She’s been baiting an engagement for months on end.
The wedding dress of dreams will be made of polyester or furniture style boucle (fake tan smears obv) and have cut outs and be so affordable but she’ll jump transition into something even more flammable part way through, slinky and clearly making her uncomfortable at the top, and aff link it for all the many people asking. She will wear the weird grey shoe boots. her hair will be dry, greasy and same as always, hair sprayed down to her forehead, and her makeup will be orange and heavy (she’ll have a quick peloton ride before in it because it’ll be so good post sweat!)
Matt’s invite will come in a pr box and he will look miserable, only to be made better if it can be held somewhere he can play golf, the dusty alcohol bottles from previous ad pr will come out and a table or three will be covered in charcuterie, hopefully high enough that her dog doesn’t get to it first. She’ll only invite people that help her brand- family to milk wholesome content from, influencers with far bigger or at least way more engaged audiences (the bar is so low) and pr gifters. Everyone will be twirling with their arms up. She’ll send a gift registry to the pr companies and will pay for absolutely nothing.
She’s fast fashion all over, as sad as it is about missguided I’ll be glad when this kind of influencer has fucked off for good.
