self-harm because I hated myself at that age so much. I told him if he'd like to paint his nails or wear make up or borrow some of my clothes at home, he was welcome to, but there wasn't going to be any hormone treatments or surgery in his near future.

Welcome and I’m glad you’ve found support here in time where it’s affirmation or nothing. I just wanted to pick up on something you said.

I would suggest drawing a line at letting your son borrow your clothes. This is your property that you picked out that represents your taste; your precious clothes are not for your children to play or experiment in.

Women are socialised to be accommodating and nice. Different scenarios but if you read stories of trans widows, they often thought they could help their spouses by lending their make up (even underwear in some cases) thinking it would help their spouse ‘work out’ their identities. The women got shat on anyway, as their MTF spouses are socialised men.

Teens love experimenting with make up, clothing and different looks: it can be on things he has chosen himself and not your property.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Women freezing to death in menstruation huts in Nepal? Nah, that's not as bad.
Women being victims of genocidal rape? Nah, that's not as bad.
Women being imprisoned if they show their hair? Nah, that's not as bad.
Women being forced to undergo FGM? Nah, that's not as bad.
Girls being married at 8 years old and giving birth at 9? Nah, that's not as bad.

Small fry compared to Dave dressing as Denise and being misgendered in McDonalds. Get with the programme dude.

 

[emm]

Small fry compared to Dave dressing as Denise and being misgendered in McDonalds. Get with the programme dude.

why are they so obsessed with being the centre of everything? why would a tiny minority group be the centre of any movement?!

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

why are they so obsessed with being the centre of everything? why would a tiny minority group be the centre of any movement?!

Because their victim narrative gives them the affirmation they feel they deserve.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I don't know who this person is who is calling for trans women to be killed, I have never seen it myself - but what an interesting response if there's one person saying that, contrasted with the sheer number of TRAs calling for sexual violence/general violence of GC/radical feminist women? For the avoidance of doubt I do not consider violence or the threat of it towards anyone at all to be acceptable, but if they hate the threat of violence so much perhaps they should look inwards.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Owen Jones is going on about Lily Cade now. The double standards are astounding.

 

[Ispyabudgetbeanblogger]

I couldn’t believe this thread, all the replies are basically saying that if you don’t want to date trans people then you’re transphobic View attachment 842978

I always find these types of posts massively confusing. Who we are attracted to is outside of our conscious control. Anyone who suggests otherwise is defending rape culture. I personally wouldn't go around telling people that I'm attracted to only men who have blonde hair or who are taller than me (neither is true, just as an example), because it's irrelevant to most people and most situations. When I've rejected someone's advances I've never felt the need to say 'It's because you are too short'. I would find it cruel to state the reason and I wouldn't want to hear the reason relating to anyone rejecting me either. 'I just don't feel that way about you' or 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now' would normally suffice, and for that reason I disagree with anyone who would tell someone 'I don't want to date you because you are trans'. But people are allowed to think it or say it in more abstract discussions. And it's not exactly surprising, the vast majority of people feel that way, INCLUDING trans people.

I suspect it's because of two reasons.

Biologically, we are wired to want to have sex with people who can procreate. This is deep inside of us ,outside rational thinking, so even if you don't want kids yourself, I think your reptilian brain may still be attracted to people who look virile or fertile to you. Most trans people don't, for obvious reasons.

Reason number two is because I think most people instinctively understand that trans people have mental health issues. I have suffered from anxiety, depression and c-PTSD myself, so I'm not judging, but the reality is anyone who is not mentally well is not particularly attractive to people. I think it's ridiculous to pretend otherwise. I would expect long-term partners to stand by people who suffer from bad mental health, but a new partner? Why would anyone take that on?

Also (unless I have missed it) I never recall anyone of any other group aggressively "calling people out" for not dating someone because of racism
(for example)? it seems only to be the trans movement doing this, no other group tries to force people to date them

Seems to be a bit of a thing in the body positive movement too. Plenty of tiktoks with overweight women saying 'You won't date me because you are fatphobic'. It's utterly ridiculous. I will never understand why you'd want to talk anyone into dating you. I'm in a happy long-term relationship but I remember the times of meeting someone new and just wanting to rip their clothes off, being giddy with excitement of seeing them, talking on the phone all night, etc. They didn't need to convince me to like them, I didn't need to convince them. It's quite sad that these people have never experienced real lust and felt in-love.

 

[emm]

I always find these types of posts massively confusing. Who we are attracted to is outside of our conscious control. Anyone who suggests otherwise is defending rape culture. I personally wouldn't go around telling people that I'm attracted to only men who have blonde hair or who are taller than me (neither is true, just as an example), because it's irrelevant to most people and most situations. When I've rejected someone's advances I've never felt the need to say 'It's because you are too short'. I would find it cruel to state the reason and I wouldn't want to hear the reason relating to anyone rejecting me either. 'I just don't feel that way about you' or 'I'm not looking for a relationship right now' would normally suffice, and for that reason I disagree with anyone who would tell someone 'I don't want to date you because you are trans'. But people are allowed to think it or say it in more abstract discussions. And it's not exactly surprising, the vast majority of people feel that way, INCLUDING trans people.

I suspect it's because of two reasons.

Biologically, we are wired to want to have sex with people who can procreate. This is deep inside of us ,outside rational thinking, so even if you don't want kids yourself, I think your reptilian brain may still be attracted to people who look virile or fertile to you. Most trans people don't, for obvious reasons.

Reason number two is because I think most people instinctively understand that trans people have mental health issues. I have suffered from anxiety, depression and c-PTSD myself, so I'm not judging, but the reality is anyone who is not mentally well is not particularly attractive to people. I think it's ridiculous to pretend otherwise. I would expect long-term partners to stand by people who suffer from bad mental health, but a new partner? Why would anyone take that on?


Seems to be a bit of a thing in the body positive movement too. Plenty of tiktoks with overweight women saying 'You won't date me because you are fatphobic'. It's utterly ridiculous. I will never understand why you'd want to talk anyone into dating you. I'm in a happy long-term relationship but I remember the times of meeting someone new and just wanting to rip their clothes off, being giddy with excitement of seeing them, talking on the phone all night, etc. They didn't need to convince me to like them, I didn't need to convince them. It's quite sad that these people have never experienced real lust and felt in-love.

I agree with most of what you have said, except for this:
" Biologically, we are wired to want to have sex with people who can procreate. This is deep inside of us ,outside rational thinking, so even if you don't want kids yourself, I think your reptilian brain may still be attracted to people who look virile or fertile to you."
if this were always the case surely no one would be lesbian or gay? and straight men wouldn't be attracted to really thin women who have lost their periods, for example?
Anyway otherwise yes, I totally agree about the fatphobic thing, that whole "movement" is insane at this point (and I say this as someone who is fat)

 

[callurdadurinacult]

Watching some of her videos and have to say I find it utterly fascinating. Not sure if it was on here or on a video of hers by a users comments, in which they state about the lack of parents not being their or least trying to be their 'best friend' and being an actual parent, couldn't agree more. Though rather I dont have kids (dont want to possibly give anyone my health problem (have a few but the bigger one), one being a half chance of passing onto offspring) but is when I really truly appreciate my upbringing with the fact that I try to be as realistic as possible vs what I want haha.

The reality is @callurdadurinacult is yeah going to be least sometimes difficult saying no, but you're not there really to be their best friend least all the time anyway, like always a yes to your children. Is what my parents did to me, did least sometimes say no to certain things and looking back would have said the same if I were ever to have kids in the same situation as such. As I like to think I turned out as a level headed person in that sense.

Though not sure from the MTF sense but have read some users comments in a video where she talks to Roe Rogan, where someone said they'd either known or heard of a FTM trans girl (or thinks they were trans) having hormones or hormone blockers I think was the latter, where least one of their reproductive organs atrophied, essentially tissue damage and thats a very risky thing (could even potentially be fatal). Like she said in that interview in the US at least (though here in UK I dont know) there's no real oversight of prescribing hormones, is how (like she mentioned) the opiate/opiod problem of over-prescribing them happened (crisis I think its called) where one of the drugs companies pushing oxycontin were sued for lying about its addictive properties.

Lefty though I may be, I am definitely more old school when it comes to parenting. My kids can be my friend when they're all grown up. Until then, they get a mom who is generous with saying yes but also isn't afraid of saying no! There is definitely a lot of people in my circle who let their kids rule the roost, though.

Welcome and I’m glad you’ve found support here in time where it’s affirmation or nothing. I just wanted to pick up on something you said.

I would suggest drawing a line at letting your son borrow your clothes. This is your property that you picked out that represents your taste; your precious clothes are not for your children to play or experiment in.

Women are socialised to be accommodating and nice. Different scenarios but if you read stories of trans widows, they often thought they could help their spouses by lending their make up (even underwear in some cases) thinking it would help their spouse ‘work out’ their identities. The women got shat on anyway, as their MTF spouses are socialised men.

Teens love experimenting with make up, clothing and different looks: it can be on things he has chosen himself and not your property.

This is a really good point that I never would have considered, so thanks for that! He never has taken me up on that offer, anyway, and lives in baggy hoodies and jeans. He also hasn't ever asked to experiment with make up or to paint his nails or anything else I suggested he explore from the comfort and safety of home. If he ever does, I'll be sure to keep these boundaries in mind.

 

[weeweegie]

@callurdadurinacult welcome and glad you have found some advice and comfort on this thread. You sound like a great mum. It doesn’t sound like your son is trans at all. Just that he’s being heavily influenced by those around him and I’d imagine social media too. 15 is a hard age!

We can speak freely here without fear of being labelled terfs or transphobes (neither of which bother me), which has really helped me as it’s not a subject a lot of people want to talk about (although luckily all my close female friends are on the same page). The only label I would give myself is feminist. I believe in sex based rights. I believe in trans people having rights but they should not impinge on hard fought woman’s rights or endanger the lives of women and girls. Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent now