Emmylou Loves #123 Sore loser, narcissistic, brick shaped runt. Suck a massive fart 🛳️

[Sure…Media!]

I know we’ve only been on the water for a day but I think it’s time for a postcard to Aaron!

Yo ALove!

I know it’s your weekend with The Children this month but thanks for taking them while I go on yet another international trip without them. I can’t afford any more excess baggage.

I met another Babe on the boat. He likes my Povo hat! Oh my goodness!! It’s a sign. I practiced all that dancing on the pier. I knew I should have packed my Russell Hobbs and Biggie Smalls cds. So excited for Wednesday night now.

It’s gunna make root night a little awkward since I’m sharing a bed with Bubs. That’s ok. She can go first. It’s taco night so I’d rather eat than get eaten. I’m so glad she came with me. If the boat sinks at least her chest will keep us afloat til the rescue ships comes and saves us.

People actually think I work on this ship! Can you believe it? I’ve never worked a day in my life. But it would look pretty cool on my resume.

The weather is so nice here. I remembered to put my bikini the right way this time. It’s not as comfortable but at least I don’t stick to the banana lounge anymore.

Anyway, I left some wraps in the freezer for The Children. The good plates are in the shed and the dogs need a groom. If a process server knocks, take a message.

x EmmyLou Loves

 

[Sure…Media!]

It’s been at least a week of quiet for those at SMM. Time for another postcard

Dear Braaad.

It’s Monday night on the cruise and it’s just like a Monday.

You’d love this boat. There are so many shops that sell things, just like at the markets! You can even pay by credit card. It’s all high end stuff. One of the EmmyLou Loves communidy members told me there is a Bull Gary store here. I haven’t seen it yet but I think it’s a store from Bulgaria.

I love how all the meals are included. Breakfast, brunch, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper and a midnight snack. But I’ve been good. I haven’t touched a carb all week.

S’Lyn took me down for our midnight snack and we were rammin’ trey lekkies cheese things in to our pockets for later. I think you need to put that on your menu at Canteen. They have a yummy shacootary boards and things on skewers. I can just walk away without paying. Take that APH!

We’ve had 5-6 meter swells but I noticed the more I journaled, the more the swelling went down. I haven’t been seasick once.

We just arrived in Aoterootarah. That’s what the locals call New Zealand. I met a Kiwi guy on the boat this week. He asked me if I wanted to see his deck but I said that’s ok because I have one too. He was so shocked, he just ran out of there. Strange. Maybe he thought I had an inside cabin.

Anyway, I’ve been having such a gorgeous time on this boat. Everywhere we go we’re really close to the water. Such a vibe. We tried the speed puzzle challenge and you know me… everything puzzles me!

See you in a few days. Save me a muffin.

EmmyLou xx

 

[#Super Cute]

Also, she doesn’t even have half a brain (sorry, couldn’t resist)
---

Please can this be in the next thread title

Thread title #124
“Bub’s tits are the GOAT meanwhile Emmys just a fat bogan on a boat”

 

[Sure…Media!]

Mumma Phuong hasn’t got a postcard yet, but in the theme of @YankeeRoo I think this one is better delivered by Bubs.

Hey Mum,

Lou and I are just about done on this trip. I might be a community support worker but sure as hell, no one is paying me to look after this womble. She cheaped out for my birthday. First she makes me a highlight reel from our insta interactions and then she gifts me a cruise she won and I had to share a bed with her nocturnal flatulence. If she asks you to contribute to my present, that’s just to cover her tax bill.

We did a stretch class on day 1. First we started with the .5 lens, then we spent half an hour on her legs with photoshop. We finished up with a smoothing filter and before we knew it, she’d lost 20kgs.

We ate lots of nice stuff. Knocki, agnahlotty, tray lecky, ciao peppay, and lots of lollies. I only spewed twice. Once from the cocktails, the other from trying to get my money’s worth. Sleeping in the toilet was a better idea than next to her.

Lou constantly shoved a camera in my face. Or my crotch if she was sitting down. The only upside was the all the compliments the Tattle Fezzas gave me on my waxing. They said it was a nice change to be looking at a different cunt.

Last night was fun. The theme was red. Lou bobbed around the dance floor like a bright red cork. Oh god! Remind me to clean up the mess I left in her bathroom when we get home.

Anyway, we’re just about to finish tonight’s dinner so we can get an early start on tomorrow’s dinner.

Luv Ya

x Bubs

 

[Sure…Media!]

Sounds like our dynamic duo are having the time of their lives. Let’s send a postcard home to the kids


Dear The Children

I love nothing more than building core memories on holidays. Hopefully one day we will do it together. I’ll fill you in with my mouth stories when I get back. For now, Mumma’s just gonna fill her mouth.

This boat is so cool. It’s like The Galleria on the ocean! It’s got rooms with floors and there’s running water and we even found a basketball court and trampoline out the front. All the creature comforts from home. So so beautiful.

We’re getting dizzy from the waves. I haven’t spewed yet but by day 7 it could be shooting outta both ends. Poor Ar’ny Bubs fell asleep in the dunny again. Just like last Christmas. She might be the pretty sister but at least I’m the smart funny one.

My goodness there is so much food here. Everything has biohazard stickers on it. I knew eating salads were bad for me. Oh that reminds me!

I hope ALove is looking after you. If not, ask Uncle Cow to grab a schnitchel wrap out of the freezer and leave it on the back shelf of the car until school pick up, then whack it in the toaster for a bit. There is also some boiled eggs sitting on the bench from Monday.

We’ve made so many new friends. We don’t know any of their names yet but everyone is so nice. We’re going for drinks tonight with a married couple from Sydney and they gave us the cutest ‘do not disturb’ sign for our room. It’s shaped like a pineapple. Super cute.

Anyway, go ask dad to send me a picture so I know you’re missing me. Just make sure he uses the .05 setting and a filter this time. Remember, less is more! Unless it’s the all you can eat ice cream buffet.

I’ll bring you home some of the toiletries from the boat. Hope you’re not missing me too much. If you are, I’ll be on telly again soon.

Love

Emmylou Love xx

 

[screenfreelookatme]

I don’t want to hear anyone else complaining that she hasn’t explained the features of the Boat. It’s got floors and plants and electricity. It’s fricken amazing.

 

[ATOLOU$]

Well thanks to a very special Tattler I am here! I was stuck in the vortex of only being allowed to read Tattle because I deleted my account and didn’t get back in before Tattle locked its doors. Note to self: don’t delete account.

I have been dying to join in on the snarking conversation, but alas I’ve had to snark to myself. I feel like I’m already part of the crew again! Ahoy.

I’m mostly sad I missed all the ATO debt stuff, so my name reflects what a wonderful time our lives that was (Though, I can’t take credit for the name! I’m not that creative).

 

[Emmyscrustycamilla]

Sorry to all the seasoned cruisers on here - I’m sure you’re all lovely… but there’s a certain calibre of human that go on these cruise trips (virgin, P&O etc) they are generally named Leanne, divorced, have a full shopping trolley at Aldi, overweight, have 3-5 kids, one named after a flower of some sort or a New York suburb, and wear capri pants with easy step slides.. Our Slug will fit right in.
I genuinely couldn’t think of anything worse than being stuck on a ship in the middle of nowhere with no way off until docking.
Yuck.

 

[ketchup menace]

I desperately want to message my MIL a photo of these two and say "if you see the tall one filming the shorter one, please say how nice it is for a daughter to be taking photos of her mother !"

But I won't. Because my MIL is a delight and would NEVER.

Fuck I wish she would though.

 

[deploytheturtles]

Fucking hell. The idea of a cruise is already my worst nightmare (being stuck in the middle of the ocean on a floating gastro resort) but if I was stuck in the middle of the ocean with that fucking giggle I would jump off the side.

 

[#Super Cute]

I haven’t been watching her stories but tuned in today bc I was a bit constipated so needed some assistance. It worked. Special shout-out to my IBS support group for the suggestion.

What in Kath Knight-Day is this fuckknuckle wearing. God she’s an embarrassment to Australia.

 

[Whiskers1]

Every time she says "boat" a cruise fairy dies.

 

[Emmy Eww]

Hubby just picked me up from work and looksy what do we have here🧈.

 

[Broken Veneers]

Looks like the Tasman Sea will be getting a little rough for Lou's 2 days of sailing on her way to Picton. Temperatures of 11 or 12C. Waves reaching up to 5.5M - 16 foot.
Hope Lou bought some Kwells with the credit left on her Chemist Warehouse gift card

 

[nothappymegs]

Free food quick!
View attachment 2800678

The irony of posing in front of a sign gang says diner & dash when she dined and dashed on the Albert park hotel. And doesn’t pay her taxes or much of anything it seems.

 

[ChunkyCustard]

OMG GUUUUUYS she's having a cheeseburger at like 11 o'clock at night! So crazy!

Stay tuned and she might do something coco bananas like wear a napkin as a hat *scrunchfacegigglelol*

 

[ActiveLies]

I find it sort of weird Aaron didn’t stay at the hovel to keep kids near school and look after their pets, but good on him for setting boundaries too.
I just hope Anthony didn’t eat the dogs.

If the father of my children and I were separated and my house provided adequate accommodation for our kids, there’s no way in hell I’d go house sit at his house while he was on a free holiday. I’d still have to maintain my own house, but the bins out, collect the mail etc. Absolutely no reason to be doing that at two houses. Particularly if one of the houses is a revolting bio hazard where he spent years being financially abused and emotionally manipulated.

 

[#Super Cute]

I’ll enter the cruise chat! I did a cruise from Venice to Rome through the Greek islands, stopping every day to go aboard and loved it!

Loved the fact that we got taken ashore, entertained ourselves for the day and night and then could come back to the comfort of our room and shower (and food of course!) No thinking required.

I’m in the 40+ age bracket and an empty nester though so not having to think about organising EVERYTHING and EVERYONE on holidays was bliss!!

The most we were at sea non stop was 2 days but we entertained ourselves with organised bar hops, happy hours, trivia nights, casino, info sessions on the next port etc. Met some great people from across the world.

Not once did I do a puzzle…

 

[BeachBaby]

I can understand that. I too was tempted to buy it.



Oh I like that too.

My TikTok fyp is full of people riding their horses through the English countryside.

Sorry to sidetrack but my husband loved Horses because it was always the last song and then we could go home. I was even tempted to play it at his funeral.

 

[Bubs Flaps]

Emmy - “It’s Saturday night on the cruise ship, so you can imagine it’s like a Saturday night.”

Faaark me…….