Friends (or lack of)

[halloweenjellybean]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

 

[Millennial Pink]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

How rude! I think it certainly makes her feelings clear. No point making effort where it's not appreciated, you deserve better.

 

[cococookie]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

That is so nasty and rude! I read this thread a lot but I just had comment. Me being me I would tell her to send it back then! I’m so sorry x

 

[TheSlayer]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

So angry on your behalf.

Friendship aside the polite response would have been along the lines of thank you and I didn’t realise.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

Do people like this really exist? Tell her to get in the bin, cheeky rude sod.

 

[pbontoast]

Hey everyone. Really interesting thread to read and good to find some likeminded people who struggle with friendships too!

I’ve been making an effort recently to go to some meet up groups and socialise, and this has been really hit or miss. Some groups make me feel like a social pariah and others make me feel really welcome! So it really does depend on who’s there on the day i think.

I’ve swapped numbers with a couple of people from one group, but am really struggling to come up with what to message them beyond “it was nice to meet you the other day”. Do you think it’s a bit much to ask them if they want to meet up again, or is it better to have a bit of a text chat first?

 

[Deeznutslol]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

Respond and call her a bleep honestly. She doesn’t deserve you.

 

[its_all_the_drama_mick]

Hope everyone is surviving the festive period anyone needs a chat over the next couple of days I will be on and off the thread. Happy Christmas and here’s to a New Year of guarding our menta health over toxic, on way relationships

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hey everyone. Really interesting thread to read and good to find some likeminded people who struggle with friendships too!

I’ve been making an effort recently to go to some meet up groups and socialise, and this has been really hit or miss. Some groups make me feel like a social pariah and others make me feel really welcome! So it really does depend on who’s there on the day i think.

I’ve swapped numbers with a couple of people from one group, but am really struggling to come up with what to message them beyond “it was nice to meet you the other day”. Do you think it’s a bit much to ask them if they want to meet up again, or is it better to have a bit of a text chat first?

Did you talk about anything specific with them? Sometimes sending something that’s relevant to your conversation is a good way to start but really I think “hiya, are you about on xyzday, do you fancy doing x” is a perfect way to start? They joined the social group too so they’re looking for the same thing as you!

although I caveat that with I hate being contacted with the vague “what are you doing on xyzday?” Or “are you free on…” Because it’s too open ended, I’d rather someone lay out their intentions with me! I’m an introvert at heart and I need to be coaxed out gently gently… if I say I’m free and someone’s plans sound like my idea of hell it’s really hard to back pedal from there. “I AM free, but your suggestion is terrible“ isn’t the response I think people want back

 

[Woolmercardington]

Hey everyone. Really interesting thread to read and good to find some likeminded people who struggle with friendships too!

I’ve been making an effort recently to go to some meet up groups and socialise, and this has been really hit or miss. Some groups make me feel like a social pariah and others make me feel really welcome! So it really does depend on who’s there on the day i think.

I’ve swapped numbers with a couple of people from one group, but am really struggling to come up with what to message them beyond “it was nice to meet you the other day”. Do you think it’s a bit much to ask them if they want to meet up again, or is it better to have a bit of a text chat first?

Yeah, definitely depends who is there on the day. You also need a good host who is inclusive of everybody. I went to one a few years ago, a ladies afternoon tea event. The host had a face that would stop a clock and didn't even introduce me to anyone. So, I sat there trying to chip in with bits of conversation, but because they were a group that met regularly, they were making references to past discussions that were lost on me and had no real interest to talking to anyone new.

 

[Some People!]

Yeah, definitely depends who is there on the day. You also need a good host who is inclusive of everybody. I went to one a few years ago, a ladies afternoon tea event. The host had a face that would stop a clock and didn't even introduce me to anyone. So, I sat there trying to chip in with bits of conversation, but because they were a group that met regularly, they were making references to past discussions that were lost on me and had no real interest to talking to anyone new.

My worst nightmare tbh!

I’ve swapped numbers with a couple of people from one group, but am really struggling to come up with what to message them beyond “it was nice to meet you the other day”. Do you think it’s a bit much to ask them if they want to meet up again, or is it better to have a bit of a text chat first?

Unless you chatted loads and you've got enough 'material' to have non-awkward text chat, I'd say just send something like "It was really nice to meet you at the thing the other day - fancy getting together for a coffee next week/ I was thinking of going along to [relevant thing you'd both like and - museum, shop opening, event, garden, a walk, whatever] and wondered if you fancied joining me?“
Great advice from @WeHadFunRight wrt being specific, we should all do that more.

 

[Blonde123]

Hope everyone is surviving the festive period anyone needs a chat over the next couple of days I will be on and off the thread. Happy Christmas and here’s to a New Year of guarding our menta health over toxic, on way relationships

100% to this. Here’s to a 2023 of making new, fun and meaningful friendships and not beating ourselves up for the breakdown of past friendships. Remember we can’t control the actions of others, only our reactions to them. Merry Christmas everyone, you’re all loved x

 

[ATV2021]

I mean yay merry Christmas everyone to start lol

Xmas eve is always a time of reflection especially since I lost my Mum in my 20s. I've had to sort out every birthday since then, including my 30th. No "friend" of mine says let's do XYZ or don't arrange anything. I just end up booking something for me and thinking if someone comes then whatever. Just got so used to being alone which is a great thing in some respects but I'm the friend to others I wish I had? I'm not overwhelming because I'd hate that but on occasions I like to arrange something or get something meaningful but I have literally nobody in my life who does that for me, even after what I've been through. Just once I'd love someone to bring me a cake or balloon. Not me having to buy and sort for myself.

Anyway as I said. Merry Christmas all x

 

[shadowcat5]

this Christmas has made me see that I truly can’t rely on anyone. Not even my parents. not sure what to do going forward. Part me thinks be selfish but I will end up completely alone if I did that

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Wondering if I didn’t send messages wishing friends a merry Christmas yesterday, would they have sent me one?

 

[Gymhoned]

this Christmas has made me see that I truly can’t rely on anyone. Not even my parents. not sure what to do going forward. Part me thinks be selfish but I will end up completely alone if I did that

Christmas is really hard and highlights loneliness. Dont isolate yourself. Just push on through but be choosey who you give your timw to. Things change all the time and you will meet new friends along the way. Ive met good people even through social media etc

 

[Jc456]

Wondering if I didn’t send messages wishing friends a merry Christmas yesterday, would they have sent me one?

I only had a text off my landlord saying when my gas safe is guessing it was an automated message.
I rang my dad in the evening and had my mum around for the afternoon but other than that I've not really heard from anyone.

 

[candyland_]

I haven’t text anyone happy Christmas except for one friend who always makes an effort with me. I told my closest friend that I was having time away and to have a good Christmas last week.
I can’t be bothered making the effort with anyone and I have focused on spending time with my family instead.

 

[Gymhoned]

The user I replied to quoted the posted that used the word “bleep” and advised they agreed with them. Enough said in my eyes.

There is a way to convey an opinion without using rude and derogatory. Name calling is never OK.

I’m generally a very nice and respectful person but this completely set me off. I wasn’t particularly seeking unsolicited advice, let alone advice which used bad language unnecessarily.

You mention people opening up about being upset and me snapping at the thread. I posted something about a personal feeling and got a rude response I didn’t even ask for yet it is not OK for me to call out the bias some people on this thread display. Right. A bit contradictory.

I’m going to leave it at this - it will derail the thread and I’m not willing to argue any further.

Have a nice day.

I just wanted to say hi and hope youre ok. I understood where you were coming from re your friend. I guess it felt a bit disingenious after so long for him to say im worried about you!

You sound like you have been through a lot and maybe are quite sensitive around others trying to reach out and be kind. I could be wrong and who knows what this friend was thinking may be he was genuinely concerned. Anyway I just want to say, sorry you were called a c**t. Thats not very nice esp on a forum sharing feelings about feeling isolated and lonely. Please dont let that put you off. People can disagree with others but theres no need to swear and be nasty.

Anyway i hope 2023 brings good things for you. Im a great believer in putting good positive energy out to the world and hopefully it will come back to you. But i fully appreciate you have to be feeling good and in the right frame of mind to do that. There are good people out there and im sure you will go forward and make good connections with people on your wave length.

 

[mee43]

Yes, exactly why I walked away from a social group. Kept coming home after seeing them thinking “what was the bleeping point?”

I’m convinced that some people are just dickheads who love the sound of their own voices and aren’t thinking about how they make others feel. I promise not every group is like that but ugggghhh, some are and you don’t have to put up with it.

I’ve been reading this thread with interest and this post pretty much sums up my feelings at the moment.
I’m used to being an afterthought - I’m quiet natured and that’s the price you pay for it, I suppose.
But I’m tired of feeling a bit rubbish about myself every time we’ve got together, because a date for the next meet up has already been planned, and it’s a date everyone else has agreed on, leaving me to come if I’m free.
Or the feeling that no one is remotely interested in anything I may have done; sometimes it’s a challenge to get a sentence in amongst everyone else talking about themselves.
We last met up just before Christmas, and I watched the person in the group that I thought I was closest to, hand out fancy cards to everyone and give me one of those afterthought ones that you grab from a cheap box when you realise you’ve forgotten someone
So this year I plan to step away. Not rudely or anything, and in fact I doubt they’ll notice or bother much, but I’d prefer not to feel drained by such a superficial “friendship”