Emmylou Loves #24 Yo yo mumma looking for a man, flashing her cans, about to start her Only Fans

[Gomi goner]

As others have said, that coat is wrinkled because you trash and disrespect everything you own, and didn't hang it properly Lazylou.
And I'll give you a million dollars, if you can actually button it up...
A pointless day-late posting about the CW event. Wonder how other invitees swooped into the event screeching, nose scrunched and arms (again!) flung out like an obese albatross trying to take flight?

 

[slap2fish2gether]

like an obese albatross trying to take flight

Amazing! This is a bang on description!

 

[Limpy Love]

hmmm..less dental floss, more body wash please! wash yourself and ya clothes..

she's foul, and the full winter outfit but with cream summer clacky mules...ewww

I notice she never wears cute boots...

I was just thinking about how a nice pair of ankle boots, or any length really, would look great with that outfit.

I guess the chunky size 10 trotters could fit into boots but there is no way she could zip them up.

AND again with the "Hi, I'm Emmylou from Emmylou Loves"
Is ELLs a suburb, a new planet, a dirty rental, a warehouse, a failed brand and TV show.
WTF

 

[PalmSizedSteak]

Thread recrap:

Ciao Peppay! Come ti chiami?

We tried to post a joke about foreskin earlier… but it got removed. Flaccid jokes aside, let’s pose on a zebra crossing then get in to todays recap!

We flew in to the Top Gun premier. EL took our breath away. That’s the price of fashun if your pants are too tight though. Should have sized up. We sped along the highway to the Cheezels zone and marvelled at the casting of a wrinkly old man. While we’re picturing ourselves as Charlie, let’s face it, Goose is probably where it’s at. Sing it with me Tattlers “We’ve lost A-Love ‘n’ feeling”. Sista, time to move on. He ain’t worth it.

There was some cosmic tit that f’d us up so much, we’re all Taurians now. The Love in our life is still hanging around. No more hospital trips. Maybe it’s the Astrological Taurus Offenders (ATO). Not sure what the go is, so the more cryptic bag baiting, the better. Cue the fake (sponsored) tears.

After all the bong comments, conveniently we’ve partnered with Murine eye drops. You can’t make this shyte up! Just to keep in on the down-low, we’re pitching for the next partnership to be with Melbourne Kebab Station. Gotta stay on brand. Hang on, can we stop a sec? I just wanna get some toast.

This winter we’ll be strolling the markets, looking like Zsa Zsa Gabor on the hunt for a Beverley Hills cop in our ZeeEm coats. We know you’re all asking what we’re having for dinner but let’s just swan past Braaad first and grab a borek.

We’re influenced on driving an hour round trip to have our handpicked ridickehead lettuce for dinner. Apparently no one sells lettuce at the market these days. Next, we’re planning on asking for all of the vowels to be hand picked from our alphabet soup. So so bewdiful.

Our social calendar has gone off. So much topless cooking to be done. Oil of Oxtail, fingered carrot cake, smouldering pork, a bastardised bake. Hot tip: let it rest unattended in the car for hours until we find someone home who’ll take it.

Mamma had a date night. We presume. An Uber was ordered but sadly there was no spring in her step by the morning. The blow wave and innuendos were for nothing. Maybe she needs to go watch Top Gun again to learn how to properly use a wingman on a date night. (Call me!)

Emmy-G in da house got gifted 5 Guy Sebastian tickets for his concert. The only thing sadder than her kids faces when she pointed out they were now a family of 4 was the timing of the concert. Literally the day prior he was in the news, complaining about fat older feral women. Honey, again, rethink men in general.

In summary, the fashion & hair are on brand. Too much to unpack for the recap. Good news is it’ll carry over to the next thread.

The Children are growing up well. In spite of everything, we’re proud of them.

Brilliant! So clever!

 

[Scaredweirdlittleguy]

Her screeching as she stomped in - she was acting like it was a surprise party just for her! She walked in to fresh juice! She had a personal invitation! She was so stunned at the set up!
Maybe that’s because an actual business paid a proper event planner to set up a proper event? Using their own money and without asking for freebies?

She’s so embarrassing. I’ve said before in this thread, it’s the horror I feel when I watch shows like the office but it’s worse because this is a real life person - a real life David Brent!

 

[lovethatformeh]

I was going to say her coat is probably all wrinkled because it's cheap and nasty ZM tit, bit it's CR, so better quality. Does she not look after her things?! Don't answer that, we know she doesn't. I don't have expensive coats but make sure that, even folded, they won't get crinkled and look like tit.

How dare she make fun of Jess the other week for "over-spending" on a coat when this is how she treats her $500 CR one?? What a mole. Was a bit odd that Jess would spend so much on a jacket that she admitted didn't really fit, yes, but I bet she looks after it and it'll look clean and pressed when she wears it out.

 

[1001 others]

...
girl needs a life overhaul.

let’s make a plan for her.
First, move out of that house, and find something modern and clean and bright to give you a lift.
Second, hair needs to be darker again, the light washes you out, and makes the back look even shitter. Go back to brown with nice rich caramel highlights
Third, cull that wardrobe get rid of every pair of clod hoppers and crop tops you own and start to dress with a bit of class. Act your age, not the size you think you are in your head (12)

• Sell your car and buy a secondhand one that's just as good but a lot cheaper ... cars are my thing and honestly, I get so cross with people spending big bucks they don't have, on what will become worthless bits of metal in time ... you just need something safe, reliable and that can fit all your kids and gear. If you have to finance it, then you can't afford it. Or - question whether you even need a car ... if you live central to everything and mainly walk everywhere, just use Ubers as the need arises?
• You seem to have a lot of disposable income ... invest it, don't spend it on yet more clothes that look the same!
• #Collaborate with a stylist ... spending big bucks at Oroton and Country Road does not guarantee that you will look great - it's about dressing for who YOU are (body shape and age appropriateness).
• #Collaborate with a life coach at the same time ... you need someone to hold you accountable for your actions because you have very little self-control.
• Get a part-time job ... as my bestie @SnarkyTart says, beauty therapy (which you're trained in) or hairdressing would be right up your alley! (I suggested real estate earlier but I'm going to backtrack on that as getting the qualification requires hard graft ... as does all the work afterwards - and it's never-ending).
• If you must continue with the Zoe Moss hobby, consider moving to a warehouse with combined living quarters ... in a previous thread, we discussed better Port Melbourne options and there were several really clean-looking apartments that were smaller in size and slightly more affordable than what you're allegedly paying at the moment. Smaller isn't an issue if you don't have the kids all the time.
• Re-home the dogs. The kids will no doubt miss them, but they will be far better off.

 

[longtimelurker987]

The people she talks to must get so distracted by her jaw swinging! The Bondi protein guy seemed really nice but her jaw was of it’s hinge big time! How could he look at her and take her seriously?

 

[SnarkyTart]

Seriously @1001 others ALL OF THIS You are so intelligent and compassionate. EL, employ our girl as your life coach - this is the advice you need

 

[lifeispeachy]

I can't believe the CR coat is a size 10.. wtf... she really is the queen of sizing down...

and that convo with the Bondi Protein guy should be kept private. Why did she post that? So unprofessional

 

[slap2fish2gether]

I can't believe the CR coat is a size 10.. wtf... she really is the queen of sizing down...

A real size queen...

 

[YellowFingerDustforDays]

Long time reader, never really poster but I had to come out of my COVID funk to say the level of absolute disrespect for Chemist Warehouse she has shown by turning up looking like she found her coat at the bottom of a Vinnies donation bin. Whoever CW employs to connect with ‘influencers’ needs to be bleeping sacked. Who in their right mind would buy something based on the recommendation of that train wreck? FGS!! Righto, back to bed for me. Thank you and good night.

 

[hotpussy]

"My editor could answer that a little better than me"...lol!!

 

[grifter]

• Sell your car and buy a secondhand one that's just as good but a lot cheaper ... cars are my thing and honestly, I get so cross with people spending big bucks they don't have, on what will become worthless bits of metal in time ... you just need something safe, reliable and that can fit all your kids and gear. If you have to finance it, then you can't afford it. Or - question whether you even need a car ... if you live central to everything and mainly walk everywhere, just use Ubers as the need arises?
• You seem to have a lot of disposable income ... invest it, don't spend it on yet more clothes that look the same!
• #Collaborate with a stylist ... spending big bucks at Oroton and Country Road does not guarantee that you will look great - it's about dressing for who YOU are (body shape and age appropriateness).
• #Collaborate with a life coach at the same time ... you need someone to hold you accountable for your actions because you have very little self-control.
• Get a part-time job ... as my bestie @SnarkyTart says, beauty therapy (which you're trained in) or hairdressing would be right up your alley! (I suggested real estate earlier but I'm going to backtrack on that as getting the qualification requires hard graft ... as does all the work afterwards - and it's never-ending).
• If you must continue with the Zoe Moss hobby, consider moving to a warehouse with combined living quarters ... in a previous thread, we discussed better Port Melbourne options and there were several really clean-looking apartments that were smaller in size and slightly more affordable than what you're allegedly paying at the moment. Smaller isn't an issue if you don't have the kids all the time.
• Re-home the dogs. The kids will no doubt miss them, but they will be far better off.

Whilst I agree with all of those points (and I hope Lazy Loo takes most, if not all, of it on board), I am confused about the car comment. I thought Lazy had a Mitsubishi, which to me is a very modest car and probably the only thing she hasn’t splashed tonnes of money at. Has she upgraded? I hardly visit her page, I find it embarrassing and sad, so may have missed that.

 

[Michy02]

I’m a day behind and I’ve missed so much! I accidently clicked on this unanswered thread and they really could be talking about our EmmyGlue Total nutter, snacking on Cheezels, career down the gutter!

 

[Mslane]

I can't believe the CR coat is a size 10.. wtf... she really is the queen of sizing down...

and that convo with the Bondi Protein guy should be kept private. Why did she post that? So unprofessional

Hey lazy lou, did you learn how to run a real business because clearly you have no clue. Obnoxious ,short attention span and all over the place is not how to run a business.

 

[Michy02]

If I had a $500 jacket I would be hanging it up with one of those protectors around it treating it so well. It’s obviously this slob has just thrown it off her shoulders onto the floor so it was half standing. At least get it pressed before the event! Ahhh

 

[screenfreelookatme]

How dare she make fun of Jess the other week for "over-spending" on a coat when this is how she treats her $500 CR one?? What a mole. Was a bit odd that Jess would spend so much on a jacket that she admitted didn't really fit, yes, but I bet she looks after it and it'll look clean and pressed when she wears it out.

I thought Jess’s issue was that she’s plus size (and admits it), and urgently needed something warm and there wasn’t anything available in her size at the shops. I don’t know where she was that $500 was the only option. Maybe it was proper outdoor gear? I also think when she says “doesn’t fit”, it probably fits her the same way that all of Emmylou’s clothes “fit”.

 

[itsspelleddivinenotdevine]

ridickehead lettuce

Perfect

I thought Jess’s issue was that she’s plus size (and admits it), and urgently needed something warm and there wasn’t anything available in her size at the shops. I don’t know where she was that $500 was the only option. Maybe it was proper outdoor gear? I also think when she says “doesn’t fit”, it probably fits her the same way that all of Emmylou’s clothes “fit”.

This story felt made up to me, how could a $500 unlined coat be the only option?!

 

[Alice from Gomi]

Imagine future generations trying to work out what the heck was an influencer.