Fathering Autism #20. Toe Thumbs & Crooked Pinkies. Hiding Behind Doors to Make a Stinky

[PhartBlossom]

That vlog! Breakfast after 10, start class in one room and she is doing well. Why move back to the kitchen? he told her yes to the snack, takes her to the kitchen, then proceeds with class. And he wonders why she acted up? Then why did everyone come running like she was ill or something? Good lord do they know their child at all?

Summer and Isaiah …STOP mandhandling that girl and throwing her in the pool. WTF is wrong with these people?

 

[lillibb]

Hi guys! I took on the task of remodeling our bathroom so I am very behind. I'm sorry if this is repeating anyone but I thought this was interesting. Ass is distance learning with Abbie. First she signs pretzel, he ignores her,
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Then she does her yell stim
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he stops her. Then she gets that "look",
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And proceeds to pinch herself.
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So I wonder if that's why she pinched her self. He ignored her asking for food and stopped her stim. He should have figured this shit out a long time ago because her pinching herself is just the tip of the iceberg in what damage she could do to herself when she is not getting what she needs/wants.
And the last screenshot, my favorite:
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Ass is looking worn out! You think he is regretting his "job" right about now? And Pigcilla is loving life today. The whole day sitting on her ass not having to deal with Abbie. I wonder if this is their new normal

I used to feel sorry for her married to that ass, now I feel sorry for him married to the stomach that walks like a woman. Motherhood isn't her jam. so the question is what is she holding over his head for him to keep her? He degrades her every chance he gets, always shows her in a negative light. Failing at losing weight, acting stoopid dancing, playing the little girl that sells MLM and doesn't even seem aware that's what she's doing. She just knows she 'has girls'. And I could go on and on. It's clear we all see her and her phone.

 

[Pink Marshmallow]

You said it so much better than me! Thank you for your posts! X
I was going to reply but didn't know how to explain, since I've tried lots of times on this forum to explain how behaviour is communication, but most people on here seem to be NT and suffer from a term I've coined; Neurotypical Bias.
#PleaseDontAblesplainStimmingToAutisticPeople lol!

Since @Hannah'sMama was responding to my post, are you saying that I'm "able-splaining stimming to autistic people"? I'm not saying this in a snarky way. I genuinely want to know. If I appear to have, as you call it "Neurotypical Bias".. wouldn't it be because I am NT and therefore that's the point of view I'm seeing things from? The way you've phrased it makes it seem as if us NT members cannot empathize or put ourselves in an autistic person's shoes whatsoever, not even in the littlest bit. Or that we think we're better than autistic people. Or that we know what we're talking about more than an autistic person does.
I'm pretty sure I can speak for many members here when I say that if I'm mistaken on something, if I've missed something, or am uninformed on something then by all means educate me and let me know.

I don't agree with throwing around the ableist term and now the neurotypical bias term and what that insinuates when it doesn't apply to most of the ppl posting here. It's also very divisive. Us Vs Them. If you're applying it to something Asa is doing or someone else in particular that's one thing. That would be applying it where it's appropriate. But to kind of lump all of us NT's into one group isn't any more fair than lumping all autistic or IDD people in one group.

 

[KateK]

I'm sure Asses cough is just some post nasal drip situation but if you have a cough so bad it's preventing you from sleeping and coughing is one of the major symptoms of Covid-19.... STAY THE F HOME

So he has a cough but was ok with doing Abbie's speech and sticking things in her mouth. I never heard him cough.. he may have been saying he has a cough for content too.

Imagine what the house would be like if Assss did get sick... who would be Abbies main carer?

 

[erised2020]

Jesus, Asa must get so exhausted by this. My husband has an addiction to his computer/ phone as well. Every time I turn around, after asking him to watch the kids (gotta use the washroom, do whatever) I come out and he is never watching them.

One time i asked him to watch them so o could have a shower. I hadn't had time to shower in three days. I was in there 15 minutes and I come out and my 3yo was eating a dishwasher pod. He eventually vomited it up. I have a lot of these stories so I wont bore anyone further, but christ.

I have fantasized about lighting his computer on fire. I imagine asa feels the same way about that stupid phone of hers

It is definitely annoying as hell when someone just cant put the phone down!! my god its jsut a phone! and she is "working" MY ASS!! she reminds me of my coworker, always on her damn cell phone, always making mistakes because the phone is too much of a distraction..I just do not get it with some people and the phones

 

[Stripe69]

Supposedly Assa put a block on her browsers so she can't access these types of forums.
I dunno who Amanda Lee is - but she's doing her job as a leghumper.
So are a few others over there.
I'm thankful for wolf child and the others who posted awareness for our side, even if it was short lived, it was SEEN and that's what matters!!
IMO.

There is no chance that miss Isn’t glued to this forum. Hi sweet girl

 

[Broken puzzle]

Because of the 1st daughter.

Yes! She purposely got preggers with Abbie to sink Assas boat. Abbie is a revenge child in many ways. I think Abbie hates her and is afraid of her. She causes her a lot of stress. It goes both ways really.

 

[MaxsMom]

Interesting that Abbie could eat the donut she decorated all by herself without it having to be piece-mealed to her bite-by-bite like the one Summer gave her.

 

[cucumber]

OMG! I hope they never try to go back in the warranty because neither A nor P should be on the thing.. Max load is 220lbs..
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Oh my lord...they're gonna bust em. They'll be scooting along and theyre suddenly gonna either give out or break apart.

 

[Maidengirl]

This from the last vlog!

 

[GrabPOPCORNnotPretzels]

He parented that yellow lion situation totally differently because the ST was watching. He would’ve just let her take a break, rather than trying to take it further & find out why she’s so whacked out & maybe dizzy. Well duh, whether she can control it or not, she stares at those bright kitchen lights A LOT. She’s potentially hurting her eyes. I keep repeating that if she blings out her eyes, then guess what, no work. If she’s not squinting to hide herself, she’s staring into lights.

And the ST talking to her from behind her back was also adding to the sensory overload. Too many cooks in the kitchen!

 

[therealamylynn]

I am so tempted to invest money in a limelife kit invest 6 months blow her sales out of the water and become her boss. Then I can fire her.

 

[KateK]

Its all the fancy lighting and greasy bronzer.

She knows how to tilt her head to hide her jowls and suck in her cheeks at an attempt to make her face look thinner. With all her tricks ..if it weren't for the VLOG I might think she was actually losing weight..but the video does not hide the fact that she is not.

Alcohol, sugar, processed food.. and unprotected sun.. terrible for the skin.. and it is showing on P.

 

[RocketQueen]

Of course she thinks that... but not for that reason - she believes Abbie behaves that way because she’s a “spoiled brat”. Instead of suggesting doctors make time for everyone, she suggests that the most vulnerable be mistreated so that other people don’t ever have to be inconvenienced.

Thats not how I read that at all. I believe the point was, special needs or not, a busy ER or doctors office doesnt have time to wait for her to calm down or comply. Even NT kids can be terrified of nurses or needles. My middle child had to have 3 nurses holding her to inoculate her. Abbie doesnt "deserve" special treatment. Give a shot, get it done.

 

[Mother2]

I was just watching an older vlog from their old house and they were actually recording her getting in the trash, looking for food just like a dog would. I just don't understand. For one, why would you allow that behavior, why wouldn't you try and fix it and for two, why would you record your child that is supposed to be progressing so much, digging in the trash like an animal? Oh wait, do all typical teens dig in the trash like animals? I just don't understand why anyone would want to record their own child doing alot of this animalistic stuff when the whole thing is supposed to be about progression. If my child did things like that, I wouldn't be putting it on YouTube for the world to see. (My child wouldn't do that but, I'm just sayin...)

I think Isaiah is so damn sheltered and picked NC because they have Asses family over there. They tried to say it was for the mountains. Those are hardly mountains. More like hills in my eyes. If he really likes mountains then he should be going out west to the Rockies. I’ve never before heard of that school either. Once he gets to college he will try and fit in by joining a fraternity... and then will most likely be escaping to his grandparents house whenever he can. There is no way he will be able to handle being a full time, on campus student the way he was brought up.

Your absolutely right. One of two things will happen.....he will do exactly what you said or he will go completely wild and his family won't hear from him very much. Something tells me it's not going to be the latter.

 

[Maidengirl]

Sorry for the delay in posting the vlog here tonight, people. I had trouble with the FB link. So had to go use the YT link instead!

 

[Baymaus]

My oh my .

That meet up was in Citrus County, FL. It is jokingly called "Circus County." It is a nice area, pretty coast. But every time we go up there my husband says "paddle/drive faster, I hear banjo music."

 

[blindfoldedbobcat]

You said it so much better than me! Thank you for your posts! X
I was going to reply but didn't know how to explain, since I've tried lots of times on this forum to explain how behaviour is communication, but most people on here seem to be NT and suffer from a term I've coined; Neurotypical Bias.
#PleaseDontAblesplainStimmingToAutisticPeople lol!

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way because I enjoy your posts. You don't have to be autistic to stim and not everyone who isn't autistic is "typical." We all know what it's like to stim. I hate to use Asa's examples, but clicking a pen or tapping your foot...a form of stimming, right? I have always swung scissors around my fingers when I'm alone and bored (weird, right?).
Also, I still don't have answers to what was/is wrong with me (I didn't speak in most situations as a child, though I could speak) but I very much wish I was "typical", but I never will be. I know you didn't mean anything by that so I apologize for going down that route. I guess I am just saying that there are all different kinds of problems besides autism. Why label people? I don't like this exclusive vibe from some in the autism community that only they would understand how it feels. Someone here made a good point that we get mixed messages. First that if you've met one person with autism, you've only met ONE person and no two are the same. The second that the parents should ask an autistic person because they would know how it feels. To me it seems like a world of difference between a high functioning autistic person and someone at Abbie's level. I know it's a spectrum, but the two ends don't look the same at all.

She’s annoying....

It looks like she smeared some foundation type makeup under her eyes. Is that what the make up is, or is it a lotion meant to reduce the dark circles?

 

[Stripe69]

They really want that Dunlin sponsorship.
could give 2 shits about Abbie.
But she would do ANYTHING by way of exploiting Abbie for that Dunkin money!!
And I mean ANYTHING.
IMO.
She makes me sick.

Me too. I am at my limit with these lowlife pigs. They will use that girl to the full extent. Anything for money. They should be ashamed but sadly I know they won’t be.

 

[Hannah'sMama]

About the stimming.
Some people say dont stop them unless they are dangerous.
But what about if they want to be able to go out in public, be it to a restaurant or wherever, and you just have to have acceptable behavior?
I know that if I were out to dinner and Abbie was next to me yelling and grunting and excessively flapping....my night would be affected and I would not be happy.

Same with Abbie's explosion on the cruise. If I had been there and had been part if that activity, I would be so grossed out and so angry..

Now I know she cant help herself, but again it comes down to parenting. She must be taught better and in certain situations stinks should not be allowed..or she just should not be allowed to go there.
As for the cruise ship blow-out, I personally dont think A&P had any business taking her to that activity.
I'm not saying this to be cruel or unfeeling. It's just reality.

Simple answer: don't go places that lead to stimming like this and/or meltdowns. (Instead of going to a restaurant, get take out and have a picnic in the backyard.) More complex answer: let them get their 'wiggles' out in the parking lot and make sure they have a quieter stim (ipad, sensory toy, music/headphones, coloring materials, books, etc.) option for inside the store, restaurant, etc. Another very obvious move that some people miss is to just try going at different times of the day when a place isn't as busy (my daughter loves to go to Montana's so we take her once every 2-3 weeks in the afternoon on a weekday - man there have been some tantrums over not going this month!), or try a different store/restaurant - it could be something particular about that place that's causing them grief (the lights at Walmart).

In terms of things like public events/activities you have to be sensible. Allowing Abbie to go snorkeling after the boat attendants told A&P that Abbie shouldn't go is frankly shameful. It was hugely disrespectful to Abbie and everyone else on that boat. There's no excuse. You can certainly try to take your kid to public events, you never know when they might like it, but it's up to you how to manage loud or attention getting stims. If I'm somewhere with my daughter and she starts cawing (yes, like a crow - no I don't know, either) I take her out to the parking lot and try to redirect it (giving her a chewie or some gum sometimes works). If that doesn't work we go home. I don't want people staring at her like a sideshow and I don't want to ruin their meal (or whatever), either.

For places that they have to go, like the doctor's, PT, ER, etc. there's usually a quiet room you can wait in - you just have to know to ask for it.