Does anyone hate their job? #2

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Like my job, hate my colleagues. I am a woman in engineering. I work mostly with men. There isn't a day I'm not mansplained even though I have more experience and knowledge than most of them.
working in a male dominated industry is draining, any team that lacks diversity is draining. It goes beyond the mansplaining - men in groups are almost unbearable. Generally women that have had the misfortune of paving the way for others (in the process having had to work in almost isolation with a load of miserable toady men) are hardened and unapproachable.
From experience, most women in male dominated industries loathe their colleagues. Don’t lose yourself - give em hell ❤
 
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Generally women that have had the misfortune of paving the way for others (in the process having had to work in almost isolation with a load of miserable toady men) are hardened and unapproachable.
From experience, most women in male dominated industries loathe their colleagues. Don’t lose yourself - give em hell ❤
Absolutely agree there. I come across as a witch at work, but they have made me that way. I used to be nice, but niceness can come across as weakness.
I do try my best to give them hell xx
 
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Absolutely agree there. I come across as a witch at work, but they have made me that way. I used to be nice, but niceness can come across as weakness.
I do try my best to give them hell xx
sorry - I realise that’s a bit preachy. It’s just there’s no bloody winning with them. I absolutely get where you are coming from and it pisses me off so much that men will continue to dominate many industries for a long time because they make it so bloody unbearable for the majority of women to stay.Just know that it’s definitely them and not you x
 
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Had a chat with a union member yesterday who gave me some good advice and I feel a bit more confident with the situation.

My boss was gaslighting me yesterday - honestly making me think I've gone mad. Things like accusing me of not sending across work, making me (frantically) search to check I've sent it, and then when I confirm I sent it (which I knew I had done) still accusing me of not sending it across. I can definitely see he wants me out and is trying to manage me out. You know when it all just clicks and falls into place and you suddenly notice every little comment or behaviour towards you? That's me right now.

This is really horrible and I'm full of anxiety every day.
 
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@User_name_100 apart from the union member, is there an HR line you can contact? What you are describing isn't only gaslighting but also a form of bullying... what a crappy situation, 'I'm so sorry you're going through this.
 
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@User_name_100 apart from the union member, is there an HR line you can contact? What you are describing isn't only gaslighting but also a form of bullying... what a crappy situation, 'I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Thank you. I just want out now but obviously need a new job offer. As I'm under 2 years service I don't have many rights which is kind of terrifying!

There is a HR line yes, I've always kept away from HR regarding this issue and I'm honestly not sure why. I'll go look into it.

Apologies if I've turned this thread into a personal diary 😳 however, I have to say it's been so good to be able to talk about it.
 
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Had a chat with a union member yesterday who gave me some good advice and I feel a bit more confident with the situation.

My boss was gaslighting me yesterday - honestly making me think I've gone mad. Things like accusing me of not sending across work, making me (frantically) search to check I've sent it, and then when I confirm I sent it (which I knew I had done) still accusing me of not sending it across. I can definitely see he wants me out and is trying to manage me out. You know when it all just clicks and falls into place and you suddenly notice every little comment or behaviour towards you? That's me right now.

This is really horrible and I'm full of anxiety every day.
Oh mate, I know exactly how you feel. This is exactly the type of tit my awful manager did in the job I stayed in for 3.5 years.
The gaslighting was something else, and it'd been going on for such a long time before I could identify what was going on - I just thought I'd suddenly become terrible at every. single. little. thing.
Eventually and after a particularly identifiable and undeniable example of her being unreasonable, I found the page on the organisation's intranet about harassment & bullying, how that's defined in the workplace, and who to speak to. It was actually Occupational Health, I think, and the information was that in before reporting issues with harassment/bullying to OH, all you had to do was speak to your line manager and they would contact OH on your behalf. This piece of tit manager WAS my line manager!! It was a very lonely and isolating feeling knowing that the only part of the organisation that might have helped was inaccessible to me, with this witch standing in the way. I tried my luck and emailed the OH team to ask what route was in place for reporting harassment & bullying when the person in question was the line manager I'd need to support my report. The response was basically "thanks for your email, to report instances of harassment/ bullying, you'll need to speak to your line manager who will approach us for help on your behalf".
That's when I really knew I was done there.

Standard advice with these things was to track issues and keep records of instances of problematic behaviour, which you can try. What it won't capture is the constant ad insidious picking away at your sanity/ self esteem.
In addition to keeping notes about this stuff I started to pre-empt the sorts of things she's take issue with and get proof of what I'd done/ when I'd done it/ who I'd spoken to, etc etc and it was extremely validating to find that she hated that - it absolutely got her goat that she would question something I'd done and I'd immediately be able to produce something like a screenshot/ receipt/ whatever to counter her. She knew I was onto her and she hated it. Recommended.

I also raised the issues with colleagues and supportive managers who were fantastic and did whatever they could to get me out of there. They started noticing it then, which was very reassuring. That's not available to everyone, but something to consider.

I hope you can get out soon. Almost anything will do - it's just not worth the toll it takes on you 🖤
 
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Oh mate, I know exactly how you feel. This is exactly the type of tit my awful manager did in the job I stayed in for 3.5 years.
The gaslighting was something else, and it'd been going on for such a long time before I could identify what was going on - I just thought I'd suddenly become terrible at every. single. little. thing.
Eventually and after a particularly identifiable and undeniable example of her being unreasonable, I found the page on the organisation's intranet about harassment & bullying, how that's defined in the workplace, and who to speak to. It was actually Occupational Health, I think, and the information was that in before reporting issues with harassment/bullying to OH, all you had to do was speak to your line manager and they would contact OH on your behalf. This piece of tit manager WAS my line manager!! It was a very lonely and isolating feeling knowing that the only part of the organisation that might have helped was inaccessible to me, with this witch standing in the way. I tried my luck and emailed the OH team to ask what route was in place for reporting harassment & bullying when the person in question was the line manager I'd need to support my report. The response was basically "thanks for your email, to report instances of harassment/ bullying, you'll need to speak to your line manager who will approach us for help on your behalf".
That's when I really knew I was done there.

Standard advice with these things was to track issues and keep records of instances of problematic behaviour, which you can try. What it won't capture is the constant ad insidious picking away at your sanity/ self esteem.
In addition to keeping notes about this stuff I started to pre-empt the sorts of things she's take issue with and get proof of what I'd done/ when I'd done it/ who I'd spoken to, etc etc and it was extremely validating to find that she hated that - it absolutely got her goat that she would question something I'd done and I'd immediately be able to produce something like a screenshot/ receipt/ whatever to counter her. She knew I was onto her and she hated it. Recommended.

I also raised the issues with colleagues and supportive managers who were fantastic and did whatever they could to get me out of there. They started noticing it then, which was very reassuring. That's not available to everyone, but something to consider.

I hope you can get out soon. Almost anything will do - it's just not worth the toll it takes on you 🖤
Thanks for sharing your experience. It does sound similar to mine.
I've definitely started taking notes/evidence of tasks I know he will ask about. I've even set up a folder on my work laptop just to fill with my "evidence". Sounds ridiculous but I need to keep tabs on what's going on.
 
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Thanks for sharing your experience. It does sound similar to mine.
I've definitely started taking notes/evidence of tasks I know he will ask about. I've even set up a folder on my work laptop just to fill with my "evidence". Sounds ridiculous but I need to keep tabs on what's going on.
You do, for your own sanity.

Sorry to have gone on about my own experience btw. I'm far enough removed from it now that when I think back on it I'm so angry about it all; with her for being awful, with the organisation for refusing to help, about the colleagues who got dragged into it, and most of all with myself for putting up with it for so long. Like, my mind boggles at the things that she put me through and I put up with. Never, ever again.

I hope you're angry *now* and that fuels you to find something else with better people. And I hope you get an exit interview and expose that head, if not before. 🖤
 
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You do, for your own sanity.

Sorry to have gone on about my own experience btw. I'm far enough removed from it now that when I think back on it I'm so angry about it all; with her for being awful, with the organisation for refusing to help, about the colleagues who got dragged into it, and most of all with myself for putting up with it for so long. Like, my mind boggles at the things that she put me through and I put up with. Never, ever again.

I hope you're angry *now* and that fuels you to find something else with better people. And I hope you get an exit interview and expose that head, if not before. 🖤
I've been booked in for a 10 minute call next week to be told my fate basically.
Not even a bleeping face to face, the least I think I deserve. It's also cruel to just leave me hanging for the next week. Horrible.
Thank you to everyone who has replied. ❤ Anger is now fuelling me to find something better.
 
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I've been booked in for a 10 minute call next week to be told my fate basically.
Not even a bleeping face to face, the least I think I deserve. It's also cruel to just leave me hanging for the next week. Horrible.
Thank you to everyone who has replied. ❤ Anger is now fuelling me to find something better.
Have a look on ACAS website.
 
i am currently on my 6th job since I started working full time after I graduated in 2016. so that’s 6 lots of training, 6 lots of being the newbie, 6 years of never finding my feet and it’s so draining. mostly due to mental health issues I’ve struggled with throughout my twenties I get severely depressed working full time. i have worked in a call centre, moved up to customer service advisor (still a call centre), then to a customer service role in the police, then I moved into the nhs as admin. i have only gone up to a band 4 in my new job now. I feel so hopeless and unmotivated.

i hate driving to work everyday and I hate finding parking. i hate getting up so early and getting back so late I only have 3-4 hours of chilling out because I’m always exhausted by 9pm. i can’t enjoy weekends because they go too quick and being hungover on a Saturday or Sunday is basically a day cancelled out.
i don’t hate my job at the moment but I’ve only been there a month. I’m so scared I’m going to get fed up or suffer mentally that I’ll have to change jobs AGAIN. I just want to stick somewhere and work my way up but it seems impossible for me

I have absolutely no reason to feel like this, im fully healthy and able,my anxiety and depression is very managed now, I feel like I’m just plain lazy. but I don’t know how to snap out of it!
 
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i am currently on my 6th job since I started working full time after I graduated in 2016. so that’s 6 lots of training, 6 lots of being the newbie, 6 years of never finding my feet and it’s so draining. mostly due to mental health issues I’ve struggled with throughout my twenties I get severely depressed working full time. i have worked in a call centre, moved up to customer service advisor (still a call centre), then to a customer service role in the police, then I moved into the nhs as admin. i have only gone up to a band 4 in my new job now. I feel so hopeless and unmotivated.

i hate driving to work everyday and I hate finding parking. i hate getting up so early and getting back so late I only have 3-4 hours of chilling out because I’m always exhausted by 9pm. i can’t enjoy weekends because they go too quick and being hungover on a Saturday or Sunday is basically a day cancelled out.
i don’t hate my job at the moment but I’ve only been there a month. I’m so scared I’m going to get fed up or suffer mentally that I’ll have to change jobs AGAIN. I just want to stick somewhere and work my way up but it seems impossible for me

I have absolutely no reason to feel like this, im fully healthy and able,my anxiety and depression is very managed now, I feel like I’m just plain lazy. but I don’t know how to snap out of it!
That unfortunately is the world of work for most people. It’s drudgery for most. But it’s what we have to do to get money 😔. I am middle aged, it gets worse when you are older I think. Sorry to hear about your mental health issues. And for my blunt words. The trick is to find a passion - possibly something outside work, that offsets the paid work. Or possibly something that can lead to you earning a living from it. And you won’t want to hear this - pay into a pension. I have not paid enough, my colleagues the same age are all able to take early retirement, I am stuck.

💐
 
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i am currently on my 6th job since I started working full time after I graduated in 2016. so that’s 6 lots of training, 6 lots of being the newbie, 6 years of never finding my feet and it’s so draining. mostly due to mental health issues I’ve struggled with throughout my twenties I get severely depressed working full time. i have worked in a call centre, moved up to customer service advisor (still a call centre), then to a customer service role in the police, then I moved into the nhs as admin. i have only gone up to a band 4 in my new job now. I feel so hopeless and unmotivated.

i hate driving to work everyday and I hate finding parking. i hate getting up so early and getting back so late I only have 3-4 hours of chilling out because I’m always exhausted by 9pm. i can’t enjoy weekends because they go too quick and being hungover on a Saturday or Sunday is basically a day cancelled out.
i don’t hate my job at the moment but I’ve only been there a month. I’m so scared I’m going to get fed up or suffer mentally that I’ll have to change jobs AGAIN. I just want to stick somewhere and work my way up but it seems impossible for me

I have absolutely no reason to feel like this, im fully healthy and able,my anxiety and depression is very managed now, I feel like I’m just plain lazy. but I don’t know how to snap out of it!
In a perfect world we would all do what we love but most of us just get on with the jobs we have. Like somebody else mentioned you need to find a passion outside of work.
I understand you have the added hurdle of MH issues so please try and get the right help and support in place.
 
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i am currently on my 6th job since I started working full time after I graduated in 2016. so that’s 6 lots of training, 6 lots of being the newbie, 6 years of never finding my feet and it’s so draining. mostly due to mental health issues I’ve struggled with throughout my twenties I get severely depressed working full time. i have worked in a call centre, moved up to customer service advisor (still a call centre), then to a customer service role in the police, then I moved into the nhs as admin. i have only gone up to a band 4 in my new job now. I feel so hopeless and unmotivated.

i hate driving to work everyday and I hate finding parking. i hate getting up so early and getting back so late I only have 3-4 hours of chilling out because I’m always exhausted by 9pm. i can’t enjoy weekends because they go too quick and being hungover on a Saturday or Sunday is basically a day cancelled out.
i don’t hate my job at the moment but I’ve only been there a month. I’m so scared I’m going to get fed up or suffer mentally that I’ll have to change jobs AGAIN. I just want to stick somewhere and work my way up but it seems impossible for me

I have absolutely no reason to feel like this, im fully healthy and able,my anxiety and depression is very managed now, I feel like I’m just plain lazy. but I don’t know how to snap out of it!
I’m going to be honest…don’t invalidate how you’re feeling with ‘I have no reason to feel like this’ - I’m sure you do. You’re only human!
Do we blame plants when they wilt or are struggling? Nope. We look at their environment and think perhaps they’re not supported, watered, nourished enough. Perhaps the plant was traumatised by an event.
Perhaps you’ve not found the thing or role which sits well with who you are, your values, your interests etc. Objectively I think a lot of people would get bored or be put off by the roles you’ve held in the past 6 years! Also the environments you’ve worked within are quite stressful (NHS & Police).
It’s always helpful to do some digging to see if you’ve got anything neurodiversity wise (or something like being HSP) going on, as things like ADHD can really impact our ability to concentrate, what we ‘focus’ on being things were super interested in, our mood, self-esteem (the list is endless). Especially underdiagnosed if you’re a woman, and get treated for depression/anxiety. Also identifying trauma & if depression is as a result of this, or a combination of various things in your life too.
It’s perfectly fine to work compressed or part-time hours to help and give yourself time outside of work to find yourself more, build in some interests/joy/socialising with friends and family and things might slowly improve for you.
 
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Last year my female manager was a bully and reported to senior management several times, who threatened to sack her so got another job and left the company.

Our male manager was accused repeatedly of shagging her and applying for multiple payrises (4 over a year!) he left the month after her.

Since, my new manager gives me a tit tonne of work and suggests he's trying to 'grow' me into a better role - however, I am already achieving more than my supervisor consistently/on a monthly basis (it's logged) and paid 8k less.

Today, my supervisor forwarded an email received from management letting her know a price she'd put on the system was incorrect.
She presumptuously forwarded it to me and less than 2 minutes later messaged on Teams asking me to read her email.
I responded to both her and this manager, saying i'd checked and it wasn't something I'd worked on.

Separately, sent a Teams message to my supervisor and a colleague who works for the global team/has a bigger scope of where this price may have come from... turns out, it was something my supervisor did.

Turns out she was butt hurt by this realisation because she sent a bitchy Teams message to me, about me, by mistake. I responded with a '?' to let her know I had seen it and received no response.

I'm off for a few days now, so I'm thinking I'll let the dust settle and ignore it - but if I go back in next week to an attitude, I'll bring it up with management. Feels like primary school.
 
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There’s no harm in seeing what’s out there!

To be honest, I’ve moved jobs twice in the last year and I do find the first 6 months v difficult but really that’s not very long in the grand scheme of things. 30 is still young!!
I always said that I would do the job until it wasn't fun anymore. It was fun for me for a long time, but at one point, it wasn't anymore and I set out to find a new one. I'm there now and after two months can say that I love it. I'm excited for it again, which I really missed. Maybe you are at a similar point with your job, and while it's a bit frightening to put yourself out there, go through interviews and be "the new one", it can give you the spark back you may be missing right now. There's no harm in looking :)



A little update! I applied for the job I really wanted, got an interview and I feel like it went well. It's just a waiting game now 🤞
 
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You think at this stage in life organization would cop on and treat people with respect! The nicer you are it’s more of a weakness! The more louder and dogmatic you are the more
Respect and promotions you get! How is that fair?
 
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Last year my female manager was a bully and reported to senior management several times, who threatened to sack her so got another job and left the company.

Our male manager was accused repeatedly of shagging her and applying for multiple payrises (4 over a year!) he left the month after her.

Since, my new manager gives me a tit tonne of work and suggests he's trying to 'grow' me into a better role - however, I am already achieving more than my supervisor consistently/on a monthly basis (it's logged) and paid 8k less.

Today, my supervisor forwarded an email received from management letting her know a price she'd put on the system was incorrect.
She presumptuously forwarded it to me and less than 2 minutes later messaged on Teams asking me to read her email.
I responded to both her and this manager, saying i'd checked and it wasn't something I'd worked on.

Separately, sent a Teams message to my supervisor and a colleague who works for the global team/has a bigger scope of where this price may have come from... turns out, it was something my supervisor did.

Turns out she was butt hurt by this realisation because she sent a bitchy Teams message to me, about me, by mistake. I responded with a '?' to let her know I had seen it and received no response.

I'm off for a few days now, so I'm thinking I'll let the dust settle and ignore it - but if I go back in next week to an attitude, I'll bring it up with management. Feels like primary school.
Did you screenshot the Teams message, just in case?
 
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