Glad you're on the other side also - lots of love to you x
Survival mode - I like that
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Survival mode - I like that
You need to be careful there Chita. There will come a point when you have to uncouple their coach load of sorrow from yourself or you will be pulled down into a ravine. We all have to reach out, pass it on, be kind, be there ... but we all have limits.Thankyou for posting. I appreciate you opening up and I feel for you. Its so tough.
The one whose husband took his life has now agreed to get some counselling.
Luckily private therapy is an option so she doesn't have to wait for the NHS.
So that's a big relief and it will start soon. I am relieved about that because I know therapy works and helps us cope.
When a partner passes on it makes the soul ache, as we have discussed before in the thread.
I think when the passing is by their own hand it must be even harder to take and I don't know how to help with that because as you say @Maggiemaynot guilt comes into play.
Could it have been prevented?
And anger.
Why didnt they ask for help? Why didnt they GET help?
The other loved one is spiralling down and is trying to fight it - but their eyes are getting that empty look and so far they are resisting professional help. This one would need NHS therapy because loss of work and lack of money is part of the cause of their depression. So no money for private therapy.
Others are trying to help but theyve never had mental health problems of their own so they dont know how to help.
Im doing my best to keep them "up" but Im starting to lose patience because I'm not seeing progress.
Its those empty eyes. They arent there every day - which gives me hope that I can keep them from the edge - but I also panic when the empty eyes look is there because I know its a sign.
And I can feel myself getting angry because they refuse to even talk to a Doctor.
And they take my anger and impatience as another reason to end it all because they are upsetting me and others who love them.
You have to be so careful because when they get to this state they are so sensitive - but Im only human.
This is why I eat chocolate and biscuits. My comfort during difficult times.
And thank goodness for Tattle and the fab people who come in here and into the other threads I spend time in.
Tattle stops me feeling so alone.
But, today's another day.
I take a deep breath and see what it has in store.
Xxx
I'm not saying drop them, bin them, walk away. But wind back a bit, just a bit to protect yourself. Don't take every single call, or meet them every 5 mins. Start pacing yourself and your empathy/sympathy. It isn't a bottomless well.
Sorry if this is bit negative but you worry me sometimes.
--------------------------------
@Maggiemaynot . Oh boy.
I think you know by now that the guilt never goes away. It's called having a conscience and a kind heart.Just try to remember that your brother probably had 100 times the guilt that you feel over your one argument with him, but his will be over letting the family down, hurting your parents, wasting his life on chasing The Big Win, maybe even using other people's money to fuel his habit (if he did). Clearly his guilt overwhelmed him, the poor soul. Was he funny, witty? Try to imagine him somewhere on a cloud, in a tree, or wherever his spirit has gone ... laughing that you think a stupid sibling squabble so important in the midst of the worries that the world has dropped on your doorstep. He'd tell you he'd forgotton it within hours and he knows you loved him and still do.
Really there is no cure for regrets like that. They are just one of the little dark patches in the quilt of life, but those dark patches help emphasise the other bright patches. Every single one of us has regrets. So you really aren't alone with it.
It's never ending at the moment bubba. Honestly, we are all in the same boat. We hit the brick wall ... then we clamber over it till the next tit grenade gets lobbed at us.
For me personally, at the moment I can cope by thinking "well at least I'm not some poor woman in Kabul, maybe just set up a thriving business, doing great and the mother of happy pretty pre teen girls wanting to go to uni." She can kiss her business goodbye and as for her daughters, it doesn't bear thinking about but they will be talab bride fodder and uni will be a distant dream. Her life would go from hero to zero overnight.
Sometimes they are hard to find, but we all have little blessings to be thankful for. Yours are just hidden under a pile of worries.
Think about borrowing a wheel chair for mum should nan not make it. She could be taken to the Service that way possibly.
Last edited:
Yea I did suggest that to mum as she’s not going to be up and about for a while. She has said she wouldn’t want that anyway, my nanna knows how she is and she would rather write something to be read out. We’ve been told to say our goodbyes, I’ve just got in from the hospital and she looks very peaceful and is just sleeping and unresponsive. I’ve been to see mum and she’s okay as she has prepared herself as my nanna has been declining for a while.
I am just so bad with my anxiety lately. I thought I was getting better. I haven’t drank since May, exercised more, have attempted to eat better and eat more as I stopped eating for a while. But this week it’s just back with a fiery vengeance, I am always on the verge of tears with that deep pit of worry in my stomach. My medication isn’t even touching it, I do be like an old lost dog pacing up and down most nights this week not having a clue what to do because the worries in my head won’t duck off, and when I do fall asleep, I wake up again an hour later gasping for air and terrified.
I can’t even explain why I’m upset, I just have a constant feeling of impending doom. I am going to work most mornings and having to hold in tears for nearly 10 hours, without an ounce of sleep.
I don’t even know what to do at this point. I am a miserable bleep at this point, I make good money, I have a nice life and decent family and friends. But I’m just forever anxious and sad. It’s like a heaviness over me I can’t even describe it.
I’m droning on so anyways xx thanks for having this place
I can’t even explain why I’m upset, I just have a constant feeling of impending doom. I am going to work most mornings and having to hold in tears for nearly 10 hours, without an ounce of sleep.
I don’t even know what to do at this point. I am a miserable bleep at this point, I make good money, I have a nice life and decent family and friends. But I’m just forever anxious and sad. It’s like a heaviness over me I can’t even describe it.
I’m droning on so anyways xx thanks for having this place
I'm not a doctor but, if your medication isnt helping and if you've been taking it for a while, then maybe it isn't the correct one or not a high enough dose.
Might be time to ask for more miligrams or for a different one.
xxx
Writing something to be read out is a great idea.
In fact, its genius.
And I think it will be a great comfort and the perfect solution to not eing able to attend.
Go back to your doctor and get a review of your meds. You shouldn't be feeling like this. You might need a higher dose or a different tab. Let us know how you get on. Sending hugs....
I'm tentatively posting again. Took a short break, and am being very careful about what threads I restrict myself to for now but I like this place and hope people will forgive me for my outburst. I still feel really bad about it but I'm using it as a useful reminder to avoid posting when I'm panicked and to consume less news from certain right-wing tit stirring press websites, and less news in general.
God, it's bleeping grim out there at the moment isn't it?
God, it's bleeping grim out there at the moment isn't it?
I was told it's called "floating anxiety" (but this was some years ago, it likely has a posher title now)
It's a bleeping horror. Like a sword of Damocles always there making you fearful. Fearful of everything and nothing. So weird, I remember it well.
You say your meds aren't touching it, so ask your doctor to let you try something different. I had about 4 different meds before I found one that didn't immediately have nasty side effects and gave me a tiny chink of hope.
You must know that holding it in for so long every is not healthy. Can you not take some time off and hit the doc's surgery hard to try to find a med that helps? You don't get a cure but you should get something that takes the edge off enough to give you the mental ability to let you work on yourself. You are doing all the right things so your doc can't cite anything you are doing wrong.
But listen bubba, you sound like I did years ago, but here I am getting by. Yes, I have moments where I feel the blanket dropping over me and my breathing getting rapid, but I distract myself till it passes (it always does). And I wasn't doing all the good healthy things you are doing, yet I got a handle on it eventually with help .
Now, I've mentioned upthread that I've acquired delightful psoriasis
in recent months, but my doc says he's seeing a lot of such stress related physical issues like psoriasis, insomnia etc since the onset of covid. Everyone has a tale to tell and none are nice, we're just humans and bastard covid is attacking our minds as well as our body. If you were already fragile then it's worse, especially with so little sleep.I can't offer a solution, just hope that yes, you can climb out of it to some degree but you need to ask for more help. Feel free to vent on here, we never judge.
What outburst. Damita honey ... have you met Freda ?
I never shut my gob. Opinions on most things and usually couched in cheeky lauguage sprinkled liberally with 'cunts' and effing and jeffing. I've given a few pearl clutching church ladies mild heart attacks, but that's the beauty of this forum, they let you vent or rant without fear of being cancelled.Stop worrying about what you've posted. You are entitled to your opinion as much as any other bleep. Double check your posts and if they aren't personal (for example "well you're just a fat cross-eyed Tory by the looks of your avatar, and your dog is fuckin' fugly too") then hit send. If you are in trouble admin will warn you off and they do it nicely
... my last warning (last year) was "STOP starting fights!" , but the one before that was my favourite "Leave the bleeping kids alone" (cos we were laughing at Markles first child who had a bonk eye like his mummy ... I know, I told you, I'm a witch.
) Admin on here are cool. Anyway pearl-clutchers can report a post and leave it to admin to judge how offensive it is.Just chillax and stick to threads you like.
Last edited:
I had the biggest cry of my life today when Sarah Harding died.,, I was diagnosed on the same day and now I am still here.
Currently, our 22-ye
You're not a witch darling - you just tell it how it is x
I love you Freda, you say the things I'm too cowardly to do so xI was told it's called "floating anxiety" (but this was some years ago, it likely has a posher title now)
It's a bleeping horror. Like a sword of Damocles always there making you fearful. Fearful of everything and nothing. So weird, I remember it well.
You say your meds aren't touching it, so ask your doctor to let you try something different. I had about 4 different meds before I found one that didn't immediately have nasty side effects and gave me a tiny chink of hope.
You must know that holding it in for so long every is not healthy. Can you not take some time off and hit the doc's surgery hard to try to find a med that helps? You don't get a cure but you should get something that takes the edge off enough to give you the mental ability to let you work on yourself. You are doing all the right things so your doc can't cite anything you are doing wrong.
But listen bubba, you sound like I did years ago, but here I am getting by. Yes, I have moments where I feel the blanket dropping over me and my breathing getting rapid, but I distract myself till it passes (it always does). And I wasn't doing all the good healthy things you are doing, yet I got a handle on it eventually with help .
Now, I've mentioned upthread that I've acquired delightful psoriasis
I can't offer a solution, just hope that yes, you can climb out of it to some degree but you need to ask for more help. Feel free to vent on here, we never judge.
What outburst. Damita honey ... have you met Freda ?
Stop worrying about what you've posted. You are entitled to your opinion as much as any other bleep. Double check your posts and if they aren't personal (for example "well you're just a fat cross-eyed Tory by the looks of your avatar, and your dog is fuckin' fugly too") then hit send. If you are in trouble admin will warn you off and they do it nicely
Just chillax and stick to threads you like.
You're not a witch darling - you just tell it how it is x
Keep going lovely
I do understand about the nightmares - I have them every night, wake-up feeling exhausted; if I ever have a solution I'll let you know x
Last edited:
I think it's guilt - in my tiny child's head. But, I didn't kill my Dad and I couldn't have prevented his death. He lives on through me and his grandchildren
Where's the lovely Maine Coons when you need them (sorry, not sorry Freda!).
'Sister's of Mercy' convent schools? Just asking - interesting education
Where's the lovely Maine Coons when you need them (sorry, not sorry Freda!).
'Sister's of Mercy' convent schools? Just asking - interesting education
Last edited:
Dominican Convent for me. Loved it. Not sure how I gained my potty mouth,
but oh well.Maine coons are stunning.
Freda, you make me feel so much better. I do enjoy your posts.
Tattle is very good for people letting each other duck up and not automatically "cancelling" (God, isn't that expression horrendously awful? Talk about Orwellian nightmare in action!) and I really appreciate that. So few platforms still allow people to be human and make mistakes, it's chilling.
One of my problems is I grew up in a family that could be very cold, with very Victorian ideas about "proper" behaviour in public and how appearances, in the sense of reputation, are everything. It's impacted my life a lot and makes it so hard for me to lighten the duck up when doing just that would help me so much in life. If not for my gran and mum who are nothing like the rest of the family I'd be even more screwed.
Anyway, thus far keeping away from the news more is helping and I'm trying to consume media that brings joy rather than the endless supply of misery porn currently flooding the market. So I'm in this weird little bubble watching nonsense like Touched By An Angel (so, so cheesy and often misguided in how they approached social issues and yet still weirdly comforting) and old sitcoms like The Mary Tyler Moore Show and it's much better. Going to stay here for a while.
Hope everyone is keeping as well as can be. It's really, really hard some days isn't it?
Tattle is very good for people letting each other duck up and not automatically "cancelling" (God, isn't that expression horrendously awful? Talk about Orwellian nightmare in action!) and I really appreciate that. So few platforms still allow people to be human and make mistakes, it's chilling.
One of my problems is I grew up in a family that could be very cold, with very Victorian ideas about "proper" behaviour in public and how appearances, in the sense of reputation, are everything. It's impacted my life a lot and makes it so hard for me to lighten the duck up when doing just that would help me so much in life. If not for my gran and mum who are nothing like the rest of the family I'd be even more screwed.
Anyway, thus far keeping away from the news more is helping and I'm trying to consume media that brings joy rather than the endless supply of misery porn currently flooding the market. So I'm in this weird little bubble watching nonsense like Touched By An Angel (so, so cheesy and often misguided in how they approached social issues and yet still weirdly comforting) and old sitcoms like The Mary Tyler Moore Show and it's much better. Going to stay here for a while.
Hope everyone is keeping as well as can be. It's really, really hard some days isn't it?
Very sad isn't it....she was too young. It must be particularly poignant to you, so sorry. Sending big hugs
I was diagnosed in 2013. Still here and still urging girls to check themselves and not rely on mammograms alone.
Don't worry, please. There is so much going on here on Tattle that people rarely recall individual posts...even those from @freda19
They just get an overall fuzzy impression of the person! 
You have the self awareness to understand what makes you how you are, which most people never have!
As for not watching the news at times...you are not alone! I love current affairs but I've been watching Below Deck and the Bachelor Australia recently instead of the news and it makes me so much happier!
Last edited:
Your brain is releasing the wrong chemicals into your body. Trying to fight that can be exhausting. But this is the part that meds do help. You just need the right meds and the right dose. Once you find them, life will be easier.
It can take ages to find the right dose etc though and you have to be prepared for that. Worth the effort though. Sending love.
Exactly so. Great post and sums it up perfectly.
@AlanBanan Never be afraid to say your meds are not working for you if you've been on them a fair time and they aren't helping at all. Your doctor knows that what works for one patient doesn't help for another. It's trial and error till you get the right fit.
Hello everyone. How are you all today?
Tested positive for covid ffs. Have had a real crappy year (like most of us!) and now this. Feeling really crap and fed up.
This is the post I always think about posting but never do. I don’t post much but like to check in on everybody.
I’m trying to do some decluttering but it’s too hot. Thinking about going for a walk but again it’s probably too hot for me. Anyway hope everyone’s ok
Try to rest as much as possible, hope it doesn’t last too long.
Last edited:
Having a really low day today. Just heard I was outbid on a house I wanted, still feel heartbroken and like I miss my ex and to top it off my kittens have fleas. I know relatively it’s all small stuff, Just feel like I can’t catch a break and everything is on top of me at the moment.
- Status