@peachhes Just wanted to say I have felt *exactly* like this lots in the past. I have cried because there was washing up to do and it just felt too much and then cried because that made me feel so pathetic and then hated myself for sitting on the floor crying about trivial things. You're doing so well to keep getting from day to day because I've been there and I know its a
bleeping heroic effort to keep just existing. It definitely sounds like depression, feeling like a failure or letting people down is a big part of it for me too and a known symptom. But you aren't a failure and they won't feel like that, I promise.
But it sounds like you know you don't want to stay how you are and you're willing to reach out. I didn't have much help with doctors, athough recently one was quite helpful, but I found a private counsellor (obviously this costs money) a few years ago and spent a long time working through some issues that were my "root cause". I'll always have ups and downs because a) thats life and b) I went through a lot of stuff that I won't "get over" but I don't feel that bad very often anymore so please know there is hope it can improve for you. I didn't personally go down the medication route but I know loads of people who have and it really helped them so thats definitely an option too.
I am a list person so I tended to break things down into what absolutely had to be done. I would do the dentist first, get it out of the way, then the doctors the next week or longer if it could wait. If you achieve something from the boring "must-do" list then you must then do something nice that you enjoy. Listen to some music you love and have a dance, or read a chapter of a book, whatever floats your boat. I'm guessing you're not letting yourself do enjoyable stuff much because when we feel like we're "failing" we think we "don't deserve" the nice, good things in life. Thats crap. When you're struggling you deserve and NEED that stuff all the more, so make sure you fit in as much as you can. If you can enjoy little bits of things here and there it will help list the "whats the point" feeling, even if its just for a short time.
Hope this helps x