Driving - Anxiety

[37BBL]

This is quite embarrassing but I'm hoping someone can resonate....I've had my driving licence since I was 18, I'm now 34. I can drive pretty much anywhere within about 15 miles of our town and I'm fine.

Ask me to go anywhere else and I am a panicking mess. I've never driven on the motorway and don't think I ever will. Me and my husband have just had a bicker because our son has a football game coming up which I need to take him to and I'm fretting about the drive. Its about 30 miles, lots of merging into bypasses and slip roads and just generally looks like a nightmare in my head. I've just spent 30 minutes examining the route on Google maps looking at different options and worrying. I wish I could just stick it on the sat nav and go like all the other parents will, but I always end up panicking.
I have a fear that I'll cut someone up or take a wrong turn and end up on the motorway.
Stupid I know, but please tell me someone else feels like this too!!!

 

[klarakluckbag]

Oh god, I do feel your pain. I learned to drive 12 years ago and I've driven almost every day since then, including into central London every day for work, but I still panic at the thought of driving for 30 mins on the local A road, to go and see my sister.
I do the Google maps thing too, I even write down instructions for myself in case I get lost!
It's silly really, I'm an experienced and (mostly) safe driver, so I don't know why I panic about going on an unfamiliar journey, it's not like I'm going on a bloody safari, it's the wilds of Kent, it's actually quite hard to get lost, even on the confusing roundabouts and slip roads.

I think that sometimes, you just have to push yourself to go out and do it. You've been driving for almost half of your life. Statistics show that women are better drivers, we don't take silly risks and we don't tend to show off, especially with our kids in the car. You're going to plan your route carefully, but even if you take the wrong turn-off, it's not a big deal, you can always go another way. It's not likely that you'll cut someone up, but if you do, so what? You'll get a beep, and possibly a rude gesture/swear word or two...welcome to my world (everyone drives like a dick in London...including me!)

You can do this, you know that you can. It's a confidence thing, you just need to give yourself a kick up the backside!

 

[Dragon100]

Calm down you can do this, I didn't drive for many years, but during COVID I really wanted to redeploy and help with testing. I had to purchase a car to do this and managed to test drive a car as a keyworker before car dealerships were able to open to the public. Hubby came with me and hated every minute as he hadn't been driven by me in 10 years, it was horrific! I purchased the car and it was contactlessly delivered the evening before I went for training, so had no real time to get used to driving!! The next day I had a 25 mile trip both ways to work, learn new skills on a site that for some reason was reverse parking only!! It was one of the worst trips of my life! But I got back into driving, I enjoyed the challenge of the role and was proud of myself for getting back to driving, I now work 2 - 3 days a week travelling to different locations. I am so happy I got back into driving - I had been meaning to get a few refresher sessions for a few years before COVID but never found time!!

You will be fine, choose the best route and stick with it. You will get there and back with no real issues, feel proud of yourself for going outside your comfort zone! Treat yourself for your efforts ( I am thinking wine, chocolate, cake ect - whatever you feel is a treat).

You are strong,you can do this!

 

[Winniethewitch]

This is quite embarrassing but I'm hoping someone can resonate....I've had my driving licence since I was 18, I'm now 34. I can drive pretty much anywhere within about 15 miles of our town and I'm fine.

Ask me to go anywhere else and I am a panicking mess. I've never driven on the motorway and don't think I ever will. Me and my husband have just had a bicker because our son has a football game coming up which I need to take him to and I'm fretting about the drive. Its about 30 miles, lots of merging into bypasses and slip roads and just generally looks like a nightmare in my head. I've just spent 30 minutes examining the route on Google maps looking at different options and worrying. I wish I could just stick it on the sat nav and go like all the other parents will, but I always end up panicking.
I have a fear that I'll cut someone up or take a wrong turn and end up on the motorway.
Stupid I know, but please tell me someone else feels like this too!!!

I know exactly how you are feeling, there’s a feeling of safety and familiarity not travelling too far from home.
I avoid motorways just because I struggle to merge onto the motorway. I’m also very fearful of something bad happening to someone else in the car and it being out of my control, my issues stem from a few bad car accidents in my childhood and one couple of years ago. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. Would you consider an advanced driving course, it’s something I’d like to do in the future.

 

[37BBL]

Thanks so much guys. Nice to know I'm not the only one who has these issues!!
I dont know if I will do the drive or not, I worry I will get too panicky but I don't want my son to miss out. I'll keep considering it and hopefully I am brave enough to do it!!

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I hate driving. My friend always wants to drive everywhere whereas I’ll get public transport. She always asks me to share the drive if going far but I refuse and say we can get the train then instead but she’ll then just do the drive on her own.
I’m ok driving within 30 mins of my house to places I know but get stressed if it’s anywhere I don’t know. I do think motorways are the easiest to drive on, I hate roundabouts the most.
I have definitely gotten better the last few years driving to more places but I still hate it. Also put my sat nav on as I’m bad with directions even if I’ve been a place before and it helps as it’s less to worry about at least I know for sure where I’m going.

 

[Kim Mild]

I can drive where I'm familiar, but I hate going anywhere new. I also hate driving with an audience, so I can only really tolerate small children as passengers.
I think I've got worse over the years.

The thought of having to drive my kids to unfamiliar cities for uni is scary.

 

[Nonocat]

I was v similar before lockdown and decided to take motorway lessons to improve my confidence. If you haven’t done them I’d really recommend - next weekend I’m driving from the peak district to London & it won’t bother me, whereas three years ago I wouldn’t have even considered it as an option.

 

[Ensay]

At times like this, it's important to remember that you know how to drive a car and that's the hardest part. You've got all those skills and you can apply them to unfamiliar roads, you just think you can't.

Maybe going on a trial run when the roads are quieter might help. Not necessarily going the whole route, but at least some of the way. That takes some of the unknown 'fear factor' out of it. When you drive it fine (and you will) you'll start to increase in confidence and will realise you do have those skills.

A lot of people are nervous of motorways, but they're among the safest roads. If you think about it, you only really have to think about lane changes. Otherwise you just point the car forward and can largely use cruise control, apart from in heavy traffic and then it's just like any other road where you crawl along until you're past the blockage.

I'm not trying to make it sound easy, though. I know it can be hard, but it's really about having a go. If you don't try, then you may never do it, whereas if you make yourself do it you'll give yourself that confidence boost you need.

My mum has got like this. Over time she's gradually dropped more and more drives from her "I can do this" list. Examples are: driving at night, driving in unfamiliar areas, dual carriageways, etc. So now she's at the point where she will only drive in the day around her local town. A few times I've encouraged her to have a go at driving somewhere new (with me in the passenger seat to help if needs be). When she's built up the courage to do it she's always been fine. I'm trying my best to take more and more things off the "I can't do this" list - one at a time. We'll get there!

 

[37BBL]

I did the drive today! It wasn't enjoyable, lots of slip roads and merging onto 3lane carriageways, but I managed it!
My legs were shaking on the first few mergings, but I did it and my boy got to his footy match early
Not sure I'll be driving into the city again any time soon, but I'm proud of myself for doing it!

 

[Happy Lady]

I know just what you mean. I've been driving for 37 years. Into Leeds City Centre (which is a nightmare of one-way systems), down to Southampton and all over the country no problem. Since retiring I hardly drive, and now feel just like you. I'm losing my confidence so prefer only to drive to places I know now. It's unsettling, but I think there's so much more traffic on the roads these days, and it's not as enjoyable.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Someone told me they knew someone who just followed the bus when driving as it would drive to town and then back past their house. But one day they followed the bus and it went to the depot and they got stuck there as they wouldn’t drive without following the bus

 

[Glaschelle]

I've only been driving 5yrs and generally I do not too badly. I drive regularly on motorways - by contrast my friend has been driving for years but has never driven on a motorway.

But!!! I get lost really easily and then I get stressed out. I once got lost in trying to get from one end of Braehead shopping centre to the other end. Ended up going through the Clyde tunnel and finished in Anniesland. All during this I was arguing with my mum who was tutting and moaning about me. I said - I'd like some support and she said - who from!!!

Anyway, once we got to Anniesland I told my mum to get out cos we were selling car cos I could do the direction stuff. She nearly had a heart attack!!! She's loves being lifted and laid in the car. So she started back tracking, get back in the car, it'll be okay!!!

I still get lost and avoid roundabouts like the plague. Driving is stressful. Particularly with all the gits who drive like maniacs.

 

[Dinky]

I could have written this post. I started driving at 17 and I'm 35 now and have these feelings every day. It mainly started when I became a parent. Before then I'd give anything a go, now I have kids to worry about I check and fret every detail. I've seen myself missing out on things due to worrying about the car parking situation!! I need to get a grip before my children start missing out

 

[Black.bird]

This is quite embarrassing but I'm hoping someone can resonate....I've had my driving licence since I was 18, I'm now 34. I can drive pretty much anywhere within about 15 miles of our town and I'm fine.

Ask me to go anywhere else and I am a panicking mess. I've never driven on the motorway and don't think I ever will. Me and my husband have just had a bicker because our son has a football game coming up which I need to take him to and I'm fretting about the drive. Its about 30 miles, lots of merging into bypasses and slip roads and just generally looks like a nightmare in my head. I've just spent 30 minutes examining the route on Google maps looking at different options and worrying. I wish I could just stick it on the sat nav and go like all the other parents will, but I always end up panicking.
I have a fear that I'll cut someone up or take a wrong turn and end up on the motorway.
Stupid I know, but please tell me someone else feels like this too!!!

Don't be embarrassed. More people than you probably realise will feel exactly the same way.

I had a really awful experience when I was learning to drive that scarred me for several years, but I eventually found going out at night - at a time when there'd be very little traffic around - helped immensely. If you ever start to panic, pull over, stop and regain your composure before getting back out there. If you have an annoying - impatient; just bugging you in general - driver behind you, pull over and let them pass.

If you are able to, practice the route beforehand. If you aren't able to do that, practice online - drive it via Google maps.

I don't use my vehicle navigation system; instead, I make myself notes from Google maps in very large handwriting on post-it notes which I stick to my dashboard (as I achieve each part of my journey I peel the top page off to reveal the next page for instructions).

 

[JustABunchOfHocusPocus]

I could have written this post. I started driving at 17 and I'm 35 now and have these feelings every day. It mainly started when I became a parent. Before then I'd give anything a go, now I have kids to worry about I check and fret every detail. I've seen myself missing out on things due to worrying about the car parking situation!! I need to get a grip before my children start missing out

This could also be me! I have always been an anxious driver (I’m not a bad driver, I just don’t particularly enjoy driving) and I only ever travel to local places I know and avoid motorways altogether.
Mine also got much worse when I had my children.. I have only ever driven on the motorway with them in the car once and my husband was with me. I have considered extra lessons for motorways but as of yet haven’t booked anything

 

[Former_Antelopee]

The worst for me is parking especially when I have to park on a road

 

[jawidjanqndn]

ahh honestly I’m so glad others can relate to this. I just can’t stand driving

 

[Lahne]

I’m even worse than you. I drive a few short, familiar routes with no problems but ask me to drive anywhere I haven’t driven before and I just can’t do it even if it’s only 10 minutes. I panic if there is a diversion because I don’t know how to drive on that particular road. I (no word of a lie) avoid any route where I have to turn right at traffic lights because I always think I’m going to duck it up. So many other things I avoid on the road too. Motorways…there is no way in hell I will go near one, I can’t even do a dual carriageway without a full on melltdown. I absolutely loathe driving.
---
To add to my list of failings: parallel parking is a thing that I simply cannot do as is backing into a parking space. Nope. Just can’t and it doesn’t matter how many times I try. That said, I am excellent at squeezing into tiny parking bays going in forwards.

 

[jawidjanqndn]

I have found what really helps me is using the ‘steps’ feature on google maps - it shows you every single step of the journey through street view. Really helps me with the anxiety of not knowing what Lane to be in or what exit to take on a roundabout. I know it’s quite extreme if you are doing a 2 hour journey for example but definitely helps ease that anxiety (a little bit).