Friends (or lack of)

[disneys]

Is it normal to drift apart from your friends in your 20’s? I feel like I’m growing and moving in a different direction and just have different wants for life than my friends and every day I feel like we’re arguing over the most stupidest of things. I honestly don’t want to lose the few that I have, but I just feel that we’re so different now.

Really normal .. one of my favourite phrases is “some friends come into your life for a reason, others only for a season” … you will either grow together with childhood/teenage/uni friends or grow apart .. I’ve only got one friend from when I was a teenager … now im in my thirties I’ve started to reach out and make new and different friends

Hi all,
I have been reading this thread and it’s so nice to hear others thoughts on this. I am feeling a bit bruised at the moment as my best friend of 25 years seems to be ghosting me.

I suppose my thoughts on this are that when it comes to friends quality is much better than quantity. I think this is well demonstrated by my ‘friend’ mentioned above. She has done some crazy things over the years (she used to be a real mess) and I have distanced myself from her several times but I kept getting sucked back in to being friends with her as I was afraid of not having a ‘best friend’

And as a few others have said I think the idea of having lots of friends is often much better than the reality.

I often feel envious when I see people with hundreds of birthday messages on FB or IG and with cute group photos with their big group of friends but when I spend time with someone I can feel like I need a week to recover.

Anyway my messages are always open if anyone needs a chat x

ps my profile pic is not me and I don’t drink coffee like that

I’ve had this and it’s horrible , sending love

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Really normal .. one of my favourite phrases is “some friends come into your life for a reason, others only for a season” … you will either grow together with childhood/teenage/uni friends or grow apart .. I’ve only got one friend from when I was a teenager … now im in my thirties I’ve started to reach out and make new and different friends


I’ve had this and it’s horrible , sending love

My lecturer at uni said something once that I’ve never forgotten. You’ll spend the whole of your first year desperately trying to make friends and the whole of your second desperately trying to lose them. He was so right!

 

[disneys]

My lecturer at uni said something once that I’ve never forgotten. You’ll spend the whole of your first year desperately trying to make friends and the whole of your second desperately trying to lose them. He was so right!

This is so true !!

 

[milkywaymelon]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty crappy time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for tit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

 

[usandthem]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty crappy time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for tit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

That’s really crappy of them, it must hurt so much to know they’ve been out without you. I am afraid I’d be making the same conclusion if I were in your situation, it’s better to call it a day and move on for the sake of your own mental health.

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty crappy time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for tit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

That’s really sad, I’m sorry.

They must know you’ll see the posts. Has there even been anything you can pin point that might make them do this to you? Not saying there is, but I just don’t understand why they would deliberately leave you out and post about it, but not tell you you’ve done something to upset them!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty crappy time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for tit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

Good for you for realising they aren’t worth tit

 

[Rxt156]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty crappy time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for tit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

If they don’t invite you then you’re better off without.

You wouldn’t want to be there anyway if they didn’t want you to be Some people have no shame. Why would they post pictures knowing they left you out

 

[Sweatingbullets]

If they don’t invite you then you’re better off without.

You wouldn’t want to be there anyway if they didn’t want you to be Some people have no shame. Why would they post pictures knowing they left you out

That for me is the proper stab in the back. They don’t even try and hide it. Who does that?

 

[milkywaymelon]

That’s really sad, I’m sorry.

They must know you’ll see the posts. Has there even been anything you can pin point that might make them do this to you? Not saying there is, but I just don’t understand why they would deliberately leave you out and post about it, but not tell you you’ve done something to upset them!

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

 

[usandthem]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

I’m sorry to hear your dad is going through a cancer treatment, this must be such a hard time for your family. I went through something similar years ago when my father-in-law got cancer and my so-called best friends at the time totally dropped off the radar. During the 2 years he battled with cancer and eventually died, not one of them made efforts to check in on us.
I am not trying to excuse their behaviour, but cancer is something a lot of people don’t know how to deal with and respond to, so they find it easier to stop contact altogether. For me, I felt at the time that cancer was like a storm that blew through every part of my life, nothing was left untouched.
Keep positive and stay centred in who you are, you will get through this and will be stronger for it. You might see a lot of people in a different light as a result, but honestly life’s to short to dwell on those not worth their place as your friends.

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

No friends are infinitely better than being treated this way. yYou don’t need that on top of everything else you’re going through.

I’m so sorry about your dad. I know how that feels and my friends were sympathetic for about two weeks after he died and then avoided me because they didn’t know what to say. I get it, but to check in now and then would’ve been nice. I found myself relying on all the wrong people for comfort because I felt like my friends were unreachable. I hope you have other support.

 

[Rxt156]

That for me is the proper stab in the back. They don’t even try and hide it. Who does that?

Exactly. Not proper friends. Cut your losses and never think of them again

 

[Whatwereyouthinking]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

I am so sorry to hear about your dad and what you are going through with your friends. It sounds like they are not as invested in the friendship as you are and while I know that hurts it is important to know that how they treat says much more about them than it does about you.

It may also be that you would not be able to forgive them anyway for the way they have treated you in a time of need. Believe me something similar has happened to me, a friendship that has limped on for three year after my friend was not there for me has just ended and it should have happened three years ago, but it’s still just very sad.

 

[HeyLetsGo]

I’m sorry to hear your dad is going through a cancer treatment, this must be such a hard time for your family. I went through something similar years ago when my father-in-law got cancer and my so-called best friends at the time totally dropped off the radar. During the 2 years he battled with cancer and eventually died, not one of them made efforts to check in on us.
I am not trying to excuse their behaviour, but cancer is something a lot of people don’t know how to deal with and respond to, so they find it easier to stop contact altogether. For me, I felt at the time that cancer was like a storm that blew through every part of my life, nothing was left untouched.
Keep positive and stay centred in who you are, you will get through this and will be stronger for it. You might see a lot of people in a different light as a result, but honestly life’s to short to dwell on those not worth their place as your friends.

I’ve had a similar experience with my best friend when my mum died of cancer. I think she just found it too uncomfortable, which of course is understandable. But she just dropped off the radar a bit, obviously just wanted to live her life without my horrible situation bringing her down. I’m hardly friends with her now we rarely talk.

I understand why she was like that a bit because a friends sister recently had cancer, and honestly every bit of me wanted to not have to ask if she was ok or talk to her about it, because it’s just bleak.

Anyway, sorry to hear that this has happened to others lots of love to you all xxx

 

[Sweatingbullets]

I’ve had a similar experience with my best friend when my mum died of cancer. I think she just found it too uncomfortable, which of course is understandable. But she just dropped off the radar a bit, obviously just wanted to live her life without my horrible situation bringing her down. I’m hardly friends with her now we rarely talk.

I understand why she was like that a bit because a friends sister recently had cancer, and honestly every bit of me wanted to not have to ask if she was ok or talk to her about it, because it’s just bleak.

Anyway, sorry to hear that this has happened to others lots of love to you all xxx

It’s a bit of a no win situation with people needing support, but others not knowing what to say and probably fearing they’ll say the wrong thing. I’m fine with my friends now, but it sure hurts when you’re down.

 

[grumpy-nosy-cow]

That for me is the proper stab in the back. They don’t even try and hide it. Who does that?

this is the worst part of social media for me..do people not realise the hurt they cause people when they post pictures of their nights out when you've not been invited?
I get we dont have to be invited to everything but are people that spiteful or ignorant in that they dont realise the implications of doing this.
pre SM we would have remained in blissful ignorance to these events if no one talked about them .
I agree your better off without them..i had a similar experience with some mum friends i made when my daughter started school. i was gradually excluded from things..possibly because my daughter wasnt friends with their children. i just distanced my self from them and once they went secondary school i didnt see them again.
Ive since heard their friendship has all imploded badly and none of them speak now so im better off out of it.
I hope you find some new friends who treat you decently xx

 

[usandthem]

I’ve had a similar experience with my best friend when my mum died of cancer. I think she just found it too uncomfortable, which of course is understandable. But she just dropped off the radar a bit, obviously just wanted to live her life without my horrible situation bringing her down. I’m hardly friends with her now we rarely talk.

I understand why she was like that a bit because a friends sister recently had cancer, and honestly every bit of me wanted to not have to ask if she was ok or talk to her about it, because it’s just bleak.

Anyway, sorry to hear that this has happened to others lots of love to you all xxx

So sorry for your loss, sending hugs

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

These women are NOT your friends. Stop wasting your time, energy and emotions on them. Delete their contact details, remove them as friends from all social media channels, remove yourself from any group chats etc and forget about them. Get out there and build genuine proper friendships with genuine people who care about you and want you in their lives and stop giving these witches the satisfaction of knowing that they are leaving you out.

 

[Blonde123]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm glad you all seem to think the same as I do about it.

No I don't think I could have done anything to offend them or piss them off. I haven't actually seen them face to face in months. My dad has been going through cancer treatment, they knew he was going for surgery a few weeks ago, they didn't even ask afterwards about how it went. I let that go but it's literally been about 4 or 5 weeks since the surgery now and they still haven't asked how he is, and tbh is latest prognosis isn't great. That's why I'd been reaching out trying to meet up. I just wanted a distraction from everything going on.

It just goes to show that you work out who your friends are when you're going through
hard times and it looks like I don't actually have any

Keep your chin up lovely. It will feel like tit for a while and you’ll constantly question yourself and play over bits in your head, but walking away and finding proper friendships will be the best for you in the long term. I’ve posted before about my ex best friend, I had to grieve for that relationship. It sounds a bit mad to say, but it was just as traumatic as a romantic break up. 5 years on and I thank my lucky stars I don’t have that toxicity around me or my kids. I rarely think about her now, but it did take a long time.