I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.
I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.
After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.
I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.
There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.
I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?
This may come as a shock or sound harsh, but even if you did have someone to reach out to they might be too busy with their own problems to have time to listen/help you,
and even if they say they are always there, you would find yourself not wanting to ask them for help because it's human nature for us to 'not want to bother' someone else. And if they haven't experienced the feelings you are experiencing, its difficult for them to actually help you anyway.
So when it all boils down to the bare bones, it is you, yourself who is the only one who can really, really help yourself.
And, quite often you are actually better off sharing your thoughts with a counsellor/doctor - even strangers like us who understand how you feel.
This is exactly why this thread was started.
And you have an appointment with a professional coming soon, so that's fantastic because a lot of people are having problems getting appointments.
So in my ham-fisted way, I'm just trying to tell you not to feel bad because you don't have a close confidante to talk to because even those who do have them might still be in the same position as you, ie, handling it alone.
So, embrace the professional counselling that you have got coming soon. Let the counsellor give you the help you need, and pretty soon you'll find yourself forging friendships and you won't need to bare your soul to your new friends because you will have figured it all oout with the therapist.
Good luck.
And this thread is always here if you want to talk to any one.
One of us is always popping in a some point to see who has posted and if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on.
You asked how we deal with it - eg Wednesday was the anniversary of my Mum's death. I have 2 close mates. One is on holiday and the other was too busy to even have a coffee with me on that day. She had forgotten it was my Mum's anniversary, but she lost her Dad recently and is having nightmare problems with her car and money worries etc.
I badly needed company but it wasnt possible.
So I sat all day feeling empty.
The day after I forced myself to get up, get showered, I did my hair, put on some make-up and went for a drive round on my own.
I had some music on in the car and even though I was all alone, I did feel better for it.
Then I distracted myself by posting on Tattle life threads - humourous things and today, I feel much better.
So thats how I deal with it.
Distract myself.