Friends (or lack of) #2

[BonBon27]

This resonates so much. I recognise you from the Brummy Mummy threads I think? Name rings a bell.
I’ve doomscrolled and found ‘friends’ have met up over bank holiday weekend near my town and didn’t even think to ask how I am or if I’d like to join...
It’s like a punch in the gut. I always think there must be something wrong with me. Am I not fun? I’d like to think I am?
I was very low last night.

Yes, I recognised you too from the threads of our Brummy kweeeen! and I felt so bad for you, I’m sorry you’ve been through such a rough time and been so lonely. I know an anonymous gossip site isn’t like having people in your life, but you can always chat to someone on here.

I often question if I’m as nice/fun as I think I am, because I don’t know why people choose others over me to spend time. There’s this one girl I used to work with who was a nightmare, everyone moaned about her and rolled their eyes about her. I organised a few things outside of work with a group of 4 of us who were good friends and the others asked me not to invite her, which didn’t sit right with me as I felt like I was being mean but it was their idea! Fast forward a few years and none of us work together anymore, and the annoying girl and one of the others are always together, BFFs with their kids etc. And the annoying girl also seems to have an amazing group of friends who surprised her for her birthday, did her an amazing hen weekend etc. I don’t know how that happened that I’ve ended up without people while she, who always annoyed everyone, has so many friends! Maybe I’m the awful one after all?!?

 

[Good Egg]

Yes, I recognised you too from the threads of our Brummy kweeeen! and I felt so bad for you, I’m sorry you’ve been through such a rough time and been so lonely. I know an anonymous gossip site isn’t like having people in your life, but you can always chat to someone on here.

I often question if I’m as nice/fun as I think I am, because I don’t know why people choose others over me to spend time. There’s this one girl I used to work with who was a nightmare, everyone moaned about her and rolled their eyes about her. I organised a few things outside of work with a group of 4 of us who were good friends and the others asked me not to invite her, which didn’t sit right with me as I felt like I was being mean but it was their idea! Fast forward a few years and none of us work together anymore, and the annoying girl and one of the others are always together, BFFs with their kids etc. And the annoying girl also seems to have an amazing group of friends who surprised her for her birthday, did her an amazing hen weekend etc. I don’t know how that happened that I’ve ended up without people while she, who always annoyed everyone, has so many friends! Maybe I’m the awful one after all?!?

No it’s not you, you are lovely x
I don’t understand it either, it makes no sense to me, I do wonder why all the time. I would always want to include everybody. It’s not fair to not be included.

 

[Popcornshovel]

I think some of it is birds of a feather stick together... The mean girls stay friends with other mean girls and have a relationship where they enjoy putting each other down.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

So I took myself off Facebook in 2015 but reactivated my profile a year or so ago to sell things. I don’t post or like or anything on there, what I noticed is that I guess some people have removed me as a friend along the way. One girl that I went to primary school with and who was just hideous to me - including knocking for me one day, then 5 minutes in to playing together gathers the other girls we were with to tell me that she didn’t like me. I can’t quite remember how I handled it, I think I just went home and thought what a nasty thing to do. Years later we formed a kind of friendship of convenience but she was always doing things that were a bit sly or questionable. Anyway, SHE has sent me a new friend request (we had been friends but I think that she deleted her profile at one point). I am not in the mood to accept the friend request, I’m nearly 40, but that horrible thing she did when we were 10 still sticks out in my memory and I feel like messaging her to say “do you remember when you did that? That was really tit of you, you nasty piece of work - and I haven’t forgotten it.”

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

So I took myself off Facebook in 2015 but reactivated my profile a year or so ago to sell things. I don’t post or like or anything on there, what I noticed is that I guess some people have removed me as a friend along the way. One girl that I went to primary school with and who was just hideous to me - including knocking for me one day, then 5 minutes in to playing together gathers the other girls we were with to tell me that she didn’t like me. I can’t quite remember how I handled it, I think I just went home and thought what a nasty thing to do. Years later we formed a kind of friendship of convenience but she was always doing things that were a bit sly or questionable. Anyway, SHE has sent me a new friend request (we had been friends but I think that she deleted her profile at one point). I am not in the mood to accept the friend request, I’m nearly 40, but that horrible thing she did when we were 10 still sticks out in my memory and I feel like messaging her to say “do you remember when you did that? That was really tit of you, you nasty piece of work - and I haven’t forgotten it.”

I reactivated my fb and noticed close family had deleted me! I’ve not mentioned it cos they’ll deny doing it and I cba with the drama of it. One of them claimed they typed out a happy birthday text and “forgot” to send it. Clearly was only remembered it was my birthday when another family member got home from work that evening and told them
How can they delete you when your profile is deactivated, anyway? I thought it meant your profile disappeared.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I reactivated my fb and noticed close family had deleted me! I’ve not mentioned it cos they’ll deny doing it and I cba with the drama of it. One of them claimed to they typed out a happy birthday text and “forgot” to send it. Clearly was only remembered it was my birthday when another family member got home from work that evening and told them
How can they delete you when your profile is deactivated, anyway? I thought it meant your profile disappeared.

I meant since being reactivated I think maybe they’ve done a purge. Yes I noticed my cousin isn’t a friend on there either but there’s a bit of family drama so I don’t know if it was done in reaction to that. Otherwise we can all blame Facebook.

 

[bunsofsteel]

I reactivated my fb and noticed close family had deleted me! I’ve not mentioned it cos they’ll deny doing it and I cba with the drama of it. One of them claimed to they typed out a happy birthday text and “forgot” to send it. Clearly was only remembered it was my birthday when another family member got home from work that evening and told them
How can they delete you when your profile is deactivated, anyway? I thought it meant your profile disappeared.

Deactivated still appear in your friends list. I delete people who have deactivated. I don't see the point in keeping them on there?

 

[jojida]

I reactivated my fb and noticed close family had deleted me! I’ve not mentioned it cos they’ll deny doing it and I cba with the drama of it. One of them claimed to they typed out a happy birthday text and “forgot” to send it. Clearly was only remembered it was my birthday when another family member got home from work that evening and told them
How can they delete you when your profile is deactivated, anyway? I thought it meant your profile disappeared.

If you deactivate, your name comes up with like a grey name with no profile on your friend's friend list of 'Joe Bloggs' but when you click it, it'll say "if Joe Bloggs reactives their account, you'll still be friends. If you unfriend them, you'll have to send them a new request if they reactivate" or something to that affect. It also gives you the unfriend option straight there so I don't think it's anything personal most of the time, I think people just misclick the big red button that says 'unfriend' rather than 'ignore'

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Deactivated still appear in your friends list. I delete people who have deactivated. I don't see the point in keeping them on there?

I wondered how they had deleted me when I thought my profile had disappeared! Thanks for confirming

 

[bunsofsteel]

I wondered how they had deleted me when I thought my profile had disappeared! Thanks for confirming

Yeah, on my friends list it just has the name and no profile picture just a grey avatar.

Just had a look and when you click on it a box comes up with an 'unfriend' button and a message that says


Account deactivated
If XXXXXX reactivates their account, you'll still be friends. If you unfriend them and they reactivate their account, you'll have to send them a friend request to see their Facebook posts.

 

[hytuhh]

that horrible thing she did when we were 10 still sticks out in my memory and I feel like messaging her to say “do you remember when you did that? That was really tit of you, you nasty piece of work - and I haven’t forgotten it.”

I would love to do this to a lot of my high school bullies. Just bump into them and watch their face drop as I say it nicely but with that look of “I haven’t forgotten how you made me feel”. I know it’s not a healthy mindset and it was years ago, it’s not something I regularly think about but sometimes I wish I had defended myself better when I was younger and not let people get away with treating me so badly

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I would love to do this to a lot of my high school bullies. Just bump into them and watch their face drop as I say it nicely but with that look of “I haven’t forgotten how you made me feel”. I know it’s not a healthy mindset and it was years ago, it’s not something I regularly think about but sometimes I wish I had defended myself better when I was younger and not let people get away with treating me so badly

Yes! three people really stuck out to me as having had a detrimental impact on my experience when I was little, and I love to tell them their fortunes!

 

[jojida]

I would love to do this to a lot of my high school bullies. Just bump into them and watch their face drop as I say it nicely but with that look of “I haven’t forgotten how you made me feel”. I know it’s not a healthy mindset and it was years ago, it’s not something I regularly think about but sometimes I wish I had defended myself better when I was younger and not let people get away with treating me so badly

I once saw a guy in a club who bullied me mercilessly in school. When we got to year 11, he realised I wasn't just a fat nerd and was nice to me. Lo and behold, we ran into each other in a club and I was with some college friends. He was all pally, all "how are you!" and I looked at my friends dead in the ey and went "this is X, he used to bully the tit out of me in school". He had to just slink off awkwardly, but it was SO satisfying for me

 

[ChastityDingle]

I am not in the mood to accept the friend request, I’m nearly 40, but that horrible thing she did when we were 10 still sticks out in my memory and I feel like messaging her to say “do you remember when you did that? That was really tit of you, you nasty piece of work - and I haven’t forgotten it.”

I'd take pleasure in either ignoring or declining the request, if I were you. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you remember what the horrible witch did to you.

 

[whoareyouu]

One birthday card this year

I wish I knew why I was so unlikeable. I’m stuck in a bad relationship where I’m constantly made to feel like tit and like I’m not enough.

Sick of it all.

 

[clueless]

I think the nicer I am to people, the less they respect me. I really do. Do any of you ever feel like this?

I'm so hurt with going above and beyond for someone I love (I do it happily) to not have any of the consideration in return. In fact, I think my good deeds are quickly forgotten.

I believe there are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and ingratitude.

 

[whoareyouu]

I think the nicer I am to people, the less they respect me. I really do. Do any of you ever feel like this?

I'm so hurt with going above and beyond for someone I love (I do it happily) to not have any of the consideration in return. In fact, I think my good deeds are quickly forgotten.

I believe there are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and ingratitude.

I completely agree with you.

 

[Magnolia4]

I think the nicer I am to people, the less they respect me. I really do. Do any of you ever feel like this?

I'm so hurt with going above and beyond for someone I love (I do it happily) to not have any of the consideration in return. In fact, I think my good deeds are quickly forgotten.

I believe there are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and ingratitude.

Totally agree. Also happens to me at work, feel like being nice makes me loose credibility sometimes

 

[justonemorepage]

I've just heard from the "friend" who I haven't heard from in over a month. Trying to be strong not to get sucked back in. As I thought, she's all apologetic and full of excuses but it just doesn't wash this time. I'm sick of being an afterthought. It's so hard because she's my best friend and has been for over 20 years. It's hard to admit that she's not a particularly good friend to me. I just wish she'd reciprocate the love and care I have for her.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I've just heard from the "friend" who I haven't heard from in over a month. Trying to be strong not to get sucked back in. As I thought, she's all apologetic and full of excuses but it just doesn't wash this time. I'm sick of being an afterthought. It's so hard because she's my best friend and has been for over 20 years. It's hard to admit that she's not a particularly good friend to me. I just wish she'd reciprocate the love and care I have for her.

It’s really hard to cut people off but I always think the energy you’re pouring into that friendship could be used elsewhere and have a more positive effect on you.