Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Doodlebug005]

Sometimes family are not very Walton. With 8 in my family I know who I can share problems with and who doesn't actually give a shite. With age comes wisdom.
It sounds like your sister offloaded onto her kid, painting you in a negative light, which is a bit tit of her TBH. Never mind, at least you now know not to bother her and I hope she has the decency to not bother you when trouble comes knocking on her door (as it surely will with a mouthy kid like that).

Thank you kind @freda19 . I do indeed know not to bother her now, we are reduced to chit chatting about the foxes, the hedgehogs, seaweed fertiliser etc .. and eaten bread is soon forgotten, she had a volatile relationship with mom (r.i.p) and manys the time I stood up for her and defended her oh well. I guess that is why people pay counsellors , they have to listen I have told hubby if I croak it just cremate me and tell her when it's done and dusted, to avoid "upsetting" her etc he probably won't do that

 

[freda19]

thank you. That kindness was so very much what I needed today. I’ve stuck a note on my mirror with my goal for today, and put on a nice blouse for work. Thank you.

Well done! Remember, your meds are working on your brain but you need to do your bit physically as well, with just a wee nudge here and a bit of a push there. There will be days and even weeks when you just can't, but remember the little buzz you got putting the note on the mirror and get back on the horse. It's a hard row to hoe and will take time.

 

[sparklesinwonderland]

Well done! Remember, your meds are working on your brain but you need to do your bit physically as well, with just a wee nudge here and a bit of a push there. There will be days and even weeks when you just can't, but remember the little buzz you got putting the note on the mirror and get back on the horse. It's a hard row to hoe and will take time.

I folded the laundry today! I did it! Even put another load in for tomorrow to catch up. Also made a real (microwaved but actual food- rice, peas, cubed tofu) dinner. I’m writing out a new sticky note for my mirror for tomorrow. Thank you for the long distance support, all.

 

[Chita]

Well, Ive chucked all my nail strengthening products in the trash.
All have made my nails split and break worse than before I tried any.

When they grow back, I will have to put up with the few that seem bendy.
Most are usually ok, just a few grow a bit thinner than the others and bend if I let them grow too long.

Now even the usually good nails have broken.

 

[shazbev]

Well, Ive chucked all my nail strengthening products in the trash.
All have made my nails split and break worse than before I tried any.

When they grow back, I will have to put up with the few that seem bendy.
Most are usually ok, just a few grow a bit thinner than the others and bend if I let them grow too long.

Now even the usually good nails have broken.

Oh no Chita, did the Sally Hansen rehab not work ? Sorry I recommended a duff product for you...nail treatments are devilishly tricky aren't they ,?

 

[Just_me1954]

Well, Ive chucked all my nail strengthening products in the trash.
All have made my nails split and break worse than before I tried any.

When they grow back, I will have to put up with the few that seem bendy.
Most are usually ok, just a few grow a bit thinner than the others and bend if I let them grow too long.

Now even the usually good nails have broken.

What about just plain old clear nail polish.

 

[Cassandra333]

Hi everyone. I managed to get over the stuff that triggered me but it took longer than I thought. I was expecting it to last a day but it went on for a week. I did get out of it though, so that's good.
I want to make a couple of points which are not aimed at anyone in particular. The first is that your family and friends are not your therapists. It took me years to learn this lesson. You cannot expect people who haven't trained as counsellors or therapists to play that role in your life. It isn't fair. And I know people just want to let off steam but you need to find a different forum to do that. Somewhere like here, or a mental health forum. The joy of the internet is that there are lots of places to go and you can stay anonymous.
Equally, you are not a counsellor or therapist for your friends and family. Don't allow people to use you in this way. Suggest that they may need more help than you can give them. You have your own problems, you don't need to take on theirs. It's not just okay to put yourself first, it's also highly recommended.
I've got more to say but I'd be here all day so I'm going to finish with this poem. This is the poem I turn to whenever I get down. It speaks to me and maybe it will speak to you too. It's very long so I'm putting it behind a spoiler. It's called 'Desiderata' by Max Ehrmann. It's an excellent guide to managing life.

Spoiler: Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

 

[Chita]

What about just plain old clear nail polish.

I tried several and they all just peeled off, hence my appeal for suggestions for other things .

Oh no Chita, did the Sally Hansen rehab not work ? Sorry I recommended a duff product for you...nail treatments are devilishly tricky aren't they ,?

No probs. I'll still talk to you. xxx

 

[shazbev]

I tried several and they all just peeled off, hence my appeal for suggestions for other things .



No probs. I'll still talk to you. xxx

Phew that's a relief .

 

[sparklesinwonderland]

Something funny that made me laugh today.. my dog has a haircut/grooming appointment this weekend, and I pushed mine back to next month to balance the budget (hers is more important). There’s only a small price difference between the two

To be honest, I think I’m a far easier client despite the amount of foils they’ll have to put in after not having it done in... 18 months? It’ll be nice to look a bit like myself again.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hey everyone, my mental health has taken a bit of a battering in recent weeks - but I've suffered worse, and I'm still standing
Sometimes it's good to talk x

View attachment 680079View attachment 680080View attachment 680083
There you go guys, top to bottom
Pooh-Bear
Susan
Thor

They are very cuddly and honestly great company. I'd be lost without them, especially Pooh.

Oh my goodness, those cats are beautiful - always liked Maine Coons, we just have a mini one

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

Hey, how are you - what are your interests? I have to say mine first, to open a conversation. I'm a 57--year old of four and forget about that, how are you?

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

You're not heartless to think of yourself, being around people with complex needs is time-consuming and impacts upon you also.
Sometimes you need to take time out for yourself

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

Bit of slap and spanx - you'll be fine. Meet you in Matthew Street!

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hope this is allowed on this thread, it’s very personal but I thought it’d be nice to get some thoughts/advice anonymously

Basically I think I’ve got depression. I’ve felt it for a while, like there’s something just not quite right in my head. I have off days so does everyone but for me, it’s more than that. The tiniest thing is enormous to me. I cry because there’s plates that need cleaning, my brain can’t cope with more than one thing, even something like booking a dentist appointment along side booking a doctor app, it’s too much for me to handle mentally. I feel like a failure, a failure in life and to my family, every day just feels like a massive struggle to me and I very much have a ‘what’s the point’ mindset. My mood swings are horrific too. That’s just a small part of what I feel. It’s not every day, some days I’m really happy, but most days I’m not. I reached out to a doctor last week for the first time and it took a lot. I haven’t yet plucked up the courage to call the phone numbers they gave me (Mind etc)

sorry it’s a bit of a ramble and possibly a bit off topic but it’s nice to get some things off my chest as I haven’t got many close girl friends x

You're not a failure honey, you are very important in so many people's lives. That's what depression does to you, makes you feel worthless - give me a smile, and know that you're beautiful

There is a way out from the dark side - suffered terrible depression after my youngest was born, anti-depressants, the whole lot. I'm not going back there - it's not a nice place to be, that black hole; be strong and resist it

Just know that you are loved and that you are important x

 

[Chita]

Tatty, you are an inspiration. You have so much to deal with but you keep on fighting.
You are wonderful.

 

[Cassandra333]

I hope no one was offended by my post yesterday. I was just trying to share the stuff I've learnt over almost 50 years of mental illness. So today's suggestion is a more positive one. The comfort box!
When you are able make yourself a comfort box. This is to hide away and only come out when you know you're sliding into a depression.
You place things that bring you comfort into the box.

1. A favourite book that you love to re read. I have Jane Austen, Georgette Heyer and a few other books. I also have my favourites as 'talking books' in case I can't even bring myself to read. You don't have to actually put books/digital stuff in an actual box. They can go into a folder on your laptop/kindle etc.
2. Music. Again can be kept on the laptop/whatever. Choose stuff that you love to sing along too. It's amazing what good having a sing song will do. Or just drift away with your favouite stuff. Try to compile as many hours as you can and lots of different types of music to suit your mood.
3. Films. Mine include 'Arsenic and Old Lace' 'Spinal Tap' 'North by Northwest' and several others I can't be bothered to type out.
4. Memory stuff. I have a small ornament my mother left to me. Stuff the kids made for me at school, things like that.
5. Things you like - I love fabrics and I have a variety in my comfort box. I have velvet, silk, chenille and all sorts of lace, ribbon, buttons etc. They're a variety of colours and textures. I love making fabric art, so this stuff is inspirational for me.
6. Scented stuff. Soaps, incense, whatever.

Basically anything that might lift your mood goes in this box or the file on your laptop. The idea is that you give yourself the time and spend a day going through your comfort box/tin/whatever. It helps, or at least its always help me. Hopefully might help you to.

 

[Chita]

That sounds good Cass.

When I have what I call an Eeyore day I try to sleep until he's gone.
I allow myself to feel like Eeyore for no longer than 2 days. After that I kick my own arse and make myself do something.

Basically we all have to do what works for us.

 

[Cassandra333]

That sounds good Cass.

When I have what I call an Eeyore day I try to sleep until he's gone.
I allow myself to feel like Eeyore for no longer than 2 days. After that I kick my own arse and make myself do something.

Basically we all have to do what works for us.

Eeyore is a great way to describe bipolar disorder to children. "Some days I'm like Tigger, Some days I'm like Eeyore"
Giving yourself a day off to sleep or whatever, is definitely the first step.

 

[Chita]

Phew that's a relief .

Ive been reading, these nail hardeners can damage the nail so its better to use products to nourish the cuticles and nail bed, ie, oils and balms.
So ive got some Burt's bees cuticle balm and some nail oil.
Ive filed down the 6 nails that didnt break from the Naill hardener varnishes. They are really short now.
The 4 broken ones look a right mess but hopefully they will grow quick.

Wish I'd never tried the hardeners and just put up with the 4 bendy ones.

 

[Cassandra333]

I've got to admit that I don't pay much attention to my nails. As soon as they show any length, I cut them down short again. Long fingernails irritate the hell out of me. But I have noticed that when I type all day (writer) they grow much faster and much stronger. I touch type and I'm quite fast but don't know if that makes a difference.

 

[shazbev]

Ive been reading, these nail hardeners can damage the nail so its better to use products to nourish the cuticles and nail bed, ie, oils and balms.
So ive got some Burt's bees cuticle balm and some nail oil.
Ive filed down the 6 nails that didnt break from the Naill hardener varnishes. They are really short now.
The 4 broken ones look a right mess but hopefully they will grow quick.

Wish I'd never tried the hardeners and just put up with the 4 bendy ones.

Ooh thanks for that Chita, I've got some cuticle oil so will look into the Burt's bees balm .

 

[1001 others]

Our beloved cat passed away on the weekend and his little brother is really missing him. It's so heartbreaking - he's crying a lot, really clingy, and very unsettled. I don't know how to make it better and can't stop crying as I miss him too