Gender Discussion #13

[Madeleine Wool]

I feel so glad that there is this page on Tattle where women can actually express themselves regarding gender critical opinions. I (foolishly!) like to browse reddit more frequently than I should and am trying to dump the habit because it's so easy to stumble upon comments calling women terfs and attributing all sorts of poisonous views to feminists. Today there's even stuff like this on the casual uk subreddit, which is usually 'safe' to look at, namechecking JK Rowling. Seeing things like this provoke an anxiety response in me - I start to feel on edge and my heart rate goes up. Seeing accusations of certain opinions being terfy makes me feel panic even though it's not directed at me personally - I'm despairing of how nonsense is being pushed on us but I get angry with myself for having this reaction. Does anyone understand?

 

[Whatevesmate]

Whenever people describe themselves as queer I read it as code for lost.

I'm Bi - have been for years. I don't use it to describe myself as my sexuality is really not that interesting. Same for my gay and lesbian friends. Only raise it if its relevant to the situation. No need to keep wanging on about it.

 

[emmer_moans]

I've had three female friends in their 40s re-label themselves as queer - they've all dyed their hair pastel with undercuts, and are preoccupied with everything pride/inclusivity related. Two of them are in heterosexual marriages. Most of the friendship group are scratching their heads behind the scenes. I get that someone's sexual preferences can sometimes evolve, but this feels different.

*Whispers* I think it is becuase social media trains us to think women in the 40s are no longer valued, and they see so many people labelling themselves as these new “exciting” “special” labels / deflection shields and they want a bit of that too. Sad really. But where else are 40 year old women learning about these things on such a scale? Facebook, instagram, marketing.

Lily Cole is a cretin, that Instagram post she did was horrendous timing. She’s married isn’t she? In a hetero relationship... why is she pretending to be different than what she is? Relevancy, I’m sure. Backfired on her though, good.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Cumbrained is a term for when you're so addicted to porn and masturbation to the point where you can't focus on day-to-day life tasks because you're watching (or thinking about) porn non-stop.

 

[petitspois]

I think the easy availability and content of porn is a huge issue in all of this, as others have said before. When I was young, a boy might stumble upon a mag from their friend's Dad or try to catch a glimpse of boob in the Littlewoods catalogue but nowadays hardcore, unrealistic and utterly vile porn can be accessed in a couple of clicks from their bedrooms. My daughter is 12 and the things the boys come out with in group chats just beggars belief. Leaving aside their views on women in general, the comments about rape genuinely shocked me.

 

[AlanBanan]

The Taliban shot a child in the head because she wanted an education.

A TiM is outraged by the fact that they don’t have everything handed to them in life.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

This has probably already been discussed recently but I’m getting really sick of women who have had hysterectomies or women with fertility issues being compared to trans women in order to make them feel better about not being able to have periods and bear children… like woman with these issues are comparable in anyway to trans women .. I saw something on Reddit earlier where a transwoman was saying how much they wished they had periods and people were like “not all cis women even get periods” omg just fuck off. It is nowhere near the same thing and I find it disgusting to compare it.. Sorry for the rant but i have nowhere else to say this and it’s been bugging me all day

I know what you mean, when people say define a woman, and a sensible person says, women have children and breasts and periods, and they think they trump you with not all woman have periods, not all women can have babies.

Just because not all woman can have babies, it doesn't mean men can be women. Like they're just women that have fertility problems.

 

[maytoseptember]

I have no words to.address this with. will the nhs now be offering escorts for incels?

I read a story on Twitter this week about a profoundly disabled man who’d had his NHS funding for “sex therapy” withdrawn. AKA the NHS wouldn’t pay for a sex worker for him anymore.

He had a successful consultancy business so could self-fund, but he didn’t want that. Presumably getting the NHS to pay removed the stigma of having to pay a woman to have sex with him.

I found it sickening. Getting to stick your penis in a woman is not a human right.

 

[AlanBanan]

So in America, you can now join the army and go to war, buy a gun, go under experimental surgeries and change your sex, buy a house, get into 100 of thousands worth of debt, have a baby, be a sex worker ALL BEFORE YOU CAN LEGALLY BUY A VODKA LEMONADE!

 

[CosmicCreepers]

I think Elliott is a very lost person and has been surrounded by people who have influenced them to come to a conclusion that’s probably driven by how frustrated they felt as a gay woman living in man’s world.

I have often myself considered it - even just for a moment - how much easier it would be to go about my day as a male, not having to worry “Will I get harassed today?” “Will they take me seriously at the job interview (I’m wanting to enter a very male dominated industry after graduating uni as I’ve always wanted to do the subject I’m studying) as I’m a woman?” “Will they see me as a person and not just a piece of meat?”

Add on top of that the struggles they have faced with accepting their sexuality I think Elliott is really suffering

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

I don't praise anyone unless it's genuine. I find it really false and cringe when people give false praise. I'm not saying people should be mean, but say nothing or give constructive criticism.

A trans person is not deserving of praise just because they put on a dress and make up. If they look genuinely good then fine. But most the time they look ridiculous. And men's legs do not look better than women's legs in a skirt, I wish people would stop telling them that.

It's the same when someone really over weight posts themselves in a very unflattering outfit and people pile in to tell them how fantastic they look. Why lie, just say nothing. (I'm not saying you can't look good when you're over weight, just that there is a way to dress to flatter a bigger body)

I think people take value from being kind and making other people feel good. Like self issued brownie points. But to me it's just weird to lie to people, especially when they are fishing for attention.

 

[eyespybs123]

Demi Lovato Says They May Not Always Identify As Nonbinary As They Continue Their Gender Journey

"There might be a time where I identify as trans."

www.buzzfeed.com

The biggest twat who would say anything to stay relevant

 

[DoraMaar]

ETA- it was handball sorry!

Norwegian Women's Handball Team Fined $1,700 for Playing in Shorts Instead Of Bikini Bottoms

The athletes made a "spontaneous" decision to forego bikini bottoms and wear shorts when they competing in the bronze medal match against Spain at the European Beach Handball Championships

people.com

In a perfect world...

 

[Satisfying Click]

I belong to an all-women's group and one of the reasons I think groups like these are so important is that we recognise and understand that women are not a protected group and therefore, we have to look out for and look after one another - it's called a sisterhood for a reason.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

I get what you're saying that people have different tastes and two enthusiastically consenting adults should be free to engage of whatever kink they like as long as they are safe.

But......

I can't get in board with this statement

"We are complicated creations and exploring our fantasies is as vital as fueling our bodies"

Exploring fantasys and being given free rain absolved of shame for doing so is what has led society down this path.

Somethings should come with shame attached, some fantasys should stay just that. It's is not vital to explore your fantasies.
Do you think it was vital for Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dahmer to explore their fantasies. I'm not saying you're anything like that, but just illustrating that a line has to be drawn somewhere.
Many would say that line should be drawn at the point that your hurting and/or endangering the life of someone else.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine suggests ‘chestfeeding,’ ‘father’s milk’ in new guidelines

The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine has issued guidelines that suggest employing such terms as “chestfeeding,” “human milk feeding,” and “parent’s milk” to promote what it calls “gender-inclusive language.”

www.washingtontimes.com

So considering 99.9% of people in the world who give birth aren't trans then medical language should still say breastfeeding and breast milk? I guess not.

They're my breasts and my milk. I'll call it what I want.

What annoys me, is there is no reason we can't say, breastfeeding and chest feeding women and people. Yes it's wordy and stupid, but at least it's is inclusive not everyone.

Why does being inclusive to trans men mean erasing women from the few things that are just for us, like breastfeeding, giving birth and being a mum.

 

[emmer_moans]

There’s a lot of men getting upset about OnlyFans cracking down on some porn
Those porn consumers don’t seem care about exploiting women and children though do they? Entitled *choice swearword here*

 

[judgejohndeed]

While it might suck to not be fancied back by someone would you really want to date them if they didn't?

So many contradictions of principles here too. 'I demand the freedom to pretend I'm a woman and be legally recognised as such, but you can't have the freedom to decide who you date.'
Where do you even draw the line with this anyway? Someone I really fancied once told me he didn't find me attractive because I was brunette and he only liked blondes. Upsetting sure, but what's to be gained from demanding he dates me because the colour of my hair is e.g. outside of my control in the same way that trans people claim it's not their fault they're trans?
All of this only reinforces the inclination I had ages ago - a lot of these people have probably never dated/are incels, and they thought that by being trans they would get more attention and/or be able to pressure people into dating/sleeping with them. I have no time for it.

 

[AlanBanan]

Entitled white man and his “victim tears”

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine suggests ‘chestfeeding,’ ‘father’s milk’ in new guidelines

The Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine has issued guidelines that suggest employing such terms as “chestfeeding,” “human milk feeding,” and “parent’s milk” to promote what it calls “gender-inclusive language.”

www.washingtontimes.com

Suggested “gender-inclusive terms” for “breastfeeding” include “chestfeeding, lactating, expressing, pumping, human milk feeding.” Alternatives for “breast milk” include “milk, human milk, mother’s own milk, parent’s milk, father’s milk.”


“Language has power,” said Dr. Laura Kair, one of the authors and medical director of well newborn care at UC Davis Children’s Hospital, in a statement.

“The language that we use should be as inclusive as possible when discussing infant feeding,” she said. “When working with patients it is best to ask them their affirmed terminology. When communicating medical research, language should accurately reflect the population studied so as not to mask research needs.”

So considering 99.9% of people in the world who give birth aren't trans then medical language should still say breastfeeding and breast milk? I guess not.