For anybody struggling ❤

[puddleduck]

Sorry I'm late coming over.
The interaction on the NB thread was incredible and I actually learned some things about myself. Am so pleased to find many of you here, plus the new people to meet.
You are all warriors and believe me I know how hard it can be, but you are all worth something even if you can't see it right now.
🫂 🫂 and to every one of you. Take care x

 

[Toffeebythesea]

Yep. And why I sometimes react so extremely to minor things. (Like today - my therapist gently suggested we take a break for a while and I’ve spiralled into she hates me, she doesn’t think I’m worth the time…)

Oh bless you. Take the time you need, and see how you feel from then. Nobody would blame you for choosing somebody different either if you feel you need to. Remember it's a service that's for you, so it has to suit you.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Oh bless you. Take the time you need, and see how you feel from then. Nobody would blame you for choosing somebody different either if you feel you need to. Remember it's a service that's for you, so it has to suit you.

I’ve been with her a couple of years, it’s not the fit that’s wrong, it’s that she’s a trauma therapist and I’m clearly not ready to face the trauma.
We’ve been doing sessions anyway, she’s been holding space and helping me more widely, but she’s right in what she says that she can’t keep doing that indefinitely when it’s not actually helping me with the trauma.
What I need is a more general counsellor to talk to and then when I’m ready, go back to her.
But I don’t want to go to someone new. That fills me with fear. My trauma is medical so it’s a massive thing for me to be able to trust someone like that, although obviously talking and physical medical are very different I know.

I’m just a mess today, I was sort of expecting it but at the same time I wasn’t prepared.

 

[Toffeebythesea]

I’ve been with her a couple of years, it’s not the fit that’s wrong, it’s that she’s a trauma therapist and I’m clearly not ready to face the trauma.
We’ve been doing sessions anyway, she’s been holding space and helping me more widely, but she’s right in what she says that she can’t keep doing that indefinitely when it’s not actually helping me with the trauma.
What I need is a more general counsellor to talk to and then when I’m ready, go back to her.
But I don’t want to go to someone new. That fills me with fear. My trauma is medical so it’s a massive thing for me to be able to trust someone like that, although obviously talking and physical medical are very different I know.

I’m just a mess today, I was sort of expecting it but at the same time I wasn’t prepared.

Could she tailor what she's doing? That sounds so tricky I'm sorry.

 

[Jwren]

I started gardening last year, filled my garden with flowers, fruit and veg. It honestly brought me so much peace, I was able to forget everything whizzing around in my head and just focus on that one thing. I have an allotment now and I'm looking forward to seeing everything growing this spring/summer. I was going to all the garden centres last year and buying/rescuing plants that were on there way out, and seeing them come back to life made me feel so good. You're right, sometimes its the most simple things in life that can help the most.

How wonderful We know where to come now there’s a shortage of fruit/veg
I have gardener‘s envy. I’m terrible when it comes to gardening I even watered my mother‘s artificial plants when she asked me to look after her plants when she was away, although in my defence they did look very realistic.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Could she tailor what she's doing? That sounds so tricky I'm sorry.

She has been, she’s a proper trauma therapist who should have just done a course of EMDR and that’s it.
She’s actually been seeing me weekly (sometimes more) since summer 2020…. We tried EMDR but I couldn’t cope with it so she stopped and we’ve been doing mostly really general talking sessions with tiny toe-dipping bits about the trauma (birth) when I’m able but my main PTSD coping mechanism is dissociation so I just zone out to the extreme and it’s impossible to get back to a conversation.

She’s worried that she’s going to end up doing more harm than good I think by having me face a therapeutic environment every week, whereas I really need that check in to keep me on track and stop me from sinking.
But I also understand that she is not a general counsellor. She’s an emdr therapist who isn’t able to do her job right now.

Head duck central.

 

[Jwren]

Yep. And why I sometimes react so extremely to minor things. (Like today - my therapist gently suggested we take a break for a while and I’ve spiralled into she hates me, she doesn’t think I’m worth the time…)

Oh my goodness that’s me and it‘s so much easier to say to someone else I really don’t think for one minute she thinks that. And honestly I can’t imagine she or anyone would think that of you but I totally understand where you are coming from.
Could she not take it more slowly with you. I had a range of issues I was trying to deal with when I was referred, which I didn’t tell my GP or counsellor at first as I didn’t know where to start and didn’t want to put on them (also my head wasn’t in the right place as my AD’s hadn’t really kicked in) and then when I started to feel a little better we worked through it all.
Would it be possible to explain how you feel to her, even by email or text perhaps?

Edit. Bless you I’ve just read your post above and understand a little of where you’re coming from with birth trauma. It still might be worth explaining your concerns and perhaps she could suggest a different path.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Oh my goodness that’s me and it‘s so much easier to say to someone else I really don’t think for one minute she thinks that. And honestly I can’t imagine she or anyone would think that of you but I totally understand where you are coming from.
Could she not take it more slowly with you. I had a range of issues I was trying to deal with when I was referred, which I didn’t tell my GP or counsellor at first as I didn’t know where to start and didn’t want to put on them (also my head wasn’t in the right place as my AD’s hadn’t really kicked in) and then when I started to feel a little better we worked through it all.
Would it be possible to explain how you feel to her, even by email or text perhaps?

I’ve emailed her. She already knows anyway. She’s been so unbelievably wonderful, I can’t stress that enough. She’s an EMDR trauma therapist who’s basically just listened to my woes week after week and helped with minor crises.

It doesn’t help that I’ve just switched ADs too so I’m freshly weaned from my long-term one and not yet on the right dose of the new one.

I see the psychiatrist on Thursday so will talk to him and get the meds sorted which will help.

 

[Pumpkin84]

Gosh that's so true isn't it. I think that's why I live my life expecting the worst from everybody and everything.

Yep. And why I sometimes react so extremely to minor things. (Like today - my therapist gently suggested we take a break for a while and I’ve spiralled into she hates me, she doesn’t think I’m worth the time…)

Oh this is exactly how I am, its an awful feeling. I'm so sensitive, always on high alert and thats absolutely exhausting, Ive come to realise its a self defense mechanism. Ive gone through alot of tit in my life as Im sure many of us have. I've been on medication here and there but never had therapy. The reason for that is, Im absolutely petrified! Petrified of opening that can of worms and then spiralling to the point I cant get myself back out once I start talking about it. I think you're all so brave just the fact you're having therapy. I can't even bring myself to do that.

 

[Jwren]

I’ve emailed her. She already knows anyway. She’s been so unbelievably wonderful, I can’t stress that enough. She’s an EMDR trauma therapist who’s basically just listened to my woes week after week and helped with minor crises.

It doesn’t help that I’ve just switched ADs too so I’m freshly weaned from my long-term one and not yet on the right dose of the new one.

I see the psychiatrist on Thursday so will talk to him and get the meds sorted which will help.

I had CBT so a little different to EMDR.
That’s a bummer, I had the same happen to me when the AD’s I’d taken for years on and off were pulled off the market, it took a little while to find ones that worked for me. So it might just be a little more time on your new AD’s will really help and then you’ll be able to continue but if you feel the new ones are not working do let your GP know. xx

 

[FakeSmile]

Just wanted to come back and thank those of you for the kind words last night. I actually did work up the courage to contact SHOUT and just having someone say to me "that sounds like a lot to handle all at once" and that "it makes sense to feel overwhelmed right now" and to just validate my feelings made me feel lighter. I actually started to fall asleep whilst chatting to them because I felt like I wasn't on my own and that my current feelings arent just me being dramatic like what is put on me constantly.

Whilst all of my problems are still there, just having someone listen who was on my side made the world of difference last night. Thank you for the encouragement, you're a special lot
---

Oh this is exactly how I am, its an awful feeling. I'm so sensitive, always on high alert and thats absolutely exhausting, Ive come to realise its a self defense mechanism. Ive gone through alot of tit in my life as Im sure many of us have. I've been on medication here and there but never had therapy. The reason for that is, Im absolutely petrified! Petrified of opening that can of worms and then spiralling to the point I cant get myself back out once I start talking about it. I think you're all so brave just the fact you're having therapy. I can't even bring myself to do that.

You have put into words exactly how I feel about talking to someone professionally about my problems. The thought of opening a can of worms and the effect that could potentially have on me is terrifying. I did a couple of sessions of therapy about 18 months ago but it started getting abit too close to the mark so I gave up rather than persevered.

 

[Pumpkin84]

Just wanted to come back and thank those of you for the kind words last night. I actually did work up the courage to contact SHOUT and just having someone say to me "that sounds like a lot to handle all at once" and that "it makes sense to feel overwhelmed right now" and to just validate my feelings made me feel lighter. I actually started to fall asleep whilst chatting to them because I felt like I wasn't on my own and that my current feelings arent just me being dramatic like what is put on me constantly.

Whilst all of my problems are still there, just having someone listen who was on my side made the world of difference last night. Thank you for the encouragement, you're a special lot
---


You have put into words exactly how I feel about talking to someone professionally about my problems. The thought of opening a can of worms and the effect that could potentially have on me is terrifying. I did a couple of sessions of therapy about 18 months ago but it started getting abit too close to the mark so I gave up rather than persevered.

I'm so glad you reached out to them, well done
It's so hard isn't it to take that first step. Hopefully just by being on this thread it can give us some courage to eventually get to a place where we feel like we can take that step to talk to someone.

 

[FakeSmile]

I'm so glad you reached out to them, well done
It's so hard isn't it to take that first step. Hopefully just by being on this thread it can give us some courage to eventually get to a place where we feel like we can take that step to talk to someone.

I think it's feeling safe enough to talk to someone. It's the aftermath I worry about.

 

[shadowcat5]

I think it's feeling safe enough to talk to someone. It's the aftermath I worry about.

if this helps at all, I was like that too and it's not an easy journey in the slightest but I felt so much better after talking about it. I was expecting to spiral but the reality was that I was already spiralling prior to talking and the talking actually helped release it. The weight of it fell off of me. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone and you might be different but keep an open mind on it

 

[Jwren]

Oh this is exactly how I am, its an awful feeling. I'm so sensitive, always on high alert and thats absolutely exhausting, Ive come to realise its a self defense mechanism. Ive gone through alot of tit in my life as Im sure many of us have. I've been on medication here and there but never had therapy. The reason for that is, Im absolutely petrified! Petrified of opening that can of worms and then spiralling to the point I cant get myself back out once I start talking about it. I think you're all so brave just the fact you're having therapy. I can't even bring myself to do that.

For me it wasn’t about being brave. I was in such a terrible place after the police incident (as I mentioned on the other thread) and being in a narcissistic relationship, along with many other things I hadn’t dealt with, so I really had little choice. I didn’t want to die but nor did I want to live as I was. I really wanted to go to sleep and wake up and it had all been dealt with, so for me the only option was AD’s and therapy. I’m not going to lie it was hard work, a rollercoaster of emotions along the way but I was determined to do it for my girls, my brother who really loved life and of course myself because without it I probably wouldn’t be here. I can honestly say all the hard work was so worth it and for the first time in my life I’m more at peace with myself, if that makes sense.

So please reach out anyone who‘s struggling as it does get better. xx

 

[FakeSmile]

if this helps at all, I was like that too and it's not an easy journey in the slightest but I felt so much better after talking about it. I was expecting to spiral but the reality was that I was already spiralling prior to talking and the talking actually helped release it. The weight of it fell off of me. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone and you might be different but keep an open mind on it

Thank you for that - I will definitely bear it in mind. It's good to hear from someone who had the same fears as me but who has come out the other side.

 

[MeghanSnarkle]

Hi all I hope it's ok for me to highlight this here but I know many of you lovely people from the NB thread and wanted share (best as I can, don't know how to link sorry) that I have started a thread in off topic called 'incidents, aftermath and media scrutiny' if you want share respectful opinions on the fall out of recent high profile case or any other where media, social or other wise crossed the line X

 

[evie1975]

Just wanted to come back and thank those of you for the kind words last night. I actually did work up the courage to contact SHOUT and just having someone say to me "that sounds like a lot to handle all at once" and that "it makes sense to feel overwhelmed right now" and to just validate my feelings made me feel lighter. I actually started to fall asleep whilst chatting to them because I felt like I wasn't on my own and that my current feelings arent just me being dramatic like what is put on me constantly.

Whilst all of my problems are still there, just having someone listen who was on my side made the world of difference last night. Thank you for the encouragement, you're a special lot
---


You have put into words exactly how I feel about talking to someone professionally about my problems. The thought of opening a can of worms and the effect that could potentially have on me is terrifying. I did a couple of sessions of therapy about 18 months ago but it started getting abit too close to the mark so I gave up rather than persevered.

First step done, you smashed it! Small steps lead to brighter days. I hope others don’t mind me speaking on their behalf but we all stand beside you.

 

[Dotty Merton]

I think it's fair to say that for some people talking therapies aren't always the right route at certain times or because of trust issues, I hear you @InTheDollsHouse - having to build up trust with someone in the same profession as may of caused the trauma originally is a right old head feck. There are so many different types of self care and therapy.

* Hypnotism for anxiety really helped me after my friend went missing/killed and stopped the feelings of threat. A friend has hugely good credentials in it so I was very lucky.

* PTSD/CPTSD? Gabor Mate - He rocks

* There are some vids on youtube about Childhood PTSD which they call CPTSD in the US sometimes to confuse matters. Another tattler put me on to them. She identifies what experiences in childhood would affect us in adulthood unhealthily, how and what you can do about them. Handy. She's called the Crappy Childhood Fairy which is a name I imagine puts people off, a shame, she dunnae mention fairies ok and she really put my head straight on a few matters which a traditional counsellor just won't do.

 

[Jwren]

I think it's fair to say that for some people talking therapies aren't always the right route at certain times or because of trust issues, I hear you @InTheDollsHouse - having to build up trust with someone in the same profession as may of caused the trauma originally is a right old head feck. There are so many different types of self care and therapy.

* Hypnotism for anxiety really helped me after my friend went missing/killed and stopped the feelings of threat. A friend has hugely good credentials in it so I was very lucky.

* PTSD/CPTSD? Gabor Mate - He rocks

* There are some vids on youtube about Childhood PTSD which they call CPTSD in the US sometimes to confuse matters. Another tattler put me on to them. She identifies what experiences in childhood would affect us in adulthood unhealthily, how and what you can do about them. Handy. She's called the Crappy Childhood Fairy which is a name I imagine puts people off, a shame, she dunnae mention fairies ok and she really put my head straight on a few matters which a traditional counsellor just won't do.

I completely agree not one size fits all, there are so many different treatments/therapies and if one doesn’t work it doesn’t mean another one won’t.

I appreciate AD’s aren’t for everyone but for some struggling with depression/anxiety etc they’re a life saver.

Hobbies as people have mentioned are also great to alleviate stress and keep your mind occupied. Although if you’ve little ones, or caring for someone I appreciate often there aren’t enough hours in the day. I find exercise/walking also helps and there are many audio mindfulness CDs/apps etc online to help to de-stress/unwind.