Fathering Autism #24 Pullups, messy hair and dirty feet. Hambeasts can’t parent but they sho can eat!

[Pink Marshmallow]

I don't know much about idd but would Abbie know about pain and how to tell them if they taught her the sign? Not that I am holding my breath that they will as you said they are known for not properly taking care of her needs.

From what Asa has said in the past, Abbie has a high tolerance for pain and/or low reaction to pain. If that's the case, it could be that Abbie is experiencing pain but it isn't enough for her to try to express/communicate it. I don't believe they have taught her any signs for if she isn't feeling well or in pain. I remember Asa saying that Abbie doesn't do well learning signs that deal with emotions or thoughts/moods so he and P haven't really pursued that. They have said the only way they know if something is wrong with her is if she throws up, develops a cough, lots of sneezing/congestion.

For all we know, when Abbie is signing 'bathroom' or 'break', sometimes it could be because she isn't feeling well or is in pain and that's why she doesn't want to comply with what they're telling her to do. It makes me quite sad for her. Can you imagine not being able to communicate those sorts of things?

I have a lot of affection for Isaiah. I think he's basically a good kid that has had both way too much (caring for Abbie) and not enough (being micro-managed by A&P) responsibility in his life. I definitely worry that the longer he spends with his family he'll start to become more and more like his dad.

He reminds me a lot of my oldest nephew who also grew up in a home with narcissists for parents. As soon as he finished up high school I told him to move out and never look back - two years later he's got his own place, a job, a girlfriend, and is planning on going to university within the next couple years. This is the future that I am really, really hoping for with Isaiah.

Me too! I think it would do him a world of good to be able to really and truly find out who he is and what he's passionate about away from his forced identity of being the third caregiver for Abbie and having so much of his life revolving around her.
I think he has a lot of potential for so much more and he deserves the freedom to explore that. It makes me more pissed off and annoyed with A&P for what they've put him through.

 

[GrabPOPCORNnotPretzels]

Who the hell calls their IDD/autistic daughter Carole Baskin?

Come on...lighten up a bit. It was a jovial moment with her all over the place with the shovel. I feel like if someone here made the joke, everyone would’ve laughed at it.

 

[blindfoldedbobcat]

I keep hoping that as Isaiah grows and fully leaves the nest he will get proper counseling. He needs it desperately. His whole life has revolved around Abbie. He has been Asa's little puppet/ mouthpiece for years. Everything is about autism and awareness. Nothing is ever his own. And someday, someone will ask him the right question and the dam will break. If I had the chance to work with him I wouldnt ask him things like "What do you want people to know about Abbie?" Or "What does autism awareness mean?" I'd ask point blank "How has growing up with Abbie affected you?"
I dont think anyones asked him, because in their world Abbie is the sun they all orbit around. When he matures he will see a lot of things differently. I hope it will be manageable for him.

He doesn't give very honest-sounding/in-depth answers to those kinds of questions. Like once he said he wouldn't change a thing about Abbie if given the opportunity. I keep thinking about Asa's blog, how he (almost boastfully) said that on a school assignment in which Isaiah was asked to show which subjects took up the majority of his thoughts, autism ranked the highest. That is just so unusual and sad. It's not even his autism.

 

[GrabPOPCORNnotPretzels]

Isn’t it the same for every sibling in a home w/ a developmentally delayed or maybe medically fragile sibling? There’s no way to escape it. And in order to survive & be at peace, the child is better off accepting the situation. He is NT, intelligent, & I think he’ll be just fine.

 

[Glowfish]

Come on...lighten up a bit. It was a jovial moment with her all over the place with the shovel. I feel like if someone here made the joke, everyone would’ve laughed at it.

Lol I just don’t think that was an appropriate reference

 

[Pink Marshmallow]

He doesn't give very honest-sounding/in-depth answers to those kinds of questions. Like once he said he wouldn't change a thing about Abbie if given the opportunity. I keep thinking about Asa's blog, how he (almost boastfully) said that on a school assignment in which Isaiah was asked to show which subjects took up the majority of his thoughts, autism ranked the highest. That is just so unusual and sad. It's not even his autism.

I think it's a multi-faceted thing. On the one hand, it's all Isaiah has ever known and I don't doubt that he loves Abbie. But at the same time, I think there are many times when he wishes things were a bit more balanced or equal in terms of how much attention is focused on Abbie and how much is focused on him.

Isn’t it the same for every sibling in a home w/ a developmentally delayed or maybe medically fragile sibling? There’s no way to escape it. And in order to survive & be at peace, the child is better off accepting the situation. He is NT, intelligent, & I think he’ll be just fine.

It is generally, yes. To be clear, I'm not blaming Abbie for things that are beyond her control or disagreeing with the reality that her conditions require a lot of care and attention.
But in this particular situation, things are made worse by A&P putting way too much responsibility on Isaiah's shoulders, making him the third caregiver - at the same level that A&P are. Even way back when they had the motorcycle repair shop and Isaiah had to watch over Abbie in the back room. Also, it seems the only thing they've attempted to give Isaiah attention to, something that is just for him, was going to his football games. Sometimes Asa goes out w. him to do photography.

 

[Baymaus]

I keep hoping that as Isaiah grows and fully leaves the nest he will get proper counseling. He needs it desperately. His whole life has revolved around Abbie. He has been Asa's little puppet/ mouthpiece for years. Everything is about autism and awareness. Nothing is ever his own. And someday, someone will ask him the right question and the dam will break. If I had the chance to work with him I wouldnt ask him things like "What do you want people to know about Abbie?" Or "What does autism awareness mean?" I'd ask point blank "How has growing up with Abbie affected you?"
I dont think anyones asked him, because in their world Abbie is the sun they all orbit around. When he matures he will see a lot of things differently. I hope it will be manageable for him.

Exactly. The moment you realize that your disabled sibling is not the center of the universe and you actually got cheated out of a childhood where you could be loved for who you are and not what you're needed to do is on the one hand exhilarating and on the other almost soul crushing. It took me a couple of tries to find someone who saw that I was affected by being a sibling. Finally got lucky with a counselor who asked me how I experienced it and then worked with me to help me define myself as an individual and not my brother's sister. It was the scariest stuff I've ever had to work on. It helps me now when people think that advocating for my brother means that his needs trump everyone else's. I know they don't. And not just intellectually.

 

[KeepinItReal516]

You think they’d have a little respect for her since she is a young lady now. I know they feel she doesn’t get embarrassed but a typical 15 year old would be embarrassed by those diapers. They actually make diapers that look halfway decent now. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t buy her those and give her a little dignity.

And letting her walk on that grass with no shoes on. I live in Florida and we were never allowed to walk on the grass with no shoes because of the type of grass that grows down here and there tends to be more bugs that burrow than you find up north. My mom had half the lawn replaced with Astro turf because our one dog would constantly roll in the lawn and he was getting those weird bugs I forget the name burrowed in his skin. So gross.

Thanks ... I’ve been saying that about walking around in Florida barefoot... especially in grass and such... anywhere really. Those damn bugs are no joke! Idk how they let her do that! At least teach her to wear flip flops.

 

[Baymaus]

I have a lot of affection for Isaiah. I think he's basically a good kid that has had both way too much (caring for Abbie) and not enough (being micro-managed by A&P) responsibility in his life. I definitely worry that the longer he spends with his family he'll start to become more and more like his dad.

He reminds me a lot of my oldest nephew who also grew up in a home with narcissists for parents. As soon as he finished up high school I told him to move out and never look back - two years later he's got his own place, a job, a girlfriend, and is planning on going to university within the next couple years. This is the future that I am really, really hoping for with Isaiah.

Also wonderful advice and insight. Siblings get overwhelmed with adult responsibilities by the same people who then treat them like irresponsible children when it suits them. Looking back that makes me the angriest. Example would be cleaning my brother's room and bathroom when I was nine and then being told I could have a new bedspread only if I kept my own room immaculate. (While we were at the store buying new bedding and curtains for my brother.)

I hope Isaiah is reading this. Just get out and start your own life. It may seem counterintuitive, but breaking free makes it possible to help out later to the extent that you are able without it grinding you down.

 

[KeepinItReal516]

Who the hell calls their IDD/autistic daughter Carole Baskin?

Thought I heard something wrong when I heard it. But this confirms that he really said Carole Baskin. Wtf?!

 

[itswhatever]

I'm hip. Right guys? Right?!! I'm pretty hip.

 

[lovesis]

I'm hip. Right guys? Right?!! I'm pretty hip.

 

[Elsie]

I don't know much about idd but would Abbie know about pain and how to tell them if they taught her the sign? Not that I am holding my breath that they will as you said they are known for not properly taking care of her needs.

She knows for sure what pain is.
When she injured her toe at the pool she limped and showed her discomfort.

 

[Appalled watcher from Eng]

Please no! She looks mentally deficient.

 

[lillibb]

Yes Miss Piggy, you've got the moves, all the flab moves.

 

[Pennylane8150]

I love the title of this one....because, yeah, it does need work!!!

View attachment 133410

I actually thought that A &P had switched over the camera until it panned up and you saw it was A! It really could have been P!

 

[derr1117]

Isn’t it the same for every sibling in a home w/ a developmentally delayed or maybe medically fragile sibling? There’s no way to escape it. And in order to survive & be at peace, the child is better off accepting the situation. He is NT, intelligent, & I think he’ll be just fine.

im one of 5 kids (all 12-14 months apart) one of which was medically fragile who was always in the hospital (at least for the first few years of their life). I think I think Mom and dad kept things pretty balanced at home despite the circumstance. looking back on the situation, I think everyone accepted the situation and moved on with life each day as best they could.

 

[PhartBlossom]

Okay, gang! I watch, sometimes for background noise, anti-MLM YouTube videos. This one caught my ear today because it’s for LimeLife. Pretty recent - uploaded today. I’m watching this as I’m posting. I haven’t seen many of these videos about Limelife.

BIZARRE! You could have put P in that video beside the MLM person and they would be saying the exact same words! She says the same crap. Just bizarre how this cultish thing grabs people.

I'm being half-serious and half sarcastic as well as curious when I say, is there a list of taboo topics we are not allowed to talk about?

Just curious as someone mentioned people were saying "gross things" yesterday and that description is really vague.

I mean, let's face it, we are all adults, on a gossip site who gossip about this family, daily.

Not much, other than the names/addresses of our members or Abbie's teacher's info, should be off-limits. I would think everything else is fair game. But, I honestly don't know. So, if there is such a list, I guess I need to acquaint myself with it because it would suck to get a warning or whatever for unintentionally doing something.

After I got spanked a while back I read the rules and then read up on threads in Forum Business area so I would at least have a clue what "derailing" was. There are rules about reaching out to the folks we tattle about (Thank God). Also, there is a rule about talking about kids.


"Keep it on tattle, and don't encourage any behaviour that could be seen as harassment."

"Unsavoury comments about children are not allowed. Their parents may broadcast their children's image to make money, but as they are too young to have consented in this unregulated industry"


I think...once posts and members are reported it alerts mods to watch a thread. New members cannot report so it isn't "spies" reporting.

Isn’t it the same for every sibling in a home w/ a developmentally delayed or maybe medically fragile sibling? There’s no way to escape it. And in order to survive & be at peace, the child is better off accepting the situation. He is NT, intelligent, & I think he’ll be just fine.

Totally agree! Kids are brought in in much worse situations and are able to be happy and successful in their lives. I believe Isaiah will be just fine. he is smart enough, kind, and funny, he has his hobbies and can go away to college and flourish. By the time his parents can no longer (ok, they can't now) care for Abbie, there is no reason for him to physically care for her and I do not believe he will. He is going to find his way in this world.

 

[lovesis]

That gif I posted of Zilla was in Jan.....

This photo is from yesterday’s vlog

If you’re having a hard time losing weight just say it. She wasted such a good opportunity to be relatable, weight loss or not.

She would rather waste her popularity recruiting for Slimelife.

 

[Hibiscus]

I have never understood why people set their tables with dishes they don’t use. Department stores do this to show how pretty a dinner party will look with dishes or the table (it’s an ad) so you buy them. Use the dishes P or put them away.

In my opinion this is completely abnormal and weird, and even stupider if you're just going to shove them to the side. I didn't even know people did such a thing, like--ever (unless you are showing your home to sell it and therefore staging it or, as you say--for advertising purposes.) I tend to be somebody who defends this family because I generally like most/some of them, but this has me rethinking everything. Like I don't care that they have dirty feet, but "dishes for decor" shoved over to the side crosses a line in my book.