I would definately try and get some therapy for yourself. Don't worry about the other person, the only one who can fix them is them. Until they can see that maybe they are the issue then nothing anyone says or does will make a blind bit of difference.Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.
Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.
I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?
I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.
I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.
I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.
I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.
Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?
Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.
Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).
I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.
If you can cut them out and go no contact do it, your mental and physical health is important. If you have concerns for the child make social services aware and you can step back with a clear conscience.
You don't need to be a punch bag for anyone, as you've discovered bringing them up on things does little except antagonise the situation and probably made you feel awful. If the behaviours were a new thing, I might try a bit longer, but as you've said it's been like it for a while then I would have no qualms about disconnecting from them.
This is something I relate too as I have a narcissistic mother (the narcissism is one of her more pleasant traits) no matter how hard you try nothing will change because the person involved doesn't take responsibility for their behaviour.
Take from this what you will, sending you big hugs, life with these people and behaviours is really difficult. Xx
so I'm going to show the messages to an old family friend who can help with my memory (which is being twisted) & also another friend who is very kind and diplomatic. This will be great to gossip about and have them be horrified, but that's all they can do and I'm conscious not to bother my friends too much. I definitely think I need therapy to get a strategy for dealing with them. I'd like to get a meeting with a psychologist to almost get them a diagnosis (sort of) and have a clue what I'm up against. I really wish I could spill ALL the tea but I'm conscious that this is a totally public forum and my comments are permanent - even though it feels like a nice cozy room of friends.
I am however Sat eating a slab of dairy milk because I fukin can and I'm bloody loving it. I make hubby cakes and then eat them, he just has the crumbs. If he had anything about him he'd eat a wedge straight away. But no, always wants to save it. No sympathy for him when he goes to the tin and its empty. You snooze you loose! 
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