I hope you’re on the mend now, I can’t imagine having to look after myself after major surgery like that.Ok - deep breath.
I’m so glad there is a place to talk about this.
I had major abdominal surgery a few weeks ago. Nobody in that time has contacted me, checked in on me, rang me to see how I’m doing. I’m a single parent so completely alone.
It’s tough. I’m wondering what’s wrong with me.
When I was much younger I had a small circle of friends. Over the years you lose contact, change and make new friends, but nobody stays for the long haul. Nobody.
People say to fill your cup. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy in my own company. I can do things. I can explore, (I’ve been single a long time nearly 18 years now!). I’ve volunteered in the past. I’ve trained and re-trained in my career. I travel.
I just wish I could make solid connections with others, I just wish there was somebody looking out for me. I wish I could share these experiences with another. I just feel there is nobody genuine left.
A friend I knew had surgery. I visited her, went shopping for her, checked in on her.
I think the hardest part is there is another friend who I thought so highly of, was there over messenger whenever I needed him. Nothing. Radio silence. I haven’t reached out.
The first few weeks of recovery were tough pain wise. I couldn’t lift or bend. I was determined not to reach out first or ask for help. I stuck with it and yep nobody reached out.
I’ve been feeling quite depressed over it.
It’s lonely and isolating and I feel worthless.
I even posted on FB - nothing.
I posted a clip about can you give me eight minutes. (Basically when you are struggling you ask out can you give me 8mins because everyone has 8minutes to spare) I saw it on YouTube. Nope nothing.
Sometimes on my darkest days I think if I wasn’t here or if I didn’t make it through the surgery would anybody actually care?
It’s really tough mentally.
I’ll be back to work soon. Toughest thing is one of what I considered a good friend will be there. I don’t know how to approach it, part of me thinks just ignore and walk away but I don’t want to appear petulant or petty... I do care about this person deeply. I guess what hurts the most is they don’t feel the same way and they are different from what I thought this person was.
So yeah...
What is wrong with me? How do I move on from this? I was actually looking at other jobs and applying. I just don’t feel confident in anything anymore.
An update.I messaged my friend to say my mum was having heart surgery today, nothing. Messaged again to say there were complications but mum is out of surgery and alive and again left on read. This friend has been one of my best friends for over 15 years, and it hurts not to have any support or response during a really stressful day.
Ugh. Sorry this happened. I used to know someone who did this to me twice. It’s gutting to be so easily forgotten.A friend was due to call down to me during the week, nothing fussy, just for a cuppa and a chat. No sign. I waited in all day. Later got a text saying they'd forgotten. I admit I feel gutted, that I mean so little to someone that they just forget about me. It's happened before with other people. It's been on my mind all week, feeling very low.
I find it so crazy how you’ll stop reaching out after a few attempts and that person will never contact you again. Like what were you doing in my life in the first place? I always wonder do they ever think of you, or think to reach out and decide against it or do they literally just forget your existence and move on?I stopped contacting them after the second time and needless to say, they didn’t stay in touch either …
Yes it’s so true! I’ve had this happen to me and it sucks I was friends with this person for 10+ years, was always there for her during hard times but as you said I stopped reaching out to her (it was always me to instigate the conversation) and yep she never contacted me againI find it so crazy how you’ll stop reaching out after a few attempts and that person will never contact you again. Like what were you doing in my life in the first place? I always wonder do they ever think of you, or think to reach out and decide against it or do they literally just forget your existence and move on?
I felt this so hard. I just want to be loved. I just feel like we give so much for breadcrumbs back, it seems so unfair and it’s really upsetting.My friend of 20+ years has always been pretty shit at texting back despite being on her phone all the time but lately I'm getting so upset over how selfish she is. I had a baby 6 months ago and she's met them once. She barely asks me how the baby or I am but when she's having drama after drama I'm expected to be there for her (which I am). I always tell myself next time I'm not doing it but if course I do. This time she ranted at me for two days straight 3 weeks ago and I gave her advice and listened to her and I haven't heard from her since. I've messaged twice in three weeks asking how she is and if she's okay. Nothing. She views my stories on IG though. I feel like I'm done but I know I never am. She'll have some sob story or excuse as to why she hasn't been in touch and I'll lap it up like I always do. People never check in on me and I just feel so alone sometimes. I have always wanted a close friendship group but no one stays. No one cares. Except me. I care too much and I always get hurt.
I’m sorry this has happened to you, it’s so hard to find a healthy balance in friendships sometimes. For what it’s worth this so called friend of yours sounds like she no longer is. It’s not ok to be used only as a trauma-dumping ground because they know how much you crave a friendly connection and obvs a nice person. Consider how you would like to set boundaries for yourself as this pattern of behaviour would carry on and keep affecting you negatively. This may include blocking her to prevent further contacts.My friend of 20+ years has always been pretty shit at texting back despite being on her phone all the time but lately I'm getting so upset over how selfish she is. I had a baby 6 months ago and she's met them once. She barely asks me how the baby or I am but when she's having drama after drama I'm expected to be there for her (which I am). I always tell myself next time I'm not doing it but if course I do. This time she ranted at me for two days straight 3 weeks ago and I gave her advice and listened to her and I haven't heard from her since. I've messaged twice in three weeks asking how she is and if she's okay. Nothing. She views my stories on IG though. I feel like I'm done but I know I never am. She'll have some sob story or excuse as to why she hasn't been in touch and I'll lap it up like I always do. People never check in on me and I just feel so alone sometimes. I have always wanted a close friendship group but no one stays. No one cares. Except me. I care too much and I always get hurt.
Sending you so much love. It's incredibly tough to feel so much in this usually cold world. I think it's the curse of being an empath unfortunately and those who are not empaths just don't get it.I felt this so hard. I just want to be loved. I just feel like we give so much for breadcrumbs back, it seems so unfair and it’s really upsetting.
Are you able to take your little one to baby groups, that helped me connect with other mums and fill my day so I wasn’t so alone. It is tough though, especially when you know they are active online.
This guy, I can see when he is active. He’s always on his phone. I can see he’s like other posts this week. Not mine though. Out of everybody I thought he was there for me, it hurts more than my surgery scars.
I feel so emotional about it. I have nobody.
I just want to be loved and love and care for another, like how I care for others... I’m craving human connection. I’m lonely
Definitely me rnI agree it is so easy to over think. I can get triggered by all sorts. sends me spiralling and brings up the lonely feelings again
100% this. I don't see people unless I nag them essentially. And people cancel on me last minute too. Like I'm all dressed and ready to go when I get the text. So bloody annoying.I think it’s a bit of a running theme on this thread, sadly, that people just don’t get back what they’ve put in. I know I feel that way. I don’t know how to make friends with someone who prioritises me as a friend the way I do them. I seem to be everyone’s back up friend, or the one they don’t really think about. I see them doing things with other people and wonder how it all got organised, because I organise most things I’m involved in, and it’s a struggle. I see the jokey “trying to get friends together and picking a date for November 2027” videos and think yeah that’s what it’s like when I organise something, but yet on Insta and FB I see people hanging out so they’ve made time for each other.
ugh.
Sorry to everyone who feels lonely and deserted. I wish I could be everyone’s top tier friend who’d help you when you were ill or even just answer your messages when you first sent them and not three days later
I think there's a theory about how nice people attract narcissists and people who drain you.I’m another one who doesn’t get back what they put in with attempted friendships, albeit I seem to attract narcissists and attention seekers, so perhaps this isn’t a bad thing we dont gel?
Bit in bold is so real for me right now lol. Can't get too into it but a couple of people I've tried hard to stay friends with have basically tried way harder with each other clearly, according to insta, yet whenever I try to contact them I'm left on read for at least 3 weeks. Oooooookay then. Tattle group chat would be the best ngl, I understand why we can't message on here but wish we could.I think it’s a bit of a running theme on this thread, sadly, that people just don’t get back what they’ve put in. I know I feel that way. I don’t know how to make friends with someone who prioritises me as a friend the way I do them. I seem to be everyone’s back up friend, or the one they don’t really think about. I see them doing things with other people and wonder how it all got organised, because I organise most things I’m involved in, and it’s a struggle. I see the jokey “trying to get friends together and picking a date for November 2027” videos and think yeah that’s what it’s like when I organise something, but yet on Insta and FB I see people hanging out so they’ve made time for each other.
ugh.
Sorry to everyone who feels lonely and deserted. I wish I could be everyone’s top tier friend who’d help you when you were ill or even just answer your messages when you first sent them and not three days later
This resonates so much. I recognise you from the Brummy Mummy threads I think? Name rings a bell.I think it’s a bit of a running theme on this thread, sadly, that people just don’t get back what they’ve put in. I know I feel that way. I don’t know how to make friends with someone who prioritises me as a friend the way I do them. I seem to be everyone’s back up friend, or the one they don’t really think about. I see them doing things with other people and wonder how it all got organised, because I organise most things I’m involved in, and it’s a struggle. I see the jokey “trying to get friends together and picking a date for November 2027” videos and think yeah that’s what it’s like when I organise something, but yet on Insta and FB I see people hanging out so they’ve made time for each other.
ugh.
Sorry to everyone who feels lonely and deserted. I wish I could be everyone’s top tier friend who’d help you when you were ill or even just answer your messages when you first sent them and not three days later
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