Agreed. It's not fair at all, and inappropriate
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She's heard those words come out of my mouth many times but to be honest, I don't think anything she tells me shocks me now, I can't have much of a reaction to it anymore because I've heard it all. She knows my views on it, I've told her she needs to keep some things to herself because they make my blood boil inside more so because I'm sad for her that she's wasting her life chasing this fantasy and sad for his girlfriend, she knows I'm always going to be there for her though.
You must be a better friend than me!
Thank youWow - you seem like a really empathetic and intelligent person...
Ignore them - they clearly have an agenda of 'all cheaters are bad, evil people' and are not open to any kind of discussion.
I enjoyed reading your comment, but was hoping you and Steve would end up together
We did! We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary last year.Also, I want to add that when I returned to my ex's house a week later to gather the rest of my belongings, his work colleague had moved in and set herself up very comfortably. In his bed! So, I am not justifying my actions but looking back it's clear that he had been engaging in an emotional (and possibly physical) affair too.
Is cheating wrong? Yes. Did I go through major psychological torment over what I'd done? Yes. Would I do it again? No. Am I scum? No.
Do you have children, siblings, friends @BettyCrockerr? What would you do if they came to you with a story like my own? Would you straight up label them scum and begin denigrating them the way you have me and others here? I pity you that your world view is so limited that you can only reply with condescension and ridicule. You can be critical of my actions, but to call me and anyone else honest enough to own their mistakes and share them scum is very low.
I’m not interested in how you choose to try to justify your actions. You make a conscious choice to cheat; and by doing so, you are making the choice to disrespect the people involved, and that makes your actions pretty terrible. If anyone I know came to me and told me they were cheating on their partner or involved in an affair - you can bet your arse I’d be telling the the truth. You don’t have to be in a relationship - you can leave. But by making a choice to cheat, that’s not acceptable. I Dunno what you want me to say? You can’t just do whatever you want and to hell with the fall out and then expect to be Molly coddled and told that your actions aren’t deplorable just because it stings or you don’t like how it sounds.Thank you
Also, I want to add that when I returned to my ex's house a week later to gather the rest of my belongings, his work colleague had moved in and set herself up very comfortably. In his bed! So, I am not justifying my actions but looking back it's clear that he had been engaging in an emotional (and possibly physical) affair too.
Is cheating wrong? Yes. Did I go through major psychological torment over what I'd done? Yes. Would I do it again? No. Am I scum? No.
Do you have children, siblings, friends @BettyCrockerr? What would you do if they came to you with a story like my own? Would you straight up label them scum and begin denigrating them the way you have me and others here? I pity you that your world view is so limited that you can only reply with condescension and ridicule. You can be critical of my actions, but to call me and anyone else honest enough to own their mistakes and share them scum is very low.
You come across as an unhinged zealot. No one is asking for your forgiveness here. We answered a question on a thread. You chose to open and respond to a thread that clearly triggers you. I say this with kindness - seek help.
You really didn't even absorb what I had written, other than to poke fun at my writing. I had an emotional affair and one drunken kiss. You must have been cheated on, you are seething over this topic. Of course you can read any threads you like, I just don't think it's healthy for you to participate in a thread that triggers you to the point of anger. No one else here, despite different experiences and moral outlooks, is responding with such venom or resorting to petty name calling. Please, take a deep breath and ground yourself, you seem to be getting very worked up.
Do you have children, siblings, friends @BettyCrockerr? What would you do if they came to you with a story bel them scum and begin denigrating them the way you have me and others here? I pity you that your world view is so limited that you can only reply with condescension and ridicule. You can be critical of my actions, but to call me and anyone else honest enough to own their mistakes and share them scum is very low.
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Thing is , in real life , people cheat and don't publicise it. She could be surrounded by all these so called so-called scummy people I real life and not have a clue as it is none of her business.
If anyone is getting triggered by this thread, then I hope they don't watch the soaps.
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Thing is , in real life , people cheat and don't publicise it. She could be surrounded by all these so called so-called scummy people I real life and not have a clue as it is none of her business.
If anyone is getting triggered by this thread, then I hope they don't watch the soaps.
Patronising isn't necessary. We can all voice our opinions as we see fit. Underhanded comments about 'please seek help' are just petty.
We have our own moral codes that we then judge others by - thats life
some are more outspoken than others, and less tolerant. Again, thats life. Its not a case of right or wrong. (Unlike cheating obvs lol).
We have our own moral codes that we then judge others by - thats life
some are more outspoken than others, and less tolerant. Again, thats life. Its not a case of right or wrong. (Unlike cheating obvs lol).
i was about to say the samePatronising isn't necessary. We can all voice our opinions as we see fit. Underhanded comments about 'please seek help' are just petty.
We have our own moral codes that we then judge others by - thats life
i fully accept individual circumstances and nuance - - like the story shared, where someone in an unhappy relationship finds some kind of solace in a friend who is kind and understanding with them. i have huge empathy with that and i’m glad that story had a happy ending for both people involved.
but i still can’t personally condone long term emotional cheating on a “decent” partner, like the earlier experience shared upthread, though i accept that we didn’t get much extra clarity with that. this doesn’t mean that i’m triggered or can’t watch eastenders (
) or that i’ve never done anything wrong in my life. i get that it’s a hugely emotive subject though. which is sadly proven by the way this thread seems to have gone
I hadn't a clue what pashed even meant. Never heard that before in my life.
It’s an Australian teenagers slang term for kissing - - you used to hear it a lot on Neighbours & Home & Away!! No self respecting adult would ever use it! But then talking about the “cool spring evening” was also thrown in there so…..!!!!
Suggesting a clearly triggered poster seek help is underhanded? I'm genuinely concerned about the state of mind of someone who would attack posters with such vitriol on a topic that is obviously very upsetting to them. I'm posting from a place of kindness. I'm sorry if you think I'm being petty, I'm really not like that at all.
I'm out, good luck to all the rational posters hoping for insightful discussion. I hope you aren't bullied like I have been
I'm out, good luck to all the rational posters hoping for insightful discussion. I hope you aren't bullied like I have been
The final comment is exactly what I'm talking aboutSuggesting a clearly triggered poster seek help is underhanded? I'm genuinely concerned about the state of mind of someone who would attack posters with such vitriol on a topic that is obviously very upsetting to them. I'm posting from a place of kindness. I'm sorry if you think I'm being petty, I'm really not like that at all.
I'm out, good luck to all the rational posters hoping for insightful discussion. I hope you aren't bullied like I have been
come on, man.Posting on a forum is going to cut right to the chase with opinion, no fluffling up of opinions, no need to dance around the topic. You won't always get in depth nuanced discussion, because it isnt necessary or it isnt deserving lol. There is no bullying, its just a very direct and blunt response which seemingly goes against the grain.
I'm on another thread about the channel 4 programme currently running Sex experiment, while it's full of wannabes, I think somewhere it does pose the question would open marriages be a better option?
Don't want to derail the thread, for me personally it's a flat NO but it could work for others, like the 11 yrs guy, everyone gets what they want.
Being on this thread and reading others along with realising just how many people I actually know that have cheated (both male and female instigated) it's crazy, I don't know if humans are made to commit! honestly after I'd sat down and thought about it know over 10 couples that have cheated, 2 of them being within the family (not immediate)
Don't want to derail the thread, for me personally it's a flat NO but it could work for others, like the 11 yrs guy, everyone gets what they want.
Being on this thread and reading others along with realising just how many people I actually know that have cheated (both male and female instigated) it's crazy, I don't know if humans are made to commit! honestly after I'd sat down and thought about it know over 10 couples that have cheated, 2 of them being within the family (not immediate)
I have heard that in France open marriages (i.e. where both partners consent) are very common and accepted as normal in their culture. I don't know if this is true so be great if someone could clarify. I don't know any French people or the culture well.I'm on another thread about the channel 4 programme currently running Sex experiment, while it's full of wannabes, I think somewhere it does pose the question would open marriages be a better option?
Don't want to derail the thread, for me personally it's a flat NO but it could work for others, like the 11 yrs guy, everyone gets what they want.
Being on this thread and reading others along with realising just how many people I actually know that have cheated (both male and female instigated) it's crazy, I don't know if humans are made to commit! honestly after I'd sat down and thought about it know over 10 couples that have cheated, 2 of them being within the family (not immediate)
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spent a fair bit of time in france and they definitely have a very free approach to love and relationships (“free” being the best word i can think to describe it
) they’re naturally, in my experience, a very flirty and romantic people - one of the ladies i worked with had a husband and a (very cute) younger boyfriend. when i asked she said her husband had a girlfriend too because it was nice to go out on dates with someone. she definitely wasn’t in the minority in the office either! if everyone involved is consenting and happy then i don’t think there’s an issue really.
Not that she needs me to stick up for her, but Betty has been on tattle forever and contributes to other threads and not once have i, or anyone else been "concerned about the state of her mind"- she is articulate, funny, insightful and maybe a bit too honest.Suggesting a clearly triggered poster seek help is underhanded? I'm genuinely concerned about the state of mind of someone who would attack posters with such vitriol on a topic that is obviously very upsetting to them. I'm posting from a place of kindness. I'm sorry if you think I'm being petty, I'm really not like that at all.
I'm out, good luck to all the rational posters hoping for insightful discussion. I hope you aren't bullied like I have been
I dont think Betty has ever been "triggered" about anything in her life tbh haha. @BettyCrocker
oh gosh i’ve been watching that too
i think the most important thing, for me, is that everyone involved consents, is happy and is doing it for the right reasons. it’s worrying to me, on that show, how many couples were guys wanting to invite another woman into the relationship (i suppose thinking he gets the best of all worlds) and the partner going along with it to keep him happy.
in couples where both partners get to have another boyfriend or girlfriend, or it’s at least an equal playing field then i say go for it
like you say, you need to make sure that “everyone gets what they want” in whatever form that takes. i’m down for people living their lives however they want, as long as no one is getting hurt.
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A girl I went to school puts on her Facebook that she is polyamorous and she has a long term male partner ( whom she has a kid with) and a recent girlfriend. I wonder if he is going along with it for an easy life.oh gosh i’ve been watching that too
i think the most important thing, for me, is that everyone involved consents, is happy and is doing it for the right reasons. it’s worrying to me, on that show, how many couples were guys wanting to invite another woman into the relationship (i suppose thinking he gets the best of all worlds) and the partner going along with it to keep him happy.
in couples where both partners get to have another boyfriend or girlfriend, or it’s at least an equal playing field then i say go for it
Poly-am relationships could have their thread on here, this one could end up off topic .