Fathering Autism #34 With each new vlog the lies get bigger, so do the rolls on P's figure

[SpiritofSalty]

Ok, I am going to warn you this is going to be long. I want to repeat were my opinions are coming from ( as I am still new and my introduction was relatively brief. I have autism myself, I studied Psychology and neuroscience and I work as a researcher and therapist (not ABA!!!) for People with autism and other disabilities and their families. I am not pretending that I am the absolute authority on all things autism, but I think I have a reasonable foundation.
First, I did enjoy this videoformat more than those snoozefests they sold as vlogs until now. I could actually finish a video for the first time in months. Assas Voice is annoying, but oh well. Baby steps.
Cut to him explaining that they learned her body language by being around her and that she doesn't need to communicate emotions (what? you just said that she does) and that she doesn't have the capacity to understand the need to communicate them. Hard disagree! She might not understand the need now, but that is something that can and should be taught. It would benefit her to learn more abstract signs. Start easy with good/bad. From everything i've seen, they misunderstand and disregard her feelings, wants and needs constantly. Clear signs would help everyone. Abbie actually resorts to signs she knows like the ever famous 'bathroom'. Also 'all done' and 'help' is pretty abstract.
Assa mentions scrolling. What he shows isn't scrolling though. Abbie never deviates, it is bathroom, bathroom, bathroom. My theory is that she wants something specific and bathroom has the outcome that most closely resembles what she wants. Does that make sense? I am bad at describing.
Next is the IPad. Asa says that they are pushing it more and more (When? We never see it. In all the vlogs it is Abbie signing) because it is more universally understood. Yeah, thank you smartass. That could work if you a) actually disregarded the signs in favour of using the Pad and b) taught her more things than just food items and golf cart.
Cut to signs that Abbie knows. This is just sad. Barely two dozen signs and only a handful are secure in reproduction? And most of those is food? I know that Abbie is obsessed with food, because it is her only reinforcement (Boo! Don't do that!) and therefore learns those signs quickly. But that can't be the basis. No wonder her communication is deadlocked.
A says that the IPad is not just for communication, but also for fun. He mentions that Abbie always watches or listens to only three seconds. That is fine, butI would actually work on longer timeframes. Concentrating is something we have to learn and it is a use it or loose it. Studies show that the attention span in most societies has drastically shortened due to modern technology and everything competing for our attention.I'd wager that making the experience a little less fun for the moment would make Abbie enjoy it more in the long run.
It is the parents primary focus to make Abby happy and therefore help her communicate. Very good, but they don't do that. Communication isn't an one-way road. Constantly disregarding Abbies wishes, talking over her and being inconsistent (there it is) is not communicating, it actually discourages her from trying. Listing every snack known to man is not communicating. And spoiling her doesn't make her happy. Not really. It just makes it (seemingly) easier for you.
Finally, the new uberawesome sign is 'Donut'....I can't even

 

[SpiritofSalty]

I am so pleased that you have joined this channel as it is very interesting to hear what you so eloquently have to say.

I think we all have one thing in common here in that we want the best for Abbie and to see her making progress. Sadly due to the extreme stubborness of Asa, Abbie does not receive much in the way of practical help. As far as her mother goes, IMO she is useless and nothing will change that.

What practical ways do you think they should be helping Abbie?

Aww, thank you. That is so kind . I am just happy that I have found a place that isn't overrun by leghumpers.
In my opinion, they could do a lot. Sad thing is that they won't do anything as they think properly raising their kid isn't really their job. They are used to everyone around them picking up the slack (therapists, teachers, respite and - if all else fails - Isaiah). They also shy away from any confrontation and are notoriously lazy. They want an easy and immediate fix. Which doesn't exist.

Hypothetically speaking though the key is consistency (as multiple others on here have said time and time again) and actually enforcing rules. Those rules need to be transparent for Abbie and that is most easily done by tying an immediate consequence to something (example she steals food and in response she has to leave the room).
Another thing is a schedule. I wouldn't be able to function in that house and I'm just surprised that Abbie isn't in a constant meltdown (even though it looks like she is close to one most of the time). The schedule doesn't need to be super rigid, but some cornerstones would help her. Practice it for a couple of weeks and after that you can change it a tiny bit now and then. The lockdown would've been ideal for that.
I would also suggest daily sensory playtime. Just have a corner of the room with all her favourite toys (akin to her sensory room in the old house). Have a designated time for her to go there and let her choose (without the pick-something-else-spiel) or look when she she is stressed out or preferably both. Everyone needs a break sometimes. Have some toys for her when you leave the house (I usually recommend something like a diaper bag to parents. Chewies, maracas, those weighted fitness wristbands, whatever the kid likes).

Finally, stop manhandling her!! How is Abby supposed to know that pinching and tugging and hair pulling isn't okay, when everyone around her does it to her (or something similar). It makes her anxious and insecure (it is like constantly walking around expecting an attack. You don't know when it it going to happen, but eventually it will. That would drive everyone insane. Who would want to live like that?)

 

[SpiritofSalty]

I agree with everything you say, the only thing is most of us on here think her main disability is IDD and he just won’t a admit it.

I know. I've read all the threads and I agree. Abbie would not be able to complete even a nonverbal intelligence test. I don't know, how much worse her parents have made it with their behaviour though. I do think that Abbie is smarter than some people here give her credit for. In my opinion she has just given up to effectively communicate as their reaction is often unprdictable.

I focused on autism, because this is still the narrative that the channel pushes. I tried not to comment on Abbies behavior that much, it was more about A using autism and his stupid conclusions based on that. He wanted to look good and knowledgable, when he just isn't (and can't be bothered to learn). And I absolutely hate that he uses everything Abbie does as "Autism-am-I-right?"

I can't recall ever hearing them say IDD specifically, but it does not bother me personally. I understand the point some people are trying to make about it, in that their emphasis on autism 99.99% of the time could be considered misleading in multiple, potentially very significant ways. I can think of a truckload of reasons to cut them some slack about the issue, not the least of which is that an IDD diagnosis can be particularly painful to parents (even moreso than autism). The Wee Family have a video where they discuss their daughter's intellectual disability diagnosis (linked here), which shows some of the heartbreak and denial such parents can experience. I know that there are some people here who have special needs children and they are okay with criticizing the way the Maasses present information about their family, but personally I would never criticize the parents of an IDD child for not talking about their child's issues in the way I would prefer.

I honestly believe that people who have no experience with the process of having their child evaluated for or diagnosed with delays have no business criticizing the way the Maasses present the information. If you haven't been through it (or anything even remotely close to it), you simply do not understand. You cannot possibly understand. I have a daughter who has been evaluated multiple times, though never formally diagnosed. (Ultimately she'll almost certainly be placed somewhere "on the spectrum," though it does not so far meet clear criteria for any particular diagnosis.) This has been a source of the most intense and drawn out pain of my entire life by a wide margin. My reaction to this challenge is not rational or logical, and it is not my choice--it is like a primal, biological thing born from the attachment I have for her as well as my own emotional/mental shortcomings. My reaction is nothing like the reaction I would have deemed appropriate when I lacked first-hand experience. If anybody wanted to criticize the way I choose to share information about her, I honestly would tell them to go screw themselves. If my daughter ever receives a diagnosis, I will share it in exactly the way I feel is best for her.

Personally I think the absence of regular references to IDD is nothing more than the product of the Maasses finding the topic painful and potentially being in denial, wanting to believe that there is more to Abbie than can be categorized with tests. These explanations reflect perfectly normal and healthy parenting (whether it's ultimately imperfect or not, helpful for the public or not.)

In case some of you are not aware, it is not unprecedented that a person might be viewed as hopelessly impaired only for it to later be discovered that the person was merely imparied in ways which prevented them from making their full potential immediately and clearly obvious. The movie My Left Foot shows this extremely well.

It always takes time to come to terms about diasabilities. All of them (speaking from experience here as I have another acquired disability). It is basically a grieving process for everyone involved. I constantly talk to parents who try to come to terms with a diagnosis and you are right, the reactions aren't necessarily rational. Anger, resentment, guilt, relief - I've seen it all (and I began to work there less than than three years ago) And that is perfectly fine. As long as there is some development.
The thing with the Maasses is their dishonesty. They pretend that they are at peace with who Abbie is and that it is all sunshine and unicorns when they are not. They never worked through their issues, it is just pushed aside. Ultimately at Abbies cost.
Also, they can't openly talk about the whole scope of their daughterss diasbilities, but they can open an entire Youtube channel and talk about that one aspect they find acceptable. And not only that, but they pretend to be some kind of experts or spokespeople and Abbie to be the 'poster girl' for autism. That is just bullshit.

 

[Stripe69]

Tonight's vlog 7.7.20 from Facebook

It’s just a load of bullshit. He’s only doing this vlog because people have complained about lack of content of Abbie. To be fair she knows very few signs and him talking about lack of muscle development in her hands, she doesn’t have a problem when she is grabbing food and shovelling it in her mouth.
I just don’t believe anything they say, it’s just damage control . She is no more advanced than she was two years ago.

 

[Flubberyzing]

Hi!
I'm new.

I've been watching Fathering Autism for 2 years or more now. Ever since they did that episode of 'Special Books For Special Kids'.

I have thoughts:

- Abbie's progress has completely stalled. Honestly, I haven't seen her achieve anything "new" in probably the whole 2 years. If anything, she's gone backwards. She used to do some things like unpack groceries, unload the dishwasher, vacuum. I haven't seen her do any of those in months.
- Why is Asa so obsessed with Abbie learning her colours? It seems like they've been working on the same 3 for months and months. Some days she can do, other days she hasn't got a clue. Why are they continuing to bash away at this skill? I can think of at least 10 that would be of far more benefit to Abbie than knowing 3 colours.
- Abbie's entirely random signing. They say they want her to be able to communicate with the outside world and "we know what her signs mean", yet there is very little effort to correct her constant wrong usage. She signs "bathroom" constantly? For attention? Call her bluff and take her to the bathroom, MAKE her sit on the toilet. "That's not what you wanted? Then sign correctly". It's a bad habit they've allowed to escalate. "She uses bathroom to get out of stuff"? So what? She'll quickly realise that sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes is a hell of a lot more boring than whatever 30 second task she was asked to complete. Yes, she's intellectually delayed, but she's not stupid. She'll learn. Might take longer than the average kid, but she'll learn.
- Abbie's diet... She's getting chubbier by the month, but used to be very slim. I get that all teenage girls get a bit chubby at times, but it's linked to hormones usually, and I thought Abbie was on some sort of puberty/period delaying drugs? But then you look at what she's actually eating... Large bowl of sugary cereal, a doughnut "every day", multiple snacks, large meals. To be honest, she's probably reached her adult height. She doesn't need the "feeding up" you would give to a pre-teen. She needs the maintenance diet appropriate for a young woman.
- The rest of the family's diet. Asa is also getting fatter by the month. Pres doesn't seem to have lost any weight in months. Isaiah isn't getting any slimmer, and even Summer is filling out... And those tiny shorts Summer wears constantly... I just wanna be like "put your vag away Sum!"
- The stims. Honestly, that yelling stim would drive me absolutely bat-shit. I know you're not supposed to subdue stims, but I'm sorry, that one would have to go. It is so incredibly invasive on everyone else in the home. I don't think anyone on earth would complain or condemn them if they used ABA to see that one off.

 

[Purple Ruby]

'''Back To School?

We've got a tough decision to make. Health, future, wellbeing, mental health, life, our jobs, other people's jobs, education, independence, are all things we have to consider with this decision. Will we send her to school next month? '''


Oh please I bet that decision took them about 2 minutes, Abigail will be back at school faster than a badger with his arse on fire.

 

[Sweetums]

They should teach her the sign for "please"

And she needs to learn "I peed my pants" so that she doesn't have to sit in it all day.

 

[Maidengirl]

Look at the state of Abbie's arm! She looks like she has been crying too!

 

[Msbullwnkl]

My hands look a bit like Abbies (the overstretched fingers). I even have a waving stim similar to hers

Can you maybe explain the stims to me? I guess I don't understand the why it is scene in autism?

Also, someone actually asked a question about my criticism. I answered honestly.

 

[cucumber]

I can't recall ever hearing them say IDD specifically, but it does not bother me personally. I understand the point some people are trying to make about it, in that their emphasis on autism 99.99% of the time could be considered misleading in multiple, potentially very significant ways. I can think of a truckload of reasons to cut them some slack about the issue, not the least of which is that an IDD diagnosis can be particularly painful to parents (even moreso than autism). The Wee Family have a video where they discuss their daughter's intellectual disability diagnosis (linked here), which shows some of the heartbreak and denial such parents can experience. I know that there are some people here who have special needs children and they are okay with criticizing the way the Maasses present information about their family, but personally I would never criticize the parents of an IDD child for not talking about their child's issues in the way I would prefer.

I honestly believe that people who have no experience with the process of having their child evaluated for or diagnosed with delays have no business criticizing the way the Maasses present the information. If you haven't been through it (or anything even remotely close to it), you simply do not understand. You cannot possibly understand. I have a daughter who has been evaluated multiple times, though never formally diagnosed. (Ultimately she'll almost certainly be placed somewhere "on the spectrum," though it does not so far meet clear criteria for any particular diagnosis.) This has been a source of the most intense and drawn out pain of my entire life by a wide margin. My reaction to this challenge is not rational or logical, and it is not my choice--it is like a primal, biological thing born from the attachment I have for her as well as my own emotional/mental shortcomings. My reaction is nothing like the reaction I would have deemed appropriate when I lacked first-hand experience. If anybody wanted to criticize the way I choose to share information about her, I honestly would tell them to go screw themselves. If my daughter ever receives a diagnosis, I will share it in exactly the way I feel is best for her.

Personally I think the absence of regular references to IDD is nothing more than the product of the Maasses finding the topic painful and potentially being in denial, wanting to believe that there is more to Abbie than can be categorized with tests. These explanations reflect perfectly normal and healthy parenting (whether it's ultimately imperfect or not, helpful for the public or not.)

In case some of you are not aware, it is not unprecedented that a person might be viewed as hopelessly impaired only for it to later be discovered that the person was merely imparied in ways which prevented them from making their full potential immediately and clearly obvious. The movie My Left Foot shows this extremely well.

I have respect for what you're saying.
However! If the reason they do not discuss the IDD is because it is too painful for them...
then they have zero business putting out a vlog and making themselves public..

and simply mentioning autism. With an occasional pica thrown in.

 

[Maidengirl]

Great new thread title. Thank you. And thanks for setting it up

 

[Noir Fan]

Awful thumbnail of her. This is what I would call blatant exploitation.

 

[WowMeowMeowWow]

 

[firefly0434]

Just a little insight into the whole biking thing. My husband and I mountain bike quite a lot, we also live in a state that has cold winters so you have about 6 or 7 months a year that you just don't ride ..like at all. At the beginning of spring I cant usually do more than a 4 or 5 mile ride and usually by fall were doing 15 to 20 mile rides in a matter of a few hours. Two years ago I went over the handle bars and stopped riding as much, but this past weekend took my first trail ride in roughly a year and managed to make it a full 8 miles that took us roughly 3 hours to do because I again went over the handle bars and had to ride out of the wood injured. My point in this is, I ride quite often and have for many many years and struggled to do that first 4 miles before I wiped out and there is no way in hell she went from no riding to hitting 5 miles in a matter of days.

 

[SpiritofSalty]

Ok, I have a lot of thoughts about this 'vlog'. I just don't know, if my ( both professional and personal) opinions are ok here or if anyone is interested. I don't want to bore anyone.

 

[mbkw999]

OMG!!!!!!

 

[Kermy]

They should teach her the sign for "please"

What I don't get is they've shown Abbie eating veggies and they teach her the most important word in their vocabulary...donut
Once again all I can say is IDIOTS

 

[Maidengirl]

Yeah, OK Cill. Not photo-shopped at all! We believe ya!!

 

[Pink Marshmallow]

Also funny that we've been saying on here, as well as some of leghumpers now in the YT comments that the videos have been wandering too far away from Autism awareness/education and now today we have a video which focuses on just that. Hmmmm.... might those two things be related??
Naahhhhh

 

[PhartBlossom]

Finally, stop manhandling her!! How is Abby supposed to know that pinching and tugging and hair pulling isn't okay, when everyone around her does it to her (or something similar). It makes her anxious and insecure (it is like constantly walking around expecting an attack. You don't know when it it going to happen, but eventually it will. That would drive everyone insane. Who would want to live like that?)

THAT blows my mind! I hate to see any of them manhandling her, throwing her in water, pushing her and the constant tickling is horrible. They will even hide and jump out at her...you said it right, walking around never knowing if you will be scared, booped or attacked is very anxiety producing. Plus how can Abbie ever learn not to grab other people if they constantly do it to her.

A video from last week with Summer forcing hugs and wrestling Abbie on her bed? Oh my God! Summer should never work with or be responsible for mentally disabled people, ever. That girl ain't right....just ain't right. Prissy walks in and said it is so cute...as a mom had I walked in on that it would have been much different, I would have had a sit down with Miss Summer. She has NO business tickling or wrestling Abbie and the excuse that Abbie laughs is a nonsense excuse for doing it. Isaiah needs to stop with all the handsy crap as well.