Friends (or lack of)

[halloweenjellybean]

So I messaged my friends back in November and said how nice it would be to catch up before Christmas. Got the standard reply of people being busy and ‘let’s catch up in January’.
Just seen on Instagram all these stories of them out at pub singing karaoke for one of their birthdays…no invite and absolutely no mention of it to me. My stomach just dropped, that is the biggest slap in the face. I sent a story reply and said ‘ looks like you had fun’
I don’t think I’ll be catching up with them in January. This has made me see that actually they aren’t my friends and aren’t people I want to hang around but I’m still hurt I was left out

 

[hettywainthroppp]

Hey guys, new to the thread hope it’s okay to post…
Just found out today that I haven’t been invited to one of my closest friends hen party. I don’t have many friends, maybe three at the most. She’s been my friend for over twenty years, there for each other through thick and thin, and given some wishy washy excuse of ‘oh I thought you wouldn’t be able to come because of your son’ who would be fine with my husband for a few days! Would’ve been nice to be asked eh…
I really don’t want to attend the wedding now, but worry it will make me look like a bitch if I don’t go. I’m so disappointed in her, and honestly don’t think I can forgive her for this

 

[Rxt156]

id rather have no friends than bad friends. My
One of my oldest friends blocked me on everything recently. She gave a poor excuse not to come to my wedding and I was so annoyed with her as I’d made a huge effort for hers even though it was miles and miles away. We didn’t speak for ages. She then had the cheek to block ME . The audacity.
Alexa play Better off alone

 

[Blacknwhitecat]

Just wanted to say hi as I'm feeling very lost at the moment. I've been reading this thread for a while but not known what to write really.
I had loads of friends at primary school, some of those friendships carried on into senior school too. Then I developed a phobia of school because of bullying and the friends became less and less. I met a couple of people at college, again these friendships faded after a while. I got to know people through jobs but I wouldn't call them proper friends as it never went outside of work?
I was diagnosed with cancer in Oct 2021, I spent 6 months having chemo and another 6 recovering. My partner was my only support really, so called "friends" and even certain family members seemed to forget about me. One of my work colleagues never once messaged to ask how I was in all this time, I was off work for 1 year. Thankfully I am in remission now.
I have always struggled with meeting new people and making friends. At the same time I find socialising really mentally draining.

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

Without wanting to me-rail your post, I saw what you put on the support thread too and I really resonated with the line about always being the person no one is arsed about. That’s completely me. I genuinely can’t remember the last time someone asked me how I am and actually wanted to know the answer without it being a gateway question to them asking for something or talking about themselves (the irony, I know I’m doing that now 🫠).

I’m the person that people only want when they want something. The person that people will cancel plans on and not think twice about it. A few weekends ago, I went into a proper morbid spiral where I actually considered what would happen if I dropped dead there and then, and how long it would take anyone to notice. If I remove the fact that people would wonder why I hadn’t turned up at work, I reckon it would be a good few weeks.

I have one friend that I text most days, but when it comes to having nights out, going on holidays or generally spending his free time with someone, it’s never me, it’s other people. I tried to make plans with a neighbour earlier this year (her suggestion, not mine) and when the day rolled round, I text her to confirm we were still on, and she said she’d made other plans but had forgotten to tell me. There was a work night out a few weeks ago. Some of us were driving to the venue and offered lifts, and I was the one no one wanted a lift with. Someone invited me out for their birthday a while back and when I text her on the morning of the party to plan which train I should get, she left my message on blue ticks and then text the next day saying she’d forgotten to reply but hoped I’d had a good night anyway.

Things like that happen to me all the time. I don’t really get why. I don’t think I’m particularly odd or boring to be around, but I guess I must be. The longer it goes on, the more I do feel myself withdrawing from trying. I don’t really know where I’m going with this tbh, it feels cathartic to get it out though. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Do people here find it really hard to fit into groups?

I'm much better when interacting with just 1-3 people but in a larger group, I absolutely sink without trace, and these days tend to exclude myself before being excluded.

Like, I've never been 'one of the girls' - quite tough for me as I work in an all female office and I'm such the odd one out. No one is unfriendly but I just can't fit in. I know I would be totally different if it was just three or four of us but any more than that and I just can't come out of my shell.

Anyone experience similar?

 

[~vix~83~]

Do you know what? I have an Instagram and a Facebook, no one talks to me.
I could make a poll on IG or a questions box, I could have loads of people watch the story but no interaction,

Facebook I don’t even bother with anymore. I’m sure it’s just lurkers which is great as I no longer post.

I am an introvert but it’s uncomfortable at times

My husband got rid of all social media. No one noticed at all! He has no friends…..what friends he have don’t bother. When he was ill in hospital with sepsis, not one person reached out to him or me….I didn’t post much about it on Facebook, by week 3 I did a post about being in for 3 weeks n on the home straight. Not one reponse (only family) but on Instagram I did more stories of being alone again with the cat etc n the only reply was from my friend who knew everything. Even now he has no contact with people. He nearly died, and I can
Imagine all the fake friends would be there!

 

[Rosie878]

I think female friendship can be a funny thing. People rave on about it but I’ve always found that when it’s good it’s fantastic, but if things turn sour it’s very hard to come back from that and resolve it. I think women tend to have longer memories and once they’ve ‘crossed’ each other they never quite trust that person again.

Compared to male friendship (and I know I’m massively generalising here) it can be a lot more intense. Basically the highs are higher and the lows are lower.

 

[d0llhouse]

@it's not been changed?!

I had a friend who was super pushy about arranging a GIRLS TRIP to Amsterdam because 'it could be our last chance to go away together before we all settle down!' On the first night, she left us to have a drink with an old friend (some dude she'd been messaging on a dating app, of course) and didn't come back until the morning of our return flight.

If she'd been honest about the real reason for the trip, we'd probably have accommodated her (wouldn't want her travelling alone to meet a stranger). But the whole pretence about wanting to spend time with us... you have to laugh!

 

[Comehereiwantya]

I know how you all feel! I’m terribly Lonely. I would love even one girl friend to chat to. That’s why I came here to try chat and make friends. I’m am only child, my college friends were more acquaintances so I don’t have any contact with them. I only have my boyfriend and father, my mother has no contact as she is abusive towards me. They come home late at night, eat and go to bed. Sometimes the first time I speak aloud all day is when they come home. My best friend was my grandmother she passed 2 years ago now then our dog had to be put down a few months later. They were my world!! Still find myself missing them and crying to this day. Sorry for the overshare.
Any friends welcome!!

 

[sweetpaprika]

Hello, long time lurker - first time posting!

I discovered this thread over the weekend and as someone with very few friends, it really spoke to me.

I used to be very outgoing in my early 20s and wouldn't think twice about going out to a party by myself to meet friends. But after struggling with severe anxiety for a few years, I don't even recognise myself today.

My lack of friends really dawned on me over the past year when I received no invites to Zoom socials (I set up a few for some friends but probably wouldn't have been asked in return) and now with pubs/bars reopening I haven't been invited out at all. I guess I'm an introvert who enjoys my own company, but I don't know, it really gets to me when I start to think about it.

Despite being in a long-term relationship, I feel very lonely and isolated which increases my anxiety so my feelings go full circle.

To try and combat this, over lockdown I set up a local online book club in my area but feel so conscious about meeting up in person as I just don't feel confident enough to do it. I really want to try and work up my confidence but after putting on a lot of weight I just can't bring myself round to do it. It feels so much more difficult making friends as an adult without kids - I have literally no idea where to even start.

Thank you to OP for posting - I thought I was pretty alone in this so while it's not great to see others struggling with it, it's nice to know we can chat about this together

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Thought I’d post here, but not sure if it relates…

I don’t have any friends. I have a husband, his immediate family & my immediate family, that’s it.

I’m not really bothered about having friends as such, but I’d at least like to be a likeable person.

All through school, uni & with all my jobs so far I’ve always been socially isolated. I had a small friendship group in school, but they weren’t real friends and I was always the least favourite. Same at uni and in jobs, some people have spoken to me, but have always seemed like talking to me is a chore.

In work at the moment, there’s mainly women in their 40s+ & my manager who’s male and the same age as me (27). I just feel like I don’t belong. I never feel included in the conversations. I feel like if I join in I just irritate people or they aren’t interested and if I don’t join in I wonder if I’m making things worse.

Even my dad cut contact when I was 18 and my elder half sister called me poisonous. A “friend” when I was at school said she never chose me because I was boring. A “friend” at uni just stopped speaking to me randomly and a college “friend” said I was attention seeking because I was going through a bad time with my dad…

I feel like I’ve developed a complex. I don’t like myself and I don’t want friends now because I just think I’ll get hurt. I’m also scared to speak half the time because I think if I open my mouth people will instantly dislike me.

 

[TheGlossy]

32 and I probably have two friends if I can call them that. I’m honestly super OK with this now. I can lonely at times but I enjoy my own company. I don’t have the bandwidth to maintain a multitude of friendships. Not having a lot of friends made me more introspective than most which is a strength in my opinion. I’m also not your average girl who attends hens and pink baby showers with a group of girls - it’s just not me and I’m OK with that too. It makes me different and it’s a positive trait.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that I don’t need to fit the mold at all. Most interesting people don’t fit the mold at all.

 

[Blonde123]

I relate so much to a lot of this thread. I didn’t really have a solid friendship group at school as was more interested in boys (sad looking back on it). Then I reconnected with a couple of girls from school and became very good friends, had them as bridesmaids along with a friend from work. Turns out on the day of my wedding my maid of honour had been slagging me off to my husband. I felt so betrayed I couldn’t forgive her and kept my distance. I then got pregnant and she completely turned on me writing horrible things online, never directly though it was more sharing horrible memes but I knew they were about me. I never bit back at her but she didn’t like that, so then messaged me saying she no longer wanted to be friends. She would send out invites in our WhatsApp group to everyone (but not me) but do it so I could see. I felt so sad and alone as I’d just had my son at that point and none of the other girls in the group stuck up for me or called out my friends behaviour. I distanced myself from all of them. I ended up on anti depressants over it all and in therapy. It’s now been 4 years and I still feel so hurt by it all (although no longer on any meds or in therapy). I now only really have two friends separate from all that and it is lonely xx

 

[watermelon sugar]

Does anyone else feel like that is why they enjoy Tattle so much because they don’t really have any friends in real life?

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

I didn’t ask for anyone’s opinion on this to be quite honest, so I don’t get where you think you get the legitimacy to assess my decision to not return a text or cut someone off. You don’t know the dynamics of this friendship, so how can you judge exactly?

I never said he was making it about it… at all. You said that and twisted my words. I even said in my original post “I know it’s coming from a good place”, so for you to twist it and say I think he’s making it all about him is not appropriate.

You don’t come across as nice person either if you call people cunt and judge one decision they made without understand or knowing the dynamic of a friendship or context.

You literally posted on a discussion forum. If you didn’t want anyone’s opinions, why did you post? Your whole post screams a bad attitude to be fair. Take it as this - you can see people disagreeing with you so maybe have a think about it. Someone had the AUDACITY to check you were okay and you turned it into feeling annoyed about it and decided to post a long post on a forum about it. Yeah, okay.

and the whole ‘I don’t want to maintain the feelings/worries of someone else’ part of your post is astounding. It’s literally someone asking if you’re okay. That’s it. That’s all. It was a nice thing that this person did.

 

[Pixipoppy]

My biggest issue is going from meeting someone a couple of times for coffee or something to them becoming a “friend”. Even people I’ve met up with loads of times never seem to cross over into being what I class as a close friend. I have a couple of close friends who I confide in and would go to with a problem but these are either people I’ve lived with, or have known for over 10 years! I can just never break through the awkward phase with new people, no matter how many times I see them it always feels like the friendship never progresses. Maybe I’m reading too much into it! Maybe that’s all friends need to be!

 

[Rosie878]

I’m kind of dreading seeing all the pics of people having massive reunions with big gangs of friends after lockdown. Don’t get me wrong, I want lockdown to be over but stuff like that makes it hit home.

Im also someone who dreads getting married due to lack of friends. I’ve been engaged for 8 years but just can’t face it

 

[Maid22]

I really don't have any friends or family, not wanting pity, but if my hubby wasn't here, no one would know if I've died in my house, sounds abit dramatic, but tis true.

 

[HankMcPrank]

Do you know what? I have an Instagram and a Facebook, no one talks to me.
I could make a poll on IG or a questions box, I could have loads of people watch the story but no interaction,

Facebook I don’t even bother with anymore. I’m sure it’s just lurkers which is great as I no longer post.

I am an introvert but it’s uncomfortable at times