First Love

[Chewycinema]

I had just turned 18 and he was 17 (a few months younger than me) We met through friends after he moved back for uni and had this weird instant connection. I didnt really realise I liked him til one night we were having predrinks at a mates and ended up kissing
Took a few weeks after that til we got together. Lasted an intense 18 months.

Would I fancy him now? God no
He lives in another city and is also married with a son. Im in a long term relationship with a daughter. My daughters a few months older so I'm hoping history doesn't repeat and they dont meet in 17 years time

My “first love” was absolutely toxic for me. On and off for 4/5 years and he had a girlfriend all along. When we met he lied and said they weren’t together. Then I got sucked in when he kept promising to leave her. I was obsessed with him but realise now what a manipulative control freak he was.
His girlfriend got shut of him and funnily enough we are friends now.
I regret every single minute I spent with him and feel sad I did it to her. He is a twisted person and I know he has cheated on his current gf also.
Also - probably serves me right, but I found out he was also cheating on me (if you can call it that) with my so called best friend.
good riddance.

I had a very similar experience with a guy after my first relationship ended.

It took me years to get over. Always seemed to turn up in my life again as soon as I was starting to get hin out my head, then the cycle would start again.
Hope youre doing well now!

 

[Sosig]

I had boyfriends in stuff in school and my late teens that never got far due to immaturity.

when I was 19 I met this 23 year old who at the time was “perfect” - we last 2 and a half years but we broke up once during that because of his controlling ways.
I met all of his family but he kept his friends and his social life separate and used the excuse that I was too young to share the same interests as him? And like a mug I accepted it and happily became his distraction when he had no other plans.

When we would have a disagreement over something he would instantly start calling me for all sorts over WhatsApp then before I could respond he would block my number until I was allowed to speak - then a couple of days afterwards he would buy me gifts (these ranged from a Yankee candle to perfume to a watch)

I was permanently miserable at work or with friends and everyone tried to make me see how toxic he was but I just wouldn’t listen.

we went on holiday about a year after us being together and he didn’t speak to me the whole time. It was my first time abroad and was so excited and wanted us to get out there. One morning at breakfast I asked him if he was okay as he seemed quiet and he responded “because I don’t have anything to say to you” in a cold manner. I stood up and went and sat on the steps of the resort on my own for ages - I would always go back.

he would call me fat - I was a size 8.

we would never go out and I can count on one hand how many times we had a date night or went the cinema etc. The time we’d spend together was always at my flat or at his house for dinner with the family. Although WE never went out he was out every weekend with his friends or at festivals etc and I would just lead my own life with my friends, I began to get paranoid because he would go to festivals and start following girls on social media the day after who had also went there and he broke up with me on WhatsApp because I asked who someone was and then blocked me again. I barely ate for about 6 weeks it was hardcore heartbreak diet I thought my world was crashing down - until he agreed to meet up with me and take me back - but he was going to leave me blocked on social media because my jealousy was an ugly trait.

before I “won him back” I felt so guilty at being so paranoid.

I think we lasted about 6 more months until one day I suggested actually going out somewhere for something to eat. The whole time he picked at me and tried so hard to start an argument but I was just so confused at his behaviour. Anyway we ended up back at the flat and kept saying he didn’t want it anymore but then would ask me my opinon (in other words he wanted me to beg) in the end he opened the door and stood in the hall waiting for me to come and beg in the end I said “let me make this easier for you” and slammed the door in his face. I cried slightly but there was no heartbreak sobs or another diet I decided to get out there and have a good time.

I then found out the following week that we was cracking on with a girl 12 years older than him. So I’m 99% sure he already had her on the go before we split and probably more in the past.

while he was single he would try and reconnect with old exes and go away with them on weekends away “as friends”

anyway he stayed with that girl for around 2 years but they were on and off aswell. Every time they were off he would slide into my DMs and try and bring up old stuff (noticing a pattern along with the other exes - I figured he liked to play women like puppets and pick them up and drop them again) and when they were back on he would block me again.

They eventually called it quits early 2018 just before I got with my now boyfriend and he kept repeatedly sliding in, trying to call, sending me dick pics - ignored all of it and then finally told him I was seeing someone to which he replies “feel sorry for him” and blocked me

he tried to follow me again last year and I sent a emoji and blocked him!

Crazy those rose tinted glasses arent they

He’s now 31 living in a pokey flat sitting on his parents hand me down couch.

 

[BorisBear]

I was 15 he was so popular, tall v good looking i was sporty also but not v pretty. For some reason we hit it off & stayed together for 2 years. He was from sweden so we went there on our own together for holiday at 16! I thought It was love but after a couple of years he started to play lots of fruit machines & i would lend him money id never get back. It all got a bit toxic, eventually he cheated on me. I still see him around our town now & we say hi & chat i still speak to his mum if i see her too. He was lovely, we were too young i have no feelings now towards him 20 years later.

we have children the same age mines a girl & his a boy both 11

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Sorry, this is a long one.....................

She was a danish au pair and we got together when we were 18. We met in the same brass band, and we became a couple within 2 months. I really, really loved her, and we lost our virginity to each other. I went over to meet her friends and family in Denmark. We had a lovely 18 months or so together.

In the end, she got in with a bad crowd of other au pairs. They didn't like me (I was suspicious of them, particularly one of them who was german. She was supposedly a christian, but I have a nasty idea that that her constant changes of jobs and going back and forward to germany was a cover for drugs and other smuggling). This group took her to some of these clubs and pubs were they basically would set her up with other men (I was either working or teaching). This happened 4 times ( that I know of), and she chucked me for one of these guys. I begged and cried for her to take me back, but she wouldn't. She would bring him along to concerts that we doing together, and it hurt, hurt, so much. I would see them cuddling, and leaving together. In the end, I had to leave that band, I had no other choice.

Now the rest of the story, she has told me, so I have only one side of it..............................

Sadly, it didn't work out well for her. This guy dumped her after a couple of years (they did get engaged, but only lived together for 6 months, which is odd, and I think the novelty value of a Scandinavian girlfriend wore thin, particularly having to go to Denmark every year..... She then got together with a guy she met in the pub, whom was desperate to be a dad (he was 40, and she 28). They were together for 6 months, and he begged her for her to become pregnant and have her kid. She agreed (possibly body clock) and she became pregnant, but.....he then decided he actually didn't want to be a dad and met up with one of his ex's and told my ex that he was going back to her. She was so angry, she dumped all the stuff that his parents had bought for the baby on their drive (she was 6 months gone!).

She had to go back to Denmark and had the baby. She contacts the grandparents (she can't contact the father), and lets them know that she has had the baby, they reply 'We are not interested' and put the phone down on her. A year or so, later she met another guy, whom was happy to have a ready made family, and she became pregnant, but sadly same story again. Now she has 2 kids, no fathers about.

She meets another guy, and get engaged. They had 3 more kids (I know, I know!). He stays this time, but about 4 years ago, he starts drinking heavily and becoming violent. It ends up one night with him grabbing my ex and her eldest daughter by the throat (he's a big guy). She manages to get the kids out, and they are hiding in a cornfield away from him, but manage to get a friends house. He has made several threats since, and it's gone legal.....

Anyway, 18 months or so, I have a friend request from her. I'm a nosy sod (I've been in a relationship with a great lady for the last 12 years btw), and we start talking, and she tells me the above. She wants her eldest daughter to talk to me, because she wants her daughter to know just one decent man that she has met in her life. Just one. Just one that never lied, beat her up, cheated on her, deserted her........

I was stunned, but the girl is delightful. She regularly asks me for advice, and lets off steam about everyone (sisters, mum, school!!!). She (the daughter) asked me to go to her 'Coming of Age' ceremony that they have in Denmark when they are 14. I went (My gf hates travelling, and she knows I'm not a cheat, so was happy for me to go). My ex told me that she wishes that she hadn't done what she had done, and wished that she were still together, and that I had been the father of her kids. I gently told her that we all make our path, and that I don't believe in going back, but that I would always be her friend.....

Hey, after all. I ended up with someone amazing, so I'm a lucky person........

Sorry, if i bored you.

I’d stay far far away lol

 

[Be creative]

I met my first love through a friend at 15. We dated for about 4 years (last two on and off). We broke up and he met another girl, had a baby, I met another guy, blah blah. Anyway, we stayed friends to this day and I really appreciate our friendship. Both single now, definitely a chemistry between us, but we are better off friends.

 

[Prodcon21]

We met in school. Both 14 and it lasted until we were 16. I fell in “love” with an older lad, finished with him and broke his heart.

But - we are 35 now and are friends. He even came to my wedding.

Don’t see him much, but I know I can go to him if I need anything and visa versa.

 

[CarrieW24]

I had boyfriends in stuff in school and my late teens that never got far due to immaturity.

when I was 19 I met this 23 year old who at the time was “perfect” - we last 2 and a half years but we broke up once during that because of his controlling ways.
I met all of his family but he kept his friends and his social life separate and used the excuse that I was too young to share the same interests as him? And like a mug I accepted it and happily became his distraction when he had no other plans.

When we would have a disagreement over something he would instantly start calling me for all sorts over WhatsApp then before I could respond he would block my number until I was allowed to speak - then a couple of days afterwards he would buy me gifts (these ranged from a Yankee candle to perfume to a watch)

I was permanently miserable at work or with friends and everyone tried to make me see how toxic he was but I just wouldn’t listen.

we went on holiday about a year after us being together and he didn’t speak to me the whole time. It was my first time abroad and was so excited and wanted us to get out there. One morning at breakfast I asked him if he was okay as he seemed quiet and he responded “because I don’t have anything to say to you” in a cold manner. I stood up and went and sat on the steps of the resort on my own for ages - I would always go back.

he would call me fat - I was a size 8.

we would never go out and I can count on one hand how many times we had a date night or went the cinema etc. The time we’d spend together was always at my flat or at his house for dinner with the family. Although WE never went out he was out every weekend with his friends or at festivals etc and I would just lead my own life with my friends, I began to get paranoid because he would go to festivals and start following girls on social media the day after who had also went there and he broke up with me on WhatsApp because I asked who someone was and then blocked me again. I barely ate for about 6 weeks it was hardcore heartbreak diet I thought my world was crashing down - until he agreed to meet up with me and take me back - but he was going to leave me blocked on social media because my jealousy was an ugly trait.

before I “won him back” I felt so guilty at being so paranoid.

I think we lasted about 6 more months until one day I suggested actually going out somewhere for something to eat. The whole time he picked at me and tried so hard to start an argument but I was just so confused at his behaviour. Anyway we ended up back at the flat and kept saying he didn’t want it anymore but then would ask me my opinon (in other words he wanted me to beg) in the end he opened the door and stood in the hall waiting for me to come and beg in the end I said “let me make this easier for you” and slammed the door in his face. I cried slightly but there was no heartbreak sobs or another diet I decided to get out there and have a good time.

I then found out the following week that we was cracking on with a girl 12 years older than him. So I’m 99% sure he already had her on the go before we split and probably more in the past.

while he was single he would try and reconnect with old exes and go away with them on weekends away “as friends”

anyway he stayed with that girl for around 2 years but they were on and off aswell. Every time they were off he would slide into my DMs and try and bring up old stuff (noticing a pattern along with the other exes - I figured he liked to play women like puppets and pick them up and drop them again) and when they were back on he would block me again.

They eventually called it quits early 2018 just before I got with my now boyfriend and he kept repeatedly sliding in, trying to call, sending me dick pics - ignored all of it and then finally told him I was seeing someone to which he replies “feel sorry for him” and blocked me

he tried to follow me again last year and I sent a emoji and blocked him!

Crazy those rose tinted glasses arent they

He’s now 31 living in a pokey flat sitting on his parents hand me down couch.

He sounds as toxic af!

 

[lurker12]

Knew my first love from college and we are still in a relationship!

 

[Adviser123]

I met my first love through a guy I was seeing, I was with him for just under 2 years. I’m definitely not attracted to him now, can’t believe I dropped my standards that much!! I always said personality over looks but looking back now he had neither

 

[Kthxbye]

I was 15, he was 16. We were "long distance" (about 3 hours drive apart!) and met through a school pen pal thing, then we just kept writing to each other. He came to visit me and vice versa.
I lost my virginity to him at 15, and I really truly loved him. We broke up after a year, and although we kept in touch sporadically, I've completely lost touch with him now, and I dont think he's on social media.
I have the nicest memories and although I miss that time, I wouldn't have him back now. I'm a different person.

 

[Cherrypie12]

I met this guy at uni when I was 17.. we spent a lot of time together and I didn't realise it at the time but i really fell in love with him. We were romantic with each other but never made anything official, we were too busy living exciting uni life and going to parties and it really didnt bother me at the time. Over the next 4 years we were friends but we drifted away gradually.. and by the time uni was finished we really didnt talk at all.

It's now 10 years later, I don't know when it dawned on me. But eventually I realised how much I really loved him and kicked myself so hard that we never gave it a proper go. I think I met the right guy, but at the wrong time. I think of him often and have done for years, wondering what he's doing with his life.

I've spoken to him only twice since leaving uni. Most recently was only last week when we had a short friendly catch up over Instagram (he added me out of the blue). He has just got divorced. I'm engaged with a 2 year old but my personal life is complicated and I know I'm not with the right man. I've known for a while now but I'm staying for a lot of reasons primarily for the sake of my daughter.

I cant get him out of my head now, I have a strong belief everything happens for a reason so I'm just trying to be positive and accept things will happen the way they are meant to. Maybe later in life we will meet again. But for now he will always be the one that got away...

Do you think I'm just being silly and pining over a teenage crush?

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I met this guy at uni when I was 17.. we spent a lot of time together and I didn't realise it at the time but i really fell in love with him. We were romantic with each other but never made anything official, we were too busy living exciting uni life and going to parties and it really didnt bother me at the time. Over the next 4 years we were friends but we drifted away gradually.. and by the time uni was finished we really didnt talk at all.

It's now 10 years later, I don't know when it dawned on me. But eventually I realised how much I really loved him and kicked myself so hard that we never gave it a proper go. I think I met the right guy, but at the wrong time. I think of him often and have done for years, wondering what he's doing with his life.

I've spoken to him only twice since leaving uni. Most recently was only last week when we had a short friendly catch up over Instagram (he added me out of the blue). He has just got divorced. I'm engaged with a 2 year old but my personal life is complicated and I know I'm not with the right man. I've known for a while now but I'm staying for a lot of reasons primarily for the sake of my daughter.

I cant get him out of my head now, I have a strong belief everything happens for a reason so I'm just trying to be positive and accept things will happen the way they are meant to. Maybe later in life we will meet again. But for now he will always be the one that got away...

Do you think I'm just being silly and pining over a teenage crush?

My younger self, would tell you to let nature take it's course, and see what happens. But my older, self would tell you to be cautious, and really think things through.

 

[Cherrypie12]

My younger self, would tell you to let nature take it's course, and see what happens. But my older, self would tell you to be cautious, and really think things through.

Thank you. I wont be acting on anything for a long time if ever. I've made my life choices and I have responsibilities I need to stand by for now. I'm sure in time this man will go to the back of my mind and if its meant to be then it will. Part of me wants to tell him everything and that I've always thought of him. But I wont, life works in mysterious ways x

 

[rainbowlemon]

I was 24. We were at birthday party for another girl and just got chatting and he walked me home as he also lived in the same building as me.

Honestly it was just 9 months of up's and down. I grew up with a lot of domestic violence in my home so never learnt what healthy relationships should look like. If anything he taught me what not to to accept in a relationship.

Second guy i met also lived in my building and we met randomly whilst I was taking out the rubbish. He ghosted me after 9 months (then I made contact it was just after new years and i was lonely) and we kept messaging each other but i felt that I just couldn't trust him not to ghost me again so I just stopped messaging.

I have been in love with a married guy for almost three years, but nothing has honestly happened between us.

Now at 29 I'm still hoping that I'll meet someone else.

 

[265]

I was 15, she was 15, lasted a month, she had eyes for someone else, after that went wrong she wanted me back.
I didn't go back with her because I thought she would dump me again, we remained friends for a while, she moved
away with her family when they bought a pub in another part of the country. I really dodged a bullet there.

 

[CarrieW24]

I met this guy at uni when I was 17.. we spent a lot of time together and I didn't realise it at the time but i really fell in love with him. We were romantic with each other but never made anything official, we were too busy living exciting uni life and going to parties and it really didnt bother me at the time. Over the next 4 years we were friends but we drifted away gradually.. and by the time uni was finished we really didnt talk at all.

It's now 10 years later, I don't know when it dawned on me. But eventually I realised how much I really loved him and kicked myself so hard that we never gave it a proper go. I think I met the right guy, but at the wrong time. I think of him often and have done for years, wondering what he's doing with his life.

I've spoken to him only twice since leaving uni. Most recently was only last week when we had a short friendly catch up over Instagram (he added me out of the blue). He has just got divorced. I'm engaged with a 2 year old but my personal life is complicated and I know I'm not with the right man. I've known for a while now but I'm staying for a lot of reasons primarily for the sake of my daughter.

I cant get him out of my head now, I have a strong belief everything happens for a reason so I'm just trying to be positive and accept things will happen the way they are meant to. Maybe later in life we will meet again. But for now he will always be the one that got away...

Do you think I'm just being silly and pining over a teenage crush?

Your last statement: no you're not being silly you're at a crossroad. You know you're not in an ideal situation now, which leaves the vacancy to consider your life with someone else that's closer to that ideal. That's not silly at all.

I'm going to share some contradictiry thoughts for the sake of introspection.

Every relationship faces adversity, there will be problems down the road with Uni Guy too. We tend to remember people to their credit, but they rarely ever live to that standard in person. As much as you didn't fight for him back then, he didn't fight for you. Why would it be different now?

On the otherhand, as far as I'm concerned this is my only life. I live it like it is, and that's definitely not passively. If you wait for life to happen, it's most likely never going to happen. If you want something/someone you have to take healthy action towards it.

I wish you could check in 60 years from now and let us know how it worked out. xx

 

[Cherrypie12]

Your last statement: no you're not being silly you're at a crossroad. You know you're not in an ideal situation now, which leaves the vacancy to consider your life with someone else that's closer to that ideal. That's not silly at all.

I'm going to share some contradictiry thoughts for the sake of introspection.

Every relationship faces adversity, there will be problems down the road with Uni Guy too. We tend to remember people to their credit, but they rarely ever live to that standard in person. As much as you didn't fight for him back then, he didn't fight for you. Why would it be different now?

On the otherhand, as far as I'm concerned this is my only life. I live it like it is, and that's definitely not passively. If you wait for life to happen, it's most likely never going to happen. If you want something/someone you have to take healthy action towards it.

I wish you could check in 60 years from now and let us know how it worked out. xx

Thank you so much for your thoughts. Those are the conflicting thoughts I've had recently too. There must have been a reason neither of us at the time acted upon things more strongly. If it was meant to be then it would have.

I'm going to keep trying in the relationship I'm in as I feel that's the right thing to do, leave the past in the past. Ive never told anyone anything about this so just letting it out on here is weight lifted x

 

[DCICassieStuart]

@Cherrypie12, all I can say is that if you're not 100% sure, don't get married because it's a lot harder to leave a marriage than to leave a relationship x

 

[scratchcard]

I was with my first love for two years, when we were both 16-18 and in high school. He’s awaiting sentencing for armed robbery at the moment.

We wanted different things at that age, and it’s fair to say our lives have gone in opposite directions. I got a place at uni and wanted experiences that our hometown couldn’t offer back then. He wanted to stay, and wanted me to stay too. So life changed, I left and we grew up. It obviously wasn’t going to work out, I suppose high school relationships don’t often do. But I’d always thought of him fondly, he was kind and sweet and we had fun together, being the daft teenagers we were. It was what a first relationship should have been like, especially at that age. For all our immaturity we really did love each other. He became part of our group of friends and a lot of my happiest memories of being a teenager involve him in some way.

I live at the other end of the country now and I’m engaged to my long-term partner. I have never loved anyone as much as I love my fiancé, I know we’re meant to be together and I can’t wait to marry him. I’d also love to know the lad I fell in love with all those years ago is happy and doing well for himself, but that isn’t the case and it breaks my heart a little. Ever since I saw the news that he’d been arrested I’ve been trying to imagine him now and picture him committing a violent crime like that and I can’t, because in my mind he’s still a funny, caring 17-year-old who wouldn’t hurt a fly, made mix CDs for me and walked home with me after school. I’m not condoning what he did, but he wasn’t that person when I knew him, regardless of who he is now... and I feel so, so sad that his life has turned out like this.

Kudos if anyone actually read all that... I’m trying not to give the situation too much headspace, and writing it down helps.

 

[Readread]

I was 15, he was 2 years older than me. We met at school. I loved him so much but he treated me horribly once he got to the stage of going out and drinking and generally being a teenage boy! He was just awful and made me lose a significant amount of weight and made me feel worthless. My family hated him for what he did to me but I could never see through it. He cheated on me and went on a "lads" holiday and ended up sleeping with a prostitute (which I found out about a few years later)

I wouldn't piss on him now if he was on fire but it made me who I am and made me tolerate a lot less in a relationship. He tried to get in touch a few years ago and he did try to apologise but I shut that down very quickly. At the time I thought it was love and I probably wouldn't change anything that happened. But now I realise what I have with my husband is true love and I know what I deserve!