I'm lying in bed crying I don't feel I can cope any more. My husband is having a hard time at work and is really low. He loved his job although it's stressful until recently when they had a new manager. Now he hates it. I worry all day about his mood when he comes home and then can't cope when he's low. I've been strong for so long for him, me and our daughter. I have to go now he's coming upstairs and I don't want him to know I've been crying.
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My aunt is ill in hospital, they have stopped treatment and think the end is very near.
I have never posted in this thread before but today I really need to let it all out.
I went in to my kid’s bedroom this morning to open the windows and stood in a wet patch. He admitted he urinated on the floor because he couldn’t be bothered to walk to the bathroom. Get him to help clean it up etc and then later we are tidying up toys and I find.. two poos. Two separate poos, that are massive and have been hidden. These were done on separate days and again was because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet.
I am so upset; I feel I spend my entire day cleaning and tidying up and no one else seems to help at all and this feels like the biggest insult to injury. Do I really mean so little to my family that my 6 year old feels it is acceptable to use the floor of his bedroom as a toilet?! I’m beyond words and I can’t comprehend his reasoning. He doesn’t seem to get it either.
I’m so fed up.
I went in to my kid’s bedroom this morning to open the windows and stood in a wet patch. He admitted he urinated on the floor because he couldn’t be bothered to walk to the bathroom. Get him to help clean it up etc and then later we are tidying up toys and I find.. two poos. Two separate poos, that are massive and have been hidden. These were done on separate days and again was because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the toilet.
I am so upset; I feel I spend my entire day cleaning and tidying up and no one else seems to help at all and this feels like the biggest insult to injury. Do I really mean so little to my family that my 6 year old feels it is acceptable to use the floor of his bedroom as a toilet?! I’m beyond words and I can’t comprehend his reasoning. He doesn’t seem to get it either.
I’m so fed up.
Don't really know what to say but I totally understand how you're feeling. I would feel the same.
Hello, first time posting in this thread so I hope you don’t mind. Found my Mum dead on Monday, anniversary of Dads passing yesterday, going through job restructure as well and having to apply for a job. Feel totally overwhelmed. I have siblings but not live closely. Had lots of people say “contact me if you want anything” but I don’t know what I want or need.
I have no idea if this will help but I know someone who has had a similar issue with their child. Hiding poo etc. We think the issue is actually quite severe anxiety. This child has been seen by medical professionals and has Avoident/Restrictive Food Intake disorder which anxiety is a common feature of.
This may not be relevant to your situation at all but I just wanted to reassure you that it isn't your fault and it may well be nothing to do with a lack of respect for you or anything.
WOW, at 6yrs old he certainly knows how wrong it is, as in very VERY wrong. That's beyond disrespectful.
This is difficult to address. Clearly it has hit you as the final straw in some sort of ongoing issues around home care and respect.
If it were my child I think I'd say "Listen X, do you do that in school? At grandma's? Do you just go and pee or poo in secret places?" Chances are he'd be horrified at the idea. "OK then, why would you do it here in your home? Even the cat knows to use her litter tray and the dog waits to be taken out to do her business. So the cat and the dog both are smarter than you and that makes me sad. But I think maybe we need to speak with your teacher about this so I can make sure it isn't an issue at school." He will NOT want that, and the very thought of it might be enough to get through how seriously badly he is behaving. Also point out he will not be allowed to have birthday sleepovers at your home or anyone else's (especially not nannas or cousins)till this stops.
Is there a problem with the bathroom? Spiders maybe? Is your bathroom too clinical (as in pristine white, no toys, rubber ducks, bright decals). I remember my daughter commenting on our beautiful new bathroom, "It's lovely mammy, just like the hospital bathrooms you see on American TV shows"
... which, while meant as a compliment, kind of threw me. She was right though. I'd planned it and dressed it to my adult taste, MY dream bathroom, all white and silver .... and I didn't take into account the 3 kids or my bloke. And just to emphasise it the kids preferred to trek downstairs to the 'old' bathroom during their night toileting visits for months until I got bored with the clinical all white theme and introduced a lot of colour and allowed a bit of clutter. Oh God, I just remembered, my bloke wasn't allowed to use the new bathroom during the night on pain of death. I didn't want his big man poos and pees in there. duck me, I was a control freak about that bathroom when it was first built. He's 'allowed' to pee in there now, but no poos because the man-poo aroma permeates the bedrooms and clings. Sorry, that's all a bit TMI, but the point stands ... could he be put off by the bathroom itself? Is there a (scary)hatch in there for attic access? Has he been watching scary movies where bad things happened in bathrooms? Other than those things I dunno, but I'd certainly use the "I think I'll need to speak to your teacher about this." thing, said gently, not in a threatening way. It might just be enough.
Things have a way of working themselves out.
Back when I got so depressed I was sent to a psychologist.
I attended one day a week for a year.
Towards the end of my course of treatment he said, "there is more than one way to make a living. Think about that."
I finally realised that a huge percentage of my depression was down to the job I had at that time and the people there.
I left that place and I came out of the depression.
That may not be the solution to your husband's low mood, but - it could be.
So - hang in there and support each other as best you can.
The low moods do pass and maybe the bad boss will go instead of your husband having to find a different job.
I think crying is a release and you should cry to help you let it all out.
And maybe let him know you feel tearful so he can support you through your worries as well.
Talk it out.
Doesnt have to be an argument.
Good luck
Xxx
Yes, if they have stopped treatment you need to prepare yourself.
I hope they let you visit her. Just to hold her hand for a bit and give her sips of water.
Im sure she knows you love her, so even if you can't sit with her, you can comfort yourself a little bit with that knowledge.
Its so tough.
Lots of love.
Xxx
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Oh bubba. I'm so SO sorry for your loss
. Take a step back and breathe. Here in Ireland death and funeral are usual just 2 or 3 days apart , over and done with quite quickly, so maybe Mum is already interred. If not then by now the funeral stuff has at least been arranged by yourself and your siblings, so set that aside till the time comes to face it head on. Just make sure your siblings share the decision making etc.The job restructure thing is a common theme at the moment, I'm sick of hearing it. It's just an excuse to cut costs and get rid of staff and is torture for the workforce involved, no other word for it
. You'll have to just hope for the best on that and focus on the job application(s). I'd say they need all your concentration and aside from Mum are your priority for now.
So sorry you're going through this.
Even pre warned we are never prepared. God Bless Let him know of your worries. Hiding them (and your tears) will let him think you don't care and he's in this all alone.
Don't pile it on him hysterically, but he should know that you share his fears and worries. Good luck.
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Hey, glad you posted. This is awful for you.
I dont have children so I have no clue about the stages of development and what age they should be when certain things should be happening.
But I do know that by infant-school age they should be using a lavatory.
So, he actually said "I cant be bothered" when you confronted him?
Is it just in this area that he cant be bothered to do stuff or is she showing general signs of it in other areas?
Is he reading, writing at the standard of other 6 year olds? Does he mess about in class? Is he distracted or does he try to distract other kids?
Is he talking as he should be at that age?
Lots of questions, sorry.
Did he seem defiant/angry/rude when he answered you or is he lethargic and tired all the time?
Either way, his behaviour is a cause for concern. So I think you ought to have a word with his teacher discreetly and just ask if he's behaving in class and in the playground etc.
Maybe don't go into exactly why you are concerned about his behaviour, but I think a conversation might shed some light on why he's acting like this.
Maybe an assessment or chat to a child psychologist needs to happen.
Im sure youve thought of all of that anyway.
It sounds like you feel taken for granted at home and that he's not the only worry you have.
So it might be time for a family chat to tell them how you feel.
It doesnt have to be an argument, but maybe you need a little help around the house so you can get a bit of downtime.
Good luck
Xxx
Oh bubba. I'm so SO sorry for your loss
The job restructure thing is a common theme at the moment, I'm sick of hearing it. It's just an excuse to cut costs and get rid of staff and is torture for the workforce involved, no other word for it
So sorry you're going through this.
Let him know of your worries. Hiding them (and your tears) will let him think you don't care and he's in this all alone.
Don't pile it on him hysterically, but he should know that you share his fears and worries. Good luck.
Thankyou. Had to wait until yesterday to see if they wanted to do an autopsy- apparently all ok.Death by old age. Best possible way for the person to go. Horrible for everyone else.
First of all, so sorry you've lost your mum.
Mums leave such a huge void.
I also found my mother dead. No prior illness. No warning. Just wasn't answering the phone one morning and I KNEW in the pit of my stomach what I would find when I went to her home.
I guess by job restructuring/having to apply for a job you mean a job within your existing company because they are re-jigging everything?
Or do you mean your job has been phased out completely and you will soon be out of work if you don't find something new at a different company?
If it's the former, then, they know you, and maybe they will allow you some time off because your siblings are not close by which means you will have to deal with most of the formalities and arrangements.
Of course, you may feel better to not take time of because you feel a little better if you are busy.
Only you know which one applies.
Also maybe your siblings can take some time off to come to you and help you.
And you dont know what you want or need because you are still numb from the shock. That's totally understandable.
Take a little time to let it sink in.
Its ok. You are allowed that.
Soon you will feel less numb and be able to make a list of all you need to do regarding a funeral and sorting out the financial stuff - bills, insurance, pension etc and then the worst one, going through her clothes and all the stuff that made up her life.
You will surprise yourself when you realise what inner strength you have.
It just comes out of nowhere and somehow gets you through on autopilot.
Most hospitals have a grief counselling department and if your mum was taken to hospital they should have given you a leaflet or something with contact details. Why not give them a call? They are usually very good. If not, your GP surgery will have a number.
So, please consider talking to someone. It will help you.
Lots of love
Xxx
Once you have worked through the shock of the sudden loss, the bit in bold is what will actually be a comfort to you later on.
You dont think that now, but you will think it later.
You will find comfort in knowing they didnt have a lingering, painful illness or Alzheimer's or something like that.
And the time will come when you will remember their happy times and those memories will be a comfort, too.
XxX
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Thanks for the kindness, she died just after 3am this morning. I wasn’t able to go, my uncle (mothers brother) was there and my mother went to support him, this will sound harsh, she had dementia the beautiful person I remember as my aunt who liked to entertain and made all the food for family parties was long gone.
The last thing I was able to do was to buy a birthday cake for her and drop it off at my parents house, as one of my parents was in hospital and the other was unable to shop or to travel to visit my aunt and uncle. My father told me she loved it and said it was the best birthday cake ever.
The last thing I was able to do was to buy a birthday cake for her and drop it off at my parents house, as one of my parents was in hospital and the other was unable to shop or to travel to visit my aunt and uncle. My father told me she loved it and said it was the best birthday cake ever.
Thankyou for the responses about my Mum. I will be following the advice and really appreciate it.
The memory of her loving the cake will comfort you always.
Sorry for your loss.
xxx
You are not repulsive honey and certainly not undeserving of love and companionship - I'm sure that you have many good qualities; we all do, especially the ones that you don't see in yourself xx
Oh, I love those lines so much - thank-you
Please believe that you are loved - even if it's just one human being to another x
Let's lighten the mood - favourite Abba song?
Not being cruel, distraction sometimes helps - my favourite is 'The Name of the Game's.
You can be on the other side, with love and support; I've been there and I'm never going back xYou are not repulsive honey and certainly not undeserving of love and companionship - I'm sure that you have many good qualities; we all do, especially the ones that you don't see in yourself xx
Oh, I love those lines so much - thank-you
Please believe that you are loved - even if it's just one human being to another x
Let's lighten the mood - favourite Abba song?
Not being cruel, distraction sometimes helps - my favourite is 'The Name of the Game'
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Favourite Abba song is probably On and on and on but also love Fernando, chiquitta, knowing me knowing you, Sos, winner takes it all, Gimmie, the day before you came and The piper!!
I have been looking at getting tickets to the shows next year
I came on this thread tonight to look for a little help, I, like many of us have had a pretty crappy time of it. It has just been one thing going wrong after another, and although in the grand scale of things the issues are not that major the fact I just cannot seem to catch a break is really taking a toll. So i was just wondering if any of you had any spells or cleansing rituals to try and get me back on a more positive path or even if any of you are willing to pull a tarot card to give me some advice or insight? Any help gratefully received x
I have been looking at getting tickets to the shows next year
I came on this thread tonight to look for a little help, I, like many of us have had a pretty crappy time of it. It has just been one thing going wrong after another, and although in the grand scale of things the issues are not that major the fact I just cannot seem to catch a break is really taking a toll. So i was just wondering if any of you had any spells or cleansing rituals to try and get me back on a more positive path or even if any of you are willing to pull a tarot card to give me some advice or insight? Any help gratefully received x
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Because I've been in that black hole, it's horrendous - wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy; when you couldn't care less about whether you live or die.
You get up and think about those that love you and depend upon you.
That black hole is far away at the moment x
You get up and think about those that love you and depend upon you.
That black hole is far away at the moment x
I'll ask my eldest daughter - she does that kind of thing x
Favourite ABBA song “gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight”…
Could you try a gratitude journal? You just write 3 things that went well/made you happy each day. Can be really minor - cooked a nice dinner or read a chapter of a book you enjoyed. It just seems to calm the narrative that everything is crap.
I will start again but I found when I did it before it helped me sleep more as I had a positive mindset before bed.
Thanks for replying. I have tried gratitude journals in the past and it does make you aware of your blessings but I just seem to be on such a losing streak at the moment I think I am possibly cursed. I mean that in a light hearted way but I am willing to try anything to give me hope that a corner will be turned soon. I was even looking at going to the local spiritualist church in the hope that someone may have a message for me!
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