working in a male dominated industry is draining, any team that lacks diversity is draining. It goes beyond the mansplaining - men in groups are almost unbearable. Generally women that have had the misfortune of paving the way for others (in the process having had to work in almost isolation with a load of miserable toady men) are hardened and unapproachable.
Absolutely agree there. I come across as a witch at work, but they have made me that way. I used to be nice, but niceness can come across as weakness.Generally women that have had the misfortune of paving the way for others (in the process having had to work in almost isolation with a load of miserable toady men) are hardened and unapproachable.
From experience, most women in male dominated industries loathe their colleagues. Don’t lose yourself - give em hell
sorry - I realise that’s a bit preachy. It’s just there’s no bloody winning with them. I absolutely get where you are coming from and it pisses me off so much that men will continue to dominate many industries for a long time because they make it so bloody unbearable for the majority of women to stay.Just know that it’s definitely them and not you x
Don't apologise, you are not a bit preachy, just stating facts. It's nice to know that I'm not a menopausal psycho xx
Thank you. I just want out now but obviously need a new job offer. As I'm under 2 years service I don't have many rights which is kind of terrifying!
however, I have to say it's been so good to be able to talk about it.Oh mate, I know exactly how you feel. This is exactly the type of tit my awful manager did in the job I stayed in for 3.5 years.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It does sound similar to mine.Oh mate, I know exactly how you feel. This is exactly the type of tit my awful manager did in the job I stayed in for 3.5 years.
The gaslighting was something else, and it'd been going on for such a long time before I could identify what was going on - I just thought I'd suddenly become terrible at every. single. little. thing.
Eventually and after a particularly identifiable and undeniable example of her being unreasonable, I found the page on the organisation's intranet about harassment & bullying, how that's defined in the workplace, and who to speak to. It was actually Occupational Health, I think, and the information was that in before reporting issues with harassment/bullying to OH, all you had to do was speak to your line manager and they would contact OH on your behalf. This piece of tit manager WAS my line manager!! It was a very lonely and isolating feeling knowing that the only part of the organisation that might have helped was inaccessible to me, with this witch standing in the way. I tried my luck and emailed the OH team to ask what route was in place for reporting harassment & bullying when the person in question was the line manager I'd need to support my report. The response was basically "thanks for your email, to report instances of harassment/ bullying, you'll need to speak to your line manager who will approach us for help on your behalf".
That's when I really knew I was done there.
Standard advice with these things was to track issues and keep records of instances of problematic behaviour, which you can try. What it won't capture is the constant ad insidious picking away at your sanity/ self esteem.
In addition to keeping notes about this stuff I started to pre-empt the sorts of things she's take issue with and get proof of what I'd done/ when I'd done it/ who I'd spoken to, etc etc and it was extremely validating to find that she hated that - it absolutely got her goat that she would question something I'd done and I'd immediately be able to produce something like a screenshot/ receipt/ whatever to counter her. She knew I was onto her and she hated it. Recommended.
I also raised the issues with colleagues and supportive managers who were fantastic and did whatever they could to get me out of there. They started noticing it then, which was very reassuring. That's not available to everyone, but something to consider.
I hope you can get out soon. Almost anything will do - it's just not worth the toll it takes on you
You do, for your own sanity.
I've been booked in for a 10 minute call next week to be told my fate basically.You do, for your own sanity.
Sorry to have gone on about my own experience btw. I'm far enough removed from it now that when I think back on it I'm so angry about it all; with her for being awful, with the organisation for refusing to help, about the colleagues who got dragged into it, and most of all with myself for putting up with it for so long. Like, my mind boggles at the things that she put me through and I put up with. Never, ever again.
I hope you're angry *now* and that fuels you to find something else with better people. And I hope you get an exit interview and expose that head, if not before.
Anger is now fuelling me to find something better.Have a look on ACAS website.I've been booked in for a 10 minute call next week to be told my fate basically.
Not even a bleeping face to face, the least I think I deserve. It's also cruel to just leave me hanging for the next week. Horrible.
Thank you to everyone who has replied.
That unfortunately is the world of work for most people. It’s drudgery for most. But it’s what we have to do to get money
. I am middle aged, it gets worse when you are older I think. Sorry to hear about your mental health issues. And for my blunt words. The trick is to find a passion - possibly something outside work, that offsets the paid work. Or possibly something that can lead to you earning a living from it. And you won’t want to hear this - pay into a pension. I have not paid enough, my colleagues the same age are all able to take early retirement, I am stuck. 
In a perfect world we would all do what we love but most of us just get on with the jobs we have. Like somebody else mentioned you need to find a passion outside of work.
I’m going to be honest…don’t invalidate how you’re feeling with ‘I have no reason to feel like this’ - I’m sure you do. You’re only human!
I always said that I would do the job until it wasn't fun anymore. It was fun for me for a long time, but at one point, it wasn't anymore and I set out to find a new one. I'm there now and after two months can say that I love it. I'm excited for it again, which I really missed. Maybe you are at a similar point with your job, and while it's a bit frightening to put yourself out there, go through interviews and be "the new one", it can give you the spark back you may be missing right now. There's no harm in looking
Did you screenshot the Teams message, just in case?
