Gender Discussion #13

[maytoseptember]

Wait, really?!? I just thought that it was simple questioning!

Oh you sweet summer child…

Spoiler: MN trolls and pervs

Seriously though, I’m sure some threads are genuine. But you get to know the signs of a pervert looking for fap material. You get to know the signs of a man typing and pretending to be a woman (an OTT friendly tone, exclamation marks and starting a post with “Hi Ladies!” is a big red flag). You see a lot of faux innocence about not knowing how to wash a baby’s genitals, or a child needing to have cream applied to their genitals… how would you do that? There’s the piss troll obsessed with leaking nappies. There’s also a school uniform troll who posts looking for advice about finding blouses for teenage girls with huge breasts. Some post lurid threads pretending to be women who’ve leaked period blood over clothes and chairs, or who’ve shat themselves. Seriously, I could go on and on and on. I haven’t even scratched the surface of the depraved shit that goes on

 

[Platformcrocs]

Spoiler: Off topic - goady posters

I've noticed people trying to derail this thread recently, and seen some goady types in the childfree thread too. Fair play to the mods here, they're not completely oblivious like the Mumsnet mods, or deliberately ignorant like FB/IG guidelines and they actually nip reported posts in the bud, or put them behind a spoiler with a trigger warning like the kink defence one.

Spoiler: childfree thread

I dip in and out of the childfree thread but there's a few posters in there who are frankly rude, and it's not very enjoyable. I'm not interested in trashing working parents, most of them have worked their arse off over the last year and a half. Some people in that thread downright hate kids and anything to do with them. There's also someone newish to that thread who keeps creating new accounts every few weeks and seem to have an answer for every single thing someone says

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

Non binary for women seems to be women who are alternative. Based on that I am definitely non binary, some days I'm a full man. But of course I'm not, because laying a patio and having short hair doesn't make me a man or non binary. I'm a woman, always have been always will be.

This whole gender thing is becoming more and more just a fashion, a statement to say I'm not a girly girl, I'm a cool girl, I'm interesting and different. The same as the fashion and lifestyle trends teenagers have followed for decades.

It actually makes a mockery of people with real gender disphoria and transexuals that go through years of surgery.

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Another day another transgender woman claiming to be able to experience periods on twitter… are they having a laugh

Also I’ve been listening to Woman’s hour podcasts and I’m a bit concerned they haven’t covered the Plymouth Shooting yet (which is definitely a feminist issue) but have instead rolled with “should you have your mental health diagnoses in your dating app profile” I can only hope they are waiting to gather more facts before they discuss it with in depth analysis ? It would be very annoying for them to skive over such a clear modern day feminist issue

Here’s me sat in agony with the worst cramps I’ve had in a few months almost sick because of the pain…but yes of course having an estrogen injection is comparable to feeling like your insides are being torn out…

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

Anyway ranting over, I actually came to see if anyone was talking about Lily Cole being 'queer.' She's in a long term hetero relationship. I don't see what is to be gained, either for her or the LGB community, when people in long term hetero relationships 'come out' like this? I'm not a fan of e.g. telling people who are bisexual that they aren't bisexual unless they've 'proven' it by 'acting' on it, but this does seem like attention seeking to me.

“I’m NoT LiKe OtHeR hEtErO gIrLs”

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

I've seen a lot of posters on twitter saying 'TERFs are pro-Taliban' for saying that they know what a woman is when they want to rape/subjugate them... couldn't be more disingenuous if they tried.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

I hate this. Putting aside the complete idiocy of a genital/belly button comparison, the post is implying that if you've been on a few dates with someone you have to fuck them. Consent can be taken away at any point. You can change your mind about wanting to be physical with someone at any point for any reason. If you find out the person you thought was a female/male isn't and you don't want to sleep with them then that is absolutely fine! Why is it suddenly progressive to push the idea that you have to sleep with people you don't want to? Wtf?

It's also trying to make people feel like it's wrong to have a sexuality, like you're a bigot or fuddy duddy if you only want to have sex with men that have penis or women with (actual) vaginas. It's not wrong to only want to have sex with specific genitals.

I love my husband but if he had a vagina, we would not be married, that doesn't make me a bad person. And as much as I love my best friend, I would still not want to have sex with her even if she had a cock.

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

Does anyone feel as though with trans (women in particular) will be still shouting about their right to access single sex spaces and sex specific treatments when the world burns? It’s all a bit deckchairs on the titanic - is it “literal violence” to accidentally misgender beardy Kevin who is actually Kylie 4 days a week when the climate is also imploding?

I’m not saying nothing matters as much as the environment and I feel so sorry for regular LGB and actual transitioned people who want to live their lives without this TRA narc shit.

 

[Lonelylondon]

I just bought the book invisible women, went onto good reads to see some reviews and what people are saying it, most of it is positive and 5 stars, but there are quite a few review giving 1 or 2 stars and saying ‘I have to give this book two stars for its appalling erasure of trans and non binary people’ FFS can women not have anything!?

 

[rosemarina]

The Afghanistan situation is so dire. I keep thinking that it only needs a critical mass of men to want it, and the same thing could happen anywhere. Honestly, I think it would only need a few thousand men to reach a tipping point. There are some good men out there of course, but not nearly enough. I think a lot of them would secretly love it if we had to retire from the workforce and not move around freely. I genuinely believe it.

 

[maytoseptember]

Maybe I'm "boring"/not a very sexual person, maybe I'm just a "kink shamer", maybe it's because I have Ptsd from SA, but I just don't see why it's considered sexy or normal to hit/choke women during sex.

I will never understand it either, and I will never understand women who claim they love to be choked and it’s their idea to do it in bed, not their partners.

I think there’s a book to be written somewhere about porn and the way it influences what women want to have done to them, sexually. I don’t believe any woman inherently, naturally wants to be choked and beaten during sex. It’s fucked up.

Clearly, it’s a new “thing” to go mainstream. Every generation seems to embrace a new risqué sexual act, more risqué than the last. I’m old enough to remember the idea of anal being something that no woman really did. I certainly didn’t read about it in 90s teen magazines. Now we have Teen Vogue advising girls about how to do it.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

looks down...
I have been laying floor tiles this morning and appear to be wearing a vest and dungarees, am I a man??

Maybe you are genderfluid, genderqueer, non-binary or demi-boy/demi-girl? Perhaps you should start exploring your gender. How do you feel wearing dungarees and laying tiles opposed to wearing skirts and getting a manicure? Or do you fluctuate about how you feel about those things?

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

I think the Dolezal case is a bit different tbh (not excusing it), she clearly had a difficult childhoos and as such identified more as black from her (adopted) siblings, to me it seemed more like a mental health issue, I do think it provides interesting parallels for the trans debate though in how she was villified yet someone raised as a man can enjoy those priviledges and then enjoy the status of a woman

Agree on this - I recommend people watch the netflix documentary on her.

Rachel Dolezal grew up in an abusive puritan family. The family adopted a number of black children and Rachel became their de facto carer and it seems to have been through this that she built this new identity as a black woman and mother. I think it's an example of what you would call a maladaptive coping mechanism -it helped her survive the toxic family system but it's ultimately detrimental and impeding her. In her interviews it's quite clear she understands race in terms of stereotypes - being white equals living in puritan ways - she can't do that and so she can't live her life as white. It's very similar to a feminine man going 'well I couldn't be the alpha male so I transitioned'.

I feel sorry for her adopted kids because they are dealing with the consequences of her not dealing with this appropriately with therapeutic help, but I don't think she's just a liar and a grifter. However she is also simply not black and validating her belief isn't good for anyone long term.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

This is a park in Glasgow. A park where 6 month previously a woman was raped. Seems appropriate.

Link to the original post where they try to justify it in the comments: Link

 

[holliebollie]

I know that homophobia is still a big thing despite rainbows being shoved down our throats at all times, but I’ve never once in my entire life felt the need to tell anyone I am bi. Some people have their sexuality as their entire identity, as much as some trans people have that as their main ‘thing’. Why the sudden change? Is it more likely to be gay men than lesbians? Or is it just because they seem to be the most represented in MSM?

I had a brief relationship with a woman a few years ago. Since then, it’s been back to men and I probably won’t go out with another woman. I would say this makes me bi but I’ve never talked about it to anyone. I don’t feel the need to add a rainbow to my name on social media or even feel part of the LGBT community as it was just a part of my whole love life, not a defining thing. I just said to my friends, ‘oh by the way, I’ve started talking to...’ as I would with a new man. I’ve never talked about ‘what I am’ with friends/family let alone anyone I first meet. I’m as likely to say, ‘hi, I’m so and so, I’m bisexual’ as I am ‘hi I’m so and so, I use she/her pronouns.’ If the LGB community was forcing everyone to use that in our email signatures, there would be outrage. Why not go the whole hog and code us by age, sex, race, sexuality... while we’re at it, stick our religion and political leaning.

 

[thegirlscout]

Reading accounts of women in Afghanistan whose lives are now destroyed by the return of the Taliban are heartbreaking and devastating. This is the material reality of being a woman.

This made me think of Eddie Izzard who says he has days where he feels like a man and days where he feels like a woman. I’m sure if he was in Afghanistan he would be experiment everyday as a man because you can’t opt out of sex based oppression!!

 

[AlanBanan]

Spoiler: childfree thread

I dip in and out of the childfree thread but there's a few posters in there who are frankly rude, and it's not very enjoyable. I'm not interested in trashing working parents, most of them have worked their arse off over the last year and a half. Some people in that thread downright hate kids and anything to do with them. There's also someone newish to that thread who keeps creating new accounts every few weeks and seem to have an answer for every single thing someone says

Yeah I questioned them on the celeb threads, it’s a very weird that they keep coming back every time.

Also, I am child free by choice, I genuinely have no interest in having kids. But some people are straight up horrible about children. They’re just little humans there’s no reason to hate them.

 

[Whatevesmate]

I have recently joined a local activist group designed for women of my race to address racism and what people from our culture need in terms of public policy, etc. Anyone who "identifies" as a woman, "femme", "enby", or uses she/her pronouns can join so it is in fact a mixed sex group. We are pretty small, as far as I know the group is all women (including a "non-binary" woman) apart from one transwoman. The "non-binary" woman is your stereotypical TRA and pretty annoying, but everyone else seems OK. It does make me wonder how we are supposed to deal with certain things though e.g. there are Muslims in our community and they won't be on our side if the group's public stance is that anyone wanting single sex spaces is a bigot

This is something that I wonder about too. How safe would some Muslim women feel about having men pretending to be women in their space? It could prevent those women attending.

There is a spa at my local baths which I have attended for years. They have single sex days and 1 mixed day. I have attended the women only day on Friday's for years. There are women of every age, shape and ethnicity and lots of Muslim and hassidic Jewish women attend. What happens if men can suddenly self ID? Many of these women would simply not attend. Even the notion that this could happen (especially as it is a right on council) is making me furious. I would be forced to take a stand. Simply for wanting our safe space.

Reading accounts of women in Afghanistan whose lives are now destroyed by the return of the Taliban are heartbreaking and devastating. This is the material reality of being a woman. Not donning a skirt and calling yourself Harmony FFS.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

very disappointed witht hat article, I usually really like gal dem

She can get in the bin. I mean sure, women have been oppressed, raped, murdered, sex trafficked into oblivion but let's not forget the poor little men, oh, and of course the most oppressed minority on earth, trans women.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

I was reading comments under the clip of the Taliban saying that they will 'guarantee women's rights under Islam', most of the comments were saying 'so that means zero rights then' but there's always one...

1 - She lives in London and has an MBA, I doubt she would be willing to emigrate to Afghanistan
2 - The women won't have any choice if they want to accept the 'new' version of the Taliban - they accept it or they die