Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Chita]

Thank you both! Just found my wheat bag so will heat that up. Luckily it’s cooler today so I’m not going to melt and can actually use it! I will be trying to catch up on sleep and taking pain and will try and get food in me (I have no appetite but I know I need the energy). Thank you for letting me whinge and for understanding. I think some people think having a tooth out isn’t a big deal but 3 of mine had broken and only the roots were left so they had to cut the gums and dig around even I have been surprised at how much it’s taken out of me!

I remember once I had the most dreadful pain along my jaw and knew it was tooth pain but it was hurting all along the jaw and down the side of my neck. Dreadful pain. I couldn't pinpoint it to a particular tooth so I didn't know what to do to ease the pain It was a Bank Holiday weekend anyway so I knew I would struggle to be seen by anybody, so I rang that NHS helpline thing and spoke to a Nurse or someone, she said to take tablets every 2 hours and alternate them

so, 2 paracetamol then two hours later 2 ibuprofen, then two hours after that take 2 paracetamol again and so on. And she said it would be ok to take more than the pack suggests.
She also said to hold a hot water bottle against my jaw and lie down and try to sleep. It was August and it was sweltering weather. Hot water bottle on my face in a heatwave??????
Crazy.
I did it though and I got to a Dentist to be told it was an abscess and I'd need root canal treatment but they couldn't sort that out until I'd had a course of antibiotics to clear the abscess. Aaaaaarrrrggggghhh!

it felt like AGES before I could get it all fixed.
That hot water bottle that I'd thought was a crazy suggestion was actually wonderfully comforting.
Hah.

Always makes me laugh when people complain that root canal treatment is horrid. No, it isn't!
It's fantastic because it gets rid of the horrendous pain you just had to endure before dental surgery.



Hope you feel better soon. You've had minor surgery. So rest well. try and eat something soft or have soup and get well.

Glad I came across this thread today.

I just left work, new job, working with young people with additional needs.

One of then became very distressed today, and it was difficult to handle and see.

I spent time with them afterwards and they seemed alot better, but it was just before my shift finished, so I didn't quite get past the shock before I left.

I'm on the train home feeling strange and distracted.

My colleagues are great, and acted as if nothing had happened afterwards.

I have always coped with emotionally difficult things by trying to keep everything else calm and light, once the situation is dealt with, which helped while I could talk to other people, but alone with my thoughts I feel so strange and out of it

Feels good to write it down!

Your colleagues probably reacted as if nothing had happened because they see the young people get distressed so often. They just deal with it on a kind of autopilot.
And they deal with it in a different way to you maybe.

You do whatever you gotta do and you handle things in the way that's best for you.
Once it's happened - whatever it is - you just need to kind of compartmentalise it. Take the thought or feeling and visualize a little compartment at the back of your head and put the thought or feeling in there.
Then you can relax and enjoy the scenery out of the train window and then when you get home that strange feeling will have gone.


xxx

 

[Kittypops]

I've fucked up and posted some incomprehensible messages here on Tattle, I'm full of regret (drink and meds)
Should I apologise?
Should I just go back as if nothing's happened?
I'm really ashamed

 

[Chita]

I've fucked up and posted some incomprehensible messages here on Tattle, I'm full of regret (drink and meds)
Should I apologise?
Should I just go back as if nothing's happened?
I'm really ashamed

Don't sweat it.

If you've said something to upset somebody then apologise, but if you haven't said anything hurtful, don't apologise.

Threads move so fast that by the time you post again people will have forgotten.

 

[Miscanthus]

I've fucked up and posted some incomprehensible messages here on Tattle, I'm full of regret (drink and meds)
Should I apologise?
Should I just go back as if nothing's happened?
I'm really ashamed

I'm not sure how bad they are but if you insulted other Tattlers apologise but if it was about celebs/royals/influencers/politicians then forget it. If the posts were gibberish then you could just refer to them (oops, too many gins) and move on or maybe take a break.
We've all made idiots of ourselves on here...that's the beauty of Tattle. The forums are busy, people forget. Don't beat yourself up.

 

[Kittypops]

Thank you
I didn't insult fellow Tattlers, I just posted stupid stuff while off my tits
I'll sleep on it and tiptoe back in tomorrow, I've been missing my favourite threads and people on it
Thank you x

 

[Chita]

Thank you
I didn't insult fellow Tattlers, I just posted stupid stuff while off my tits
I'll sleep on it and tiptoe back in tomorrow, I've been missing my favourite threads and people on it
Thank you x

There'll be a gazillion posts next time you look and the conversation will have moved along.

So, forget about it.
xxx

 

[freda19]

Glad I came across this thread today.

I just left work, new job, working with young people with additional needs.

One of then became very distressed today, and it was difficult to handle and see.

I spent time with them afterwards and they seemed alot better, but it was just before my shift finished, so I didn't quite get past the shock before I left.

I'm on the train home feeling strange and distracted.

My colleagues are great, and acted as if nothing had happened afterwards.

I have always coped with emotionally difficult things by trying to keep everything else calm and light, once the situation is dealt with, which helped while I could talk to other people, but alone with my thoughts I feel so strange and out of it

Feels good to write it down!

You did well. Even if the 'incident' hadn't happened you'd still feel discombobulated on the journey home. New job, strangers and new surroundings ... AND additional needs kids. Believe me, you did great and the reaction of your colleagues should help you realise that such incidents are just part of the job where you deal with it then move on and forget about it. You'll get there too. Good luck and again, well done.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Freda, you must work caring for people with mental health problems? And if you don't, you should do x

Self-loathing is immense - when you are welcomed by a good friend and her family, but you still can't quite believe that they actually might like you?

When you have a lovely life experience and then just pick it apart, because you feel that you don't deserve it

Had a bit of whinge last night, turns out that people don't hate me (as much as I hate myself). My lovely friend sent me a message - kind, intelligent, interesting; I'll take that!

 

[Miscanthus]

Had a bit of whinge last night, turns out that people don't hate me (as much as I hate myself). My lovely friend sent me a message - kind, intelligent, interesting; I'll take that!

Write that on your mirror so you read it every day!

 

[April89]

You did well. Even if the 'incident' hadn't happened you'd still feel discombobulated on the journey home. New job, strangers and new surroundings ... AND additional needs kids. Believe me, you did great and the reaction of your colleagues should help you realise that such incidents are just part of the job where you deal with it then move on and forget about it. You'll get there too. Good luck and again, well done.

Thank you for your reply, it really helped

I remember once I had the most dreadful pain along my jaw and knew it was tooth pain but it was hurting all along the jaw and down the side of my neck. Dreadful pain. I couldn't pinpoint it to a particular tooth so I didn't know what to do to ease the pain It was a Bank Holiday weekend anyway so I knew I would struggle to be seen by anybody, so I rang that NHS helpline thing and spoke to a Nurse or someone, she said to take tablets every 2 hours and alternate them

so, 2 paracetamol then two hours later 2 ibuprofen, then two hours after that take 2 paracetamol again and so on. And she said it would be ok to take more than the pack suggests.
She also said to hold a hot water bottle against my jaw and lie down and try to sleep. It was August and it was sweltering weather. Hot water bottle on my face in a heatwave??????
Crazy.
I did it though and I got to a Dentist to be told it was an abscess and I'd need root canal treatment but they couldn't sort that out until I'd had a course of antibiotics to clear the abscess. Aaaaaarrrrggggghhh!

it felt like AGES before I could get it all fixed.
That hot water bottle that I'd thought was a crazy suggestion was actually wonderfully comforting.
Hah.

Always makes me laugh when people complain that root canal treatment is horrid. No, it isn't!
It's fantastic because it gets rid of the horrendous pain you just had to endure before dental surgery.



Hope you feel better soon. You've had minor surgery. So rest well. try and eat something soft or have soup and get well.





Your colleagues probably reacted as if nothing had happened because they see the young people get distressed so often. They just deal with it on a kind of autopilot.
And they deal with it in a different way to you maybe.

You do whatever you gotta do and you handle things in the way that's best for you.
Once it's happened - whatever it is - you just need to kind of compartmentalise it. Take the thought or feeling and visualize a little compartment at the back of your head and put the thought or feeling in there.
Then you can relax and enjoy the scenery out of the train window and then when you get home that strange feeling will have gone.


xxx

Thanks for your reply, great advice too, really needed it

 

[Kittypops]

I'm catching up on my favourite thread, thank you lovely sympathy and tea wonderful people
Please can you tell me how to repay the favour, in real or virtual life
I need to do this xxx

 

[Miscanthus]

I'm catching up on my favourite thread, thank you lovely sympathy and tea wonderful people
Please can you tell me how to repay the favour, in real or virtual life
I need to do this xxx

If we can help that's repayment enough

 

[littlewonder]

*edited to say I’m sorry this ended up such a long post!!*

I am feeling very woe is me and don’t have anyone I can talk to so thank you for this thread. I am going to mention my mental health/grief surrounding my disability/lockdown if anyone wants to avoid those topics and scroll past

My mental health is really rubbish at the moment. I became disabled at the start of the pandemic and I have no support left - no financial support so I’m hanging on at work and it’s making my health worse, no medical support and all my friends seem no longer interested in even talking to me because restrictions have lifted for them whilst I’m still living lockdown. I feel like I’ve just been left to suffer and deal with my illness on my own by everything and everyone.

I know that people are busy and have their own stuff going on and probably just don’t understand how affected I am but it feels like the only time someone initiates a conversation with me is to rant/offload/ask if I have a student discount code for New Look. I give them what they want and then they disappear again.

I’m just so sad and grieving the life I had before the pandemic. Losing my health is enough adjustment in itself but at the time that I need my friends most, they all seem to have evaporated (yet are living their lives to the fullest and documenting it on Insta). I’m scared that this something to do with me and that I have done something wrong but I don’t know what. I do try and make sure that I appear fairly positive and don’t focus the conversation on myself too much - I’d say I’m a fairly low maintenance friend but it’s taking the piss now and I feel so embarrassed.

I’m terrified everyone thinks I’m a “moaner that doesn’t want to get better” but I’m just realistic and want to focus on being comfortable with what I can do now within my current limits. I don’t want to spend my life hoping that I might get better and setting myself up for disappointment/self hatred when I would rather work with and enjoy the health that I have now - because I can’t control it and don’t know if I’ll get better or worse.

Essentially I just want to have a chat, have a laugh and have some fun too but nobody is interested in sitting in chairs in a sunny garden with some drinks and having the burden of remembering to keep their distance from me when they can now go to the pub and bar crawl with friends who don’t need accessible places or outside seats

 

[Chita]

I'm catching up on my favourite thread, thank you lovely sympathy and tea wonderful people
Please can you tell me how to repay the favour, in real or virtual life
I need to do this xxx

all you do is pay it forward.
In other words, help someone who needs it.
Its the Law.

*edited to say I’m sorry this ended up such a long post!!*

I am feeling very woe is me and don’t have anyone I can talk to so thank you for this thread. I am going to mention my mental health/grief surrounding my disability/lockdown if anyone wants to avoid those topics and scroll past

My mental health is really rubbish at the moment. I became disabled at the start of the pandemic and I have no support left - no financial support so I’m hanging on at work and it’s making my health worse, no medical support and all my friends seem no longer interested in even talking to me because restrictions have lifted for them whilst I’m still living lockdown. I feel like I’ve just been left to suffer and deal with my illness on my own by everything and everyone.

I know that people are busy and have their own stuff going on and probably just don’t understand how affected I am but it feels like the only time someone initiates a conversation with me is to rant/offload/ask if I have a student discount code for New Look. I give them what they want and then they disappear again.

I’m just so sad and grieving the life I had before the pandemic. Losing my health is enough adjustment in itself but at the time that I need my friends most, they all seem to have evaporated (yet are living their lives to the fullest and documenting it on Insta). I’m scared that this something to do with me and that I have done something wrong but I don’t know what. I do try and make sure that I appear fairly positive and don’t focus the conversation on myself too much - I’d say I’m a fairly low maintenance friend but it’s taking the piss now and I feel so embarrassed.

I’m terrified everyone thinks I’m a “moaner that doesn’t want to get better” but I’m just realistic and want to focus on being comfortable with what I can do now within my current limits. I don’t want to spend my life hoping that I might get better and setting myself up for disappointment/self hatred when I would rather work with and enjoy the health that I have now - because I can’t control it and don’t know if I’ll get better or worse.

Essentially I just want to have a chat, have a laugh and have some fun too but nobody is interested in sitting in chairs in a sunny garden with some drinks and having the burden of remembering to keep their distance from me when they can now go to the pub and bar crawl with friends who don’t need accessible places or outside seats

Oh sweetheart, you just learned one of life's shittiest lessons - the one that when tit happens you find out that the friends you thought you had aren't friends at all.

If you've read the thread, you will know that many of us in here have actually experienced the things we respond to in others' posts.
You have described me twenty-odd years ago. I had an accident which left me in a right mess. Limbs in pots for 21 weeks, having to lie in a bed without weight bearing on one leg for eight months.
No internet, no all day telly, no netflix etc.

It took me a year to recover from the injuries and then I had to learn to walk again.
Then when I started trying to walk the depression hit me.
It was a reactive depression to what happened to me.
Like a kind of grief or bereavement. I was grieving for the life I had pre-accident.

So - very similar to what is happening to you right now.
I was never a drinker. I lived in a semi rural area and always needed to drive to wherever the nights out or lunches etc were happening and I was always the one who would pick others up and drop them home and I always organised the bookings of tables and all of that.
Loads of friends. Humungously long Christmas card list.
All of it very jolly and fun.

Fast forward to after my accident - I got a few phone calls [and I mean a few] to ask how I was doing. I got 2 people visit me during the first 2 weeks and then after that ........................................... bugger all.
Those so called friends carried on with their lives and didn't give me a second thought.


Sound like what's happening to you???


So, I was told I might need a foot amputated. I was told I might end up in a wheelchair - all kinds of scary stuff.
I decided I could either be a victim and give up or I could will myself better.
I chose the latter. Mind over matter.
I refused to give in.
I did not lose that foot. It is full of pins and wires and screws. Everything else was fixed - after a long time - I learned to get my balance back and after a short time in a wheelchair, I walked again.

Once back on my feet I changed careers and left the old job and the left the crappy 'friends' behind and never looked back. Bollox to 'em.

Yes, I cried and felt crap and struggled through that period but I am living proof that you can overcome that kind of crap situation.

So - you can do it too.
You have the internet and you can come in here for support when you have a wobble.

And I know there will be other posters coming in here soon with stories similar to mine who will have some helpful advice for you.



Let us know how we can help you and we'll see what we can come up with.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

*edited to say I’m sorry this ended up such a long post!!*

I am feeling very woe is me and don’t have anyone I can talk to so thank you for this thread. I am going to mention my mental health/grief surrounding my disability/lockdown if anyone wants to avoid those topics and scroll past

My mental health is really rubbish at the moment. I became disabled at the start of the pandemic and I have no support left - no financial support so I’m hanging on at work and it’s making my health worse, no medical support and all my friends seem no longer interested in even talking to me because restrictions have lifted for them whilst I’m still living lockdown. I feel like I’ve just been left to suffer and deal with my illness on my own by everything and everyone.

I know that people are busy and have their own stuff going on and probably just don’t understand how affected I am but it feels like the only time someone initiates a conversation with me is to rant/offload/ask if I have a student discount code for New Look. I give them what they want and then they disappear again.

I’m just so sad and grieving the life I had before the pandemic. Losing my health is enough adjustment in itself but at the time that I need my friends most, they all seem to have evaporated (yet are living their lives to the fullest and documenting it on Insta). I’m scared that this something to do with me and that I have done something wrong but I don’t know what. I do try and make sure that I appear fairly positive and don’t focus the conversation on myself too much - I’d say I’m a fairly low maintenance friend but it’s taking the piss now and I feel so embarrassed.

I’m terrified everyone thinks I’m a “moaner that doesn’t want to get better” but I’m just realistic and want to focus on being comfortable with what I can do now within my current limits. I don’t want to spend my life hoping that I might get better and setting myself up for disappointment/self hatred when I would rather work with and enjoy the health that I have now - because I can’t control it and don’t know if I’ll get better or worse.

Essentially I just want to have a chat, have a laugh and have some fun too but nobody is interested in sitting in chairs in a sunny garden with some drinks and having the burden of remembering to keep their distance from me when they can now go to the pub and bar crawl with friends who don’t need accessible places or outside seats

Come and have a chat and a laugh with us xx

all you do is pay it forward.
In other words, help someone who needs it.
Its the Law.




Oh sweetheart, you just learned one of life's shittiest lessons - the one that when tit happens you find out that the friends you thought you had aren't friends at all.

If you've read the thread, you will know that many of us in here have actually experienced the things we respond to in others' posts.
You have described me twenty-odd years ago. I had an accident which left me in a right mess. Limbs in pots for 21 weeks, having to lie in a bed without weight bearing on one leg for eight months.
No internet, no all day telly, no netflix etc.

It took me a year to recover from the injuries and then I had to learn to walk again.
Then when I started trying to walk the depression hit me.
It was a reactive depression to what happened to me.
Like a kind of grief or bereavement. I was grieving for the life I had pre-accident.

So - very similar to what is happening to you right now.
I was never a drinker. I lived in a semi rural area and always needed to drive to wherever the nights out or lunches etc were happening and I was always the one who would pick others up and drop them home and I always organised the bookings of tables and all of that.
Loads of friends. Humungously long Christmas card list.
All of it very jolly and fun.

Fast forward to after my accident - I got a few phone calls [and I mean a few] to ask how I was doing. I got 2 people visit me during the first 2 weeks and then after that ........................................... bugger all.
Those so called friends carried on with their lives and didn't give me a second thought.


Sound like what's happening to you???


So, I was told I might need a foot amputated. I was told I might end up in a wheelchair - all kinds of scary stuff.
I decided I could either be a victim and give up or I could will myself better.
I chose the latter. Mind over matter.
I refused to give in.
I did not lose that foot. It is full of pins and wires and screws. Everything else was fixed - after a long time - I learned to get my balance back and after a short time in a wheelchair, I walked again.

Once back on my feet I changed careers and left the old job and the left the crappy 'friends' behind and never looked back. Bollox to 'em.

Yes, I cried and felt crap and struggled through that period but I am living proof that you can overcome that kind of crap situation.

So - you can do it too.
You have the internet and you can come in here for support when you have a wobble.

And I know there will be other posters coming in here soon with stories similar to mine who will have some helpful advice for you.



Let us know how we can help you and we'll see what we can come up with.

Wow, you're amazing - life experiences do indeed help you sort out the wheat from the chaff.

 

[littlewonder]

all you do is pay it forward.
In other words, help someone who needs it.
Its the Law.




Oh sweetheart, you just learned one of life's shittiest lessons - the one that when tit happens you find out that the friends you thought you had aren't friends at all.

If you've read the thread, you will know that many of us in here have actually experienced the things we respond to in others' posts.
You have described me twenty-odd years ago. I had an accident which left me in a right mess. Limbs in pots for 21 weeks, having to lie in a bed without weight bearing on one leg for eight months.
No internet, no all day telly, no netflix etc.

It took me a year to recover from the injuries and then I had to learn to walk again.
Then when I started trying to walk the depression hit me.
It was a reactive depression to what happened to me.
Like a kind of grief or bereavement. I was grieving for the life I had pre-accident.

So - very similar to what is happening to you right now.
I was never a drinker. I lived in a semi rural area and always needed to drive to wherever the nights out or lunches etc were happening and I was always the one who would pick others up and drop them home and I always organised the bookings of tables and all of that.
Loads of friends. Humungously long Christmas card list.
All of it very jolly and fun.

Fast forward to after my accident - I got a few phone calls [and I mean a few] to ask how I was doing. I got 2 people visit me during the first 2 weeks and then after that ........................................... bugger all.
Those so called friends carried on with their lives and didn't give me a second thought.


Sound like what's happening to you???


So, I was told I might need a foot amputated. I was told I might end up in a wheelchair - all kinds of scary stuff.
I decided I could either be a victim and give up or I could will myself better.
I chose the latter. Mind over matter.
I refused to give in.
I did not lose that foot. It is full of pins and wires and screws. Everything else was fixed - after a long time - I learned to get my balance back and after a short time in a wheelchair, I walked again.

Once back on my feet I changed careers and left the old job and the left the crappy 'friends' behind and never looked back. Bollox to 'em.

Yes, I cried and felt crap and struggled through that period but I am living proof that you can overcome that kind of crap situation.

So - you can do it too.
You have the internet and you can come in here for support when you have a wobble.

And I know there will be other posters coming in here soon with stories similar to mine who will have some helpful advice for you.



Let us know how we can help you and we'll see what we can come up with.

What a wonderful reply thank you so much! it’s just so good to have somewhere to vent without any judgment and you are incredible. I really appreciate your perspective.

I do also find that the actual disabled part isn’t even the issue most of the time for me - it’s other people’s reactions/attitudes to my disability that are more upsetting.For example it felt so liberating when I decided to get my wheelchair but it can make me feel tiny when people react differently to me in it.

But actually, I do love the person that my disability has forced me to become. Sometimes it’s hard to see and gets clouded by other people’s attitudes and wanting my old life/friends back. But why should I hate it and hide it and spend my life wishing it would go away instead of just dealing with it as best I can? I think it’s made me really passionate and caring and the good kind of fierce and I speak up way more for myself and other people.

It seems like your experience did similar to you! I guess if people can’t be bothered to stick around or see both the good and bad parts of these sorts of experiences, they weren’t worth it to start with.

I had a little cry as I wrote that first post but I already feel so much better for getting it out because I feel like I could then write some nice positives about it all. Thank you.

I will absolutely be sticking around and hopefully returning the favour with advice too I love the Internet

 

[Tattyfilarious]

I think that sometimes, friends can't deal with your pain - why should they? They have their own issues.
Several years ago I got mugged at an ATM - I was punched so hard that it broke my cheekbone and eye socket; right eye looks a bit droopy these days!
Point being, that the one with her own troubles was kind enough to send me a card
- take friendship and love where you can find it

 

[Chita]

What a wonderful reply thank you so much! it’s just so good to have somewhere to vent without any judgment and you are incredible. I really appreciate your perspective.

I do also find that the actual disabled part isn’t even the issue most of the time for me - it’s other people’s reactions/attitudes to my disability that are more upsetting.For example it felt so liberating when I decided to get my wheelchair but it can make me feel tiny when people react differently to me in it.

But actually, I do love the person that my disability has forced me to become. Sometimes it’s hard to see and gets clouded by other people’s attitudes and wanting my old life/friends back. But why should I hate it and hide it and spend my life wishing it would go away instead of just dealing with it as best I can? I think it’s made me really passionate and caring and the good kind of fierce and I speak up way more for myself and other people.

It seems like your experience did similar to you! I guess if people can’t be bothered to stick around or see both the good and bad parts of these sorts of experiences, they weren’t worth it to start with.

I had a little cry as I wrote that first post but I already feel so much better for getting it out because I feel like I could then write some nice positives about it all. Thank you.

I will absolutely be sticking around and hopefully returning the favour with advice too I love the Internet

Sounds like you are on the right track to me.

If they deserted you at the exact time when you needed their support and friendship, then they were never your friends and you are better of with them out of your life.
You will triumph despite them and you will meet new friends who are better than them - but the main thing is, you have learned to manage/cope without them.

So bloody well done.
Your inner strength is seeing you through this.

Theres that old saying "you find out who your friends are" - and it is so true.

Snup 'em.
(SNUP = Serves No Useful Purpose)

I think that sometimes, friends can't deal with your pain - why should they? They have their own issues.
Several years ago I got mugged at an ATM - I was punched so hard that it broke my cheekbone and eye socket; right eye looks a bit droopy these days!
Point being, that the one with her own troubles was kind enough to send me a card
- take friendship and love where you can find it

Was that your first husband who did that, Tatty?
My goodness how awful.
You are amazing to have come through that.

 

[littlewonder]

I think that sometimes, friends can't deal with your pain - why should they? They have their own issues.
Several years ago I got mugged at an ATM - I was punched so hard that it broke my cheekbone and eye socket; right eye looks a bit droopy these days!
Point being, that the one with her own troubles was kind enough to send me a card
- take friendship and love where you can find it

what a lovely friend but I’m sorry that you went through that, how awful. I think your last sentence is absolutely right and a great way to think about it.

 

[Chita]

Sorry - I re-read your post tatty and see you were mugged.
That is beyond horrible - but you have come through it.

The strength we find within is amazing isnt it? And sometimes, we didnt even know it was there - it just comes.