Friends (or lack of) #2

[it’s not been changed?!]

Aaaa I hate this too!!! It was mentioned in my interview at one point because I only had one holiday planned (and it’s in the UK)

Like it’s really great if you have the funds to have multiple holidays planned throughout the year but some of us can’t afford it or just have no interest in them

I’ve been debating going abroad but the stress of flights and whatever else puts me off

I don’t know how many times the same people need to ask me if I’m going away. It’s not a big deal to me. There was a time I’d go on a 2 week beach hol and then city breaks with my ex. Then I bought a house on my own that needs stuff doing to it, so it’s more of a priority.
arghh

 

[ChastityDingle]

I don’t know how many times the same people need to ask me if I’m going away. It’s not a big deal to me. There was a time I’d go on a 2 week beach hol and then city breaks with my ex. Then I bought a house on my own that needs stuff doing to it, so it’s more of a priority.
arghh

I used to say to people, my holiday this year is my kitchen (or whatever I was having done in the house) ie that's what I am getting done and that's where my money is going

 

[Popcornshovel]

I used to say to people, my holiday this year is my kitchen (or whatever I was having done in the house) ie that's what I am getting done and that's where my money is going

Yeah I say my holiday this year is re-mortgaging and paying off a chunk when I do!

 

[Thank(space)you]

I messaged my friend to say my mum was having heart surgery today, nothing. Messaged again to say there were complications but mum is out of surgery and alive and again left on read. This friend has been one of my best friends for over 15 years, and it hurts not to have any support or response during a really stressful day.

 

[AlwaysSummer]

I messaged my friend to say my mum was having heart surgery today, nothing. Messaged again to say there were complications but mum is out of surgery and alive and again left on read. This friend has been one of my best friends for over 15 years, and it hurts not to have any support or response during a really stressful day.

omg, that’s awful. Sending hugs xx

 

[Norfolking Good]

I’d be tempted to send thanks for your support and then block. Major dick move by your so called friend.
Hope your mum gets better soon

 

[Popcornshovel]

I’d be tempted to send thanks for your support and then block. Major dick move by your so called friend.
Hope your mum gets better soon

I'd just be careful of doing this straight away, incase the friend hasn't replied due to some emergency of their own? But yeah, after a day or so if there's no reply then that'd be a bridge burned for me.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I finally got a response just saying "omg"

 

[Popcornshovel]

I finally got a response just saying "omg"

Sounds like they didn't know what to say back?

 

[AlwaysSummer]

I finally got a response just saying "omg"

Sounds like they wanted to say the bare minimum they could get away with. Honestly, not worth the grief, they are not a friend worth the effort xx

 

[Ro98]

I finally got a response just saying "omg"

I had a friend like this. Sending love because it’s tit and I hope your mum makes a full recovery back to health soon x

 

[Kim Mild]

Rejection hurts . I requested someone I know , who I talk to if I see in real life, we have friends in common on Facebook. Last time I saw them, they were talking about wanting to buy this thing. I know someone who lives near me who is selling one. So I sent them a request so I could tell them about it. They denied it.
Makes me feel like tit.

 

[mee43]

Rejection hurts . I requested someone I know , who I talk to if I see in real life, we have friends in common on Facebook. Last time I saw them, they were talking about wanting to buy this thing. I know someone who lives near me who is selling one. So I sent them a request so I could tell them about it. They denied it.
Makes me feel like tit.

Ah, that’s horrible - and rude.
Is there any chance they might not have recognised your name? Maybe know your first name only?

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Rejection hurts . I requested someone I know , who I talk to if I see in real life, we have friends in common on Facebook. Last time I saw them, they were talking about wanting to buy this thing. I know someone who lives near me who is selling one. So I sent them a request so I could tell them about it. They denied it.
Makes me feel like tit.

Honestly next time you see them I would say “I sent you a friend request because I wanted to send that thing to you” and it will probably make them feel like a dick/give them a bit of background on why you wanted to connect. Seems like a bit of a crap move though tbh. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING is my question. (Trying to lighten the mood)

 

[Kim Mild]

Ah, that’s horrible - and rude.
Is there any chance they might not have recognised your name? Maybe know your first name only?

I think they could work it out from my pic and our mutual friends.
Obviously, some people might not recognise a person who has sent them a request, but so many haven't accepted over the years. I wonder if either people don't like me , or I'm not very memorable.
---

Honestly next time you see them I would say “I sent you a friend request because I wanted to send that thing to you” and it will probably make them feel like a dick/give them a bit of background on why you wanted to connect. Seems like a bit of a crap move though tbh. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING is my question. (Trying to lighten the mood)

I don't think I'd mention it . Or I'd pretend it was an accident. Although, accidental friend requests usually accept , more so than deliberately ones.

 

[bcfc999]

Just two things to pick up from your post.

I feel you on the work front. I think it's really common nowadays for managers to not actually manage (like clearly explain stuff and check in with staff) and that can leave you feeling at sea. I've had that with my current job, the on boarding was crap and people expect me to have done stuff I've never even been tasked with. So it gives this false feeling of 'maybe I'm not trying hard enough'.

And on making new friends - I think it's definitely harder outside of a school/work setting. In those scenarios you're with people all the time and you can gel. If you meet someone through Bumble or an activity, seeing them once a week at a class or meeting for a drink isn't enough time to make the jump to friends. It's definitely tough nowadays.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, and sorry to respond to you so late! Re work, I think you're right - I'm having meetings with her every week weeks to discuss how I'm getting on, and she's really keen to give me a good experience etc so I think if I bring it up next time she'll be responsive. I've definitely had a better end to the week than it started though so hopefully I'm just getting into the swing of things a bit more now.
Definitely harder outside school that's the thing, I can't think of a single person outside of a colleague or housemate who I'd see more than once a week, so even though I'm "doing the right things" by going on bumble and going to some events by myself, I don't understand how people get from that to being friends anyway!

 

[ChickenLicking]

I had a friend like this. Sending love because it’s tit and I hope your mum makes a full recovery back to health soon x

Hope your mum's on the mend too xx

 

[Good Egg]

Ok - deep breath.
I’m so glad there is a place to talk about this.
I had major abdominal surgery a few weeks ago. Nobody in that time has contacted me, checked in on me, rang me to see how I’m doing. I’m a single parent so completely alone.
It’s tough. I’m wondering what’s wrong with me.
When I was much younger I had a small circle of friends. Over the years you lose contact, change and make new friends, but nobody stays for the long haul. Nobody.
People say to fill your cup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy in my own company. I can do things. I can explore, (I’ve been single a long time nearly 18 years now!). I’ve volunteered in the past. I’ve trained and re-trained in my career. I travel.
I just wish I could make solid connections with others, I just wish there was somebody looking out for me. I wish I could share these experiences with another. I just feel there is nobody genuine left.

A friend I knew had surgery. I visited her, went shopping for her, checked in on her.
I think the hardest part is there is another friend who I thought so highly of, was there over messenger whenever I needed him. Nothing. Radio silence. I haven’t reached out.

The first few weeks of recovery were tough pain wise. I couldn’t lift or bend. I was determined not to reach out first or ask for help. I stuck with it and yep nobody reached out.


I’ve been feeling quite depressed over it.


It’s lonely and isolating and I feel worthless.

I even posted on FB - nothing.
I posted a clip about can you give me eight minutes. (Basically when you are struggling you ask out can you give me 8mins because everyone has 8minutes to spare) I saw it on YouTube. Nope nothing.

Sometimes on my darkest days I think if I wasn’t here or if I didn’t make it through the surgery would anybody actually care?

It’s really tough mentally.

I’ll be back to work soon. Toughest thing is one of what I considered a good friend will be there. I don’t know how to approach it, part of me thinks just ignore and walk away but I don’t want to appear petulant or petty... I do care about this person deeply. I guess what hurts the most is they don’t feel the same way and they are different from what I thought this person was.

So yeah...
What is wrong with me? How do I move on from this? I was actually looking at other jobs and applying. I just don’t feel confident in anything anymore.

 

[Kim Mild]

It's the making a a connection with someone that's the hard bit, and becoming more than just acquaintances.
The person I did feel a connection with , I find it a bit inappropriate to take the steps for friendship outside of where I know them from because they are a man , and we are both in relationships.

 

[Popcornshovel]

Ok - deep breath.
I’m so glad there is a place to talk about this.
I had major abdominal surgery a few weeks ago. Nobody in that time has contacted me, checked in on me, rang me to see how I’m doing. I’m a single parent so completely alone.
It’s tough. I’m wondering what’s wrong with me.
When I was much younger I had a small circle of friends. Over the years you lose contact, change and make new friends, but nobody stays for the long haul. Nobody.
People say to fill your cup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy in my own company. I can do things. I can explore, (I’ve been single a long time nearly 18 years now!). I’ve volunteered in the past. I’ve trained and re-trained in my career. I travel.
I just wish I could make solid connections with others, I just wish there was somebody looking out for me. I wish I could share these experiences with another. I just feel there is nobody genuine left.

A friend I knew had surgery. I visited her, went shopping for her, checked in on her.
I think the hardest part is there is another friend who I thought so highly of, was there over messenger whenever I needed him. Nothing. Radio silence. I haven’t reached out.

The first few weeks of recovery were tough pain wise. I couldn’t lift or bend. I was determined not to reach out first or ask for help. I stuck with it and yep nobody reached out.


I’ve been feeling quite depressed over it.


It’s lonely and isolating and I feel worthless.

I even posted on FB - nothing.
I posted a clip about can you give me eight minutes. (Basically when you are struggling you ask out can you give me 8mins because everyone has 8minutes to spare) I saw it on YouTube. Nope nothing.

Sometimes on my darkest days I think if I wasn’t here or if I didn’t make it through the surgery would anybody actually care?

It’s really tough mentally.

I’ll be back to work soon. Toughest thing is one of what I considered a good friend will be there. I don’t know how to approach it, part of me thinks just ignore and walk away but I don’t want to appear petulant or petty... I do care about this person deeply. I guess what hurts the most is they don’t feel the same way and they are different from what I thought this person was.

So yeah...
What is wrong with me? How do I move on from this? I was actually looking at other jobs and applying. I just don’t feel confident in anything anymore.

Totally emphasise with this. A while back when I had surgery very few people asked how I was, barely even got asked that when I was back at work by my 'work friends'.

I hope you're on the mend, and will be fighting fit soon.

I put it down to everyone being all wrapped up in their own dramas, they don't have any mental energy to spare for others.

Whereas alot of us on here are thoughtful and would check in on a friend, or offer to do shopping for them... So many people just keep their head down and navel gaze.