Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Damita]

My neighbour is doing DIY again and I cannot believe it.

They did a huge project that went on for months at the beginning of the year and I actually got quite ill from the stress of the constant noise, which was the loudest hammering and banging you've ever heard and wasn't even possible to drown out with noise cancelling headphones. It was absolutely relentless and he does at least one big project like this every year.

When he's not doing big projects there is, quite often, lots of DIY noises here and there for whatever else he finds to work on as he goes about his life.

I can't fathom what could possibly need work done to it this time and as soon as it started my heart just sank.

I've already lived in a flat above someone else who was really into DIY and I thought that was bad but he had nothing on this guy. Who has sometimes started before 7am and gone on beyond 10pm. The council are totally useless so I reporting it will be a total waste of time.

Need hugs if anyone has some going spare please.

 

[Pom Bear]

Pom I have just sent the old Ginger Tom to Montishito, he didn't mind he travelled first class with Whiskas en croute. He is going to piss on Doxys doorstep and crap on the path so that Hazzno treads in it and while he is hopping on one leg he is going to do an enormous spray up his legs.

As a treat for him he is going to shag the nearest pedigree cat who will produce ginger kittens as a reminder of his s visit.

Picture please Pom


Our Chita is such an enterprising person so much so that we are going to send her on a trip to Montishito to meet The Wanker and Wankeress and Chita will curtsey to them and on the way up she is going to kick the Wankeress in her chicken leg shin and head butt the Wanker.

Afterwards she will wear the spit and Gob green outfit and pretend to be a garden gnome so she can find out all the gossip from the Calicunt home, she can fly 1st class with Ginger Tom.

Hope this is ok xx.

On Damn I've made a mistake! Long poo line isn't meant to be there

Tried to sort it ...

That's better

 

[Chita]

Thank you for the replies!

Thankfully this appears to be only a short burst as it has stopped now. Worst is when he has time off work and then it is just neverending. I mainly just can't understand how he can keep finding so much work to do. It seems like a form of insanity to me.

Some people just need to keep changing stuff.
They do something new, live with it for a short while, get fed up and start again.

They are exhausting.


Hope you feel a bit better now the noise has stopped.

 

[Damita]

Thank you for the replies!

Thankfully this appears to be only a short burst as it has stopped now. Worst is when he has time off work and then it is just neverending. I mainly just can't understand how he can keep finding so much work to do. It seems like a form of insanity to me.

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

Do you ever feel stuck. No motivation, tired, can’t be arsed. Adult life just seems hard. I’m 31. Feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m just tired. I’m sick of bills, my step mum has cancer and waiting on results to see how bad it is and if it’s spread etc. I’m tired of working hard on a shit salary. My friends are all on at least 10k above me. I don’t begrudge them, they work hard. But so do I.
Sorry I know it’s nothing compared to what some people deal with.

Doesn’t matter what others are going through, different people cope with different things. Sounds as if you have a lot on your shoulders. Have you spoken to a doctor, or been diagnosed ? Don’t struggle alone. You sound very low and as if you need to take the next step. Please don’t put it off.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Depression is a terrible illness - I'm on the other side now (it can be done with medication). Now I'm just an older mum, no medication caring for our kids

Know you are loved and cared about, even it's just us Tattlers x

Know you are loved and cared about, even it's just us Tattlers x

Hey, just trying to teach my youngest how to dance the 'locomotion' - absolute fail, she's musical but can't dance!
Small pleasures in life x

Always cherish your good times, that means so much more than the bad times x

 

[Melian]

What time are you there? Waiting for results is crappy, sorry you have to go through this.

9.30am.

And thanks

 

[Gold_7]

This is what the internet is for

 

[kittenattack]

This might not work for everyone but I thought I’d share. When I’m having a bad moment I turn to Pinterest. I’ve created boards about things that I’m interested in like fashion, etc. So if I need distraction from life I’d go to one of my boards and try to find really good photos for it online. For example fashions that Princess Diana wore. So I’ll Google for high quality images of the clothes I love that Diana wore, then I’ll search for when she wore it and try and find the designer, etc. It takes quite a bit of time and focus so the other stuff disappears for awhile.
Again, not saying it’ll work for everyone but it is a helpful distraction if you use the app.

I like to look at crafts on there. I love pebble painting, crochet, fabric wall hangings and embroidery

 

[Chita]

I totally agree. My anxiety has ramped up recently, for no apparent reason, and I'm physically ill with it. I want to ask the GP for something, but can't face it. I'm trying nootropics instead. I don't feel that I can adequately describe just how bad it makes me feel and I'm struggling to go places now.

Not surprised.
All these covid shenanigans are enough to trigger.
Just hang in there. Keep creating pictures to make us all laugh and it will pass.
If you lose yourself in being creative it will hopefully help you get through until it does pass.

 

[Chita]

Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.

My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.

It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.

Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.

My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?

Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.

You all talked it through in an adult way.

Communication is the key, but it's so hard to start that conversation isn't it?

 

[Kittypops]

It's tough because the first anniversary is easy for everyone

The second, it's just down to me and him and he's gone

 

[Cassandra333]

Well today's research has gone out of the window. I've been sat watching a film and bits of YouTube instead It's so easy to be distracted, sigh.

 

[Chita]

Very true @freda19 , you and @Chita are the voice of reason here. So I'll just keep an eye on things. I'm quite hot headed and oh is very non confrontational so it's pointless raging at him. My daughter's away on holiday at the mo and she's very doggie orientated so I may get her to have a friendly word . She reminds me a bit of you @freda19 so I'll hang fire . Cheers all and hope we all have a more peaceful day

Therapy dogs are a thing now.
They take them into hospitals and care homes and schools etc.
So Freda is right, the presence of the doggie might actually be a good thing.






Regarding this 'friends and 'best friends' thing..... yes it is nice to have someone to talk to, but as I said, everything comes down to us. Ourselves.
We are the only ones who can make a decision that needs making.
We are the only ones who can decide to fix ourselves when our mental health becomes an issue.
We are the only ones who can get a physical health issue or relationship issue fixed.
We are the only ones who can lose that weight, kick that habit etc.

So even if there are no friends in your life or several of them, everything comes down to ourselves.


And Freda is absolutely right when she says that often talking anonymously to strangers online is a much bigger help than talking to someone we know.

And being self-reliant is great training for when your friends let you down. So if you rely on no-one but yourself, you will always be ok.
Sure its great to have chums to support you and have fun with from time to time, but when they leave you or when they aren't available at that moment when you need them to be, you will always be ok if you have learned to be self-reliant.


Mates are great but not always what they are cracked up to be.

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

I love that! Thankyou.

Tell ya what, I'm glad she didnt have to go through all of this covid lockdown isolation stuff.

Mine too, Chita, she passed away a few months before first lockdown, she would never have been able to cope, small blessings.

 

[Cassandra333]

Our beloved cat passed away on the weekend and his little brother is really missing him. It's so heartbreaking - he's crying a lot, really clingy, and very unsettled. I don't know how to make it better and can't stop crying as I miss him too

So sorry to hear that. I understand exactly where you're coming from. You just have to allow time. And cry as much as you want to. Crying is good for you, it releases all kinds of endorphins which help lower your stress and other stuff. So cry away. And keep the brother cat close. Sending hugs to you.

 

[50sGirl]

I can't sleep, anyone else still awake? Been feeling like I'm suffocating since yesterday afternoon! Haven't felt this anxious in a few years. Think my Mum has finally broken me!!
I've tried my usual videos to take my mind off things but now I'm doing the countdown to only x amout of hours until I have to be up!

Hugs Spangly. What you’re dealing with is so hard.
I can count on one hand the good night‘s sleep I’ve had in the past 6 months. I know how exhausted I am so goodness knows how you cope with everything you’re dealing with as well.

 

[Facehugger]

Thank You @shazbev - sounds like you are also in a horrible situation with your Father (That's a hug smiley but I think it looks more like someone doing a dance!)
I've got the council and social services involved but because she has a small amount of savings, we have to source the care ourselves (even though her savings will only last approx 4 months)
I just had to wash and dry her hair and I resented every minute of it! My Brother dropped her off but said he is not going back until 9 tonight and 10 tomorrow and he asked me if that was Ok - I said "no" but he's still doing it anyway - he does it every Weekend. Every extra hour to care for her feels like an extra 8 hours!! I feel really at breaking point today!
(I know I probably come across as really unkind and uncaring - I keep going from resentment, through to guilt and then to anger. Then I'm overly nice to compensate!) I just keep thinking about how miserable the last few months of my Dad's life were having to care for her like this. He kept telling me he was so tired but because it was Covid we were keeping away to try and keep them safe (before the jabs) and I didn't pay enough attention to how much he was struggling!
So all this anger is probably aimed at myself but I feel like she largely contributed to his death, so I can't help feeling resentment towards her - that's not helping with the fact that I need to be kind and nurturing!

Bless you and your family I have felt every emotion you describe and there are no ways to win easily in a situation like yours. Mine was exactly the same, Mother demanding 'i want this and I don't want that' then the emotional blackmail you get when you have to say 'no' to their demands sometimes does make you resentful and angry. I realised after mine died I've never really been able to do anything much for myself ever because I always had her to see to (no siblings or other family to help plus work full time).

If I could go back and start again, I would have been much firmer with her, not allowed her to emotionally blackmail & demand, work out what would have helped ME to cope better with her and not just give in to her & be left exhausted myself, both mentally & physically.

It sounds as though you have the engagement of all the right people but you and your brother & families need to all work out together what is best for you all. Because you all still have lives to lead both now and after Mum is no longer here. If you can't get the carer situation resolved to any degree of satisfaction and itt becomes obvious that going into care is better for everybody (mum gets looked after and your family lives & mental health improves) then despite not wanting to do it, it's the most sensible for you all. I should have done it and didn't, I never put myself first.

It sounds like you can't carry on as you are for much longer, I hope you can find some way forward that will suit everyone in the long run, my heart goes out to you because I know how difficult it is, please put yourselves first if you have to. Xx

 

[Chita]

One of my friends passed away this morning and I’m still in shock. She lived away from me and I only saw her every now and then. The outpouring of love for her has been amazing but I just feel so stunned.

Oh no! So sorry for you.
Losing a friend is always hard.
I hope you have lots of happy memories of good times. Think of them.
Small comfort, I know, but hopefully SOME comfort.

Hugs, hugs, hugs.

 

[kittenattack]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Can you stop giving your mother a response when she criticises and blames you? Just say something like "if that's what you want to believe/if that's what you want to tell yourself" and just walk away. Practise grey rocking her.