Food and Drink #37 Happy New Year

[EddieBeds]

Is it weird the cervix chat is some what comforting and hearing others experiences kinda normalises/validates what is often a ducking mare of an experience for so many?

I knew what a cervix looked like but had never thought to describe it as that Hotes - but it’s so true!

Feeling seen with the tilt too - my womb is slightly tilted and have been told by some medical peeps that my cervix is too but others say it’s fine. Had a really lovely Dr tell me once there is no such thing as a normal text book cervix/womb etc as they vary as much as we all do. Also had a case of the great disappearing cervical polyp the other year - it literally appeared to play hide and seek depending on the dr looking

I tend to get an embarrassing leg shake when having Gynae stuff and have been told on more than one occasion to ‘let go’ of the speculum as my default is to literally clench up. Not sure why they really bother saying ‘relax’ as it has the opposite effect.

Do you think the judge at the court case will be like ‘right hands up the one with the clenchy cervix, the one with the tilty cervix, the toot toot cervix’ and so on? Imagine the various tangents we’ve had on the MT - it’d add years to the court case!

 

[emm]

Is it weird the cervix chat is some what comforting and hearing others experiences kinda normalises/validates what is often a ducking mare of an experience for so many?

I knew what a cervix looked like but had never thought to describe it as that Hotes - but it’s so true!

Feeling seen with the tilt too - my womb is slightly tilted and have been told by some medical peeps that my cervix is too but others say it’s fine. Had a really lovely Dr tell me once there is no such thing as a normal text book cervix/womb etc as they vary as much as we all do. Also had a case of the great disappearing cervical polyp the other year - it literally appeared to play hide and seek depending on the dr looking

I tend to get an embarrassing leg shake when having Gynae stuff and have been told on more than one occasion to ‘let go’ of the speculum as my default is to literally clench up. Not sure why they really bother saying ‘relax’ as it has the opposite effect.

Do you think the judge at the court case will be like ‘right hands up the one with the clenchy cervix, the one with the tilty cervix, the toot toot cervix’ and so on? Imagine the various tangents we’ve had on the MT - it’d add years to the court case!

Has the triangulation gone too far at this point?

 

[Falkor]

Just seen on Twitter, baby camel

 

[Orphan_Black]

I've never had a gynae give a comment on my cervix, is mine ugly?!

Orphy-B; owner of an unremarkable cervix.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Me either, I would hope my cervix would be kooky and “not like other cervixes” but I guess it’s average. Going to get the nurse to shout BORING at it for betraying me, next smear.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Me either, I would hope my cervix would be kooky and “not like other cervixes” but I guess it’s average. Going to get the nurse to shout BORING at it for betraying me, next smear.

I'm going to stick some glitter up my floof next time.

Yeah, my cervix can razzle dazzle them too!

 

[emm]

Me either, I would hope my cervix would be kooky and “not like other cervixes” but I guess it’s average. Going to get the nurse to shout BORING at it for betraying me, next smear.

Neither, but I am usually too busy talking non stop to distract myself there is little room for comment (or criticism) Although I am now intrigued as to what they might say, considering being silent next time our of curiosity... the things I learn from this thread

I'm going to stick some glitter up my floof next time.

Yeah, my cervix can razzle dazzle them too!

does vagazzle still exist? I vaguely remember this from the only way is essex (i think?)

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Is it weird the cervix chat is some what comforting and hearing others experiences kinda normalises/validates what is often a ducking mare of an experience for so many?

I get really pissed off by smear test campaigns that just assume women are flighty little madams who forget to book appointments, or are too embarrassed to go, rather than acknowledge that yes it can be painful for women, and here's what can be done to make it easier (don't slap the patient, for starters).

If you point out that some women do find it horrible and painful some smart-arse always comes back with "the treatment for cancer is much worse!" which, agreed, but that doesn't help, does it? Or "I've never had painful smears!" Well, I'm glad for you, but you're not every woman on the planet, are you?

I'm going to stick some glitter up my floof next time.

Don't do that, they won't get a clear sample and you'll have to go back!

 

[Orphan_Black]

Don't do that, they won't get a clear sample and you'll have to go back!

Fear not, dear heart, I was being facetious!

Although, the thought of a fanny fart with a vagina full of glitter has had me sniggering. I'm a child.

(Love love love your above point about smears being horrible.)

 

[zetta buttons]

I get really pissed off by smear test campaigns that just assume women are flighty little madams who forget to book appointments, or are too embarrassed to go, rather than acknowledge that yes it can be painful for women, and here's what can be done to make it easier (don't slap the patient, for starters).

If you point out that some women do find it horrible and painful some smart-arse always comes back with "the treatment for cancer is much worse!" which, agreed, but that doesn't help, does it? Or "I've never had painful smears!" Well, I'm glad for you, but you're not every woman on the planet, are you?



Don't do that, they won't get a clear sample and you'll have to go back!

I haven’t had a successful one yet. The last nurse, as I was writhing in pain and in tears, handed me a swab and said “you do it then” and walked off.

As Hotes correctly said on the MT, the comments I get when they find out I have been with Mrs T for ages (coming up 20 years.. anniversary floor picnic ) essentially imply that I am extremely low risk and that I’m not to worry.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Fear not, dear heart, I was being facetious!

Although, the thought of a fanny fart with a vagina full of glitter has had me sniggering. I'm a child.

(Love love love your above point about smears being horrible.)

I was so late with having one (having something excruciatingly painful happen to you with no warning makes you reluctant to go back, who knew?) that the GP gave me a home test kit which was a damn sight easier than having a stranger rummaging about up there like she'd lost her keys, and I don't understand why these home test kits never seem to make it out of the clinical trial stage.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I was so late with having one (having something excruciatingly painful happen to you with no warning makes you reluctant to go back, who knew?) that the GP gave me a home test kit which was a damn sight easier than having a stranger rummaging about up there like she'd lost her keys, and I don't understand why these home test kits never seem to make it out of the clinical trial stage.

Male doctors being the norm couldn't have helped. The speculum is well due an update.

Hopefully with more and more women in the field, things will get better for the rest of us!

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’ve seen the at home thing advertised in the chemist but didn’t read it. I don’t mind the smear it’s ok for me. Not as bad as the dentist, which is good I suppose, as good as you can hope for.

 

[Nonah]

Tell you what, I’ve come to absolutely dread blood tests.

Spoiler: Blood test chat

There is never a phlebotomist available for some reason and the nurse who does them at my surgery is terrible at it. She keeps hold of the syringe when she’s changing the vials in a way that means the needle wobbles in my arm and if it’s in a bit near a nerve it feels disgusting. And then I look like a junkie for a week afterwards.

 

[Fenella]

As we are talking about smears, im confused about them now.

I have a lot of issues about going for various reasons and when I finally went (years and years late) something not great happened, separate from the actual event but linked.

in my area they now only test for hpv apparently and don’t actually look at the cells? Mine came back negative, and I’ve been with husband for 20 years now so would it ever turn positive at this point? I know it can lay dormant but really for that long?

I can’t seem to find a proper answer on the internet, so I thought I’d ask a bunch of strangers on the internet!

 

[Falkor]

I have a bit of a shy cervix, apparently, but the nurse at our GP surgery is very good and we generally don't have any problems. She was off last time I was due one, so the female GP did it instead, also fine.

Spoiler: Blood tests - not for the squeamish

I think I am now fairly immune to having blood taken after the last four weeks! My veins are small and very deep and in the first 10 days or so my body was prioritising arteries and major organs, so there wasn't much blood in the veins to be taken. I got very used to people rocking up and either taking three or four goes to get blood out of me or not managing at all and having to summon a wonderful nurse practitioner called Lydia from whichever ward she was working on that day, who was some sort of vein whisperer and always got it first go.

What I never, ever, ever want to have again is an arterial line. They put one in on my first day after I was transferred to the big hospital, it's a tiny catheter that goes deep into your arm into an artery and they were using it to continuously monitor my blood pressure, but I was too ill for them to risk any local anaesthetic when they put it in and it has to be held in place with stitches, so I could feel the needle and thread going in and out of my skin. And the damn thing leaked plasma the whole time, so they had to put my arm on a waterproof pad on a pillow to stop it oozing into the sheets. Deeply unpleasant.

 

[Nonah]

As we are talking about smears, im confused about them now.

I have a lot of issues about going for various reasons and when I finally went (years and years late) something not great happened, separate from the actual event but linked.

in my area they now only test for hpv apparently and don’t actually look at the cells? Mine came back negative, and I’ve been with husband for 20 years now so would it ever turn positive at this point? I know it can lay dormant but really for that long?

I can’t seem to find a proper answer on the internet, so I thought I’d ask a bunch of strangers on the internet!

I asked about this because my smears always seem to go terribly and every time I get the all clear because there’s no HPV I wonder whether they’re missing something. From what I remember they said that HPV is the biggest indicator that cells will be abnormal so that is what they test for, but it can just develop so even though you’re in a monogamous relationship they need to keep regularly testing for it.

 

[Vroo]

Apparently I have a crescent shaped cervix which may make smear more ‘uncomfortable’ than usual- nurse who mentioned this at last test was so reassuring etc that it was least uncomfortable by far

[ISPOILER blood test ][youngest v has had underactive thyroid since she was 8, her veins are still really tiny so practice nurse always uses a baby needle to take blood, maybe this could help other grays?]

So we have had a sad/happy weekend- mr v mum sadly passed away this weekend, she’d been ill for a while and poor mr v has been very stressed and sad. To cheer him up we brought forward plans to extend family & now have a new friend Clemmie

 

[jordishaw]

Male doctors being the norm couldn't have helped. The speculum is well due an update.

Hopefully with more and more women in the field, things will get better for the rest of us!

The Confessions of Frannie Langton has quite a lot of horrible history about the development of the speculum which is more accurate than one might think. This is an uncomfortable but useful read

What Makes the Speculum Awful

But it's probably the best option we've got.

www.theatlantic.com

This really made me appreciate the times I've had a positive experience with thoughtful and considerate nurses who didn't rush/made me feel relaxed (favourite line "just try to relax and pretend that a strange woman putting six inches of cold steel up your hoohaa is a normal Monday morning")

 

[Nurseali]

Top tip for smears, place a fist either side under your bottom so your cervix is tilted, won't always make it less painful but it helps me as I have a tilted cervix