Thank you just found the poem it is Desiderata posted by cassandra333 post 387 if anyone else would like to have a look. I just love this poem I’m so happy it was posted on here. There’s so much good advice in the words, some life lessons I’ve already learnt through a few hardships and some words that I hope will help me to view life and it’s many ups and downs in a less anxious, calmer way.
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Theres a recording of a guy speaking the words. It was often played on the radio when I was a kid.
Can't remember who did the voiceover though.
Can't remember who did the voiceover though.
There are a few videos on YouTube, I like the reading by Tom O’Bedlam. There is also a reading by Richard Burton but he sounds a bit too aggressive
I think it may have been either William Shatner or Leonard Nimoy but it was in the 70s so I can't quite remember.
A lot of people had it as a poster on their bedroom walls.
I just knew it was that.
And yes, as Chita says there are posters available, and varying sizes. Actually it has put me in the notion to get a print for my kitchen wall.
Here it is again -
Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Original text
Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Original text
I really do love this poem. I read some lines and think of things that have happened in the past and wish I had reacted and handled the situation in the way the poem suggests. I read other parts and they make me rethink how I am handling my present worries. Every part of the poem seems to offer some gentle wisdom.
Try 'Advantage', much better than 'Frontline' in my experience
Oh darling, you are so much not a waste of life - you're here and we love you. Depression is a terrible disease - makes you hate yourself so much; but then, think about how strong you've been when faced with adversity in life x
Please darling have a good night's sleep
Please darling have a good night's sleep
The Fuuko - wannabe Maine Coin!
The Fuuko - wannabe Maine Coon! Her short-haired sister is Aiko
The Fuuko - wannabe Maine Coon! Her short-haired sister is Aiko
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The Fuuko - wannabe Maine Coon! Her short-haired sister is Aiko
Anyway our Aspergers' son, at university further away from home than we would like will get a delivery of all the food that he likes tomorrow. Love those that love you back x
Anyway our Aspergers' son, at university further away from home than we would like will get a delivery of all the food that he likes tomorrow. Love those that love you back x
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My friend's 92 year old father died in a nursing home last year. We think the covid restrictions preventing visits broke his spirit.
My friend is still dealing with her grief and emotions regarding that.
Her 91 year old mother lives in a flat and is constantly phoning her. Shopping lists. A letter has come that needs dealing with.
All that stuff.
Friend's sister lives further away but visits twice a week. As soon as she's gone home, their mother phones my friend with a list of stuff to do that she didnt ask the sister to do.
So my friend is mentally exhausted.
She refuses to switch her phone off "in case there's an emergency" so the mother is just piling everything onto her and im concerned she will soon crack under the strain.
I did not experience this scenario with my own parents so I have nothing to draw upon here.
How did you all cope with a mother like this?
How did you get any time for just you?
My friend is still dealing with her grief and emotions regarding that.
Her 91 year old mother lives in a flat and is constantly phoning her. Shopping lists. A letter has come that needs dealing with.
All that stuff.
Friend's sister lives further away but visits twice a week. As soon as she's gone home, their mother phones my friend with a list of stuff to do that she didnt ask the sister to do.
So my friend is mentally exhausted.
She refuses to switch her phone off "in case there's an emergency" so the mother is just piling everything onto her and im concerned she will soon crack under the strain.
I did not experience this scenario with my own parents so I have nothing to draw upon here.
How did you all cope with a mother like this?
How did you get any time for just you?
@Chita , I am in a similar position so I'll try and give some advice on the subject. My mother died 9 years ago this Xmas . My father was 81 and had been waited hand and foot by mum so he really was struggling. He has mobility problems but isn't one to try and help himself. I retired from working in the NHS for 32 years to look after him. Like your friend, I have a brother who doesn't live far from him but it's always me that does the running around. It's fair to say that my own health suffered as a result, my dad would phone at 2 in the morning cos he thinks he's out of bread. I decided 4 years ago I'd had enough and dad's agreed to have carers in 4 times a day and a lovely young girl goes into him x2 a week do do his shopping and cleaning as I was working in a new job full time. During the 2nd lockdown dad's health deteriorated and this time he has a social worker and he has a careline button for if he falls. I still get ridiculous phone calls but not in the middle of the night. I've had to be strong to preserve my health and marriage. My father wasn't happy when I told him I could no longer be his carer but he knew my brother wouldn't step up and he could see how I'll I'd become. I would also suggest speak to age UK, they have excellent tips . I also joine a carers group and they gave invaluable advice such as , try and persuade the relative to join a lunch club, buy a diary and write down the days you'll visit, phone before visiting to check if anything needs buying in. I discovered a lot of my dad's behaviour was his way of controlling me like he had my mum. I always make sure I'm in control of visiting so if he starts to get pissy with me I just walk out. Does your friend's sibling have any idea how difficult things are? I often find if one member of the family seems to take charge then others step back, so maybe a bit of a family pow wow maybe required with a bit of a rota drawn up. Bit off topic my dad is 90 next month, god knows how we're gonna celebrate it as nobody actually likes him....think Father Jack in Father Ted, luckily his niece who is like a sister to me has agreed to pop in on the day with a card and for tea and cake cos apart from us no-one else will bother with him . Families eh ? 
. Lastly I think your friend will probably have to gently tell her mother and sister that maybe there's a 2 hour window everyday where she won't be available ? This time could be used to maybe read a book , listen to music, pre covid I would treat my self to a cinema visit on my own and it honestly gave me respite from the daily angst. I wish your friend all the best cos it's truly a difficult position to be in
. Lastly I think your friend will probably have to gently tell her mother and sister that maybe there's a 2 hour window everyday where she won't be available ? This time could be used to maybe read a book , listen to music, pre covid I would treat my self to a cinema visit on my own and it honestly gave me respite from the daily angst. I wish your friend all the best cos it's truly a difficult position to be in
Hello first time in this thread. Just had a massive ugly cry in front of my 4yo because the baby was sick all over me for the second time this morning. I'm averaging 5 hours of sleep a night when I know I need 8 to function. OH is almost running on empty too due to work so can't lean on him too much. MIL is coming over after lunch and whilst she is a nice person, she'll just sit and expect to be waited on. She does offer to help but in that half hearted "I hope you don't say yes" way.
I currently see no way out of the children treadmill. Baby turns 1 soon and I have no job to come back to. I signed up for a free online course in an area I'm interested in and haven't even started Day 1.
I've turned into the nightmare I had when I was in my teens. A woman with no identity except looking after her kids.
I'm going to stop here as I have a very good life. But I just would like more sleep and time to do something just for me that isn't exercise or catching up on chores (which is what usually happens with any child free time).
I currently see no way out of the children treadmill. Baby turns 1 soon and I have no job to come back to. I signed up for a free online course in an area I'm interested in and haven't even started Day 1.
I've turned into the nightmare I had when I was in my teens. A woman with no identity except looking after her kids.
I'm going to stop here as I have a very good life. But I just would like more sleep and time to do something just for me that isn't exercise or catching up on chores (which is what usually happens with any child free time).
@Chita , I am in a similar position so I'll try and give some advice on the subject. My mother died 9 years ago this Xmas . My father was 81 and had been waited hand and foot by mum so he really was struggling. He has mobility problems but isn't one to try and help himself. I retired from working in the NHS for 32 years to look after him. Like your friend, I have a brother who doesn't live far from him but it's always me that does the running around. It's fair to say that my own health suffered as a result, my dad would phone at 2 in the morning cos he thinks he's out of bread. I decided 4 years ago I'd had enough and dad's agreed to have carers in 4 times a day and a lovely young girl goes into him x2 a week do do his shopping and cleaning as I was working in a new job full time. During the 2nd lockdown dad's health deteriorated and this time he has a social worker and he has a careline button for if he falls. I still get ridiculous phone calls but not in the middle of the night. I've had to be strong to preserve my health and marriage. My father wasn't happy when I told him I could no longer be his carer but he knew my brother wouldn't step up and he could see how I'll I'd become. I would also suggest speak to age UK, they have excellent tips . I also joine a carers group and they gave invaluable advice such as , try and persuade the relative to join a lunch club, buy a diary and write down the days you'll visit, phone before visiting to check if anything needs buying in. I discovered a lot of my dad's behaviour was his way of controlling me like he had my mum. I always make sure I'm in control of visiting so if he starts to get pissy with me I just walk out. Does your friend's sibling have any idea how difficult things are? I often find if one member of the family seems to take charge then others step back, so maybe a bit of a family pow wow maybe required with a bit of a rota drawn up. Bit off topic my dad is 90 next month, god knows how we're gonna celebrate it as nobody actually likes him....think Father Jack in Father Ted, luckily his niece who is like a sister to me has agreed to pop in on the day with a card and for tea and cake cos apart from us no-one else will bother with him . Families eh ?
Thankyou.
The sister visits to give my friend a break but when she's there and asks the mother what needs doing she says nothing needs doing.
Then as soon as the sister is gone. My friend gets the call from the mother with her demands.
Because the father died in the nursing home she seems to be paranoid about not being there for the mother when the emergency happens.
Theres a warden pullcord at her mums and she has a pendant thing too - but my friend seems incapable of blocking out time for herself.
Also the sister is pretty useless so its also a case of my friend will end up sorting things out anyway so she might as well do it from the get-go.
Even when I meet her for a coffee or lunch, she's on edge in case her mum has an emergency.
She can't seem to let go and give herself any "me" time.
You must be knackered.
I never had kids so I have no advice to offer here, but someone will pop in soon who will have been through this and I'm sure some helpful advice will be forthcoming.
So hang in there, check back later.
Tattlers to the rescue!
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You must be completely exhausted. With the MIL situation- is there any possibility you can ask her not to come over so you can hopefully have some chill time? Or if she does come over then take her up on her offers to help- even if it sounds half hearted. You deserve help and she shouldn’t offer if she’s not okay with the outcome that you say yes.
You 100% have an identity outside your kids, it’s just hard to see when you’re exhausted and need a break- you’re signed up to a course and I’m sure a job you want will come around when you’re ready.
Ask mum in law if she'd like to take the kids to the park for you when she next visits. Have baby looking gorgeous and put all the necessities into the pram bag, including a few wee treats for the 4 year old. Big the excursion up to the 4 yr old, use her/him for an enthusiastic "HI GRANNY, when we go to the park I'm bringing my ball/dolly and we can all play together. I'm so excited". Granny should melt and be up for it in the face of a cute 4 yr old so excited. Even if she only takes an hour, just a stroll around and/or a visit to the ice cream shop. Ask her, maybe her half hearted offer of help is made that way because she doesn't want to offend you in case you throw a wobbler and think "She fucken thinks I can't cope! THE OLD witch!" She's a mum, she'll remember how precious "me time" was. You might be surprised. You can use the hour or two for your online course (duck the housework).
This is such a lovely post and thank you for writing it. Unfortunately I know this will not work with my PIL. For the past four weeks they've said they'll take the kids to the park when they come up on their weekly visit. But there's always an excuse - it's raining or *might* rain/it's too hot/MIL forgot her walking shoes/they're tired today. I can't bear the disappointment or fall out from my 4yo so I simply don't tell him anymore. I'm also a whimp when it comes to MIL's (rare) strops, which are partly enhanced due to her mental health. They've taken him to the park once alone in 4 years and that was partly because we begged them as it was during a house move. I got a phone call an hour after they left asking when I was coming to collect him
But there's a thread for MIL rants
Had a nice lunch and Mr B bought me some new Tango to try tonight. Feeling a bit better but think I'll be going to bed at the same time as the kids tonight 🥱This is such a lovely post and thank you for writing it. Unfortunately I know this will not work with my PIL. For the past four weeks they've said they'll take the kids to the park when they come up on their weekly visit. But there's always an excuse - it's raining or *might* rain/it's too hot/MIL forgot her walking shoes/they're tired today. I can't bear the disappointment or fall out from my 4yo so I simply don't tell him anymore. I'm also a whimp when it comes to MIL's (rare) strops, which are partly enhanced due to her mental health. They've taken him to the park once alone in 4 years and that was partly because we begged them as it was during a house move. I got a phone call an hour after they left asking when I was coming to collect him
But there's a thread for MIL rants
Hope you manage to get some quality sleep.
Thank you xx My own parents are really good with the kids but they already do a lot with them that I feel I can't ask them to do anymore.
Haha, one week I asked her to simply sit with the kids whilst I hung out some washing. That....er....did not go down well. She did do it but left quite soon afterwards.
I am having such a bad day, I hope you don't mind me talking here, the thing is I can have whatever treatment or diagnosis of the way I feel about myself but clearly I am repulsive and unworthy of love, my friends are single for 2 months and find a new guy, I’ve been single for 10 years and nothing!! I really give up on life because its never going to happen for me and I will always be unhappy I am so done. Sorry that's so morbid, I'm just so sad
Nobody is repulsive and everyone is worthy of love unless they are a child beater or serial killer.
Seriously this past two years is dragging us all down. Unless you are incredibly determined it's been a killer for socialising or finding romance, so honestly, you are not alone in this. Your friends must be sirens with a magic touch if they can get connected that fast.
It's hard to give you hope when you are so far down, but honestly "every pot has a lid" and you just need to hang in there. Maybe if you 'make yourself happy' you'll find it attracts people. Use your time to work on you rather than looking for something outside you. I know, it's hard to be the life and soul of things when you feel like life is kicking you, but a happy outlook reflects in your face and attitude. Just please stop thinking yourself repulsive or unworthy. 
Ah crap. She really is a bit of a loser. What is the point of her visiting then? Silly sod.This is such a lovely post and thank you for writing it. Unfortunately I know this will not work with my PIL. For the past four weeks they've said they'll take the kids to the park when they come up on their weekly visit. But there's always an excuse - it's raining or *might* rain/it's too hot/MIL forgot her walking shoes/they're tired today. I can't bear the disappointment or fall out from my 4yo so I simply don't tell him anymore. I'm also a whimp when it comes to MIL's (rare) strops, which are partly enhanced due to her mental health. They've taken him to the park once alone in 4 years and that was partly because we begged them as it was during a house move. I got a phone call an hour after they left asking when I was coming to collect him
But there's a thread for MIL rants
Well you sound in better form. A good old vent does theworld of good.
Sounds a great idea going to bed with the kids, I used to do that a lot when mine were small. You need your sleep. Once you catch up on that you'll get your mojo back.
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