Driving - Anxiety

[Codiaeum]

How was your morning drive?! Been thinking of you and hope you're ok

It's only this afternoon, but thank you sooo much for asking and thinking of me!
I was prepared to have a sleepless night, but it was actually fine so far. I took a good long view on the drive at Google Maps to know exactly where I should be going. It's luckily only the very fist stretch of the way that isn't familiar to me, about 80% I know well. I found out that Google Maps as this "Steps" view where it shows you the map and also explains for each major change where you need to turn. I went through that a couple of times.

My boyfriend thinks I have a problem with control he's probably right, but I'm just afraid of being in an accident....

 

[J3N1800]

It's only this afternoon, but thank you sooo much for asking and thinking of me!
I was prepared to have a sleepless night, but it was actually fine so far. I took a good long view on the drive at Google Maps to know exactly where I should be going. It's luckily only the very fist stretch of the way that isn't familiar to me, about 80% I know well. I found out that Google Maps as this "Steps" view where it shows you the map and also explains for each major change where you need to turn. I went through that a couple of times.

My boyfriend thinks I have a problem with control he's probably right, but I'm just afraid of being in an accident....

I think this thread is great for showing a lot of us have similar concerns and coping strategies, if it makes you feel more comfortable that's what matters!

 

[Delia Smith]

Those huge roundabouts with a million lanes and exits.... ugh. I don't think I will ever master those.

 

[pinkmug]

I'm almost 35 and I still don't have a license. I grew up in the middle of a city, I didn't need to drive anywhere as public transport was very much readily available and we didn't have a car, so I never had the interest or the need to get my driver's license as soon as I was 18. However as I postponed, my anxiety about driving got worse and I don't know if I'll be able to learn or pass the exam. My attention span is a mess, people drive like lunatics around here and since I still live in the city, nothing is pushing me to learn. I feel embarrassed whenever this comes up as people tend to be shocked as if I just told them I have a hostage living in my basement, but the fear still holds me back.

 

[J3N1800]

I'm almost 35 and I still don't have a license. I grew up in the middle of a city, I didn't need to drive anywhere as public transport was very much readily available and we didn't have a car, so I never had the interest or the need to get my driver's license as soon as I was 18. However as I postponed, my anxiety about driving got worse and I don't know if I'll be able to learn or pass the exam. My attention span is a mess, people drive like lunatics around here and since I still live in the city, nothing is pushing me to learn. I feel embarrassed whenever this comes up as people tend to be shocked as if I just told them I have a hostage living in my basement, but the fear still holds me back.

One of my best friends is in a similar position - mid 30's and never needed to drive. Attempted lessons, but her anxieties around driving made her less consistent - long periods of time would pass before plucking up the courage to try again.
She was single last year and embarrassed telling people on dates she didn't drive because she'd feel judged, or it deterred them from pursuing a relationship with her - I tried to encourage her to benefit her self-esteem but she recently met a boyfriend who drives and I think it no longer bothers her!

 

[Codiaeum]

I'm almost 35 and I still don't have a license. I grew up in the middle of a city, I didn't need to drive anywhere as public transport was very much readily available and we didn't have a car, so I never had the interest or the need to get my driver's license as soon as I was 18. However as I postponed, my anxiety about driving got worse and I don't know if I'll be able to learn or pass the exam. My attention span is a mess, people drive like lunatics around here and since I still live in the city, nothing is pushing me to learn. I feel embarrassed whenever this comes up as people tend to be shocked as if I just told them I have a hostage living in my basement, but the fear still holds me back.

I actually think it becomes more common to not have a license, several of my colleagues are the same age and have shared very similar stories. I think if you want to learn you have to do it for yourself. I was suggested for years to just drive again or to book some lessons but I simply couldn't stomach it. It took me years to be fed up enough to call the driving school. And it sounds like you don't need to drive and don't have a lot of chance to do so, so you might paying but then not actually using it.
If you really want to for yourself, I'd say go for it, if it's so other people are less judgy, don't.

 

[jawidjanqndn]

Those huge roundabouts with a million lanes and exits.... ugh. I don't think I will ever master those.

I’d honestly rather keep taking the first exit and going round the roundabout 7 times before I try and figure out what lane to be in

 

[Codiaeum]

I’m baaaaack! And I nailed it, it was no problem at all,even though it wasn’t only the first chunk of the way that was unfamiliar, it was also a different car model. Normally I get a Fiesta, but this was a Corsa, so similar, but the gears were different. It’s a stupid thing to be happy about, but I was quite proud of myself, hahah

 

[JodieGreen123]

I like driving, particularly motorway driving but I bleeping despise parking. Like the OP it’s all about the familiar, I’m fine on my drive, at work, at places I go regularly etc but I get terrible anxiety if I have to go somewhere new. I look the car parks up on Google Maps and then I really stress myself out if they look hard or small as I get terrified I won’t find a spot!

 

[Magnolia4]

I’m baaaaack! And I nailed it, it was no problem at all,even though it wasn’t only the first chunk of the way that was unfamiliar, it was also a different car model. Normally I get a Fiesta, but this was a Corsa, so similar, but the gears were different. It’s a stupid thing to be happy about, but I was quite proud of myself, hahah

Haven’t commented on this thread so far but as a fellow anxious driver just wanted to say Well done!! it’s such a great feeling when we manage. I always go through this cycle of

Don’t need to drive anywhere so haven’t drove for weeks > an appointment pops up > anxiety builds up > stress on max level the morning of the appointment > drive (and it goes well) > think to myself “well that wasn’t so bad, must do it more often” > back to start

I guess the only way I’ll ever get better is to just have a reason to drive every day




…
except on Motorways. That’ll never happen

 

[Thank(space)you]

I absolutely hate driving, it's been 18 months. 3rd exits make me panic about when it is okay to go. I worry I'm too slow pulling away at traffic lights. I hate going anywhere new, I hate parking, hate country lanes, hate going anywhere new. The only thing I like is motorway driving

 

[Lalla]

I like driving, particularly motorway driving but I bleeping despise parking. Like the OP it’s all about the familiar, I’m fine on my drive, at work, at places I go regularly etc but I get terrible anxiety if I have to go somewhere new. I look the car parks up on Google Maps and then I really stress myself out if they look hard or small as I get terrified I won’t find a spot!

I'm the same. If I'm driving somewhere new I look up the parking situation beforehand, anywhere that is just on street parking I instantly veto! I used to drive to work and parallel park most days pre COVID, but since working from home my parking skills have really gone to tit!

On the plus side, I am fine with motorways now...I couldn't drive on them at all for 3 years after my test, even with people on the car with me I got really panicky and stressed. Then something happened with my Ex (then my partner) and I needed to drive 200 miles to his house via the M25, M1 etc. Did the round trip in a day, was absolutely shattered but having to do that got me over my initial nervousness. A couple of years after that when it was lockdown I'd drive up to see him and there were so few cars on the road it was a joy. That's when I really started to love motorway driving, even when inevitably the roads got busier.

 

[Thank(space)you]

My friend is looking after my daughter tomorrow and her road is horrendous to park on, never any spaces, all tight parallel parking spots. My road you parallel park but everyone leaves loads of space for you. Hers on the other hand... she doesn't have any visitor permits either so I'm panicking I'm gonna get a ticket

 

[Northern northener]

I'm a bit the same OP. I'm very confident on familiar territory but anywhere outside my town I'm a nervous wreck. I once tried to visit my sister in Leeds and got stuck going around and around the one way system. I started to panic that I would run out of petrol before I got out. Ended up in a car park and cried. Somehow I managed to get out of there but ended up with a £60 fine for going down a bus lane . The way I deal with it is to get the train but I suppose that's not much help .

 

[elloelloello]

I can’t. I only passed for my kids, if I didn’t have them I would never of done it. My intrusive thoughts make me think everytime I drive. I just can’t focus I am always overthinking!!

I had my dads old car after I passed to bash up
For a year then my partner bought us a big nice new 4x4 🫠

I’ve managed to pillar it already, misjudged the parking space and totally fucked one of the doors-£4 k to fix, he’s so pissed at me and I feel terrible about it. We haven’t fixed it cause,duck that.

I haven’t dared go on the motorway since I passed two years ago (I’m 30) It’s terrible really

 

[Rosie878]

The solution for me was get a faster more aggressive looking car. I used to have a little car and it had very poor acceleration to the point pulling away from roundabouts or junctions scared me no end. Rush hour would be frightening. I'd put my foot down to pull out and there was this seemingly endless lag where nothing happened! Every day I'd arrive at my destination soaked in perspiration. Driving was like going to war.
I know the people are going to go nuts about climate stuffs and chelsea tractors but the range rover sport is the best car on the road. It's rapid, pulls away like a train and looks so striking, many just get out of the way when they see the grills and daytime running lights in their rear view mirror. If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

See I drive a small car and the thought of driving (and trying to park!) anything bigger scares me so much! Maybe car parks just have really small spaces round here…

I used to drive on motorways sometimes, then my partner passed his test and took over doing it. Understandably as it was never a relaxed experience! I haven’t driven on a motorway for over 10 years now and totally lost my confidence. The thought of merging on with lots of other cars fills me with fear. I’d like to do it so I can take the kids more exciting places, meet friends and there’s a lady who does really good and reasonably priced filler and Botox about 30 miles away and I’d love to be able to go on my own

 

[J3N1800]

I’m baaaaack! And I nailed it, it was no problem at all,even though it wasn’t only the first chunk of the way that was unfamiliar, it was also a different car model. Normally I get a Fiesta, but this was a Corsa, so similar, but the gears were different. It’s a stupid thing to be happy about, but I was quite proud of myself, hahah

So good to hear, WELL DONE!

 

[37BBL]

Guys, I am SO glad I started this thread!! Its so comforting to read there are so many other people who feel the same as I do!
I think another thing for me is that I don't really like driving fast, up to about 50 I am okay but anything over that and I am counting down until I can go a bit slower. I somehow feel I'm not in full control and I'm going to end up veering off the road. Drove somewhere the other day and was doing 40 in a 40 zone, some bellend behind me starts beeping and then overtakes me.
Can also second the talking to yourself thing if you're feeling anxious and on your own. I've had to do a few solo drives for work to places I didn't know, I recited my birth story pretended I was telling someone all about it. It definitely helped and made the journey slightly easier.

 

[Lalla]

I can relate to the driving fast thing - partly that can be to do with the size of car as well. My first car was tiny, Fiat 500 size and doing 40 felt scary enough. At 50 or above the whole thing started to rattle

My current car is a Meriva which is bigger though not massive - sort of Focus sized - and because it's old and a diesel (which I have to sell soon, thanks Sadiq Khan and the ULEZ!) it actually runs better on motorways/ at faster speeds. The first time I drove on the motorway 65-70 seemed so fast. But over time I got used to it, and found myself comfortable at 75 - or on the M40 where there are no speed cameras up to 85 (or more ) on occasions*.

* Disclaimer - this should in no way be taken as encouragement to break the speed limit!

 

[Codiaeum]

The aspect about the aggressive car is interesting!

We (or rather, my BF) has a bigger, aggressive car. I don't like driving it myself, it's too big and I'm genuinely scared of the acceleration. Otoh, I used to drive a Fiat Punto and we used to have a Fiesta before the current car and people really do the most stupid things because you drive a cute, small car and not a baddy aggressive one. BF says that quite often he was overtaken by a hair's width on the autobahn in the Fiesta, but with the BMW, they don't dare. So stupid!

I said I'd actually like to have a "driving shopping bag", like a VW Up. Cute, small enough to fit everywhere, I could use it for grocery shopping or just short errands. But we don't need two cars, we hardly need the one we have. My driving would benefit though.